Blaine felt Kurt's lip on his, so familiar, so filled with memories. And then in rushed the overwhelming sadness of what he knew was coming next.
Kurt's lips disappeared and Blaine opened his eyes at the loss.
"I just really can't deal with you right now. Come back when you have all of your conflicting emotions sorted out."
Kurt's door closed with a quiet thud. Blaine heard the lock click into place. Frustration and anger at the fight welled up inside of him. It wan't his fault! But it ended up losing him everything anyway. His fist made contact with Kurt's door once solidly before he could restrain himself. He felt his face twisted and contort with pain. Slowly he pushed himself away and then slide down to the floor.
Blaine pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Kurt; 'I never claimed to be perfect, but I wanted to try for you. Please come out so we can talk about this.'
Blaine waited looking down at the "sent" screen on his phone.
One minute. He heard Kurt's phone receive the text on the other side of the door.
Two minutes. Please respond Kurt.
Three. Looked back to his phone hoping for a text.
Four. Time to take action.
Blaine opened a new text box and started typing. He didn't want to have to do this. But if Kurt wouldn't come out and talk to him reasonably he had no choice.
"Are you positive I won't die?" Blaine asked Wes eying their handy work carefully.
"You will probably be fine," Wes said adjusting Blaine's harness.
"Don't forget this!" David yelled, running across the field, paper in hand. "Remember the deal."
"Thanks," Blaine responded dead-panning. How he had hoped David had forgotten.
Wes started hosting as David waved from the ground. "On three jump, Blaine!" Wes called. "One, Two, THREE!"
Blaine jumped and found himself soaring in through Kurt's window, David's old cape fluttering weakly behind him. From the corner of his eye he saw Kurt fall behind his bed. Blaine took a moment to shut the window to secure their privacy.
When he turned again Kurt was staring at him with wide eyes over his bed spread.
"Were the gloves and the leotard too much? David insisted..." Blaine tugged at his gloves nervously, and looked down at the giant 'S' on his chest.
"What. What. What are you doing?" Not the best response from Kurt, but better then a 'get out of here Blaine!'
Blaine slowly pulled the sheet of paper that David had given him out of his belt, and read it out loud. "Oh Kurt, here I am your Superman, come to rescue you and take you away in my lovingly strong arms." Blaine stepped closer to the bed and show Kurt the bottom of the page. "And David drew a little picture to go along with it."
Kurt's hands went to his mouth and his eyes welled. Then a sobbing sound came from between his fingers
"That's ridiculous." Kurt was full-out laughing at Blaine now.
"They made me. I also have to do dress like Clark Kent for them this weekend." Blaine waited for Kurt's laughter to subside, then held his arms out and turned, slowly. "What do you think?"
"You don't want honest opinion, Blaine. Just spare yourself." Kurt said moving around the bed to stand in front of Blaine
"Ok." Blaine had to look away from Kurt's shinning eyes, instead he stared steadfast at a point on the floor. "Listen Kurt..."He moved closer to Kurt "I was stupid and I'm sorry."
"But you meant what you said." Blaine looked back to Kurt at his words and found that Kurt too had looked away.
"I meant to make you happy, and if it doesn't then we can change it, simple as that. But we can't if you won't talk to me about it." Blaine realized he was too close and stepped back to give Kurt the room he knew Kurt needed.
"Blaine. You... you want me to take it slow and the next minute you're sucking me off. You're right, we are taking things fast, but that's just how we are." Kurt sighed. "But to tell me to stop completely... what did I do wrong to make you not want me? You were supposed to be the one that I could count on making me feel wanted; I was ready to give you everything, damn it. And then I mess up and remind you of your past, which I know nothing about - even if you know all of mine and... What do you want from me?"
"I don't want to lose you." He pleaded. "I was trying too hard to figure out what you needed when I should have let it be."Blaine took a breath and continued in a stronger voice. "I'm sorry. I'm stupid, and I haven't told you every little thing about my life, but it takes time. THIS takes time. Please give me that much, ok?" Blaine reached for Kurt.
Kurt moved away slightly, and Blaine's hand dropped "I'm sorry. I can't take you seriously in that getup..."
"Then what do YOU want from ME, Kurt?" Blaine started ripping open the front of the stupid costume, needing something anything reassuring from Kurt right now.
Kurt sighed again. "Blaine. I just don't know. I really don't. We fight so much..." Kurt couldn't even look at him anymore.
Blaine shut his eyes and searched once more for strength. "Do-do you want me to go?"
"No." Kurt took a step toward him. "What's wrong with us? It's like the only time we're not fighting is when we're fooling around..."
"...Which is why I suggested taking it slow in the first place! Just for a little while... Or we could just have sex and see if that fixes it." Kurt was so close he could feel his body heat or count the threads in his jacket, if he wanted to.
"Blaine, I'm not forcing you to have sex with me."
"I know, but maybe I should learn to let go a little." I could do that for you. I just don't want to have to let go of you. Blaine finished the thought.
"No, Blaine. I know how important this is to you." Kurt took another breath before resolutely continuing. "But what if... we still keep arguing?"
"Maybe we should come up with rules for arguments so we are not hurting the other person more than we have to." Blaine had read this had helped couples somewhere.
"...like that's really going to work." Kurt usually saved that level of distain in his voice for critiquing all waist-band styled pants.
"I don't know, but I am willing to try anything."
"Look, Blaine. It's not you... really, you're amazingly perfect and gorgeous and patient. It's me..."
"Tell me. Please." Blaine wanted to lean in further to bridge the gap, between them.
"Maybe I really wasn't ready for a relationship in general..."
Blaine's body stiffened with shock.
"A-are you braking up with me?"
"I don't want to, but it might be best for us. We only had one big fight as friends... even then, it was my fault."
This was all just too painful for Blaine. "Well. Clearly I have just succeeded in making everything worse." Before he could stop himself he leaned in and kissed Kurt lightly on the cheek. "Tell me when you have decided if you are going to tear my heart out. My door is always open to you Kurt." Blaine walked slowly out the door waiting for Kurt to stop him, or call him back. But Kurt was silent; all Blaine heared once more was the thud of the door as it shut behind him.
Blaine couldn't sleep that night and watched the sun come up with a sense of dread. The next thing he knew, he was being woken up by a distraught David and had to calm him down before getting dressed, almost missing first period.
That day, sleepwalking through the halls of Dalton, he is asked five times if he is high, seven if he is ill and once if he was a vampire by a very confused freshman.
All he could think of during class was the moment he could crawl back into his bed and hide from the rest of the world.
Warm. Safe. Dark. Quiet. Blaine relaxed under covers of his blankets. Here there was nothing to bug him or remind him of K-...anything. Just calm and... Wes PULLING ON HIS FEET?
Suddenly all blankets were stripped away and there was light and cold and Wes standing over him.
"Get up we are taking you out tonight mister!"
"Go away."
Wes turned to David. "Shot?" David passed him the energy drink solemnly.
"Open up Blaine!"
"FOR THE LOVE OF...! Fine. I will go out with you!" Threw himself off the bed and picked up the first two items he sees that are club appropriate. They probably clash and if Kur- Stop it!
Blaine vaguely remembered Wes and David supporting him across campus as he sang lewd drinking songs into the night. He certainly remembered them forcing him into pyjamas and tucking him in under the covers.
"...and then i said. 'i will take it all off for you, Kurt, and i did!" Blaine explained as he sloshed around under the covers, trying to get comfortable.
"I'm sure you did," Wes agreed mildly as he put the discarded clothes on the back of Blaine's desk chair.
"You are going to stay here until we come get you tomorrow, right?" David cooed as he tucked a white-haired teddy bear under Blaine's arm.
Blaine nodded sincerely, cuddling the bear close to his body under the heavy blankets.
"Ok, good night," Wes and David softly crept out the door turning of Blaine's light as they went.
Blaine rolled on his side and looked out of the window. The moon was still bright. Happy memories rushes over him of the moonlight on his face beneath the willow tree on the far end of campus, a movie and a picnic basket, and Kurt's eyes flashing sliver with a smile. Blaine held the bear even closer trying to replicate the feeling of holding the boy he loved in his arms that perfect night, on their first official date as boyfriends.
Blaine felt the sobs building once more. It helped a little to have the bear to hold onto, as much as he hated to admit it. Poor Kurt with no one at all. No one to take care of him, or hold him.
...but you're still going to sleep next to me, right? I don't like sleeping alone. Blaine remembered Kurt telling him Kurt's first night sleeping at Dalton...I honestly can't sleep alone. Not even at home.
Now Kurt was alone. Blaine had to go to him. Had to see him. Had to fix this, so Kurt wouldn't have to be alone tonight.
Holding tight to the teddy Blaine wandered out of his room, bumping into walls slightly as he walked. He stopped at Kurt's door. He raised his and knocked, wincing when he realized that the knock came out louder than he had intended.
"Blaine? What are you doing here?" Kurt said rubbing the sleep put of his eyes.
" i wuz just. i wuz just remembering lasttime i wuz drunk. and i ended up in your bed. and i thought it wuz funny cuz now. i want to be in your bed. buti wasnt. i was in my bed. which is where i should have been the first time." Blaine took a breath and his head fall, catching sight of the bear that was still in his arms. "have you met my bear?" He offered.
"No, I don't believe I have. Come inside, Blaine." Kurt said stepping slightly to one side, resigned.
"his name is not Blaine. my name is Blaine his name is..." He looked down again at the bear. " i dont know what his name is to be honest. david gave him to me today. wes and david. this is their furry child. Is his name wavid then?"
"Wavid's a great name. Nice to meet you, Wavid. Won't the both of you please come inside before someone sees you?" This time Kurt's voice was a little a bit more forceful, a little bit more commanding. But this was not what Blaine wanted either.
"i can't" Blaine had to get out. He pushed back against the door frame. When had he started leaning against the door frame? "you hate me and i was going to give you space."
"Then why'd you show up here, Blaine? I don't hate you. We're friends."
" i cant" he repeated, drawing Wavid closer for strength. "i should go..." Blaine turned and started away from Kurt. Stairs. Stairs were a good idea. That would get him away. He walked towards them.
Then Kurt was beside him again, drawing him back. "You can sleep in my bed if you stay with me."
Kurt's arms felt so good, Blaine couldn't help but return the gesture. Kurt still smelled so right beside him. And Blaine wanted to sleep in Kurt's bed again so bad. "can wavid sleep with us? he doesn't like to be alone."
"Of course. Silly Blaine. I like Wavid. He's cute." But do you think I'm cute? Kurt slowly moved them both, still connected, back to his room and put Blaine carefully onto the bed.
"We're here, bab- Blaine."
Blaine looked down at Wavid. Remembering why he had come, and more importantly why he had stayed away.
"What's the matter, Blaine?" I still love you. Blaine's tears cried, streaming down his face.
"stupid guys at the bar kept reminding me of you. i would see one and be like "Kurt's hair is better" or "Kurt would never wear that" and then i would think of you and it hurt cuz you weren't thinking of me."
"You don't know that, Blaine." He felt Kurt's hand brush a curl off his forehead and it took everything in him not to lean into the caress. "Aren't you tired? You should sleep."
" i shouldn't." He looked down at Kurt's rumpled comforter. "we have only happy memories here. I just came to..." He pushed Wavid into Kurt's chest. "here, i know you don't like sleeping alone. neither does wavid, you need your sleep." He leaned in brushed his lips lightly against Kurt's cheek, letting go of wavid and forcing himself out. Out the door. Out of Kurt's life. Out in the cold.
Blaine didn't even hear Kurt calling him back as the door slammed shut between them.
Blaine woke up to see a worried looking Wes standing over him.
"We have been searching for you all morning. It is almost time for class." Wes offered him a hand.
Blaine licked his lips trying to drum up some moisture, and let Wes's hands pull him out of the prickly rose bush he had fallen asleep on last night.
"Let's get you back to your room."
Blaine nodded his consent as Wes lead him back to the school.
Forty minutes till classes start and Blaine slipped on his jacket in time to hear a knock at his door.
"Come in." He got a flash of a very hastily put together Kurt, uniform mussed, hair not laying totally perfectly and one shoe still untied, and then Kurt's arms are around Blaine's waist, filling in all the wholes that alcohol had failed to the night before.
"Blaine. I was so worried..." Blaine pats him on the shoulder, not quite sure if this was another weighted comment or not.
"I'm sorry if I caused you emotional distress, Kurt," Blaine is frightened at how detached he sounded.
Kurt stiffened and pulled back. "Sorry," he mumbled, wiping at his eyes.
The last thing Blaine wanted to do was hurt Kurt more. "No, it's okay." he soothed reaching out to Kurt. "I mean." He brought him into his chest and let his nose rest in the contours of his neck, inhaling his smell. "I'm sorry I worried you last night. I shouldn't have drank that much."
"God, Blaine. Don't ever do that to me again. I told you to stay..." Kurt's fingers dug deeper into his sides, as if that would make him stay this time. Like Blaine needed an excuse.
"I couldn't." He tried to explain, to lessen Kurt's guilt. "I didn't want you to be alone again, but I couldn't stay. It hurt too much to be in that bed where we made love with you and not be able to hold you like I wanted to. I'm sorry."
"You could have held me." Blaine felt Kurt's hot breath on his ear and his breathing caught.
"...But then I would have wanted to keep you, and that's not fair." Blaine tried to put some physical distance between them. It was all too easy to forget, with Kurt in his arms, that they were no longer together. He reminded himself of this as he turned away.
"Blaine."Kurt grabbed onto his arm. "I can't do this... be without you..."
"What are you saying Kurt?" Blaine swallowed and looked into his eyes."You want me back? You never lost me. You love me again? I never stopped. You can't live without me? I survived for two whole days without my heart."
"I can live without you, Blaine. But I don't see much point in it." Blaine saw the pain in Kurt's eyes and the effort it took him to hold back tears, teeth embedded in his bottom lip.
In that moment his heart softened and he remembered the promise he made to Kurt's father. He opened his arms, and Kurt rushed into them. Trying to make himself as small as possible at first so as not to be kicked out again.
"I missed you so much, Blaine." Relief was thick in Kurt's voice as Blaine held him.
"Don't leave me like that again, ok?" Blaine murmured. "We have to get to class."
"Damn it. I'll see you later then?" Kurt unwrapped himself and looked up to Blaine.
"Yes," Blaine agreed kissing Kurt briefly. "Go. I have to finish getting all my books together."
Blaine sat down on the bed watching as Kurt headed off to class and he wondered, for the first time, if he was strong enough for a relationship like this.
A/N: so this is an portion of a RP that a friend and I are writing. So i would like to thank Dorogaya for allowing me to re-write our favorite scene. (i was sad when i had to cut my two favorite David scenes from this though :( )
Another huge thank-you to pineappletop92 who looked over it for me!
Please deposit a portion of your thoughts in my review box if you have the time and inclination. It would be very much appreciated.