Un-break My Heart
Pairing: Jackson and April
Rating: T, maybe a little M but not too much
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or anything else, only for entertainment purposes.
Chapter 1
He ran his hands through his head over and over, sighing as he stared down at the ground. He hadn't even realized he was crying that was until he saw a tear fall past and hit the dark pale speckled ground.
"Do you really want this?"
Those words kept replaying, and he didn't know how to stop it. He shook his head from his thoughts; he needed a distraction to stop him from continually going back to that room that brightly lit room; staring back at a face that looked so heartbroken.
How could he have let it get this bad? He hadn't answered her because if he was honest with himself, no, no it wasn't what he truly wanted. That was why he was so torn hours later. He knew it should be what he wanted; excuse me, what he needed at this point in their relationship. There was nothing left to fix, so why did he feel this way?
Her face that was why he felt so terrible, that sweet face he had loved so much, and still did; it was broken and replaced by one that completely overtook, which read sadness. He knew it had been because of the divorce and not wanting to work things out, but this is what he needed. It still didn't make anything better.
Most guys would be happy that their divorce was final, but the thought of being 'happy' even if for a minute didn't seem a likely possibility. Maybe he loved too much, her, everything about her, that it wouldn't matter if he was a 'normal' guy or not, it still hurt like hell.
"Jackson. Foods here." The knock and voice that escaped from Ben on the opposite side of that door, made Jackson look up from the spot he had continued to stare at. Food. That didn't seem like something he could manage right now, but he knew that he had to act semi-normal in the presence of his co-worker. He knew that Ben would understand if he wasn't up for anything, but he still needed to pretend at least for the time being that he was in fact fine.
"Yup." He responded loud enough so Ben could hear him through the thick door.
He sat with Ben, knowing Miranda had to work late, which he was thankful for because he didn't need to see her disapproving stares right now. He was working on getting his own place, but he was grateful for them to put him up for the time being. He was also thankful that Ben sat with him in silence, not in a bad awkward way, but in an understanding one.
"I'll clean up, you go." Ben pointed towards the room that Jackson had been occupying and then looked back at Jackson.
Jackson nodded and gave him a weak smile.
"Wait, wait one second. You are pregnant?!" Arizona stared down at April, who looked happy about this news. Finally taking a seat down next to April, trying to find the right words "This is a happy thing?"
April finally looked over at Arizona's face and smiled "Yes, I mean I think so."
Arizona continued staring at her, but unsure how to respond next. "But, you guys just got divorced." April raised her eyebrows "Whoa, I just mean that isn't this the worst timing ever?"
April chuckled, which Arizona was a little confused about given that it didn't seem like a time to laugh. "I'm merely laughing because you are so right, I found out I was pregnant the morning of my meeting with the divorce lawyers to finalize my marriage ending." April snorted as she continued to laugh, making Arizona join in on the laughter "So you'll excuse me, but I find this quite funny" grabbing her stomach as Arizona continued to laugh.
The laughter instantly died down as April stared down at her hand on her stomach, she inhaled and felt even more amount of stuff hitting her, like a ton of bricks right across the face.
"Are you going to tell him?"
April looked up quickly at Arizona's expectant expression. She hadn't even thought of that at this point, and she wasn't sure what scared her the most. Telling him or the fact that she didn't want to.
"No."
Arizona raised her brow and pursed her lips.
"What's that face for?"
Arizona shook her head "Nope. I don't think it's my business to tell you what I think."
April scoffed "When has it ever been not okay to express your feelings on anything? You are the most honest person I know!"
"Do you really want to know what I think?"
April shrugged, grabbing her stomach again and nodded quickly.
"You're not going to like it."
April rolled her eyes "Just tell me."
"Well, for starters missy, I think it's really wrong that you didn't tell him when you were in there signing the papers. Maybe that—"
"No, that's exactly what I didn't want to do Arizona. I didn't want him to stop the process just because I was pregnant. This is why I don't know if I want to tell him or not. I don't want him thinking I got pregnant on purpose, to keep him or some sort of twisted idea. That I did it to keep our marriage alive, when I would never do that. I tried hard to keep that marriage and fight for us, but he chose to end it. Therefore, don't tell me you think I should have told him in that office when I had every right not to. The moment I asked him if he really wanted the divorce and he didn't say anything, was when I knew I couldn't tell him"
"Whoa, wait. I'm not saying that you are doing it to trap him or whatever."
"No, I didn't think you were saying it, but I know he would think that."
"That's just the thing; does it really matter at this point? He's the father; he has a right to know you are pregnant with his child, especially after—"
"Don't you dare! Don't." April said, feeling the tears start to form.
"Okay, okay." She placed her hands up in the air to try and calm her down "I'm sorry, okay? Please, that's not what I am trying to say. I guess everything I am saying is coming out wrong."
April sniffled, wiping at her eyes, feeling everything coming up that she hadn't realized was still brewing.
"What I'm trying to say" Arizona spoke up again, hoping it would come out the way she was trying to "is that don't you think he deserves to know? I mean think about it the opposite, what if he was pregnant and didn't tell you, wouldn't you be upset?"
April furrowed her brow, the laughter immediately followed by both of them.
"You know what I mean."
April chuckled once more and nodded "Yeah, I guess I see your point. I am just not ready to tell him yet."
"Well, look, I bought a bunch of alcohol, so can we just spend tonight with me drinking a ton and you telling me what's wrong with my dating relationships."
April laughed once more and nodded. "Sounds like a perfect night."
April had not thought about how work would be between her and Jackson. She spent the weekend with Arizona, binge-eating and binge-watching Netflix. She kind of 'escaped' and created this safe-place with Arizona in her apartment and she had enjoyed that so much, but here she was back at work and she wasn't sure how she would cope.
Luckily she had not run into him yet, but it was only 20 minutes into her rotation. So she was trying not to make it seem like she was avoiding him, but she did in fact avoid places she knew he would more than likely be at.
"Hey, Kep. I need your help." She jumped, looking over at the voice that had appeared apparently out of nowhere next to her. She sighed when she saw it was just Nathan.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He smiled as he saw her funny expression.
"Oh no, sorry, I guess I'm just a little jumpy. Had too much caffeine already"
Nathan nodded, but laughed as her face still seemed to be registering what was going on.
"I need your help with my patient. She reminds me a little of you, and you are just the sweetest ever, so you will help me right?"
She narrowed her eyes at him "Um, where exactly at?"
Nathan looked at her a little confused, but put two-and-two together, when he saw her staring around the hospital.
"Don't worry; it's not where he will be. I heard he's in surgery till later." Nathan leaned in as he whispered this to her.
April raised her eyes to look at him, and stared a little shocked.
"Well, it's a little on the obvious side, you don't have to say anything though, I am on your side." He said shrugging.
She rolled her eyes, hitting him on the side "Ha, ha, very funny. I am not—" She stopped talking mid-way when her stomach turned. She gulped feeling like she was going to pass out from how badly she felt.
"Uh, April. You okay?" He asked, when she stopped talking and now looked like she was struggling between throwing up and running away.
April shook her head as she ran, but quickly stopped knowing it was going to happen sooner than later, grabbing the nearest canister and throwing up all of her contents.
A few people were staring, some didn't even care, and some started whispering.
"Are you okay?" Nathan whispered as April stood up straight, wiping away at her mouth with the napkin that he handed towards her.
She nodded, but he didn't seem to really believe her.
"I'm fine. I just ate really bad food last night, and I think my stomach is not agreeing with it. This happened last night." She said, waving her arm back and forth at him.
He finally nodded "Um, listen about you helping me, I think you should sit out. Why don't you go get something in your stomach that will make you feel better."
"No, Nathan, really I'm fine."
Nathan, grabbed her arm softly and pulled her into an empty room. "The things I need you for include possibly taking radiographs." He looked down at her stomach "I can't have you in there."
She furrowed her brow and stared at him very confused, but when he continued looking down at her stomach, it immediately clicked "What. I'm fine."
He shook his head "No, you are pregnant, aren't you? I can't risk you in there with me, I'm sorry, but no. That's final."
April opened her mouth to continue arguing, but she knew he was right. So instead she nodded in agreement.
"Alright, I'll find you later and we can get some food…well that's if you are feeling better, okay?"
April chuckled softly and nodded once more.
"Hey, Nathan?"
He turned to look back at April, who looked now even smaller than she had a while ago.
"Can we keep this between you, me and my gyno?"
He smiled and shrugged "I have no idea what you are talking about." He winked at her and waved at her before exiting.
She inhaled slowly and exhaled as she exited the room, she really hoped no one else would come to that conclusion but nobody was staring at her in a funny way or for the matter at all.
"No, I think I am better at that—"
April opened her eyes wider as she heard his voice, that voice that made her whole body quiver, right behind her.
She knew it was too late, she couldn't just go the other way, she knew he had spotted her from the way he stopped talking. So instead she turned to stare at a very stern and serious Jackson and one of his interns, who looked confused why Jackson had stopped talking."
"Hi." Jackson finally said, wanting to close his eyes at how stupid that sounded. The first thing he says to her after their divorce is 'hi', seriously?
April didn't mind, she just kind of wanted to get out of there, and was thankful he didn't see the interaction of what had just happened not even 5 minutes prior.
"Hi." April said, looking back and forth between the two. "Um bye." She said, walking away. She couldn't do the whole small-talk with Jackson, not right now at least. She hadn't expected him to be here, Nathan had specifically said he was in surgery, but maybe his schedule got switched up.
She felt like he would sense she was hiding something, he knew her too well and that scared her too much. She could feel his eyes on her as she walked away, and she closed her eyes as she tried her hardest to not look back at him.
Truth was all she wanted to do at that moment was kiss him, tell him she was sorry and that she just wanted them back together, that signing those papers was a huge mistake. That she was pregnant with his baby, and that just maybe they could work out everything they couldn't in the past now, but none of that happened or was going to happen anytime soon. She hadn't realized but her stomach turned once more and she found herself finding a more secret place to throw up, with no one to stare at her this time.
What April didn't know was that Jackson was feeling the exact same way, minus a few details, he just wanted to tell her a lot that he didn't get a chance to or that he couldn't the day they signed those papers. So instead he dove into talking and instructing his intern what to do. Only to go back to thinking of April and what she was thinking right now.
TBC…..
A/N: Sooo, this is my first ever Grey's Anatomy story, after last week's episode I just HAD to write what I feel like I would like to see or my take on it. Please go easy on me, but don't hold back on what you think. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!