Britain's Reaction to the Doctor
Author's Note: Title is pretty self-explanatory because this needs to be a thing. A lot of people have done crossovers with Hetalia and Doctor Who, but I've never seen anyone mention that Britain would be pissed about the Doctor sleeping with Elizabeth I, so that's what I'm doing. This story is a two-shot.
Disclaimer: Himaruya-san owns Hetalia and BBC owns Doctor Who. I am merely toying around with the characters and an idea that I had.
Version 1: The TV…
Britain was very well aware of the show called Doctor Who. In fact, he was aware of it long before it became popular and cool. Hell, he knew of the show back when it had started out with the first Doctor, before there was such a thing as a second Doctor, back when the show's main characters had not been the Doctor and his companion, but the girl's two teachers. When the show had died out for a while, Britain never imagined that it would make a comeback, much less one so strong and successful, but there it was. It was even popular enough that America had been introduced to it and much to Britain's mixed pride and ire, he loved it. For once, the lad actually acknowledged that something else of his was cool (the Harry Potter books had been the first), but would it kill him to shut up about it? He really. didn't. care!
He supposed he should given that Doctor Who had a profound impact on a lot of people, especially his people of whom many current adults had grown-up watching it, but Britain had never been all that into sci-fi movies. It just wasn't his cup of tea. He also really couldn't stomach seeing his capital be ripped apart as an alien battleground when things got hairy, even if it was just part of the show. It made his heart hurt to watch. Oh, the horrified shriek of terror that had escaped him when he'd watched that spaceship crash through Big Ben… (he'd had to double-check to see if the real tower was still intact and unharmed before he could even continue the episode) He could see America enjoying movies where giant monster things crash into buildings in New York City with all the big cliff-like drops for dramatic in-flight fights which, admittedly, looked cool when done well, but Japan seemed less likely a fellow to enjoy watching his own capital city be partially- or mostly-destroyed by giant monsters or giant robots, yet he didn't seem to be bothered by it. That, or Britain was just really bad at reading people.
However, because it was so popular, he did try to keep current with it, at least so that he wouldn't be thrown out of the loop on currently one of the most popular TV shows that he had. It was still hard to watch though because it was especially hard for him to watch the Doctor go back to a time that was a part of his own life history and meet people that he had known or were important to him, like his Queen Victoria or Charles Dickens. Now going into the future or even the pasts of other planets was much easier to handle because it wouldn't happen as the future predicted and the other planets had nothing to do with him. However, because of that, he knew it was only a matter of time before she appeared. How could she not? She was an iconic figure in the history of English monarchs, much like her father, Henry VIII, had been. It would probably be a crime not to include her.
His misfortune came about in 2007 during the 3rd series of Doctor Who since the Restart and during David Tennant's second series with the first new companion, not including Catherine Tate during the Christmas special. In the show, Martha and the Doctor went back in time in Earth's history to William Shakespeare's time. As soon as he was aware of it, he downright panicked. She had been alive during that time and she had loved Will's plays; Britain fondly-remembered many a time that he had attended them with her. He barely-recalled the content of the episode because he was so uptight, keeping his eyes sharp on the screen for any sign of her. Yes, the story was centered on Will, but that wouldn't necessarily have stopped the writers from including one of their most famous past rulers anyway. As the episode progressed, Britain's panic subsided, but he never fully-dropped his guard. The J.K. Rowling anachronism near the end even got a bit of a chuckle out of him. When the end finally came, Britain frowned and checked the run-time. There wasn't really that much time left; maybe two minutes, and yet she hadn't appeared at all. Britain was shocked and privately pleased. He'd thought for sure that-
But the grin disappeared off his face and the thought died with it when there, striding into the theater now, was Elizabeth I. He'd expected her to show up, but waiting until the end when he'd dropped his guard; that was just plain cruel. Then she called the Doctor her sworn enemy and suddenly Britain was sitting up straight and frowning. What had the Doctor done to his Bess? Martha was wondering the same thing and apparently the Doctor was too, which did not ease Britain's mood because that meant that, whatever it was, it hadn't happened yet for the Doctor, but it clearly left his Bess in a severely-foul mood. Of course, he admitted to himself as he reached up to his chest and fondled a ring-shaped lump beneath the folds of his shirt, the actress's anger was nothing compared to how angry his beloved wife would have been if this had really happened, but he was the only one who'd been there, so he couldn't fault them for not knowing things like that (though he'd love to nitpick over the details with somebody who had a clue). The episode ended and Britain was still glaring at the screen suspiciously. What had the Doctor done to get on Elizabeth's bad side? He'd already gotten himself knighted and banished by Victoria when he was with Rose, and now Bess? He did not like this.
Unfortunately for Britain, what exactly the Doctor had done was far worse than he'd have ever anticipated and he was livid. The Doctor… had slept with… his wife! Britain instantly began to think of a hundred ways to kill the Doctor, but even if he got to use them all, and he'd make sure he would, it still didn't seem like sufficient punishment for the Doctor's horrific actions! More worrisome still, he could easily imagine how it might have gone down and when Elizabeth would have been the most susceptible to that evil man's wretched lies and Britain screamed his frustration aloud, tempted to throw something big and heavy like a bookcase or the stupid TV out the window simply for the sake of needing to destroy something without causing an international incident!
So instead, being both the prima donna and foul-mouthed sailor-and-former-pirate that he was, he put both talents to good use, called the BBC and spent a good hour shouting down the poor unlucky sap to pick up the phone until his voice was completely shot. It was not quite as satisfying as throwing the TV out the window (he was still tempted to do that), and his boss would probably call and scold him for being an ass to the guy at the station, but it made him feel a little better even if he wouldn't be able to talk for the next week or two. It was definitely worth it for his wife's honor. From that day on, Britain vowed that it didn't matter what incredible twist happened or how good the show was, he would never watch another episode of Doctor Who, not even if he was forced to. And when you're a nation who's lived through approximately fifteen centuries, 'never' is a very long time indeed.
As I know I've mentioned before, I LOVE writing Britain! XD So, this part would be Britain's reaction if Doctor Who was just a TV show to him, like it is for the rest of us and does not actually mesh the two universes together. In the next part, the two universes are meshed together and the Doctor is real to Britain (poor Big Ben and London always being bombarded by alien invasions). Don't know when I'll get the next chapter up, and I'm not going to bother promising it soon because I really have no clue. I started writing this little chapter before school started and only just randomly on-the-spot decided to finish it up.