Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! So don't Sue meeeeeeeeee!
Well, I got a pretty weird idea. Someone had said my OC is Mary sue (which I am almost positive she is not.) and I was thinking, "hell, what makes a Mary sue?" Then I created this. This is for entertainment only. OOC ness, weird stuff, canon forgotten completely, and almost needless to say, OC! Ice, from my other fic Fire and Ice, will be here too, in all her don't really need to know anything about her, it's just a weird humor fic. Slight Sasuke X OC, but just one or two sentences suggesting it.
I apologise if this isn't funny. I sure had fun writing it though! Nothing is literal! Spelling and grammar errors are mostly intended. Grammar fails make things funny! This is so unprofessional and stupid it makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life. XD
"Hey, Sasbutt, wanna go train?" Naruto asked, Hinata at his side.
"Naw. Go screw yourself." Sasuke replied, turning his back to Naruto.
"See, like I said, Sasbutt."
"Please don't make fun of Sasuke..." Ice said quietly, black wolf ears twitching.
"Hey, boys!" Someone called, causing Naruto and Sasuke to turn their heads, as well as Hinata and Ice.
(Here we go! Like I said, humor purposes!)
It was the most wonderful woman they had set eyes on. She was tall, with long, shining purple hair that flowed down to her waist. Her beautiful eyes shimmered like the sunset, and she had a large sword covered in gems strapped to her back. Her boobs were large, somehow NOT looking out of proportion to her amazingly thin and perfect body. She was wearing a shirt that exposed her stomach and mesh leggings.
"My name is Violet Rosemary Hinode Trinity! I am the 11th Jinchūriki of the magical 11 tailed skittles pony and the secret 11 Akatsuki member! I am also Orochimaru's daughter because that's possible and original! I have an enchanted sword that summons a big sparkly dragon when I want! I also have a tragic back story but I only bring that up when I want attention! Hi! Lolz I haz status higher then Jiraya because that possible"
Naruto was drooling, his eyes resembling hearts, while Hinata was overcome with jealousy. Sasuke also admired this new girl, taking note how much sexier she was compared to Ice. Ice was just utterly confused. What? That goes against everything I have lived my life for... I'm confused... Meh?
"O.M.G. Who you are?" Violet asked, pointing at Ice.
"Umm... Me? I'm Ice." Ice replied uncertainly. This new girl was confusing, but also slightly irritating.
"Wow, what a stupid name. Is your last name cube?"
Naruto and Sasuke burst out laughing, and Ice was immediately hurt. Why is Sasuke laughing? It's not funny! Also, he never laughs like that!
"Also, your boobs are like, nonexistent. Are you in the teeny tiny titty committee with Sakura horseface?" (If anyone knows where the committee joke from, big digital lollipop to you!)
"Hey! Why... Are you so mean? You do know your talking to one of the most powerful ninja in Kahona..." Ice said, a bit more fiercely. Although she never got along well with Sakura, she still didn't like the idea of someone making fun of her.
"OMG I sense an evil person coming! We have a to save the villllllaaaaaagggggeeee!" Violet said suddenly, picking up the huge sword she carried and slashing the air with it. Suddenly, she was riding a huge, purple, sparkling dragon.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy! Away, mist rise! Let's kick ass!" She shouted. The dragon flew away in a graceful, sparkling whirlwind.
Sasuke and Naruto followed hopelessly, shouting to Violet. Now that she and Hinata were alone, Ice turned to the Hyuga.
"Hey... She doesn't even seem real. You think it was some Genjutsu?"
"It has to be! My sexy Naruto would never do something like that!"
"I'm going to have to have a talk with Tobi. Road to Ninja was scary as hell."
"Agreed. I looked like a pedophile."
Hinata and Ice set off towards the village, minds still whirling.
...
Violet had killed a reserected Kaguya in the most baddass way possible. Now Naruto and Sasuke were practically clinging to her, overtaken by her sexiness. Sakura felt like she had been turned upside down.
"Uhhh, who is that and why are Naruto and Sasuke acting drunk?"
Ice shook her head.
"I don't know. She's unreal, I know that. I want to have a talk with Tobi about this."
"I swear to the great Hokage's grandmother, if he messes things up as bad as he did before..." Sakura began, cracking her fists. Naruto suddenly bounded over to Hinata.
"I want to break up with you!"
Hinata looked up, her eyes widening.
"Wh-what?"
"You heard me! Your boobies aren't sexy enough! Haz to go girl so sexy kawaii!" With that, Naruto jumped back to Violet.
Hinata started sniffing, ready to cry, when Ice put her hand on Hinata's shoulder.
"Hey, we can collect the dragon balls and ask shenron about this crap. Maybe dispel whatever Genjutsu is up."
"One problem. Wrong fandom."
"Well..."
Ice was cut from her thoughts by a sudden flash of light.
"Do you finally comprehend Pain?"
She recognized that voice anywhere. Pain.
"Oh dear Tobi not you too. Is killing the series most beloved character, Kakashi, not enough?"
"Hey, I reserected him." Pain argued.
"Still..." Ice growled. Though she was shy and cautious at times, when someone like Pain was in front of her, she could get scary. Very. The wolf ears at the top other head pointed forward in aggression.
"But, as I said, do you finally comprehend pain?"
"Yeah, someone being a pain in my ass." Sakura grumbled.
"That hot chick is what we call a Mary Sue. She is perfect. People don't like them."
"Hey... I've heard that name before." Ice said with deep thought.
"It's pretty common these days. Hell, if you own an OC, your gonna get pegged by claims that he or she is a Mary Sue regardless of whether they are or not. Some dude called my Bleach OC a Mary Sue! Now I can never live out the fantasies of my favorite pairing." Pain replied, shrugging.
"Why do we even know what these are? We live in ancient Japan." Sakura asked.
"Eh, we have film crews. That shows our logic."
"Hey, want to go play Mario cart?" Pain asked.
"Sure." The three girls said at the same time.
"Sasexy, she's mine! Go fak sumone else, mang!" Naruto yelled.
"Go kill yourself, Narfag!"
Naruto and Sasuke were attacking each other, while Violet was dissing the highest authority figures in the Leaf. Pain, Ice, Hinata, and Sakura just shrugged and walked away to play some well deserved Mario Cart.
I feel so unintelligent now. But that was fun envisioning. Don't even ask where this came from! If it's not funny, then... Oh well. It's made and done. Someone out there has to find it mildly entertaining! Tobi!
Narutobi. Naruto and Tobi's child. Because Tobi totally isn't Obi- wait, spoils. Eh, if your on the internet you know. it's impossible to dodge spoilers there. Ah, the wonderful internet.