What season two will probably be.

Call me Sakura-chan, just your typical rainbow-haired self-insert OC ; )

Chapter one alternative title- It was a hug, not a kiss; a friendly mouth hug is normal between friends.

Yuuri Katsuki was utterly, depressingly, underwhelmingly average (in his mind at least). He was straight, straight as a straight line (as redundant as this statement is; as if a line wasn't already straight). He was definitely, assuredly, most certainly heterosexual. There was no denying those extremely evident signs of no homo. He was so straight that he most certainly DID NOT cry when he saw the most beautiful man in the world, Victor Nikiforov.

Yuuri Katsuki was also currently in the process of moving in with his coach, and best friend (who he has happened to kiss many times), Victor Nikiforov. The two of them were in a strictly platonic relationship.

Yuuri moved the last of his boxes into Victor's one-bedroom apartment (which also happened to only have one bed).

St. Petersburg was bustling at this time in the season. Yuuri had already asked Victor to take him sightseeing. Snow was draped thinly over the streets (but who really cares. We came here for the "ice skating", not the scenery). Victor slammed the front door open and swept into the room along with a rush of cold air.

Yuuri ran into the front room to greet his beloved Victor, but Victor beat him to the punch.

"YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURI !" Victor yodeled with a heart-shaped smile, toting along a scowling Yurio in his wake. His voice made the walls tremor with the sheer ferocity of his manly Victor-ness.

Yuuri cringed and wiped his eyes. Victor was too blinding in his joy.

Their wall shook from the neighbor's banging. "SHUT UP YOU ARSEHOLES. IT'S 11 FUCKING PM"

Victor did not look even slightly abashed. He opened his mouth to (most likely) scream again (for no apparent reason since Yuuri was literally standing one foot away from him. In fact, they were so close that Yuuri could feel Victor's breath and the flutter of his lashes upon those crystalline, azure, orbs).

Yuuri, thinking quickly, silenced him the only way he knew how. With his mouth. No homo tho.

"mPPmpmp" Victor grunted (moaned). His lip glistened with his lip balm.

Yurio fittingly (and not at all cliched) muttered, "disgusting".

Yuuri and Victor stayed in that position for far longer than necessary. And, holy shit, was that Victor's tongue?! Victor pressed his face closer to Yuuri, there was no place their bodies were not touching. Victor had encased Yuuri (probably in his womb).

Yuuri felt heat spread through his body everywhere that Victor was touching him. It was hotter than a volcano, hotter than the sun, even hotter than a hot pocket freshly out of the microwave. He felt like Denethor (movie adaptation version obviously). It was so hot, Yuuri might as well have been burning to death.

Yuuri didn't want to seem homosexual or anything, but by the gods! Victor tasted like mint and cinnamon. He tasted like everything he had ever wanted (which would also mean that Victor tasted like a poodle. A fluffy, adorable poodle no less, but still a dog. Indeed, Victor also tasted like that one time Yuuri had to go to the bathroom he felt he would die).

A sound escaped Yuuri's throat and Victor swallowed that sound, returning it with full force. His hand thumbed the folds of Yuuri's shirt and gradually slipped under it.

Yuuri's own hands were pressed along Victor's front. His chest was more ripply than a pringles crinkled potato chip. The way their bodies entwined was like Newton's third law. Everytime Victor pressed stronger, Yuuri returned in kind.

Victor's knee moved in between Yuuri's legs and slowly slid up. Yuuri felt heat pooling in his lower region. It was so flaming hot (by now he had hypothetically cast himself off the citadel while burning). Yuuri wrapped one leg around Victor's waist whilst Victor's hand roamed under Yuuri's shirt. It ghosted over Yuuri's supple skin, tracing the letters ' O' one by one.

Yuuri still deemed it imperative that Victor did not shout again, but he was dying. Literally. They had been kissing so long he couldn't breathe. He was being asphyxiated by Victor's not homo love.

They finally broke apart and Yuuri fell on the floor, gasping for breath. He was an ugly shade of blue by now due to his lack of oxygen. He choked and gasped on his breath. Was (kissing) stopping Victor from shouting really worth dying for?

"Ew guys, I'm still here," said Yurio, who had been standing there the whole time. "No. Being. GAY!"

Yuuri looked aghast. "How could you even think we were being gay!? There is nothing homosexual about one man touching lips and groping another man!"

Yurio's phone rang at that moment. An excited glint came into his eyes and he picked it up. "Otabek ❤ !❤! !"

"Wait, who is the hypocrite now? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Yuuri smirked knowingly.

Yurio grimaced at Yuuri. "He is just a friend (with benefits)!"

Meanwhile, Victor's dexterous hands had found themselves under Yuuri's shirt again. Yurio found is slightly disconcerting to be having a conversation with someone while said person is being felt up by another. He was going to have to get used to it.

The next morning there were complaints from the tenants about loud banging coming from the Nikiforov residence (true).

Sexual conduct between apartment-owner Mr. Nikiforov and roommate ((not) lover) Mr. Katsuki was NOT involved (not true).

Next chapter will be uploaded someday: In which censorship blocks everything.