Disclaimer: Lemme think… I don't own any of JKR's stuff, nor do I own any of Eddie Izzard's stuff… that should cover it!
It wasn't unusual for her to have these dreams… it wasn't unusual for anyone to have them. Last week, Simon, the Roman God of Hairdos had visited her nocturnal wanderings, and they'd had some wild way-hey-hey up by the astronomy tower. Tonight was no different… though usually it was some location at the school. Well, the dream started out in the school, anyways.
She, Luna, had been walking down the hallways, when a strange man in a 1940s-style German military uniform began yelling at an artist's easel.
"I cannot get zee fucking trees!" he shouted, his accent heavy under his tiny moustache. "Damn, I will kill everysing in zee world!"
"I think the trees look fine," Luna said dreamily from behind the man.
"But zey are not fine," the man said. "A transvestite told me so."
"He was probably living in a cave somewhere," Luna said airily. Or in the Headmaster's quarters, she thought.
"No, an executive transvestite," the man said.
"Well… fantastico," Luna said. Leaving the German man to argue with his trees (a perfectly reasonable activity for a Friday night), Luna made her way out to the grounds, where she climbed a tree and watched a squirrel munch on a nut. Suddenly, it lowered it's arms and looked at her.
"Fucking nuts!" he seemed to say. "So tired of them… I long for a grapefruit…"
Of course, the fact that it was covered in make-up didn't seem to be on Luna's side, and she fled the tree, laughing, while the angry squirrel chittered after her.
She managed to make her way to the Forbidden Forest (not before passing an old man in long white robes, riding on a scooter, who looked at her and said 'Ciao'), and there she met a man surrounded by fluffy white biscuits.
"Hello," he said in an ethereal voice. "My name is Jeff. Not to be confused with Jeff Fire, I am the God of Biscuits."
After a quick (yet delicious) romp in the biscuits, Luna and Jeff were laying, sated, against one massive biscuit when Jeff clapped his hands.
"Servant," he said. "Throw another barbie on the Jeff."
"Ooo," Luna said, perking up. "Early porn."
Professor Snape walked out, naked save for a biscuit covering the important part (his face), carrying a shish kabob of shrimp, which he lay on the grill over the biscuit fire.
After enjoying the shrimp shish kabob with Jeff and bidding fare well to Professor Snape, Luna found herself making her way back to the castle.
Along the way, and just before she woke up, she passed the German man from earlier, rolling around, in a ditch, covered in petrol on fire.
A/N: Sorry, random crack!drabble… if anyone has seen Eddie Izzard's Dressed to Kill, they may understand this… possibly. Though there was a bit in there from another of his sketches… :P Anyways, hope you all enjoyed my first crack!fic. :P