Sheen Kissed A Girl
and liked it!

"Don't make me throw my shoe at you."

"Oh, Cindy. So violent. Haven't you learned by now that violence isn't the answer? You know, I'm sure we could find some good, inexpensive anger management-"

Out of nowhere, a pink and brown flip flop hit him on the side of the head forcefully. "Don't you dare finish that sentence." Cindy glowered at him.

"ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES! CINDY NEEDS ANGER MANAGEMENT - ACK! YOU'RE CHOKING ME! I CAN'T BREATHE! LET ME GO!"

At the moment, Cindy had Sheen in a chokehold - a very tight, unforgiving chokehold. He was flailing his arms in a lame attempt to get her to let go - and of course it wasn't working. "If I hear the words 'anger management classes' come out of your mouth one more time I will throw you out of the window, do you hear me?" She let him go then, leaving him sputtering and protesting.

"What is wrong with you today?" Sheen choked out, rubbing his raw throat. "I mean, you're always mean, but this is taking it too far."

Cindy plopped down at a random desk in a very un-lady-like manner, shrugging. "Oh, I don't know; maybe it's the fact that I'm in detention, with you?" She snorted.

He just grinned. "But Cindyyyy. You looooove me, remember?"

They stared at each for a moment, his face smiling and teasing, hers just simply murderous. "Sheen, I will kill you in your sleep. Do not tempt me."

His smile didn't budge. "But I'd die happyyyy."

Solemn stare. "There is something wrong with your head, boy."

"I know!" He chirped.

Two hours later.

"Are we supposed to be in here for this long? Usually detention lasts just an hour…" Cindy muttered, mostly to herself. "UGH. This is asinine!"

"Asinine: foolish, unintelligent, silly; stupid: It is surprising that Cindy Vortex makes such asinine decisions." With a smug smile, Sheen glanced up from his position on the floor. He was sitting cross-legged in a corner, right beside a book shelf. A very large dictionary sat open in his lap.

Cindy glared. "Stop it."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"YES."

"NO."

"SHEEN, STOP IT."

"CINDY, YOUR SHOES ARE UNTIED."

Confused, she glanced down at her shoes. Her flip flops. "My shoes don't have laces." She observed, her tone almost amused. "You clod."

"Clod: a lump or mass, mostly of earth or clay." Sheen read, looking confused.

"Wrong definition."

"Clod: a stupid person; blockhead; dolt." He looked up at her.

"That one is correct."

"YES…wait. You called me stupid. I'm not a blockhead!"

She snorted, and opened her mouth to say something.

"You sound like a pig when you do that."

She made an offended noise, her face growing red. "Sheen! I'm going to-"

"Kill me?" He finished absentmindedly, flipping a page of the book.

Small pause. "No, I was thinking of maim."

A flurry of sound as he flipped the pages of the dictionary quickly. "Maim: to deprive of the use of some part of the body by wounding or the like; cripple: Cindy is going to maim Sheen. Run for your life."

"It does not say that."

"Yes it does, come over here and read it!"

"I don't want to be near you."

"I WANT TO BE NEAR YOU, CINDYYY."

A moment of silence.

"I JUST WANNA USE YOUR LOVE, TONIGHT, TONIGHT, TONIGHT, TONIGHT, TONIGHT…"

"What the heck?"

"Katy Perry. She rocks."

"Katy Perry? Doesn't she sing the I Kissed A Girl song?"

"I KISSED A GIRL, AND I LIKED IT! THE TASTE OF HER CHERRY CHAPSTICK-"

"Okay, I get it." Cindy rolled her eyes.

"I KISSED A GIRL, JUST TO TRY IT…I HOPE MY BOYFRIEND DON'T MIND IT-"

"Sheen, you're creeping me out. Stop it now."

"CINDY KISSED A GIRL, AND SHE LIKED IT-"

"UGH!" Cindy screeched, standing up from the desk and yanking off her shoe. With a practiced arm, she swung and hit him right in the head with her flip flop…again.

Sheen picked up the shoe, holding it to his chest tenderly. "It's mine now." He whispered.

Cindy's eyes widened. "Sheen, give me my shoe back."

"That's what you get for throwing it at me, Cindyyy."

She looked torn, for a moment. "I'll…" She trailed off, at a loss for words.

"Be my personal slave?" He asked hopefully.

"No."

"Please?"

"Never in a million years." She seethed. "I don't care if you keep my shoe." She crossed her arms over her chest and flipped her hair snobbishly.

Sheen shrugged, looking back down at the book in his lap, still clutching the shoe. "Fine by me. I wasn't planning on giving it back anyways."

There was a few more minutes of silence, until Sheen started singing again. "I know you know my boyfriend is out of town…so have a drink, let's talk it over…so many things I shouldn't be saying now…you know I like my boys a little bit older!"

Cindy cringed, breaking her I-don't-care-if-you-keep-my-shoe-I'm-too-good-for-you façade. "Stop. Singing."

"No. Way."

More silence.

"I want my shoe."

"Really? Because it's mine now."

"NO. SHEEN, GIVE ME MY SHOE. I'LL DO ANYTHING! SERIOUSLY! MY FOOT IS COLD, I'M STANDING ON TILE FLOORS! C'MON, SHEEN, I WANT MY SHOE BACK…"

Cindy was losing it.

With a grin, Sheen lifted his arm and in an almost slow motion like move, he threw the shoe at her…and missed.

Cindy watched with horror as her beloved shoe sailed right past her head and out the open window. "ACK. MY SHOE."

"Oh noes!" Sheen yelled, standing up, forgetting about the book on his lap. Said book fell on his foot, and he yelled again. "NO. MY FOOT. AH. DICTIONARY'S HURT!"

Cindy was at the window, trying to reach her shoe…despite the fact that she was two stories off the ground, and she couldn't have reached her shoe from the way she was trying to do it. Sheen was hopping up and down on one foot, holding the other in both his hands.

Then, the door opened. Loudly.

"Just what is going on here?" Ms. Vanderheyden was not one to beat around the bush. No small talk will be happening in this classroom.

"He threw my shoe out of the window!"

"I dropped a book on my foot!" They exclaimed at the very same thing. So basically, it sounded like a jumble of nonsensical words and phrases. Something about a book, a shoe, and foot. And a window.

Ms. Vanderheyden closed her eyes, putting a hand up to her head. "I need some pills." Sheen and Cindy glanced at each other. "Whatever. Just…get your things and leave…NOW."

Cindy sighed in relief as Ms. Vanderheyden left the room, and Sheen put his injured foot back on the floor again. "Looks like we're FREE! FREE, FREE AS THE-"

"Sheen." Cindy said flatly.

He glanced at her.

"Shut the hell up."

"Yes, ma'am."

Songs used:

I Kissed A Girl and Use Your Love by Katy Perry.

You know you love it.

Review.