An alternative ending to the Last of the Time Lords. The Doctor manages to save the Master because he has something to tell him...
The Doctor always had trouble saying those words. It felt like an invisible restraint around his throat, imprisoning his feelings inside him, locking them inside his head.
Three simple words.
That was ridiculous.
He was nine hundred years old. He had travelled so far away, seen so many things. He had saved billions of lives and the universe itself. But three simple words, and he couldn't bring himself to pronounce them.
He'd usually change the subject. And he would think about something else, something altogether different, in his customary jolly manner. Let's just start exploring new planets, take my hand and allons-y !
If only things could be that simple again.
And maybe they would, one day. To hold his companion's hand and run to the stars, that was all he wished for.
It could all begin now - if only he found the inner strength to...
"Why ?!"
Could be that simple, yes. But first, he'd have to face the howling and slightly psychotic creature he had brought inside the Tardis. And for now, well, …
His eyes obstinately refused to.
Simple question, but not that easy to answer.
"Why did you have to bring me back ? Why am I alive ? Why ?"
So here he was, lying on the floor. His own nemesis, the Master himself.
He had just awaken a few minutes ago and still felt disorientated. He thought he had died in the Doctor's arms after Lucy shot him. Then he opened his eyes again, realised he was still alive. Something, or more probably, someone, must have saved him.
The responsible was just in front of him. Indeed. Who else ?
He wanted to shout and tear the world to pieces. Why did the Doctor always had to win ? That was his worst case scenario, and it wasn't meant to happen.
Fully awoke now, the Master jumped to his feet, grabbed the Doctor by the collar, yelling the same question over and over again. Why ?
"Because I..."
Maybe that was a mistake after all, thought the Doctor. How could he expect him to understand ? The Master was furious and he had every right to be.
The Doctor felt this need to explain why he saved his life, though.
Three simple words.
I...
The Master was silent now, tears of rage in his eyes, lips pursed. He was waiting for his answer.
At the moment the Doctor only wished to take his face in his hands, wipe his tears away and kiss those beautiful lips of his. It'd be even simpler than saying those bloody words that burdened his mind as the ancient and painful secret they were.
"Why", asked the Master, without shouting this time.
Silence again.
Expectations.
"Because..."
The Doctor was obstinately staring at the floor. His voice was dying in his throat, his hearts were aching. He pondered over giving him the usual explanation : all dead now, only us left, all we have is each other, cross his fingers and hope the Master would believe that.
That was part of the truth.
But that wasn't the answer he deeply wanted to give him, not this time.
So he gave up. He pushed the Master away, turned his back and left him alone, hoping he wouldn't follow him.
Not until he had cleared his mind about what he was going to say.
The Master went to find him later, not exactly appeased but not quite as hysterical as earlier. He sat down onto the console, angrily playing with levers and buttons like a child.
"So..." He turned his head to stare at the Doctor. "How exactly did you manage to do that ? Because last thing I remember, I was happily dying in your arms. So ?"
"Dunno", mumbled the Doctor.
The Master scoffed at his answer. He wasn't getting away with that.
"I just brought you here", the Doctor finally explained after a long silence. "I was hoping that maybe in the Tardis... And then, you know..."
He had a vague gesture with his hands. Actually, he remembered perfectly what happened. He remembered crying over his friend's dead body. He didn't know what to do - what had he done wrong ? Everything was slipping away, once again.
And then he had this idea. It wasn't exactly an idea, to be honest, merely a feeling. Something he had to do, as if something were swooshing in his head. He wasn't even sure that could work, but he had no time to think about it.
He remembered his friends trying to dissuade him, Jack, Martha, all completely panicking at the idea that he could actually save the Master.
So the Doctor had carried him in his arms, along the corridors of the Valiant, and had carefully laid down his body on the Tardis floor.
"Then what", asked the Master. "I did not regenerate. What. Happened ?"
Good question.
"I reckon she saved you. 'Tis the only likely explanation."
"She ? Who is 'she' ?"
The Doctor vaguely designated the air around them, and the Master scowled, a bewildered look on his face.
"You mean the Tardis, right ? But why - why would she do that ? Why would your bloody ship save me ? After everything I've done..."
"She cares for who I care for", he said, in the simplest manner.
"So you actually care for me ?", asked the Master. He had this expression of slight disgust.
If only he knew how much that hurts.
"Guess so", the Doctor said with a shrug.
He was expecting a row of insults, or maybe an expression of disdain, but the Master smiled instead. A faint smile, like he knew and there was nothing else to say about it.
It was enough to bring hope to the Doctor's hearts. Just a little.
"But you must have helped her."
It wasn't a question, and the Doctor nodded.
"Let me guess. You gave me your regeneration energy."
He nodded again. That was more or less what happened, only he wasn't certain how things really turned out. He must've done that, but he wasn't conscious of what he was doing.
"How stupid of you. You know what ? I don't want to hear about it anymore."
"You're here now, that's the only thing that counts", the Doctor said with his cheerful smile. "I'm just glad to have you with me."
"As your prisoner, you mean. Like I'm gonna be happy with that. Anyway - I'm not going to stay with you any longer."
The Master hopped to the floor and promptly disappeared out of his sight.
"Where are you ? Master, where are you ?"
He'd been searching for an hour inside his own Tardis and he didn't have the faintest clue about where the Master was hiding. And that was seriously worrying him.
That was stupid, anyway. If the Master felt like playing hide and seek, well, that'd be without him.
The Doctor knew, though, that the Master wasn't playing. He was mad at him for bringing him back, and he wanted to be as far from him as possible. He made that pretty clear.
But what if...
What if he doesn't want to live anymore ? What if he cannot endure being my prisoner and he simply decides to...
The Doctor sat on the floor, tired and disheartened.
What if...
He shuddered at this idea. No, the Master would never do that. He'd never attempt to his own life just to escape from him.
Did you forget what he tried to do ? He chose to die rather than be with you. Saving him has not changed a single thing and you know it.
Bloody voice in his head. That was ridiculous again. He seriously needed to stop thinking about things like that.
He's dead. Or soon he will be. Face the truth.
The Doctor bit his lips.
Of course he's alright.
But try to kill an idea. And this one was spreading like poison in his mind.
He wiped a single tear at the corner of his eye, bit his lips harder.
"That's not what I wanted", he muttered to himself, or speaking to an imaginary Master. "I never wanted to make you my prisoner or make you miserable, you know. All I wanted was..."
A tear, again. And another. He leant his head against the wall, thoughtful.
"I wanted to show you the world. I wanted to travel with you, that's all. Just you and me. Because I do care for you, and I guess I..."
The pain in his hearts, again. Even when he was alone and talking to himself, he still couldn't say those words.
"You're my friend", he said, going for the simpler option.
He dried his eyes with the back of his hand.
"I'm gonna find you, Koschei", he said with a smile.
"It's Master, actually."
How long had he been standing there, at the opposite side of the corridor ? The Master was leaning against the wall, arms crossed. The Doctor got up, feeling a tad embarrassed.
"Where were you ?"
"Just exploring the ship. Since I'm gonna be here a long time..." He hit the wall with his fist.
"It doesn't have to be like this", the Doctor said carefully, trying to calm him down. He walked to him, sensing the rage in the eyes of the Master. "I know what you feel."
"How could you possibly know ? A rat in a cage, that's what I am", he shouted. "That's what you wanted !"
"Koschei, please... Let me help."
"You've done enough !"
And suddenly he was at him, his hands around his throat.
The Doctor didn't even try to fight back. He didn't want to, convinced the Master would never really hurt him.
For a strange reason, perhaps the lack of oxygen, or because he was feeling dizzy, he started to think about his failed attempts to express his feelings. How it virtually felt the same as having the Master trying to choke him.
"And what makes you smile now ? What's so funny ?!"
The Master let go of him and sighed.
He cannot hurt me.
Not too much, anyway.
"What did you bring me back for ? Are you gonna answer that or what ?"
"Your smile", the Doctor said with a cough. "I wanted to see your smile."
And not your manic grin, you bloody idiot. The other one, I mean. When we were children, remember ? When we were playing in the red grass fields of Gallifrey...
You were so happy
"What... What was that ?", asked the Master, slowly backing away from him with a look of sheer surprise. "Was that you ? Inside my head ?"
Telepathic link, realised the Doctor, though he didn't do it on purpose. It happened, sometimes, when he felt overly emotional. He did not had the time to explain before the Master ran away. Again.
Only this time he knew exactly where he went. Telepathic link again ? Something like that, perhaps.
The Doctor found him in Rose's old bedroom. What had dragged him here ? He barely went to this part of the Tardis anymore. Old memories. And thinking about her... There were words he should've said to her, too, and never did. Never had the chance to.
He wouldn't make the same mistake again. Or so he thought.
The Master was curled up on the bed like a child, hands upon his ears. Surprisingly, the Doctor could hear the sound inside his own head - but muted, as if the drums were far away. A remnant of the telepathic link they shared earlier, maybe.
The drums, of course. They're back.
He never thought about that.
"May I... ?", he asked on the threshold, unsure if he could enter the room or not.
"Your ship", replied the Master without looking at him. "Do as you wish."
He sat down on the bed beside him. The Master looked rather pitiful now. The Doctor could nearly feel the pain he was enduring, and he felt so sorry for him.
Unconsciously, he extended his arms to run his fingers through his friend's hair. Long time since he had the occasion to be this near to him.
Well, except the choking
"Don't touch me", the Master grumbled.
"Sorry."
But he was too tired to protest any longer or to escape from him once again, so the Doctor kept on petting his head. A simple gesture that was soothing his pain - for both of them, actually. If he could finally help...
Soon the Master had his eyes closed. He seemed somewhat relieved, as the pain was slowly vanishing.
"They're fading away", he moaned. "The drums. How so ?"
"Told you I could help", the Doctor said with a smile.
The Master raised an eye towards him. The Doctor was half expecting one of his witty remarks, but even if he looked vaguely displeased to admit the Doctor was telling the truth, he said nothing.
He closed his eyes again and soon fell asleep. The Doctor took him in his arms cautiously, held him against his chest. He could feel the beating of his hearts, matching the fading sound of drums.
He looked almost peaceful in his sleep, and the Doctor smiled to himself, feeling a bit of happiness.
"Feeling any better ?"
"Not really", the Master said in a faint voice.
He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He looked melancholic - or maybe weary to hear the drums. But he was no more the mad yelling child he was an hour or so earlier, more like himself again. The Doctor had always found his ability to change his mood this easily fascinating.
He didn't seem ready to accept his fate, though.
"Are you gonna let me go ?"
"No. You know I can't do that."
"Of course", the Master sighed. "And now you're just gonna stand there and watch me suffer. Time for your sweet little revenge ? Can't blame you. If I were you, I'd have done the same..."
"No", the Doctor vehemently protested.
He took swiftly his face in his hands, looked him in the eye. He looked so vulnerable lying there, it was almost heart breaking.
"It's not about revenge. And I won't let you suffer."
I'll help. You get it wrong, it's not about me taking vengeance. You know I do care for you. I always did.
"Yeah, I know", the Master whispered, eyes half closed. "Doctor..."
That sounded like an invitation, or so he thought. How could he not respond ?
The Doctor leant over and kissed him.
And he immediately regretted it.
Why the fuck did I … ?!
He backed off, deeply embarrassed. If there was a foolish thing to do, that was it.
"I'm sorry", he mumbled. "Dunno why I..."
Then he noticed the look on the Master's face.
He was just smiling. That peculiar and very displeasant mocking grin of his.
Oh, great.
"At least, Doctor. Now you finally admit why you let me live."
The Doctor tried to say something, to explain himself. He couldn't. The words just wouldn't place themselves in the right order.
"So that's what you want, right ?", the Master continued. "Me. You want me. Can't say I wasn't expecting it.."
That was the Doctor's turn to be surprised, when the Master grabbed him by the neck and kissed him back.
Now there was this absolute silence in his head. He didn't know what to say or do, he didn't even know what to think anymore. Once again, barred from expressing what he felt.
And how did he feel ?
"C'mon, Doctor. Say it", he moaned again. "Just say it. Say you wanna fuck me."
"That's not what I want", he protested.
I want so much more. How would you know ?
"But it's ok", the Master said. "I'm ok with that."
Was he serious, or was he mocking him again, tempting him to see his reaction ? The Doctor didn't know.
"Do it", he said again, holding on him, madness in his eyes. "You deserve it. Take your prize, Doctor. Take your revenge on me. Think about your friends and everything I did... Oh, you expected me to be sorry ? I'm not. I'm a senseless bastard and I'm not sorry, Doctor. I'll never regret what I did."
Anyway. The Doctor couldn't think anymore. Maybe it was his daft smile, or the fact that the Master was constantly playing with him, regardless of his feelings. Something snapped in him, and the Doctor pinned him down to the bed, literally tore his shirt off him. It was as if he now had this deep and dark desire to see what he could do, just how far he could go. He felt this disturbing and selfish desire to possess him, to make his smile disappear, to... To hurt him ?
No. Oh, no. I'm not gonna turn into him.
The Doctor let go of him, slowly backed away.
He was completely losing control.
And that's what the Master wanted, he realised. He wanted to see the Doctor becoming exactly like him, selfish and driven only by his own motives and emotions. The Master could turn him into someone completely different. He could make the darkness in him stronger, and that was terrifying.
"What have you done to me ?", the Doctor whispered, deeply shocked by his own reaction. He couldn't look him in the eye anymore.
Enough of this psychotic murderer he was calling his friend - he left the room and ran away.
The Doctor nearly crashed the Tardis on the nearest planet and ran from it as far as he could. He needed fresh air and above all, to be alone.
He regretted every single thing that happened, since the beginning of this endless day.
He should have let the Master die. He wouldn't be here, torturing himself over unsolvable dilemmas.
He was running through a dark forest, dark as his mind, he didn't know where he was going, and he didn't care.
But the Master was alone on the Tardis. The Doctor regretted not to have thrown him out, instead of him running from his ship.
And maybe it was time to go back before his lunatic friend decided to let him alone on this planet.
But someone was coming towards him. Someone was calling him.
"Doctor ? Where are you ? … Doctor ?"
He crossed his arms and stayed still, hoping the Master wouldn't find him and go away.
But of course, he did.
As always.
"You left me in your ship, you know", he scolded him. "I could've stolen your fucking Tardis and left you to rot in this swamp."
That was unbelievable.
"What are you now, the voice of reason ?" the Doctor ironized. "Well, why haven't you ?!"
He wasn't expecting an answer, anyway. The Master was doing things with no reason, except one : he was basically and utterly insane, and no matter what the Doctor did to avoid this subject, he couldn't blind himself from the truth any longer.
Get used to it. That's what your so called friend really is.
The Master still had his shirt opened, like a reminder of what happened in that bedroom.
Time to end it. For good.
"I... release you", the Doctor sighed. "I'll give you a lift to wherever you wanna go. Anywhere but Earth, of course. And I hope I won't be hearing from you again."
The Master looked puzzled. He stayed silent for a while.
"After all this, you just... let me go ?"
The Doctor shrugged.
"Ok", he said, looking around him. "I believe I deserve an explanation, Doctor. It doesn't make much sense, does it ? After all you've done. Leaving me like that. I thought you care."
The Master looked almost dejected, and the Doctor didn't understand. He'd be free soon, so why wasn't he a bit more cheerful ?! What did he want, after all ?
Anyway. The Doctor wasn't to see him again.
Maybe it was also time to get rid of the pain in his chest. Then he'd be free of everything that happened, and he'd never think of it anymore.
"I did, actually. I told you and you never listened. But you wanna know the truth ? Not anymore. I can't. I won't play your little games any longer. I know you won't listen to me, I know you don't even care, but I will say it anyway. I just need to."
Those stupid words. Take them and leave me alone. It doesn't matter, now.
"Fuck this", the Doctor uttered. "I love you, that's all. That's the only truth. The only reason why I saved you. I love you."
It felt like something had been ripped off his hearts, but it was said.
He didn't want to see the Master's reaction. And what would that be ? Would it be him laughing or calling him a fool or... The Doctor didn't want to know.
He walked back to the Tardis. The Master could come or he could stay here, for all he could care.
"You can't just get rid of me like this, Doctor", he said, behind his back. "I thought you wanted me to travel with you."
And not a single reaction to what the Doctor just said.
Did he even listen to him ?
Of course, the Doctor suddenly understood. He could tell by the look on the Master's eyes. He had always known. That wasn't big news for him.
Maybe he was wrong about him, after all.
"Would you like it ?" the Doctor asked.
"I suppose so", the Master said. "You make the drums disappear. And we're... friends, aren't we ?"
He didn't say much more. But he offered the Doctor his adorable smile, smiling with both his eyes and lips.
And that could replace a million words.
That's why I'm in love with you, the Doctor thought. Exactly for this.
The Master would never say he was sorry, of course. That wasn't like him. But the Doctor knew he was absolutely sincere.
'Friends' or maybe a little more. That he'll never say, either.
"Come here, Master", he said.
He offered him a hand. Instead of taking it, the Master took him in his arms and kissed him. Just a simple and brief kiss on the lips.
The Doctor's hearts were beating again with relief. He could turn him into someone bad, but he could also do the opposite. He could bring joy into his soul.
And he'd do that for his Master, too. He'd make the darkness disappear.
Just the two of us.
"So, where are we going ?"
"Anywhere you wanna go", the Doctor said. "Anywhere."