Warning: This fanfic is rated R for Adult Content, Mild Sex0r, and Profanity. Please read at your own risk.
Irvine: Hey all you foxy ladies out there! This is Irvine, and I'm going to tell you a story that will make you all want me as your romantic lover and we will have hot passionate se-*gets glomped by Selphie*
Selphie: Booyakaya! Jah right! He's MY Irvine, MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE.
Seifer: Enough mines, dammit Selphie, you annoying little whore *snaps fingers* *suddenly Kuja's theme plays*
*Kuja enters flying on a white dragon*
Irvine: Who's that with him *squints in the air*
Selphie: She's got green hair, it's it's it's. . .. Rydia?
*Dragon swoops down and Kuja with Rydia? jump off dragon*
Kuja: Hahahaha *cackles* I shall tell this story. *spanks Rydia*
Rydia: Ouch! Hehe *whips Kuja*
Selphie: Enough you two! *Jumps on Irvine*
Kuja: *looks at both of them and mutters*...rabbits-...
Rydia: Anyway, we can tell this story, because we know it so well.
Kuja: Yes, we do. Rinoa told this to me many times over coffee. Of course, my little canaries, we don't come in the story until later.
Rydia: Don't cry now! We should really start. . .
Kuja: Ok, ok. *kicks away Irvine and Selphie* Shoo. This story starts with . . .*dododododododo*
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Rinoa: YOU BASTARD! BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA *hits Squall numerous times on the head with a frying pan*
Squall: Ow, ...whatever Ow, ...whatever Ow, ...whatever Ow, ...whatever Ow
Rinoa: Dammit, I put a dent in it! *stops hitting him*
Squall: *whew* ... whatever.
Rinoa: RAWRRRRRRR *grabs gunblade*
Squall: Honey O.O;; put that down. I'm sure we can work something out!!!!!!! . . . .whatever *cold side kicks in*
Rinoa: *aims it at Squall, who is laying on the floor* You are so cold.
Squall: You know what . . . . *kicks gunblade away* whatever . . . I'm leaving.
Rinoa: *shocked* *stares at gunblade on the floor* No, wait! I'm sorry.
Squall: No, I'm sorry for ever marrying you . . . . I'm leaving.
Rinoa: Don't leave, no no!
Squall: *walks out dorm door*
Rinoa: *crys on bed and bangs self on head with frying pan* Baka, Baka . . .Why did I do that? It was supposed to be a perfect relationship. We loved each other, well, we used to . . . .
*Suddenly, a knock is heard at the door*
Zell: Rinoa. . . open up.
Rinoa: Nani? . . . Zell is that you?
Zell: Yeah *knocks gently on door* Open up.
Rinoa: *wipes tears and gets up* *opens door*
Zell: Hey Rinoa . . .you look sad. What's up?
Rinoa: Come in . . .
Zell: *walks in*
Rinoa: *sits on bed and pats for him to sit down*
Zell: *plops down*
Rinoa: It wasn't working out. *buries head in hands*
Zell: *pats her on the back with his gloved hands* Aww, Rins, I'm sorry. We saw him storm out. He didn't even have his gunblade. He ignored everyone, even his friends. It was not like him.
Rinoa: I guess love has an end.
Zell: No, It doesn't. . .
Rinoa: *looks up* He is so cold. Cold as ice, I hope he never loves again.
Zell: He probably never will . . .
Rinoa: Aren't you friends with him?
Zell: Not anymore . . . if he hurt you like that. . .
Rinoa: Me?
Zell: *looks in her eyes* Rinoa. . . you're. . .you're the most wonderful woman I've ever met.
Rinoa: *is flattered* Are you serious?
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Palom: What the fuck happens next?
Kuja: Hush child *looks at the crowd of Final Fantasy characters that
appeared*
Porom: That was not the nicest word Palom!
Palom: Shutup, ho!
Porom: *gasps* You are a disgrace!
Edward: Children, thou shalt not use such unkind words towards each other. Listen to thy song for peace *plays a tune on harp*
Crowd of FF Chars: Youuu suckkkkkkk!!!
Tellah: Spooonyy bard! *throws chocobo egg*
*two black mages come by and grab it-and then die*
Kuja: LET ME FINISH DAMN YOU!
*silence*
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - - -- - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - -- -- - - - - - -- - - -- - -- -
Zell: Yeah, *scratches back of his neck*, I'm serious.
Rinoa: . . . . That is so sweet.
Zell: *blush* Yeah, well, yeah.
*they look at each other*
*suddenly start making out vigorously on Squall's dorm bed*
- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - -- - - - -
Tellah: Gah hahahahahhahhaahh. That's some good stuff. Go Rinoa!
Rydia: Here we go again.
Kuja: Would you shut up, you fool! I'm getting to the good part. Ok so they're done making out? What's left gwahahahahhahaahahah?
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Zell: Woah, how did that happen?
Rinoa: I have no idea, It just . . did.
Zell: *looks at watch* Where did Squall say he was going? *climbs off of Rinoa*
Rinoa: . . .? Well he didn't say anything really.
Zell: D'ya think he'll be back?
Rinoa: Whyyyyyyy? *in a flirty tone*
Zell: Cuzzzzz *pins her down* I'm gonna rape ya!
Rinoa: AAAAAH!
Zell: Heh, just kidding. I would never!
Rinoa: You scared me for a second, but *pins him down*. I'm quicker.
Zell: Shit! You got me. You're fastttt woman!
Rinoa: I know I am. *smiles mischeviously* Stay RIGHT there, don't move. *gets up and looks under bed* Found them.
Zell: What? *looks over at Rinoa*
Rinoa: Handcuffs *laughs*.
Zell: Woah, Squall never told me about this.
Rinoa: Yeah right! Selphie and Irvine use this dorm, so these were never used by me.
Zell: So this must be the dorm to be in, eh?
Rinoa: *grips handcuffs* Well, Selphie's dorm is next to Seifer's. Not good. He gets annoyed with loud noises.
Zell: Mines on the other side of Selphies, I guess you are right.
Rinoa: *jumps on bed and handcuffs one of Zell's muscular arms to the bed*
Zell: Daaaamn, but I still have one hand free, heh heh.
Rinoa: Not really, *undos ribbon on her arm and ties Zell's other hand to the bed* Haha!
- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - -- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - -
Palom: THAT'S WHAT THE RIBBON WAS FOR, GOD WHAT A WHORE.
Porom: Palom!!! This story is not for our ears Mr. Kuja.
Kuja: Silence brats, listen anyway.
Steiner: Yeah! Be quiet, *drools*.
- - - - -- - - - - - --- - - - -- -- - - - - - - --- - - - -- - - - - -- - - -- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - -
Zell: God I'm all tied up.
Rinoa: Yeah you are. *looks around* *kisses* It's called BONDAGE.
Zell: Oh no, what's going to happen to Zell?
Rinoa: This, *travels down and unbuttons Zell's jeans*.
- -- - - -- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -- -- -- - - - - -- - ---- - ----------------- ----- -- --- -
Meanwhile . . . .
Squall sits alone in solitude outside of a Chocobo forrest, the wind blows back his wispy bangs.
Squall: Well screw this . . . .
*suddenly a male chocobo sprints by*
Chocobo: Wark! Wark!
Squall: *stares at chocobo*
*another male chocobo comes by*
Chocobo #1: Wark?
Chocobo #2: Wark Wark! *they charge at Squall*
Squall: *sees them both coming, oh shit im in trouble*
Chocobo #1: WAAARRRK!!!!!! *jumps on top of him and starts raping him*
Chocobo #2: *rapes squall too* Wark!
Squall: Owww, aaaah, leave me alone, hey not bad. .. .ouch! Ow!!!!! .....whatever
- - - - - - - - -- -- - - -- - -- -- - -- - - - - - --- - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rinoa: Should we take this to the Ragnarok?
Zell: Awww, damn I thought you were gonna make a move!
*suddenly Raiijin bursts in to see Rinoa on top of Zell..they are fully clothes however, just Zell's pants are undone*
Raiijin: We can't find Squall ya knoww....wow!
Rinoa: Raijin.. heh heh this isn't what it looks like.
*Fuujin rushes in*
Fuujin: OH MY.
Raiijin: Look Fuujin, ya know, we seemed to have walked on something ya know!
Fuujin: SEX0R.
Raiijin: JAAAH ya know!!!
Zell: *whisper* Rinoa heh heh, this DOES look bad.
Raiijin: He's all tied up ya know!
Rinoa: *unlocks handcuffs and unties Zell* *they both get off the bed*
Raiijin: Hey Zell, your fly is down!
Zell: Oh *blushes* it is!
Fuujin: OF COURSE.
Raiijin: We were wondering, ya know, since Squall is an understanding guy.
Fuujin: *kicks Raiijin* GET TO THE POINT?
Raiijin: Can we use this room?
Rinoa: Yeah we were just leaving.. *grabs Zell* Let's go . . .
Zell: Hyah, ok!
*they run out and slam the door*
*Raiijin jumps on bed*
Raiijin: Whee! *springy ya know*
*Fuujin jumps on top of him*
Fuujin: ANIMAL!
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Meanwhile (again) . . . . . . .
Chocobo: Waaaarkkkkkkkkk!
Squall: Oh....my...god! CHOCOBO!!! OH YES...whatever.
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*Zell and Rinoa are walking through Balamb Garden*
Zell: So Squall was a jerk huh?
Rinoa: Yeah, he was.
Zell: I can't believe we did that. *laughs*
Rinoa: Yeah!
*Seifer walks up with a demented look on his face*
Seifer: Heyyy Chicken-wuss and Rinoa.
Zell: What did you call me *starts throwing air punches*.
Seifer: Calm down. Have you seen Fujin and Raiijin?
Zell: Er- no.
Seifer: Don't lie, because I did.
Zell: You lied?
Rinoa: No, silly, he saw them.
Seifer: They are getting it on, MAD. *shudders* They left boy-who-just-reached-puberty's door open. Why are then in there anyway? Hah, who knows. *turns around and goes to walk away*
Rinoa: Oh Seifer? Where's the Ragnarok?
Seifer: *turns around* I don't know, I think Squall took it.
Rinoa: Great.
Seifer: Why?
Rinoa: *eyes Zell* Ooh it's nothing.
Seifer: Why of course it is not nothing. Nothing is nothing. Nothing is ever course of not nothing, why of course!
Zell: *whispers* What the hell did he take?
Rinoa: *stares at Seifer oddly*
Seifer: Goodbye now, now goodbye, nothing is goodbye and goobye is why of course! *hobbles away*
Rinoa: That was very very ..strange.
Zell: Yeah, I wanna make out!
Rinoa: Oh fine fine *looks around*. Nobody is here *drags him into a classroom*.
To be continued . . . .. .
Palom: Awww damn!
Irvine: Hey all you foxy ladies out there! This is Irvine, and I'm going to tell you a story that will make you all want me as your romantic lover and we will have hot passionate se-*gets glomped by Selphie*
Selphie: Booyakaya! Jah right! He's MY Irvine, MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE.
Seifer: Enough mines, dammit Selphie, you annoying little whore *snaps fingers* *suddenly Kuja's theme plays*
*Kuja enters flying on a white dragon*
Irvine: Who's that with him *squints in the air*
Selphie: She's got green hair, it's it's it's. . .. Rydia?
*Dragon swoops down and Kuja with Rydia? jump off dragon*
Kuja: Hahahaha *cackles* I shall tell this story. *spanks Rydia*
Rydia: Ouch! Hehe *whips Kuja*
Selphie: Enough you two! *Jumps on Irvine*
Kuja: *looks at both of them and mutters*...rabbits-...
Rydia: Anyway, we can tell this story, because we know it so well.
Kuja: Yes, we do. Rinoa told this to me many times over coffee. Of course, my little canaries, we don't come in the story until later.
Rydia: Don't cry now! We should really start. . .
Kuja: Ok, ok. *kicks away Irvine and Selphie* Shoo. This story starts with . . .*dododododododo*
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Rinoa: YOU BASTARD! BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA *hits Squall numerous times on the head with a frying pan*
Squall: Ow, ...whatever Ow, ...whatever Ow, ...whatever Ow, ...whatever Ow
Rinoa: Dammit, I put a dent in it! *stops hitting him*
Squall: *whew* ... whatever.
Rinoa: RAWRRRRRRR *grabs gunblade*
Squall: Honey O.O;; put that down. I'm sure we can work something out!!!!!!! . . . .whatever *cold side kicks in*
Rinoa: *aims it at Squall, who is laying on the floor* You are so cold.
Squall: You know what . . . . *kicks gunblade away* whatever . . . I'm leaving.
Rinoa: *shocked* *stares at gunblade on the floor* No, wait! I'm sorry.
Squall: No, I'm sorry for ever marrying you . . . . I'm leaving.
Rinoa: Don't leave, no no!
Squall: *walks out dorm door*
Rinoa: *crys on bed and bangs self on head with frying pan* Baka, Baka . . .Why did I do that? It was supposed to be a perfect relationship. We loved each other, well, we used to . . . .
*Suddenly, a knock is heard at the door*
Zell: Rinoa. . . open up.
Rinoa: Nani? . . . Zell is that you?
Zell: Yeah *knocks gently on door* Open up.
Rinoa: *wipes tears and gets up* *opens door*
Zell: Hey Rinoa . . .you look sad. What's up?
Rinoa: Come in . . .
Zell: *walks in*
Rinoa: *sits on bed and pats for him to sit down*
Zell: *plops down*
Rinoa: It wasn't working out. *buries head in hands*
Zell: *pats her on the back with his gloved hands* Aww, Rins, I'm sorry. We saw him storm out. He didn't even have his gunblade. He ignored everyone, even his friends. It was not like him.
Rinoa: I guess love has an end.
Zell: No, It doesn't. . .
Rinoa: *looks up* He is so cold. Cold as ice, I hope he never loves again.
Zell: He probably never will . . .
Rinoa: Aren't you friends with him?
Zell: Not anymore . . . if he hurt you like that. . .
Rinoa: Me?
Zell: *looks in her eyes* Rinoa. . . you're. . .you're the most wonderful woman I've ever met.
Rinoa: *is flattered* Are you serious?
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Palom: What the fuck happens next?
Kuja: Hush child *looks at the crowd of Final Fantasy characters that
appeared*
Porom: That was not the nicest word Palom!
Palom: Shutup, ho!
Porom: *gasps* You are a disgrace!
Edward: Children, thou shalt not use such unkind words towards each other. Listen to thy song for peace *plays a tune on harp*
Crowd of FF Chars: Youuu suckkkkkkk!!!
Tellah: Spooonyy bard! *throws chocobo egg*
*two black mages come by and grab it-and then die*
Kuja: LET ME FINISH DAMN YOU!
*silence*
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - - -- - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - -- -- - - - - - -- - - -- - -- -
Zell: Yeah, *scratches back of his neck*, I'm serious.
Rinoa: . . . . That is so sweet.
Zell: *blush* Yeah, well, yeah.
*they look at each other*
*suddenly start making out vigorously on Squall's dorm bed*
- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - -- - - - -
Tellah: Gah hahahahahhahhaahh. That's some good stuff. Go Rinoa!
Rydia: Here we go again.
Kuja: Would you shut up, you fool! I'm getting to the good part. Ok so they're done making out? What's left gwahahahahhahaahahah?
- - - - - - -- --- - - -- - - - - - --- -- - - - - -- - -- ------ - -- - - - - -- -- -- - - - ----- - - - -
Zell: Woah, how did that happen?
Rinoa: I have no idea, It just . . did.
Zell: *looks at watch* Where did Squall say he was going? *climbs off of Rinoa*
Rinoa: . . .? Well he didn't say anything really.
Zell: D'ya think he'll be back?
Rinoa: Whyyyyyyy? *in a flirty tone*
Zell: Cuzzzzz *pins her down* I'm gonna rape ya!
Rinoa: AAAAAH!
Zell: Heh, just kidding. I would never!
Rinoa: You scared me for a second, but *pins him down*. I'm quicker.
Zell: Shit! You got me. You're fastttt woman!
Rinoa: I know I am. *smiles mischeviously* Stay RIGHT there, don't move. *gets up and looks under bed* Found them.
Zell: What? *looks over at Rinoa*
Rinoa: Handcuffs *laughs*.
Zell: Woah, Squall never told me about this.
Rinoa: Yeah right! Selphie and Irvine use this dorm, so these were never used by me.
Zell: So this must be the dorm to be in, eh?
Rinoa: *grips handcuffs* Well, Selphie's dorm is next to Seifer's. Not good. He gets annoyed with loud noises.
Zell: Mines on the other side of Selphies, I guess you are right.
Rinoa: *jumps on bed and handcuffs one of Zell's muscular arms to the bed*
Zell: Daaaamn, but I still have one hand free, heh heh.
Rinoa: Not really, *undos ribbon on her arm and ties Zell's other hand to the bed* Haha!
- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - -- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - -
Palom: THAT'S WHAT THE RIBBON WAS FOR, GOD WHAT A WHORE.
Porom: Palom!!! This story is not for our ears Mr. Kuja.
Kuja: Silence brats, listen anyway.
Steiner: Yeah! Be quiet, *drools*.
- - - - -- - - - - - --- - - - -- -- - - - - - - --- - - - -- - - - - -- - - -- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - -
Zell: God I'm all tied up.
Rinoa: Yeah you are. *looks around* *kisses* It's called BONDAGE.
Zell: Oh no, what's going to happen to Zell?
Rinoa: This, *travels down and unbuttons Zell's jeans*.
- -- - - -- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -- -- -- - - - - -- - ---- - ----------------- ----- -- --- -
Meanwhile . . . .
Squall sits alone in solitude outside of a Chocobo forrest, the wind blows back his wispy bangs.
Squall: Well screw this . . . .
*suddenly a male chocobo sprints by*
Chocobo: Wark! Wark!
Squall: *stares at chocobo*
*another male chocobo comes by*
Chocobo #1: Wark?
Chocobo #2: Wark Wark! *they charge at Squall*
Squall: *sees them both coming, oh shit im in trouble*
Chocobo #1: WAAARRRK!!!!!! *jumps on top of him and starts raping him*
Chocobo #2: *rapes squall too* Wark!
Squall: Owww, aaaah, leave me alone, hey not bad. .. .ouch! Ow!!!!! .....whatever
- - - - - - - - -- -- - - -- - -- -- - -- - - - - - --- - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rinoa: Should we take this to the Ragnarok?
Zell: Awww, damn I thought you were gonna make a move!
*suddenly Raiijin bursts in to see Rinoa on top of Zell..they are fully clothes however, just Zell's pants are undone*
Raiijin: We can't find Squall ya knoww....wow!
Rinoa: Raijin.. heh heh this isn't what it looks like.
*Fuujin rushes in*
Fuujin: OH MY.
Raiijin: Look Fuujin, ya know, we seemed to have walked on something ya know!
Fuujin: SEX0R.
Raiijin: JAAAH ya know!!!
Zell: *whisper* Rinoa heh heh, this DOES look bad.
Raiijin: He's all tied up ya know!
Rinoa: *unlocks handcuffs and unties Zell* *they both get off the bed*
Raiijin: Hey Zell, your fly is down!
Zell: Oh *blushes* it is!
Fuujin: OF COURSE.
Raiijin: We were wondering, ya know, since Squall is an understanding guy.
Fuujin: *kicks Raiijin* GET TO THE POINT?
Raiijin: Can we use this room?
Rinoa: Yeah we were just leaving.. *grabs Zell* Let's go . . .
Zell: Hyah, ok!
*they run out and slam the door*
*Raiijin jumps on bed*
Raiijin: Whee! *springy ya know*
*Fuujin jumps on top of him*
Fuujin: ANIMAL!
- -- -- -- - - -- -- - - - - - -- -- - - - - - -- - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - -
Meanwhile (again) . . . . . . .
Chocobo: Waaaarkkkkkkkkk!
Squall: Oh....my...god! CHOCOBO!!! OH YES...whatever.
- -- - - - -- -- - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - -- - - -- - - - - -
*Zell and Rinoa are walking through Balamb Garden*
Zell: So Squall was a jerk huh?
Rinoa: Yeah, he was.
Zell: I can't believe we did that. *laughs*
Rinoa: Yeah!
*Seifer walks up with a demented look on his face*
Seifer: Heyyy Chicken-wuss and Rinoa.
Zell: What did you call me *starts throwing air punches*.
Seifer: Calm down. Have you seen Fujin and Raiijin?
Zell: Er- no.
Seifer: Don't lie, because I did.
Zell: You lied?
Rinoa: No, silly, he saw them.
Seifer: They are getting it on, MAD. *shudders* They left boy-who-just-reached-puberty's door open. Why are then in there anyway? Hah, who knows. *turns around and goes to walk away*
Rinoa: Oh Seifer? Where's the Ragnarok?
Seifer: *turns around* I don't know, I think Squall took it.
Rinoa: Great.
Seifer: Why?
Rinoa: *eyes Zell* Ooh it's nothing.
Seifer: Why of course it is not nothing. Nothing is nothing. Nothing is ever course of not nothing, why of course!
Zell: *whispers* What the hell did he take?
Rinoa: *stares at Seifer oddly*
Seifer: Goodbye now, now goodbye, nothing is goodbye and goobye is why of course! *hobbles away*
Rinoa: That was very very ..strange.
Zell: Yeah, I wanna make out!
Rinoa: Oh fine fine *looks around*. Nobody is here *drags him into a classroom*.
To be continued . . . .. .
Palom: Awww damn!