Summery: Hidan notices, that now that he is in love. He's made a mistake. hidanxkakuzu implied. Sad?
Author's Note: I dunno. I was having a moment, or something, I wrote it. I never read my crap over, so I know there are loads of mistakes, but this is more of a "get it out" thing then actual reading. I doubt it makes much sense. But yeah. Read and review.
Song Listened To: Your Star
One Simple Mistake
The grey haired man was sitting in his room. Pendant in hand, book open on his lap as he stared out the window. He was immortal. Wasn't that great. Wasn't that what some people strived for. Wasn't it….
He cringed, he knew he was violent, he knew he was an ass, who knew why he was that way. It made him hard to love, hard for someone to see through that to what he really was. Someone who had made a mistake, at least he saw it like that now. Now he loved something. He couldn't tell what was more twisted. Love, of the fact he possessed immortality, or his self-sacrificing devotion to his lord, and savior, Jashin-sama. His God gave him a gift, immortality, the human in him had managed to twist it's self into feeling something such as love. He hung his head his grasp on his pendant tightening, the thin metal slicing slowly into his palms, he shook his head.
He knew that he couldn't give up his immortality, that would be horrid, and he would no longer be able to fight, and then Kakuzu would kill him. He smiled sadly, he had to remember that. He had to remember the only reason Kakuzu was paired with him, was because he could take a fatal beating and live. Right. He winced loosening his hold slightly letting the bloodied pendant fall onto his bed. He carefully closed the book, wiping his blood on the pages, placing it next to the pendant and he pulled his knees up to his chest, his pale arms wrapping around them as he hugged himself. What was he, exactly, his lords prophet? His messenger? An angel? That all sounded so grand. Or was he just a fanatic, a crazed, fanatic. Someone who was there to suffer alone in his little world, or to be Kakuzu's punching bag. He whined softly feeling tears drip down his face, he was none of those. He couldn't place what he was. He as Hidan.
He was Hidan.
He had made a mistake, but you can't change the past. Now he had to suffer the consequences. No matter what his emotions told him, no matter what. If he felt love. Or hurt. Or pain. That was nothing compaired to his devotion or obsession with his lord. His God, Jashin-sama, was thought of before all others. He would have to deal with it. He would have to deal with watching people he liked slip away, watching people he loved slip away. He would watch them all fall. He knew none of them were going where he would when he died. If he died. He would never see any of them again.
He had already felt that. He had watched Kakuzu die while he was helpless. He normally loved watching people die, watch the life flicker out. But this was all too real. He watched Kakuzu's life slip from him. He felt a twisting pain and he didn't cry. He did as he was supposed to, or what he wanted to. He carried the other mans corpse back to the base. Not once did he cry as he carried the others lifeless cold body. He just felt a constant pain, like something was squeezing his chest, but he learnt to live with it. Once Kakuzu's body was returned to the base, it had been destroyed during battle, it was /useless/. The body was gone the next day. Hidan never asked , then it would have looked like he /cared/, and he went on as normal.
The others noticed, Hidan was trying to be like himself, he tried to remember what they'd all accused him of being. Loud, obnoxious, rude. He tried to fit back into his place, but it didn't seem to work. Eventually the trying stopped, the missions stopped because he refused to leave. He was here, because he joined, he wasn't recruited. After a few months he'd simply locked himself in his room. With he pendant, his scythe, and his books. The room reeked of blood, the red substance stained the surfaces of nearly everything. He'd tried to kill himself enough times. Finally he just gave up. He would wait for his immortality to be taken fro him, then he could kill himself. Everyday he tried, just during his sacrificial ritual, which he couldn't seem to break. Every day he continued living. Every day he watched as nothing changed, he himself didn't even change. He mused that this was what it would be like if time stopped, and he was existing in the past present and future.
Then again he was immortal. And history repeats himself.
He would be able to see that, be /privileged/ to see that. To watch the world renew itself.
Until the end, where he would be saved.
He was doing his lords bidding, he would be saved in the end.
But then he'd watch the rest of the worlds souls suffer.
And he supposed he was supposed to enjoy it.
He wasn't sure he would be able to, knowing his "friends" were part of those souls.
He had made one simple mistake
And he would pay for it
As long as he lived
For the rest of time.