Already Gone

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be.

A/N: Please listen to Katy Perry's song Thinking of You. This chapter is the first reward for the Feb. challenge on B_S. Thanks for playing. It contains a response to the PP Black Heart Challenge. Warning for Angst.

Chapter 1 - Thinking of You

It was a distraction job for Ranger, just like countless others, but the skip recognized me within the first ten seconds of my klutzy slut routine. The skip turned on me before I could even raise a hand in defense. He punched me, and then grabbed the front of my dress, causing it to rip. Ranger had stormed into the bar at the first sound of my distress and beat the guy to within an inch of his life. Ranger wrapped me in his RangeMan windbreaker before scooping me into his arms and carrying me out of the bar. We rode in silence all the way to my apartment. Once we arrived, he started to get out of his car to accompany me inside. I shook my head, "Ranger, I'm fine. I don't need an escort and I know that you need to go to the station to answer questions about the physical state of the skip."

He sighed not wanting to acknowledge that I was right. I stepped out of the car trying to make a quick escape. Little did he know that I desperately wanted to be alone, the confrontation with the skip shook me more than I was willing to admit.

"Babe?" Ranger called to me.

I flashed him a brilliant smile, "I'm fine, Ranger. I promise, now, you go take care of the paperwork. I'll call you if I need to."

He gave me a penetrating stare before he nodded his head and drove away. I made my way up to my apartment and grabbed the bottle of tequila on my way to the couch. I took a swig and started to think.

The day had been a day from hell, and now, I had some soul searching to do. First, Joe showed up for lunch at my apartment today wanting to talk. He wanted a decision from me about our future together. He wants to settle down and start a family. He told to me think about it for a few days and let him know my choice.

I don't blame him for wanting those things. I want those things, too … eventually. I just want them with someone else. Someone that I know will never want those things with me.

How do I compare the man I want to the man that wants me? Comparisons should be easily done or so I used to think. But, it wasn't easy to compare Ranger to Joe. The problem was that there really wasn't any comparison. Joe's familiar; he's like a comfortable pair of jeans that you throw on because they're there. Ranger's my version of perfection; he's everything I want and everything I desire. I should have fought him when he sent me back to Joe. I knew, even then, that I wanted him but I let him pass me off like a plaything. Now I had to figure out how to live with the knowledge that I'dhad a taste of perfection and lost it. How do I live without the man that I love and can I force myself to marry the man that loves me?

I knew what I had to do. I was going to have to tell Ranger how I felt and pray that he would return those feelings. Tears fell as I reached this decision; I picked up the tequila and was surprised to see it mostly gone. I stood up, on shaky legs, and stumbled into my bedroom; stripping my clothes off along the way. I opened my dresser drawer and grabbed Ranger's shirt out. I pulled the shirt up close to my face and inhaled deeply. The fabric stilled held a fragrance that was uniquely Ranger. The smell brought me a sense of calmness and I allowed my body the tranquility of peace for a moment, savoring the feeling. I tugged the shirt into place before lying down in bed to cry myself to sleep.

I heard the locks tumble and I shouldn't have been surprised by his unplanned visit. I blew him off earlier, which I knew would cause him to make a late night appearance. I sat in silence trying to stop the tears, hoping that he would leave. I wasn't ready to face the consequences of the decisions I'd made.

Ranger's POV

I knew something was off with Steph, but I also knew better than to press the issue. Backing her into a corner would only bring out her Italian temper and not get me the information that I wanted. When she jumped out of the Turbo like the leather was scorching her skin, I knew that something was wrong, but for once I couldn't ESP her thoughts. I reluctantly pulled out of her lot, vowing to come back to check on her later.

Sometime later …

I wanted to kill Morelli. No, that wasn't punishment enough for him. I wanted to string him up and torture him in a slow and painful way until he begged for forgiveness. Why am I contemplating killing a cop?

I arrived at the station to find him going tooth and nail over the apprehension order for the skip.

"Manoso, you want to explain what in the hell happened to your skip?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared.

Morelli must have been feeling brave or just plain stupid, as he walked over and got in my face, "I'm talking to you?"

"Back off, Morelli," Tank warned in a deadly calm voice.

"No, I'm not backing off! I want this thug to admit that he got Stephanie hurt. I know that the skip hit her. The skip told us what happened."

"I handled it," I icily replied.

"You handled it? You think that beating a man bloody, handled it? You're going to get her killed. You know that, right? You need to listen to me. Stay away from Stephanie! I asked her to make a decision about us and I don't want you and your superhero persona clouding her judgment."

"Are we done here?" I needed to get out of here before I ripped his head off his shoulders.

He nodded his head. I guess he assumed that I agreed to his demands. Not likely asshole.

I drove on autopilot to my Babe's. I wondered if Morelli's ultimatum was the cause of Steph's distress tonight. How could I convince her to not move forward with him without telling her I loved her? I needed more time. I was working on restructuring the company so I could make my move with her. What would I do if I was too late?

I pulled into her lot and was relieved to see the lights off. I could go inside and watch her sleep. Being close to her always centered me. The sound of her even breathing brought me a sense of calmness and I would allow my body the tranquility of peace in those small moments while she slept without the knowledge of my presence.

I stepped into her room and immediately knew two things: she wasn't asleep and she was crying. I rushed to her side and swept her into my arms.

"Babe … Steph, what's wrong?"

"Ev … Everything." She started sobbing.

I smelled tequila on her. Shit, she's drunk. "Talk to me."

"It won't do any good. I wish it was you, but it can't be."

"Steph, what can't be me?" I rubbed small circles on her back trying to calm her.

She turned to face me and crashed her lips to mine. I lost myself in the feeling of being close to her. She pulled me down with her to the bed. Her hand moved to the button on my pants and it brought me back to reality, fast. I pulled away, "We can't do this."

Tears poured down her face, "Please? I need you … I want you … you need to know."

I wiped the tears off her cheeks, "What do I need to know, Babe?"

She looked away and next I heard the words I'd longed to hear, "I love you."

"I love you, too …" I couldn't believe her words, finally after all these years, but then I glanced over at the bottle of tequila noticing it was mostly gone. "In my own way, Babe." She had no idea what she was saying to me, it was just the liquor talking.

Tears still poured down her cheeks, "Why can't you believe me?" She sobbed, "I want you to be the one spending the night. When I'm with him, I think of you." She paused, "I kiss his lips, and I taste your mouth. Why don't you understand?"

She reached up and kissed me again but I pushed her away. I couldn't allow myself to take advantage of her. I couldn't allow myself to make love with her again and see her face in the morning, knowing she regretted it. My heart couldn't stand it.

"You need to go to sleep, Babe. We'll talk about this tomorrow. When you know what you're saying."

"When I'm with him, do you know what I think about? I think about us and our one night together." She tugged on my shirt trying to remove it from my cargos.

I grabbed her hands in mine and pulled them away. "Stop … Babe … Please!" I groaned. I didn't know how much more I could resist. I desperately wanted to make love to her, but not like this.

"You don't want me?" she cried. She got up off the bed and ran to the bathroom, slamming and locking the door. I heard her body slide down the other side as her sobs penetrated the air.

I walked over to the door and knocked softly, "Babe, please let me in?" I begged, I didn't want this distance between us now when she's hurting.

"Just go away. I get it now … I understand. Please, just go … please."

My patience was wearing thin, as well as my resolve. I had a plan; I needed to stick to it. I can't give her what she needs yet, I just needed more time and she wouldn't remember any of this come tomorrow anyway.

"Stephanie, either open this door or I will!" I fumed.

She opened the door and the sight before me broke my heart. She walked past me crawled into her bed, curling up on her side, facing away from me and she didn't speak, that hurt most of all.

I walked over to the bed, "Babe, before either of us says something that we'll regret. I think that it'd be best if we finish this discussion in a few days. You're drunk and I don't think you even know what you're saying to me."

"It doesn't matter anymore, you wouldn't believe me anyway."

"Babe, just go to sleep and I'll call you later today. Okay?" I bent down to her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Whatever." She mumbled.

I walked to the door, pausing for a minute, wondering if I was doing the right thing. I slipped back out into the night, locking her doors behind me. I needed to move my time table up, before I lost her forever.

Steph's POV

I heard him leave the apartment, I mumbled "The worst thing a guy can do is make a girl fall for him and not catch her when she falls." I rolled over, grabbed the extra pillow, hugged it close to my chest and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning replaying the images of last night in my head. He didn't believe me. I told him … I loved him. Finally, I laid it all on the table and he said, I was drunk, thought it was the liquor talking. The love of my life walked away and left me alone. He didn't understand that it's in his eyes I'd like to stay. I knew what I had to do, now to put my plan in action.

TBC …

A/N: So continue?? What do you think?? Review Please. You know you want to.