Disclaimer: I unfortunately own nothing but the plot!
A/N: This random plot came to me while I was trying to procrastinate (as always). I hope you all enjoy it. Please let me know if you think I should keep going with it.
Chapter 1
Hermione Granger huffed ungracefully as she threw herself into the shabby chair across from her boss's desk. Phineas Goldbloom, the Head of the Public Relations Department, was rather portly old man who had been in his position for the past 20 years. And if she was being really honest, he was a complete moron and a downright shame to the Ministry of Magic. I mean, you just had to look at the utter disregard that the entire Wizarding Community had for the Ministry to see that he was doing a rather ridiculous job of it all.
The ex-Gryffindor had been working within the department since the end of the Second Wizarding War, 5 years ago. And of course, she had set herself amongst the very top of the department, so much so that she now outranked certain members that had been a part of the team for much longer than her. Phineas was due to retire within the next year and Hermione was doing everything in her power to ensure that she would become the head of the department and bring in some big changes.
It was for this reason she had been breaking her back with her ridiculous workload, trying to ensure that she would be the most eligible for the man's job. The only person in the team that was perhaps remotely worthy of the job was Davy Gudgeon. Though he most definitely wasn't as determined as Hermione, he had fifteen years of experience on her, having worked with Phineas since his appointment as the head of the department and was rather chummy with the old man.
And that was most definitely going to work against her. It was no secret that Hermione was the best option for the position and old Phineas was rather vocal in his disdain for the fast-moving woman. Rather than focussing on his own work, he was doing everything he could to ensure her failure so that he wouldn't be obliged to promote her. And she had been practically bending backwards to impress the damned man.
It wasn't just Hermione he disliked. He was rather disapproving of all of his younger employees – he was convinced that they were all ill-equipped for the job. And it hadn't helped that his department had been subjected to Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt's Reparation Act of 1998.
Former Death Eaters who had shown true remorse for their actions during the Second Wizarding War had been given the chance to make amends for their past sins. Many were placed within lowly positions in the Ministry where they could be monitored and acclimated to a peaceful and just Wizarding World.
Hermione huffed again as she crossed her arms in front of her chest in exasperation. Trust the old man to call for her at '2pm on the dot' and then make her wait.
What seemed to be at least 15 minutes later, the door to Phineas' office flew open and the rotund man pompously strolled into the room. Hermione suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at the man; if she wanted to get to the top, she had to play nice with the old coot.
However, she couldn't suppress the groan that escaped her lips as she set eyes on the man who followed him in. He was the most detested of her co-workers; bloody Draco Malfoy. Pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration, she tried to ignore the slight throbbing that was building in her head.
Any meeting with both bloody Phineas and Draco Malfoy was enough to make her head pound. The ex-Slytherin had become the bane of her existence ever since he had been taken on by Shacklebolt as his 'pet project'. Draco Malfoy had proven to be the greatest accomplishment of the Reparation Act thus far. He may have appeased the Minister of Magic but he continued to drive Hermione insane with his continuous whining and insults. He had made the task of being his supervisor extremely taxing.
"Ah, welcome Miss Granger, Mr Malfoy." The old man drawled, perching himself in the large seat behind the rather ostentatious desk. His two employees merely stared at him response, Draco offering the man a raised eyebrow.
"Yes, yes, I shouldn't have expected a reply, hm?" He continued. "Some things never change, I suppose. Either way I am glad you are both here on time."
It was Hermione's turn to raise an eyebrow as the old man rambled on, almost as if he were buying time. "Get to the point, Goldbloom." Draco hissed, crossing his arms over his chest with impatience.
With a dramatic sigh, the man leaned forward in his chair, placing his arms on the desk in front of him. "Very well. As you know, the Ministry has suffered greatly in the public eye since the war. We are the laughing stock of the community and it is a downright shame. Wizarding communities around the world are looking at us with disdain – unable to keep peace within our midst."
Hermione found herself agreeing with the blonde man beside her. If there was one talent that Phineas possessed, it was the ability to beat around the bush endlessly. He could honestly blabber on for hours, if allowed.
"I said, get to the point." Phineas furrowed his eyebrows at his subordinate in frustration. If it weren't for Shacklebolt, he would have fired the man a long time ago. 'Self-entitled brat. Just you wait – I'll soon get my way.' He thought, a vindictive smile adorning his wrinkled face.
"This may be hard for someone like you but be patient, Mr Malfoy." Hermione was staring at the old man suspiciously. The look on his face told her clearly that he was up to something. And knowing him, his bloody plan would make her life a living hell.
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," he restarted, sending Draco a scathing glare. "The Ministry has been subject to ridicule since the start of the war. We have been subject to multiple scathing remarks regarding our inability to keep peace within our community. I believe that Monsieur Fournier himself referred to us as a useless bunch of quacks."
"We have been mocked for allowing prejudice to overpower us. The battle of blood has long been considered a medieval notion and we have been ridiculed for our archaic ideals. It is time to put an end to this."
Hermione would have sworn that her eyebrows were somewhere intermingled with her hairline at his words. Of course, equality within the Wizarding World was her ultimate goal. But she somehow doubted that Phineas would be able to pull it off – let alone within any plausible timeframe.
Phineas was still looking quite proud of himself. "So what's your fabulous plan, Phineas?" She asked, her patience close to running out.
Sighing heavily, Phineas glared at the two young adults in front of him. "Apparently patience isn't a strong virtue of your generation." He muttered under his breath before he puffed out his chest with a false sense of grandeur.
"Kingsley and I have been discussing the ways in which we can improve our standing in the public eye. We believe that a romantic relationship between a prominent Pureblood and respected Muggleborn within our community would refute the international opinion of us and ameliorate our standing in society."
He paused with anticipation, smiling meaningfully at the pair in front of him. "Okay…" Hermione muttered in attempt to bring an end to the prolonged silence.
Draco let out a loud sigh in irritation. "What the hell are we sitting here for?" He hissed, his famously short temper nearing its end.
"Well...the two of you are going to be that couple."
A heavily pregnant silence filled the room as the plump man smiled maliciously at the pair who were blankly staring at him. Hermione spluttered rather uncharacteristically, gasping as she tried to contain herself.
"You've lost your fucking mind, Goldbloom!"
The old coot jumped as Draco slammed his fists down on the desk. His face was contorted in an outraged sneer. Phineas suppressed the urge to shudder – if he hadn't known better, he would have been sure that he was staring into the chilling face of Lucius Malfoy.
He took a deep breath to steady himself. Standing up to meet Draco's stance, he stared back at him. "Sit down, Mr Malfoy." The curly-haired girl was still angrily seething in her seat.
"I said you've lost your goddamn mind."
"And I said, sit down. I am not finished."
Draco continued to stare at the man, taking a deep breathe to placate himself. With a sneer, he spun on his heel and unceremoniously threw himself into the chair.
"The pair of you will portray a well-established relationship; you pretend that you have been dating for the past year and play the part of a very much enamoured couple. And you will continue your charade for at least a year, when I shall retire."
"Did you really think we were just going to sit back and agree with you?!" Hermione screeched. Draco winced; if there was anything that he remembered from his school days, it was that her voice reached such an unholy tone when she was furious. He should know; he had been the cause of such rage time and time again.
Phineas scoffed, raising his eyebrow in amusement. "Don't take me for such a fool, Miss Granger. I am well aware of how insubordinate you both are. But I will graciously inform you that it is in your best interests to do as I ask."
Draco barked with laughter. "In our best interests? You've got to be kidding."
"Oh but I'm very serious, Mr Malfoy. I have the power to fire you if I please. So far you have been relatively well behaved but if you refuse me, I most definitely will do just that. And you will lose any chance of rescuing your family's pitiful reputation."
His eyebrows knitted together in displeasure as the man turned to Hermione. "And as for you, Miss Granger, don't forget that I decide who my successor is. As you know, I am rather fond of Davy and would much rather promote him. Doing as I ask is your only chance."
Phineas was much appeased at the distraught grimaces playing on their faces. "Blackmail, Goldbloom? I thought even you were above that." Draco hissed, his rage bubbling inside of him.
"Ah, that is where you are mistaken. This is not blackmail. I am simply making a request – what repercussions you face for your defiance is a different matter." He leant back in his chair and crossed his arms, preening in his moment of glory.
Hermione stood up and stormed towards the door. She threw it open, relishing as it noisily slammed against the wall.
"You are not getting away with this!"
Now, seeing Hermione stalk down the hallways with her hair billowing behind her was not a rare occurrence. But this was a whole new story. Justin Finch-Fletchley would later swear that he could see the steam billowing from her ears as she stomped her way past his desk on her way to the Minister's office.
"Minister Shacklebolt is busy at th-"
She threw the door open with such force that Justin would later also swear that the walls shook a little. "Kingsley! We need to speak right now!"
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Kingsley Shacklebolt filed away the last bit of his day's paperwork. It was the first time in a while that he had had a clear desk. He leant back in his chair and looked over the empty desk with satisfaction.
He massaged his temples, preparing himself for his weekly assessment of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement caseload. He jumped in his chair as the door flew open with incredible force. A lump rose in his throat when he saw the woman standing in front of him, her hair sitting like a mane around her head.
"Kingsley! We need to speak right now!" The fury on her face was evident as she marched closer to his desk.
"Hermione." He greeted cautiously. He had always had great respect for the girl and was well aware of her fiery temper. After all, she had socked Draco Malfoy in the jaw when she was only 13 years old.
"Phineas has completely lost his mind! He has gone bloody loony!" She shrieked with outrage.
"I know the man is a little eccentric but don't forget he is your boss."
"He may be my boss but he's fucking bonkers!" Kingsley blanched at her language; never had he heard the woman use such profanities. "He's blackmailing Malfoy and I into a relationship! And he's going to fucking fire Malfoy and destroy my career if we don't!"
She was pacing the length of his office, her hands flying around the room with her words. "There's got to be some law against it! You've got to stop him, Kingsley!"
He sighed deeply. He should have seen this coming from a mile away. "I'm well aware of his plan, Hermione."
Her rant ended abruptly, her eyes widening at him. "What?!"
Kingsley found himself surprised when the windows didn't shatter at the pitch of her voice. "He told me of his intentions last week." He rose his hand as she opened her mouth. "And I must admit, I think it a rather inspired idea."
"Inspired? Inspired?!"
"Yes. Inspired. I suggest you do as he asks; he is able to promote and fire whoever as he sees fit if they are not cooperating within the team."
Hermione was gaping at him in a rather inelegant manner. "You're supporting him?" She hissed, her voice reaching a dangerously low level. Now this was a side to her he had seen before, and the object of her wrath had rarely gotten away unscathed.
"Yes I am. There is a reason he has been the head of the department for two decades. I suggest you do as he asks."
She spared him a murderous glare before storming out of his office.
He winced as the door slammed behind the furious woman. Spinning in his chair, he gazed upon the portrait of Albus Dumbledore that hung behind his desk. The bearded wizard was gleefully beaming at him.
"I hope you know what you're doing, Albus." He muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.
The wizard's smile grew larger, if that was even possible, as he chuckled at the dark-skinned man.
"I always do, Kingsley."
A/N: Please review and let me know what you think!