This was an ongoing project. This mammoth was written during a time when I thought I could write anything, and set out to prove it; I basically took every bizarre writing prompt/challenge that I could find in my various writing communities and smashed them all together into one big story. Every time I found a new weird challenge, I would write a new chapter of this story. That may account for the disjointed nature of the story, and also for just how bizarre it truly is. I haven't kept track of what challenge each chapter/part/whatever is in response to, but my guess is that you will get the gist every time you come across one of them.

-RyRy

Chapter One

Suddenly realizing that he was lacking his genitalia was the reason Gippal gave for not being able to fight the machine with any efficiency.

"There are more important things to worry about!" Yuna had pointedly informed him.

"Yuna?" Gippal hoisted his jigsaw over his shoulder and took another look at what was left of Vegnagun. "I am missing my manhood, in case you missed that part—"

"Yeah, we've got problems too!" Rikku hopped up and down, covering up the area of her clothing which hadn't exactly entirely covered her crotch before, but did an even worse job of that now.

Gippal wanted to burst out laughing. Rikku had a package!

"This is likely an elaborate trick," Nooj said, taking a few strides forward. "We are in the Farplane, and this machina has become active. This could be an illusion to frighten those who would challenge it."

"One hell of an illusion," Paine muttered, and Gippal had to note that she had quickly changed into her Trainer dresssphere which had a long dress that covered most of her body.

"It doesn't matter!" Yuna clenched her fists and looked up at Vegnagun. "We have to defeat it, or all this will have been for nothing!"

"She's right," Paine said, stepping forward to challenge the machine. "Let's go."

Gippal still wasn't certain that anything was right about their situation, but he did his part. He fired the projectiles from his jigsaw, trying to aim as best as he could, and trying even harder to not think about his missing genitals.

That was so very difficult to not think about.

Watching Vegnagun burst into flames, Gippal waited for his penis to reappear.

He waited and waited.

No… still nothing. He was impatient.

Destroying the creator of the illusion should have destroyed the illusion too, Gippal figured. Or maybe it was just the Farplane messing with his mind. Al Bhed didn't belong on the Farplane anyway.

Gippal hoped it was one of those explanations, anyway. He didn't want to deal with the possibility that he was…

…

…lacking something.

Well, he noted that he was, in fact, lacking something… but he had also gained something…

…somethings.

Gippal prodded at his own chest. Those… were on… his body.

He totally had boobs.

At first, Gippal thought that was really cool. Then, he decided it was really not very cool at all. His armor didn't fit anymore and it sat awkwardly on his chest. He had to take it off.

Gippal hated how small his shoulders looked without the armor - he knew he looked really rather skinny and weak, like a typical scrappy Al Bhed. And now, he supposed his additions didn't help things.

Although he was engrossed in his new body, there was something more important. That thing was Baralai staggering forward away from the burning wreckage of Vegnagun, that shadowy form behind him making him look like he had two heads.

Gippal's heart pounded. Baralai. He had to be okay… and Nooj was going to blow him up! What an idiot. Good thing Yuna had come along.

Baralai collapsed forward, falling away from the hazy ghost-like form. It was just like the pyreflies in the Den of Woe, like watching them invade the people around him without ever taking on Gippal himself.

He wasn't going to stand for that this time.

Gippal strode forward, but his body was awkward. He couldn't walk properly, everything was all out of balance. Paine beat him to Baralai.

Well, that was good at least. Lai did look kind of dead, though – that worried Gippal more than a little.

"Shuyin!" Yuna cried, and then she and the ghost that had inhabited Baralai proceeded to have an argument.

Gippal would have rather just killed the bastard and gotten it over with. There was the problem that he couldn't seem to get his hips to work properly; for that matter, he couldn't even get them to function well enough to get himself to walk forward. His balance threatened to slip out from underneath him, trying to send him tumbling to the ground.

"Gippal, take him," Paine ordered, and she practically threw Baralai in Gippal's general direction.

Gippal made the sound that he hated to hear come out of his mouth and lunged forward, attempting to catch Baralai's lifeless form. He failed, however, and the two of them wound up in a pile on the ground.

In the process, Gippal managed to catch a glimpse of Paine's crotch. She had a little bit of extra mass there than normal – that was reassuring, in an odd sort of way.

Gippal hoped he didn't have to explain.

To get his mind off of one problem, he turned his attention to the other. Unfortunately, the girls were taking care of the weird ghost guy – Shuyin, his name was. Something about using love to make him give in… Yuna had tried to use it on him when he was still possessing Baralai. Now they were all fighting, and Gippal really wanted to keep his fingerprints off of all of that. "Lai, wake up, man," he said, patting Baralai on the cheek. He had to be alive. It would be a serious problem if he wasn't.

"Mph," Baralai replied, turning his head and scowling.

Gippal smiled. Well, that was one problem that had been solved…

…but he still hadn't regained his penis.

Gippal, having figured out how to walk with these new curvy hips that threw his balance out of whack, carried Baralai out of the Farplane on his left shoulder. Baralai had always been a fairly small man, so doing this had never been a problem before.

Besides, the girls were all too busy stroking themselves to help. Yeah, and they were looking around trying to find a "cure" for their manhood, but Gippal had figured it out.

It was a trick of the Farplane. No wonder this place had always creeped him out.

Gippal just wanted to get out of there and have everything go back to normal. Once they had defeated the evil spirit and the heartwarming reunion had taken place, none of which Gippal was particularly interested in, he just wanted to get back to the inside of one of the Yevon temples.

The inside of a temple wasn't something Gippal had ever thought he'd long to see.

As he trudged down the path back toward the winding pathway that would lead him to the surface, if there was a surface anymore, Gippal could feel his new frontal attachments jiggling as though to remind him that yes, he was a woman and therefore he had tits.

He couldn't wait for them to be gone.

…especially since Baralai's knee kept brushing one of them. It was most… uncomfortable… and arousing.

No, Gippal thought, he had to get out of the Farplane. This was too weird. It was almost like they were real.

Baralai began to cough.

"Lai, are you okay?" Gippal said, feeling the other's stomach convulsing on his shoulder. With as fluid of a motion as he could possible conjure, he brought Baralai off of his shoulder and sat him down on a convenient outcropping of translucent rock.

"Yeah," Baralai said between coughs. "I'm… just breathing."

"It's good to see," Gippal said, swallowing. He had been so worried about Lai being dead that any sign of life – even though he knew he was alive – was a relief. "You breathing, I mean."

"I know what you mean." Baralai's face was growing hot from coughing so hard. "I'd… forgotten how to breathe… he had been doing it all for me." Tears glistened silver at the corners of his eyes. "Everything. He's been doing everything for me. I couldn't even," cough, "breathe."

"Hey," Gippal said, sensing Baralai's distress. Something about his emotions seemed so much clearer and tangible. "It's over now. He's gone."

"Never gone," Baralai murmured, stifling a cough deep in the back of his throat. "Always here. I'll never forget what it felt like."

"But it's over." Gippal put his hand in Baralai's hair, trying to soothe him. It seemed important. "No more Shuyin. We got rid of him."

Baralai huffed, but he was leaning against Gippal's hand, closing his eyes and smiling. Gippal felt his heart flutter. Everything was going to be okay… if he could just get out of the Farplane with Baralai still intact.

"Gippal?"

Lifting his eyes, Gippal met Baralai's glance. "Yeah?"

"What's wrong with…" Baralai put his hand at the center of Gippal's chest, tracing his fingers downward. He looked down and then up into Gippal's face, narrowing his eyes a little. "What's… wrong with your body?"

"An illusion of the Farplane," Gippal replied easily. He was confident – that had to be the answer.

Baralai's smile seemed sad and forced. He whispered something and then broke into another fit of coughing.

Gippal blinked. "We've gotta get you outta here, to someplace where the air isn't as… heavy."

"Yeah," Baralai agreed slowly. "Let's… let's go. I can walk."