Disclaimer: Bleach was not, is not, and will never be mine.
…
Loneliness and Amanatto
A swift stroke finished off the last of the paperwork. Toshiro sighed, shifting the sheet into a completed pile.
"Captain!" Matsumoto squealed, running into his office.
"Of course you decide to return after I have finished the paperwork," Hitsugaya growled. "What a coincidence."
Matsumoto frowned at him. "No fair, Captain. Oh! Anyway, you should see what I bought in Rukongai!"
"And why, precisely, were you in Rukongai?" Hitsugaya asked.
"Well…um…er…see!" she stumbled over her words, finally pulling a medium-sized object out from behind her back.
"Matsumoto, that is a mirror."
"I know what it is, silly!" she pouted. Hitsugaya had a feeling that she would put her hands on her hips is they weren't full. "Look at the framework, though. It's so intricate and stunning. Yumichika would be green with envy if he ever saw it."
"I'm sure," Hitsugaya muttered, purposefully averting his eyes elsewhere. "Just go and take it to your room. I don't want it in here."
She huffed and began to walk out, but not before he caught a glimpse of his own reflection. He slammed his head down onto his desk. Why was he so young? Every time he saw himself, he was only reminded once more of that child's face with an adult's scowl.
"You acknowledge that you are, in fact, a child then?" Hyorinmaru spoke up. The dragon began to tug at his mind. Hitsugaya let his eyes close. When they opened again, he was surrounded by ice. The only other occupant of his inner world was the majestic ice dragon before him.
"Only physically," Hitsugaya defended. "My mentality is that of an adult."
"I am well aware," the dragon answered. He slid over to the small captain, coiling his body loosely around Hitsugaya's. The boy sat on the ground and leaned up against the massive being. This was Hyorinmaru's way of showing affection.
"I wonder…am I somehow defective in that aspect?" Hitsugaya asked aloud.
Hyorinmaru chucked. "You are different, yes, but far from broken."
"Hinamori frequently says that my mind is warped," Hitsugaya pointed out in toneless humor.
"I may give her that one," Hyorinmaru retorted. "However, your heart is in the right place. Tell me, Toshiro Hitsugaya, do you know why I called to you at such an early age?"
Hitsugaya shook his head. "I did not realize that there was some defining factor in a zanpakuto's timing to call out to his Shinigami."
He had the sense that Hyorinmaru was smirking on this inside, although his icy mouth remained motionless. "Every zanpakuto's reason is different. Most wait until their counterpart has developed a noble goal or a resolve. That is why so many Shinigami are called to as young adults."
"They decide they want to protect," Hitsugaya concluded.
"Yes," Hyorinmaru agreed. "Yet, this is not the reason I called out to you at that age that I had."
Hitsugaya frowned. "What other reason is there?"
"It is a very simple one," the ice dragon stated. "It is also something that made it easier to contact you."
"Hyorinmaru, the suspense is killing me," Hitsugaya quipped.
His dragon seemed to be amused by this remark. "You were lonely."
Hitsugaya blinked. "What?"
"The lack of people with which you could connect with led you to become isolated," Hyorinmaru explained. "You may have denied it, but your subconscious was fully aware of this fact. Your need to establish a friendship awakened me. I did not choose to appear to you as much as you asked for me to."
"Then how did you know I would be ready?" Hitsugaya wondered.
"I did not," Hyorinmaru answered. "Perhaps, that is part of why you have grown to be defective, as you call it."
"You're saying I was too young," Hitsugaya realized.
"I am saying it is a possibility that you were too young," Hyorinmaru said. "However, the other option, to have waited until you were older, was not something for debate."
A frown marred Hitsugaya's face. "I do not understand."
"Waiting any longer would have turned you bitter," Hyornmaru explained. "It was the development of your reiatsu which led your current lieutenant to find you, as you recall. Can you imagine that situation happening now? All of the time before this having been spent in Rukongai with the world avoiding you?"
"You called because you wanted to help me," Hitsugaya concluded. "You wanted me to grow into a good person."
"It would have been painful to watch you continue on as you were," Hyorinmaru replied. The dragon's body curled tighter around the boy. "Even if I had not come forward at that exact moment, I do not believe I could have stood for them throwing rocks at your head any longer. As it was, I was tempted to flare your reiatsu at them."
"Overprotective dragon," Hitsugaya muttered as he felt ghost-like fingers trace a small scar above his left temple. That had been a particularly sharp stone. He'd told Hinamori and Granny that he'd hit his head on the corner of a vendor's stall. Hinamori bought it, Granny didn't.
"I have logical reasons to be as such," Hyorinmaru defended coolly.
"I suppose so," Hitsugaya replied.
The dragon's snout brushed against the top of his head. It seems that even Hyorinmaru couldn't resist mussing the soft white spikes of Hitsugaya's hair. "When you awaken, try to be patient with Matsumoto. She was one of the first to heal your secluded heart."
Hitsugaya gave a soft, barely visible smile. "I will try. My success will depend on how much sake she's had in the meantime."
"You are quite the witty one, when you try to be," Hyorinmaru commented. "You should show that side of yourself more often."
"Sadly," Hitsugaya answered, "I feel as though that also depends on how much sake Matsumoto has consumed."
"Captain!" said woman's voice interrupted from outside. Speak of the devil…
"I do believe that would be you," Hyorinmaru said.
Hitsugaya sighed and closed his eyes. He felt himself being carried back into the realm of Soul Society. The feeling of the hard desk against his face greeted him. There was not a speck of ice in sight, let alone a dragon composed of it.
"Captain!" Matsumoto called again, appearing around the corner. She skidded to a stop. "Oh, I didn't realize you were trying to sleep. Sorry."
"What is it, Matsumoto?" Hitsugaya asked.
"I almost forgot," she said, skipping up to his desk. Something was held behind her back. "The mirror wasn't the only thing I bought in Rukongai."
"Do I even want to know?" he wondered.
Her smile grew. She pulled out a little brown bag and threw it on his desk. Before he could say anything, she bolted out the door, calling, "Enjoy the amanatto!"
Hitsugaya stared after her for a few seconds. Once he was sure no one was there, a warm smile drifted onto his lips. Amanatto…few people knew of his taste for it. It was what he was buying the first time he met Matsumoto. Carefully, he hid the bag in his top drawer.
"Matsumoto!" he called, knowing she would be waiting right outside the door. "Thank you."
She popped back in. "You're welcome, Captain!"
He wondered if she knew that he meant for more than just the amanatto.