"Wufei," Quatre's voice startled the Chinese pilot out of a light sleep, "You have a call on the vid."
Wufei's eyes snapped open. He never had a call. None of them ever had a call, the only communication they received was orders in the form of secure emails. The vidphone Duo had bought was simply a whim, intended for little more than ordering pizza and making crank calls.
He slowly raised himself from his position on the couch and moved to the the other room where the other three pilots were having a rather interesting conversation with the person on the other line.
"Ben dan!" a woman's voice screamed through the vid, "Nar shi Wufei ma?"
"Look lady, I don't speak Chinese!" Duo responded as Heero and Trowa gazed on with blank expressions.
"Fuck you!" She screeched back in heavily accented English.
Wufei let out a violent sigh and pushed his way past his fellow pilots to lean in front of the vid screen. meiran had never learned more than the basics in any language she had been forced to study. School, after all, had not exactly been her strong point.
"Meiran." He snarled, "Why the fuck are you calling me? How did you get this number?"
"I have my ways," She responded archly, "Who are those gorgeous specimens behind you? Not much smarts but definite eye-candy. Will you look at that hair!" Wufei glared even harder as his wife obviously ogled his compatriots. "I wonder if he likes to have it pulled..."
"Meiran!" Wufei shouted, his face blushing slightly despite himself. He turned back to the four pilots who hovered on the edge of the room (Quatre had followed him in from the living room and was now peering over Trowa's shoulder). He almost told the others to leave the room but, knowing they would all end up with their ears pressed to the door, decided against it.
Wufei restrained himself from cursing and turned back to the vid, where meiran was still running her eyes up and down Duo's frame.
"Is there a reason you called? You and I both know you don't swing that way."
Meiran huffed and gave him a glare that matched his own, "I can pretend can't I?" she snarled, "He could be a girl with small tits."
Wufei blushed even harder, "Could you have a little taste please?"
"Well of course, if it pleases my great studious pansy of a husband..."
"Meiran..."
"My Name is Nataku!"
"Nataku" Wufei growled, rolling his eyes at the ceiling.
"I..." Meiran's voice wavered, her eyes roaming everywhere but the vidscreen and Wufei's face.
"What?" Meiran's tone was beginning to frighten him. Despite her joking and usual crude speech she appeared obviously distressed. She was pale, sweating faintly, and looked almost nauseous. Wufei was far more used to seeing his wife strong and violent.
"Wufei..." She began again with a deep breath. Wufei suddenly felt alarmed. meiran never used his real name.
"What?" He nearly shouted, the other pilots in the room were no longer a consideration.
"I'm pregnant."
Those two little words brought Wufei's carefully constructed world down around his ears. Pregnant? But they had... He was...
"What?"
"You heard me!" She growled, her angry flush returning to her face, "Another little robot to add to the Chang clan of cowardly pussies.
"What do I do?" Wufei asked, both of himself and his usually vicious spouse, "Should I return to L5?"
"Don't you fucking dare come home Chang Wufei!" Meiran screeched at him, "If I can't be fighting, then you'd better be kicking Ozzie ass for me!"
"But..."
"I just... Wanted to you to know Wufei. We don't always get along but..." Wufei was shocked to see his wife's eyes fill with tears, "But I don't want to do this alone. I'm only fifteen!"
"Meiran" Wufei whispered in what he hoped was a comforting way. His hand lifted, unconsciously attempting to comfort his wife, but fell back when he remembered that they were separated by thousands of miles of space.
"I'm so afraid." she told him, a single tear running down her cheek, "We only did it once goddamn it! And you didn't even... You know...."
"Meiran!"
A smile, much softer than her usual full faced grins came over her face. The mood swings were getting to be too much for Wufei, even over the vidphone.
"Listen," she glanced around the room, checking for one of the clan elders who often listened in on her conversations, "After this war is over you and I can move earthside, alright? You could... go to school or something and I'll get a real job and you and your boring monogamous boyfriend can share custody with me and my harem of incredibly attractive nymphomaniacs."
"I've told you before Meiran. I am not gay!" Wufei snarled, fighting back an amused smile at Meiran's absurdity.
"Yeah, and I'm a yak. Anyway, you can have the kid on week days and I get it on weekends and holidays."
"How come you get to be the cool parent?" Wufei snapped, playing into Meiran's ridiculous plans because he really couldn't imagine himself as a father anyway.
"Because I'm the one giving birth to it." She replied, "When you squeeze a baby out your..."
"Meiran!"
"...Then you can be the one to decide who gets to take care of it on what days."
"Meiran..." Wufei sighed. This, like most conversations with his 'wife' was giving him a headache the size of wing zero. They were both avoiding the subject, but at least the crying had stopped.
A sound was heard from Meiran's side of the phone and she spun her eyes around the room once more. "I have to go." She told him, "Have fun with your boyfriends."
"I'm not gay Meiran." He growled out.
"Yes you are, Wufei. And they want you."
"Goodbye Meiran." He said, one hand reaching up to massage his temples.
"See ya pussy." she responded with a far more tender smile than was usual.
The screen went blank.