I'm really not sure where this idea came from but it was buzzing around my head at like 3am the other day and I've ended up writing it :-/ (along with a fair few other bits of fics littered around my computer). This won't be a long fic and currently stands at 3 parts but will probably end up around 5. Hopefully it's ok because it's my first proper attempts in ages at writing a non-Jac/Jonny fic. Major thanks to MirrorSparkles1234 who has been reading bits of this to help me out.
"Well aren't you looking chirpy this morning?" Dominic Copeland grinned as his female roommate flopped down on the sofa. She just about managed to summon the energy to turn her head in his direction and shoot him a rather withering glare, daring him to make any further comment, "and you were the lightweight last night," he added with a laugh, before he resumed spooning his breakfast in to his mouth.
"You are looking a little peaky" Arthur peered up at her from behind his book, despite the early hour he was already nose deep in a textbook, presumably studying up on something.
"Well you two certainly know how to make a girl feel good about herself," she groaned slightly as she spoke. If even Arthur noticed then something had to be up, he wasn't the most observant of people.
"We're just concerned about you," Somehow Dom managed the sweetness and light routine rather successfully, but Zosia saw the way in which Arthur rolled his eyes at the performance, but a look of concern did flicker across his face.
"You sure you're up to work," He pushes his glasses a little further up his face, studying her slightly in the same way she's seen him eye up a patient. She can almost see the little cogs turning in his head, probably coming up with a number of impressive diagnoses that he can give her.
"Don't you two have something better to do?" She narrows her eyes. Sometimes living alone was so much more preferable to having roommates.
"Better be careful Digby," At the comment, Arthur dropped his book lower and flashed a look of confusion in Dominic's direction.
"What?" This time it was Dominic's turn to roll his eyes as he took in his fellow doctor.
"I think our friend Zosia has an aunt visiting," Zosia could almost hear the smirk in Dominic's voice, but she resisted looking in his direction and reacting to what he had said. Instead she forced herself to concentrate of Arthur and watching as he tried to puzzle out what Dominic had said.
"We don't have a spare room for her," He stuttered the words, twisting his lips slightly in the look of a child, "are you not fond of her then?" he added
"No Digby, I don't think Zosia is especially fond of her," Again there was the amusement in Dominic's tone, and Zosia was certain if she turned to look Dominic would be shaking his head slightly with a look of bemusement on his face, "In fact you could say she's something of a pain" and that was enough to make something in Arthur's mind click as a slight flush passed up over his face as he realised his mistake.
"Well if you too have quite finished," Not wanting to be around the males any longer, Zosia pushed herself up from the sofa and made her way back in to her room, trying to push away the sick feeling that was plaguing her.
Zosia groaned as she settled herself on a bench outside of the hospital. Really it was too early for her break but she hadn't been able to stick it on the ward any longer. She'd made a quick stop off for her grey hoodie before she'd disappeared outside before anyone could stop her. She could have stayed at the flat today, but being alone never made things any better – it just gave her time to think. Not that she could stop herself thinking anyway. In a rather disappointing turn of events, the ward was near deserted and that meant less time spent distracting herself with patients and more time for dwelling, while trying to ignore Dominic's comments and Arthur's attempts at being caring.
She'd tried to ignore them for as long as possible, she'd even tried to distract herself by considering what issues led to Dominic seeming to derive such joy from ribbing her for what was essentially a normal aspect of being female. Only today it hadn't worked as it once would have – because she wasn't suffering from that normal aspect of being a female as she should have been.
She could reason with herself that it was simply because she was stressed that it was later than she expected. In fact she was probably making it worse for herself by becoming more stressed because it was late. It was something of a vicious circle, and no doubt if she relaxed things would happen as they were supposed to and she'd be able to laugh at her own stupidity.
Only she couldn't quite push away the worry that this wasn't all just a stress response. She'd been trying to ignore things for the last few days – the slightly nauseous feeling that had been plaguing her she'd tried to put it down to the stress that she'd been feeling, the stress she was making worse by worrying all the more plus she'd let the boys cook and that slight cramping she felt was just the prelude to the start of her cycle. She could reason it all away to herself, with ease, only the nagging doubt would still return to her.
She closed her eyes and ran a hand over her face, as her stomach swirled a little more intensely. It was obviously just her nerves, the fact that she was overthinking and now the nausea was worse was enough to confirm that.
"How far gone are you?" She hadn't even heard anyone approach her, but she'd know that voice anywhere and she felt a shiver run through her body. She felt the pressure against the table as another set of arms rested against it. She willed the other woman to walk away, to leave her but she knew that was never going to happen.
"I'm not," She answered almost instantly without even bothering to open her eyes and look at her companion. She knew she answered in much the same way she would have as a petulant teenager, in the same way she'd responded when it had been suggested that she should consider going on the pill.
"Zosia …" She could hear in her companion's voice that she didn't believe her. It was the voice of experience, of someone talking to someone so much younger and in need of guidance, only that was the last thing that Zosia wanted, particularly from this particular woman.
"Just leave me alone," She knew she was acting like a child, but somehow she couldn't seem to push passed that. Besides there was some small part of her that seemed to think that if she kept this up, her companion would give up and leave her be – just like so many seemed to do with a teenager who acted in this way. Only she was no longer a teen – and this was no ordinary person sat with her.
"You should know me better than that," At that she felt her eyes shoot open, and she allowed her gaze to settle on the face of Colette Sheward. The older woman was sitting with her arms crossed on the table, her own hoodie wrapped around her body and a look on her face that said she had all the time in the world to sit here.
"Then maybe I should just leave," Only she didn't really want to do that. Her options for escape were limited. If she were to go back to the ward she'd have to put up with Dominic and Arthur once more, and no doubt Colette would be close on her heels trying to drag her away – and with the ward so quiet she'd have little choice but to go for fear that otherwise Colette would go running to Guy. But chances are Colette would find her wherever she ended up.
"Or we could sit here," Colette shifted slightly, allowing herself to get a little more comfortable although that was easier said than done on this bench.
"Suit yourself," Zosia hoped that meant sitting her in silence but she knew she wouldn't be that lucky. All she could wish for was that Colette would get cold or that her discomfort would result in her giving up at some point soon. Actually thinking of it, the temperature was dropping, and Zosia found herself pulling her own hoodie more tightly around herself as she tried to conserve a little warmth.
"How've you been?" It was safer territory for now, but Zosia knew it would soon shift in direction once more. Zosia sighed, before swallowing hard.
"I'm fine," The lie came easily although she was feeling slightly better. The nausea had receded slightly, not to the point of no longer existing but her stomach didn't quite feel like a whirlpool any longer. She could see in Colette's face that she didn't believe her, though she fought to hide it.
"And living with the boys is working out alright?" Colette knew about the new living arrangements from Guy and equally knew that he wasn't entirely comfortable with the arrangement. Of course Dominic was safe when it came down to it, and Doctor Digby was hardly a threat but Colette understood where Guy was coming from – Zoshie was his little girl and he worried about her.
"Like living with two overgrown children, but it's good," But then she was hardly the most adult of women herself or at least not right now. In truth she rather liked living with Arthur and Dominic as frustrating as they could be, it worked out pretty well for her. Although if she hadn't been living with Arthur perhaps she wouldn't have been worrying right now.
A shiver ran through Zosia's body, something that she failed to disguise causing the look of concern on Colette's face to deepen.
"How about we move this inside?" She too was feeling the cold but she couldn't leave the young doctor, not when she was near certain of what was happening. She saw the conflict in Zosia - the way she shook her head to say no though her eyes seemed to give a different answer, "I'll treat you to a hot drink, and a muffin" That had once been Guy's trick she recalled, though he would use his own special hot chocolate. Still Pulses seemed like a fairly decent alternative.
"Are you actually giving me a choice?" Zosia tilted her head slightly to one side.
"Not a chance," And with that Colette got to her feet, and Zosia followed suit. In normal circumstances she probably wouldn't have given in quite so easily but she was starting to feel rather cold, and that wasn't good for her - especially if she was actually brewing some sort of bug.
The two women made their way in to the building and with a firm hand, Colette managed to steer Zosia in to the booth that would offer them the most privacy from the other patrons of Pulses and anyone else in the vicinity before she made her way up to the counter to order the pair of them a drink. Normally Colette would have gone for a coffee, but the niggling suspicion in her made her order differently. As she approached the table with the drinks in hand, she couldn't help but notice the slightly wary expression on Zosia's face.
"It's hot chocolate, not coffee" was the answer she gave as she placed the two steaming drinks down before she settled herself in to a chair - which was decidedly more comfortable than the bench.
"I thought the deal involved a muffin," the young doctor twisted her lips. In truth she wasn't at all hungry, but she had no intention of giving her colleague an easy ride of this.
"And how many hands do you think I have?" Colette smiled though, "Tell you what, we'll talk and I'll get the muffins in a bit,"
"That wasn't the deal," Again the childishness that seemed to take her over in the presence of Colette, or Guy, but Colette seemed to take it more in her stride. Perhaps because this attitude was all she ever seemed to know from Zosia whereas Guy still had the memories of how she had once been.
"Things change, you just have to deal with it," Colette wrapped her hands around the drink, allowing it to warm her slightly. She daren't take a sip yet knowing the liquid was likely to scold her. This however didn't seem to deter Zosia and while Colette tried to warn her, the junior doctor took no heed and ended up spluttering slightly as the too hot liquid hit her tongue.
Setting the cup back down, Zosia cast it a stern glance as though it was the liquids fault and not her own. It hadn't tasted right anyway and with distaste she pushed it slightly further away, before she rested her hands on her lap.
"Do I need to ask you again, or will you just tell me?" it took Zosia a minute to twig what the other female was saying, and she turned her head away. There was nothing to say, right now she had no answer to give and she wouldn't have one either.
"Can't you find someone else to entertain you?" Zosia watched as people passed by, people who she could see but that couldn't see her. There were some she recognised and others she didn't, but they all seemed inherently more interesting than having to be involved in this conversation.
"Zosia, I know there's something going on with you," So many people passed by this part of the hospital, each one with a story. She could spend a lifetime trying to puzzle each one of them out, and yet still have more to learn.
"You don't know anything about me," It was near impossible to find out everything about another person, and yet getting to the root of them was something that fascinated her. Only in reverse - people trying to discover the inner workings of her own mind - it unsettled her. And it was true, Colette knew nothing of her. She heard the director of nursing sigh slightly.
"I know that your feeling nauseous and probably trying to convince yourself it's a virus or stress," Her tone was knowledgable but it could just have been a lucky guess. Even the boys had noticed she was peaky, that she looked pale. It made sense then that she'd been feeling a little on the nauseous side if she was looking at that way - there was no need to jump to any conclusions from that.
"Have you tried being an F1 recently?" She didn't turn back to look at Colette. Instead she kept watching as the people moved passed.
"And foods and drinks that you normally love, just aren't tasting right to you" that was her own fault, her reaction to the hot chocolate - which couldn't wholly be blamed on the heat - had given Colette that little tidbit of information but it meant nothing. The drinks in Pulses weren't up to her normal standard.
"Sometimes it's nice to have a change,"
"And I'd warrant a guess that you're currently stressing because your late," at that Zosia twisted her head round to look at the other woman, her anger barely concealed.
"Why won't you just let this drop?"
"I heard the boys talking," Colette's voice dropped as she thought to the conversation she'd heard on the ward, the joking of the two men and how she had seen the look on Zosia's face as she'd slipped away, "and I saw how you reacted," she added the words softly.
"It's nothing," Zosia's voice was equally quiet and somewhat defeated. She saw the sympathetic look on Colette's face.
"Then you won't have any issue with taking a test will you?" The older woman dealt her hand easily and Zosia frowned.
"There's no need," She tried to argue against it, but she knew there would be no escape now.
"If you've already done one ..." Colette started to talk and saw the expression change on the young doctor's face, "No I should've known you wouldn't have done that,"
"It's nothing," She tried again.
"If you were, how many weeks would you be?" She changed tacts a little, and watched as the F1 considered the question. Her mind calculating, and the quick flash of fear, of horror in her face that confirmed that it was altogether a very real possibility.
"6 weeks," the words come quietly, "but I'm not," followed by the denial but know that she has worked this out for herself suddenly it feels so much more real. She shudders, and feels the way her stomach rolls.
"You need to know Zosia," Colette's voice is gentle but firm. The F1 shook her head sadly, lowering her face so that she was looking down at the table. If she could just forget this ever happened, ignore this then maybe it would all just go away and she could forget it. But that wasn't an option now, and slowly she looked up at the woman she had grown to hate, and slowly she nodded.