Contained

By Tomorrow's Dust

Disclaimer: Honestly, I'm too lazy (or stupid, but I prefer the former) to ever come up with such an ingenious story on my own. I think it's pretty obvious that I don't own Rowling's wicked world, though it would be pretty cool (but also troublesome) if I did. On with the tale.

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Remus was rocking himself as he had shakingly stuck himself in the darkest corner of the room. His agonized cries were muffled by the hands that he'd pressed against his mouth so harshly that his lips bled where his nails pressed too deeply.

Somehow that quiet whimpering made Sirius's heart contract more than if he had been openly wailing.

Sirius walked over to him and sat down, taking care to let the sides of their bodies touch in a very faint brush. Remus tensed, like a prey-animal does when it's been spotted by a predator. What irony, when he was such an unparalleled predator himself.

A stab of compassion surged through Sirius. His friend was so messed-up, so lost.

And he knew that it was partially his fault. All his life, Remus had valiantly fought the wolf for control, giving up everything just to keep his animalistic side at bay. He always payed dearly for it during the full moon, but this way at least, Remus felt that he could lead some semblance of a normal life, though he knew that being ripped apart every month would considerably shorten his life span.

But Remus didn't care about how long he would live, the only thing that mattered to him was feeling human during that time.

And Sirius had taken that away from him. It was because of him, that Remus dared to trust. It was because of him, that Remus dared to feel. It was because of him, that Remus sometimes forgot himself, forgot he was a monster inside, forgot that people like himself were dangerous, forgot that he wasn't supposed to have friends. That he was a vile beast that would've been better of dead.

Sirius had made him forget himself.

He'd made Remus feel almost like a real person and he'd loved it and feared it beyond all compare.

But then he'd slipped up. Remus had become too relaxed and he'd left his emotions a bit of leeway for once. The wolf had always been right underneath the surface, lurking, as an exhilarating dangerous presence on the prowl. Always watching, biding it's time.

And today, it had seen an opportunity. Sirius engaged quite regularly in a fight with the Slytherins, either being the agressor or the victim. Today, he had been the last of the two as the little snakes had ganged up on him, trying to do some lasting damage for once with some organised spellwork, flinging bordeline curses at him.

Something had snapped in Remus. He'd always been the one who kept a cool head, who tried to talk things out. It was one of the reasons, aside from the misguided hope that he could keep James and Sirius in line, that he'd become a prefect.

Now though, rationality was wiped from his mind. All he saw was red and he was consumed with an overwhelming need to hurt, to maim, to kill. The wolf had broken from it's loosened bonds with a vengeance.

In less than a split second, Remus had dropped his bag, crossed the hallway, knocked out two of the attackers and held a third up against the wall by his throat. Instantly there was dead silence.

The part of the group that hadn't met Remus's fists yet had faltered in throwing curses at Sirius and were all staring at Remus in something akin to horror. The wolf smelt the fear coming of his victim in waves and he relished in it. Oh, how he longed to rip open that throat, to taste the warm blood flowing through that tantalizing vein showing in it's neck. This pathetic worm had hurt his pack. Kill, kill, kill...

Eyes of molten gold scrutinized his prey, who was turning quite blue in the face, wanting to enjoy the fight it put up just a little bit longer. He was darkly amused by the helpless kicks the lowly creature rained upon his body, and the mortal fear showing in it's eyes.

Suddenly, Sirius appeared at his elbow, resting a warm reassuring hand on Remus's taunt back.Whispering, no, chanting and pleading for him to calm, for him to stop. The brightly glowing eyes turned itself upon Sirius, while he still effortlessly dangled the boy several inches above the ground. For one terrible instant, when their eyes locked, Sirius was caught in the throes of a paralyzing stab of pure fear. He trembled.

The sudden spike in Sirius's scent jammed Remus back in the driversseat and he stared in horror at his closest friend. Sirius was afraid of him, oh God, he was truly a monster. In shock, he unleashed the boy, never seeing him falling in a heap on the floor, coughing and gasping for air. He never saw the looks of the people around him either, all he saw was Sirius. Sirius and his fearful eyes.

Abrubtly, Remus turned away and started running, he just had to get out of there. Sirius hadn't seemed bothered by the fact that he was a werewolf before, but now, Remus was sure that everything was going to change. Sirius would hate him. He had hurt someone and if he hadn't been stopped, he would've done much worse.

But what truly shook Remus to the core about what had happened was the fact that he'd loved it. He had basked in the stench of fear, craved it even. He was truly a monster. Monster, monster, monster, it kept running through his mind, in a horrible circle of disgust.

He ran to the only place he could think of that could harbour a beast like him. In one agonizing breathless run, he made it to the Shrieking Shack.

Sirius found him there a couple of hours later as a pitiful broken pile of blubbering snot, but not to yell at him, to accuse him, or even to hurt him or worse: denounce their friendship, like Remus had expected. Sirius Black was here to fix.

They sat side by side a very long time, letting Sirius's warmth creep into a hiccuping Remus's skin.

At last, he relaxed enough for Sirus to put one arm around him.

For a moment, he was convinced that Remus would either get up and walk away, or punch the living daylights out of him, but thankfully, he did neither. Instead, he seemed to collapse in onto himself and he pressed himself more firmly into Sirius's side, seeking both his warmth and affirmation. His thin trembling arms hesitantly snaked around Sirius.

He seemed so vulnerable all of a sudden that another crippling wave of sympathy washed over Sirius. Finally, the dog animagus pulled Remus into a secure embrace.

The dam broke completely. Everything that Remus had ever bottled up before, and that was a lot, came out in an unstoppable rush. Remus clawed his hands into Sirius's shirt and held on suffocating tight while he kept crying and murmuring incomprehensible things. He held on like it was his lifeline, like his was drowning, and in a way he was.

Sirius didn't offer him any meaningless reassurances. He just held Remus wrapped in his arms, and rocked him, like he had rocked himself before.

When Sirius's shirt held a big wet spot from tears and snot alike, the werewolf started to slow down for a moment.

Unfortunately, that didn't mean the emotional drama was over. Sirius spent the whole night by Remus's side, never letting him go, because he knew that was what his friend needed most.

Remus was so far gone in his grief and self-loathing that he tried to hurt himself sometimes, clawing at his own face, or his arms, or anything else that he could reach.

Sometimes he gagged on his cries, choking on his tears to the point of dry heaving. And sometimes he seemed to be nearly delirious. Sirius hated those moments the most.

He felt so utterly useless, so completely unable to do anything, it was beyond frustrating. How do you go about convincing someone that he's worthy of friendship, worthy of happiness when that person is being wracked with genuine self-hate?

Remus begged for hours and hours for forgiveness with a fevered gleam in his eyes. He was unrelenting, pleading and begging like his very soul depended on it. It was far beyond Sirius's reach, especially the times when Remus wasn't asking forgiveness from him.

Then, Remus would beg every know deity on the planet, and some unknown. He would beg his parents, the world, the earth itself. He even literally tried to pull his own hair from his skull and he would shrink even more into himself and clutch more desperatly at Sirius, trying to keep himself anchored. Such a battered piece of person. There was an ache in his chest and a distinctly uncomfortable feeling in Sirius's throat when powerlessly observing how his friend was falling to pieces.

It seemed Remus could never get close enough to him, nearly trying to crawl into his skin. Did he think that Sirius could make it better? Did he think that Sirius could save him if he just came close enough?

Remus frightened him. The one person famous at Hogwarts for his fearlessness was absolutely scared out of his wits, because he just didn't know how to fix this.

The one person Sirius had thought nearly infallible, indestructible even, was falling apart before his very eyes and there wasn't a damn thing that he could do about it. If he ever hated anything in life, it was feeling helpless.

He never answered Remus's pleadings and he never shushed him when he cried out. He was just there and somehow, it was enough.

That day was, despite the turbulent night, a day of positive change. Something healed inside Remus that he hadn't known was broken. Some tightly wound up cold knot that had always been present somewhere in the pit of his stomach had released some of it's unbearable pressure and Remus found that for the first time in ages, for the first time since he could remember, he could breath easily.

A peculiar sort of understanding had passed between the two and served to deepen their bond even more. A new unbreakable connection was forged as the wrung out tawny haired boy put his head under Sirius's chin and allowed himself to be lulled to sleep by his strong and reassuring heartbeat.

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Author's notes: I just write something here to make myself feel important and stroke my own overlarge ego since there aren't too people willing to do it for me. (Okay, admittedly I'm just a poor sucker without any reviews, but you didn't need to know that) Wanna change that, (pretty pretty please) then the answer is simple. Make my day and review! I'd love to know what you think of the story (and if anyone is actually reading this). Sigh... I'll give you a cookie if you send in something (attempting an adorable look) I'm not above begging you know. Anyway, I knew I was going somewhere with this. Eh, right, well, I'll be off writing something else now