A/N Okay this one has been bugging me for awhile. In the episode 'Overwatch' when Kensi told Deeks that seeing men in uniform was overrated I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if she actually saw Deeks in his dress uniform. This is my take on it. I hope you like it! Again, all the usual disclaimers apply. Please review! (They really do make my day!)
She was worried about him. He'd had a really crappy week and today would be the worst of all. She had offered to go with him but he had thanked her quietly and declined. He had said it was something he had to do by himself.
She attempted to work on a report that was past due but her thoughts kept finding their way back to him. It was nothing new she realized reluctantly. Her thoughts were centered around him most of the time and all her attempts to push them away had failed miserably. She looked at her watch again then glanced at his empty chair.
"He'll be okay, Kens," Callen said after he had observed her checking her watch for the hundredth time.
"I know. He was just so quiet before he left. I guess I'm not used to that," she offered lamely.
"He gets that way when he's really upset or worried," Sam commented as he tapped the keys on his laptop.
She smiled and looked over at him. "Oh, and you know this how?" she asked with a grin.
Sam glanced at Callen and said, "I guess you never told her."
"Told me what?"
"No, I didn't Sam. I assumed Deeks would have done that," Callen replied.
"Told me what?" she asked louder.
Sam sighed then reluctantly answered, "When you were out tracking down Clairmont, he was really quiet most of the time. If it didn't have anything to do with helping you, he wasn't talking. It was really creepy."
Callen laughed and said, "Creepy? I remember you mentioning how quiet it was around here that day."
"It was quiet. But it was also creepy. And if you tell him I said that, I'll have to hurt you."
Kensi smiled but said nothing. She knew what made him quiet. It didn't happen often, but she was hyper aware when it did. She again looked at her watch. The funeral should be starting in just a few minutes.
Deeks stood at attention in the cemetery in the middle of the one hundred plus member police honor guard for Detective Richard (Rickey) Giles. Rickey had graduated from the academy with Deeks and they had been good friends over the years. They had been partnered up for a short time but when Deeks was tapped for an undercover operation that had ended with the desired results plus an added bonus of a high profile player being brought down, he had been hooked. His career had taken a different path. He made Detective before Rickey but his friend had followed soon after. Rickey wasn't into undercover missions. His specialty was getting people to talk. He didn't use force or threats. He was just generally likeable which caused witnesses and even suspects to open up to him freely most of the time. Everyone liked Rickey.
He stood in the ranks in his dress uniform and waited for the service to begin. His mind wandered to Rickey and the last time they had talked. It had been a couple of months ago and he was saddened by the revelation. 'Why had he not been in touch with him recently?' There were lots of lame excuses but none of them were truly valid. He should have made the effort. Now it was too late.
Every cop knows the job is dangerous. There are all kinds of ways it could end and none of them good. The best you can hope for is that when it is finally your time, it is quick and in the line of duty. Thankfully Rickey could claim both. He was behind his car with his partner waiting for backup in front of a house where their suspect had opened fire on them. He had been crouched low behind the tire and raised his head to make sure the suspect was still in the house.
He was.
He shot Rickey in the head before he could duck back behind the car. Now Rickey was being laid to rest with his wife of three years and their one year old son left to wonder why. Why now? Why so soon?
The regret is what bothers him the most. He shouldn't have waited so long to call and see how he was doing. It would have taken just a few minutes to call and ask about him and his family. That's what friends do. It's what he should have done. How many more regrets would there be in his lifetime? How many others has he lost touch with because it was 'inconvenient' to call? How many chances at happiness has he squandered because of fear?
Yes, his friend had left behind a family but Deeks was quite sure that if Rickey had known he was about to die, he wouldn't have regretted his decision to start a family. He would have cherished every moment they had together. They were the joy of his life and it was obvious every time they spoke. He talked about his wife and son constantly and had often hounded Deeks about finding a nice girl and settling down. He had even hinted around that his own NCIS partner would fit the bill quite nicely. Rickey never talked about the job. It was secondary to him.
The job had always come first for Deeks. Why was that? He didn't really know for sure. Maybe he was trying to prove something to himself. Maybe he was trying to prove something to his dead father. Maybe it was time to stop trying to prove anything. He jumped suddenly as shots were fired in salute to the fallen police officer. He listened intently to the words being spoken about his friend. He was filled with pride in having known such a good man. He just wished he had told him before it was too late.
As the casket was slowly lowered into the ground and the silent salutes were given by his colleagues, Deeks made a promise to himself. There would be no more regrets.
Kensi knew the funeral was probably over by now. She alternated between checking her watch and looking toward the entrance hoping he would come back to the office. He hadn't said he would but she was hoping just the same. The later it got the more worried she became. She had considered sending him a text message asking if everything was okay but had talked herself out of it. If he wanted to talk, he would call.
Sam and Callen had left to check on a lead. They had asked if she wanted to go with them but she had begged off, using her past due report as an excuse. She hadn't fooled them in the least but thankfully neither had made a comment.
She had made very little progress on the report. Her mind was on her partner. In the past few weeks, there had been a slight shift in the dynamics between herself and Deeks. She couldn't really put her finger on when it had actually started. Maybe the feelings that had surfaced recently had been there all along and she had finally allowed herself to acknowledge them. It was hard to admit, even to herself. Her silly, goofy, annoying, childish, frustrating partner had gradually become competent, funny, smart, caring, trustworthy and handsome.
He was her best friend. And whether she wanted to admit it or not, she was in love with him. The revelation was troubling but it was also exciting. She had no doubt they could be awesome together but her fear kept her from telling him how she felt. She was afraid it would change them somehow. She was also afraid to give herself completely to anyone. She had done that before and had been devastated by the outcome. She couldn't go through that pain again.
As she was once more contemplating whether she should send him a text message, she heard footsteps coming from the entrance. The loud clicking sound was unfamiliar and she looked up expecting to see one of the staffers.
What she saw took her breath away.
There, standing in the entrance to the bullpen was Deeks, in his dress uniform complete with hat and all the adornments. She couldn't breathe and all she could do was stare.
He was, for lack of a better word, beautiful.
His hair was pulled back and tucked up under his hat and his scruff had been shaved really short. The late afternoon sun filtered in through the high windows and flashed brightly off his medals and silver nametag.
Her heart was racing and her mouth was dry as she continued to stare.
"Hey," he said looking back at her. "You okay?"
She tried to find her voice but nothing came out.
"Kens?"
She swallowed hard and finally rasped, "I'm fine… I think… how are you?"
"Okay, I guess," he said as he walked toward her.
She stood but continued to stare as he drew closer. His detective rank insignia stood out on his sleeves and she was surprised at the number of medals and bars pinned neatly to his jacket.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked softly.
She shook her head as if to rid herself of unwanted thoughts and replied, "I'm good. How did it go?"
He sighed and pulled off his hat then shook his hair out to its usual state. It was, however, a bit more combed than normal and the effect his appearance had on her was completely devastating. She couldn't shake the tightness in her chest or the weakness in her knees.
"It was a nice service. Just really sad. He was way too young."
"Did he have a family?"
"Yeah, a wife and one year old boy. Looks just like him."
"I'm really sorry Deeks," she said softly.
He moved to sit on the edge of her desk but was really quiet. She could tell he was thinking about something and knew it was best to wait until he was ready to talk.
The silence stretched on for a couple of minutes as he fiddled with his hat. He finally turned to her and asked, "What would you say is your biggest regret? I don't mean things that happened that were out of your control. I mean actual things you wish you had done differently."
"I have lots of regrets Deeks," she said swallowing hard. "But the biggest one was telling my father I hated him for not letting me go see that stupid movie with my friends. Then I found out the next morning he had been killed." She finally dropped her gaze from him to the floor.
He stood and laid his hat on her desk then walked closer to her. "I'm so sorry, Kens," he said softly. "I didn't mean to open old wounds."
She mentally brushed away the memory and looked back up. The look of concern in his crystal blue eyes again caused her heart to flutter.
"What about you? What's your biggest regret?" she managed to ask.
He looked away and let out a short, hollow laugh. "There are too many to mention. And I add to the list every day."
"How? What do you mean?" she asked confused.
He looked around and noticed several staffers working nearby. "Let's take a walk." He waited for her to move out from behind her desk then they made their way out to the courtyard.
She continued to stare at the way his uniform fit him perfectly and how professional and handsome he looked. The butterflies in her stomach were multiplying by the second.
Once outside, they walked to the bench and she sat down, expecting him to sit beside her. He didn't.
He paced back and forth in front of her a few times then turned to face her. "I regret not calling Rickey at some point in the last two months. I regret shooting my father even though I know the bastard deserved it. I regret a lot of the things I've had to do while undercover and I regret…" He stopped himself from finishing the sentence.
"Regret what Deeks?" she asked, placing her hand on his forearm.
He looked down at the ground and didn't reply.
"Hey, what is it?"
He looked back up then moved to sit close to her, placing his arm on the bench behind her. Her breath caught at the seriousness of his features and the close proximity.
"I don't want any more regrets Kens," he said softly looking into her contrasting eyes with his blue ones.
She felt as if he was looking deep into her soul and could see everything. It was as if he was reading her mind and knew her every thought. She was mesmerized by his eyes, his nearness, his warmth. Before she realized what was happening, she closed the distance between them and placed a soft, gentle kiss on his lips. She felt his breath catch at the contact which gave her confidence. She reached up and ran her hand through his hair and every other thought drifted away when she felt him respond to her.
He moved the arm that had been on the back of the bench around her waist while he brought his other hand up to cup her cheek. As he deepened the kiss, she felt her insides turn to mush. Her mind was useless as she became consumed by the fire that was quickly igniting in her body. His kiss was soft, sensual, intoxicating and she was completely lost in sensations she had never felt before.
He reluctantly broke the kiss and pulled her into a tight hug with his head on top of hers. He was trembling and so was she but it wasn't the time or place for such open displays. For all he knew, the whole team could be up in Ops watching them on a hidden camera somewhere. The thought caused him to back away slightly and look down at her.
"What made you do that Kens?" he asked with a serious look on his face.
"I don't know," she whispered breathlessly. "I just… I couldn't… I don't want any more regrets either."
He smiled and placed another sweet kiss on her lips. He leaned back and the smirk that had been missing the last few days was now plastered fully on his face. "I guess that means you regret not kissing me sooner?"
She wanted to punch him for his cocky attitude. She wanted to kiss him senseless. She wanted to deny the statement. She wanted to slowly remove that sexy uniform and see what was underneath. Her emotions were warring with her head and it was making her dizzy. Her emotions eventually won the argument and she leaned in to kiss him again.
He wasn't sure what he expected from his little question but it certainly wasn't this. She kept him on his toes, which was just another thing he loved about her. It was absolutely time to stop denying it. He was totally and completely in love with her and the passion in her kiss was melting his mind. At some point, as the kiss became more heated, a snippet of his earlier thought about cameras jolted him out of his haze and he pulled back slowly.
"Kens," he managed to croak with ragged breath. "Let's take this somewhere else."
She nodded agreement and didn't even try to voice her reply.
He slowly stood and pulled her up with him, never breaking contact. "Why don't I go home and change then meet you at your place?"
"No!" she blurted out without thinking.
"You don't want me to come over?" he asked with a hurt look on his face.
"No, I mean yes… I want you to come over but…"
"But what?" he asked frowning.
She smiled and whispered, "Don't change your clothes."
His grin grew wider and wider as he realized what she wanted.
"I thought you said uniforms were overrated," he said with a smirk.
A bright blush crept up her neck and face as she tried to look away.
He tipped her chin back to him and smiled, "It's okay, I get it. If I had known this would happen, I would have worn it months ago," he teased.
She chuckled lightly then her face grew serious. "It's not really because of the uniform. You know that right?"
"Yes I do. I can see it your eyes," he whispered. "You're beautiful, Kens." He leaned in and kissed her again, slowly and deliberately, not caring if anyone was watching.
"Let's get out of here, he said softly." He led her back to the bullpen where they gathered their things. He glanced around; thankful no one was watching them. He put his arm across her shoulders as they walked to their cars with nothing on their minds but each other and the promise of a new beginning.
Hetty sat quietly in her hidden secret room and watched them leave on one of the many video feeds she monitored daily. She sipped her tea with a huge smile on her face and said to herself, "There's just something about a man in uniform."