Bellamy's POV
Bellamy watched Clarke move away from Finn. Boy's shirt was stained red, so were Clarke's hands. Blood was dipping from the knife she was clenching in her hand, her expression dark, her eyes red. She didn't cry, Bellamy knew she couldn't, not in front of the Grounders, not in front of Lexia, not if she wanted to be considered a strong leader.
Bellamy had known what Clarke intended to do the moment she looked into his eyes. He saw the pain in her eyes when she was promising Raven everything would be fine and he wished he could help her, knowing at the same time there is nothing he can do.
The grounders wouldn't have simply killed Finn, they would torture him for hours, maybe days, for this was the punishment for killing innocent. Finn massacred the entire village of people, yet it was hard to think of him as a murderer. Not when he saved Bellamy's life during the attack on the drop ship, not when he gave himself up for all their lives. Not when the source of his madness was love for a certain princess.
Out of all the people Bellamy knew best what one is able to in order to protect their loved ones.
Clarke's POV
Clarke couldn't sleep, whenever she closed her eyes she saw Finn's dead body. His beautiful eyes hunting her soul, not allowing her any rest. Her brain told her she made the right decision, that it was the best for Finn, yet it still felt as If she had betrayed him. The only person that helped her get through the first days on Earth, the one person who helped her against Bellamy and his stupid leadership at the very beginning. And now he was gone. Gone because she had killed him.
Two days had passed since the event. Peace between Grounders and Ark people was reached and negotiations regarding the attack on the Mount Weather and rescuing the remaining of the100 were deep in the process. Clarke and Bellamy were invited to the meetings, though Clarke suspected It was solely because they had much better contact with Grounders than either Abby or Kane.
Even though both her mother and Kane had proven to be good leaders countless times on the Ark, the truth was, they knew next to nothing about the survival on Earth.
Though it didn't stop them in ignoring Clarke's expirience.
It felt wrong to her that the once given power of the leader of the 100 was so abruptly taken from her, as if she could suddenly stop caring for her people. Her friends who were relying on her with their lives.
She knew that Bellamy felt the same, even though she didn't talk to him.
In fact she barely spoke to anyone during the last two days apart from discussing the Mount Weather situation. Her mother tried approaching her several times, so did Octavia but she just ignored them. She knew what they were going to say, and she just didn't want to hear it. Fortunately Bellamy didn't try it, sensing her need to be alone though instead he was sending her some concerned looks.
Once again she saw Finns eyes and felt the warmth of his blood on her hands. She gasped. The reminder of his blood on her hands made her sick. She needed air, and so she stormed out of her tent.
Clarke wanted to ran and scream until she would have no more strength. She wanted to let go of all the pain that was building up in her. But there was no way of getting out of the camp, not with the guards watching the gate. She knew it. And so she headed in the direction of one of the fireplaces.
The fire was already dying, but the air was still nicely worm from the incandescent wood. Clarke sat on the big stone nearby and looked into the sky. The space where once her home was.
Just a few months ago she was a prisoner on the giant spaceship, going to Earth was something she had dreamed of her whole life but she hadn't imagined it would change her so much.
In fact, it changed all of them, even Finn. They were separated barely few weeks, yet when they met again, he was a different person. Not entirely, there had still been good in him, but his actions... He had done things, the old Finn would have never thought of. And Clarke had a feeling he did them because of her.
„Clarke?"-She heard Bellamy's voice before she actually could see was moving in her direction, his eyes holding the same concern she saw earlier. „ May I?" He asked looking at the empty spot beside her.
Clarke nodded and looked into the fire. „ I couldn't sleep" The words left her mouth before she had even noticed. She didn't know why she had said it, but it felt good shering some of her burden with some.
Bellamy didn't say anything, just looked at her and nooded as if knowing exacly what she ment. Well, he probably did. It wasn't like he had a blanck account himself.
The silence fell and Clarke was glad that he didn't force any conversation.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed, maybe minutes, maybe hours, neither of them talking, simply comforting each other by mere presence. It felt good.
„It was a right decision, you know." Bellamy's voice was soft as he suddenly broke the silence.
„I know, It's just... he didn't deserve to die Bellamy" She took a deep breath." And I killed him" She looked into his eyes. „I killed him"
„No, Clarke, You saved him" His expression focused on her.
„Did I?" Her voice came so quiet, she wasn't sure he heard her. She wanted to cry, but her eyes were dry. Why couldn't she cry?
„Then why does it feel as if I killed him?" She asked sarcasticly.
He didn't answer, instead he toughed her hand „Clarke..." But, she pulled her hand away. She didn't want to hear it, she didn't want to feel better, she didn't deserve comfort.
„I closed the dropship, even though I knew I was sentencing you to die, I killed Finn. Whom have I become?"
„You are our leader Clarke, we do what we have to survive" She saw the understanding in his eyes and she wasn't sure he wether he was talking to himself or her.
„I can't even remember how many people I killed" Clarke said desperately.
„Neither do I" Bellamy's eyes were clouded, sad.
Again the silence fell. Only the wind was singing some lonely song.
Clarke shivered, the fireplace was no long keeping them worm. She felt Bellamy steer beside her. He must have notice her shiver and was now covering her with his jacket.
„Thank you" She tried to smile, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.
„It's not wrong to feel sad." He said and stroke her arms reassuringly before pulling away. And somehow Clarke felt a little better. Then her eyes wondered in the direction of Mount Weather and the bad feeling returned.
„We don't have much time, Bellamy. Any day they could start experimenting on them" She didn't need to explain what did she mean. Bellamy knew her well enough to know what she was talking about.
„The negotiations are taking to long, we must do something" He said and Clarke knew he was just as frustrated with their current position as she was, if not more.