From the moment that we met
My world was turned around, upside down
To some degree I still regret
My memory for keepin you around
Girl I thought that you were mine
But my broken hearts been shattered
One too many times
I couldn't help but smile as I heard the song start to play through my speakers as I continued to dust the bookshelf, it fit. Being from the country I obviously like country music, but I love Rascal Flatts, especially since they had a song for everything. 'It's not suppose to go like that' breaks my heart every time, it always brings my mind back to poor little Ruben, whether Danny knew him or not, it was a heart breaking case for lab, Danny's drama just always seems to make things worse.
Danny, he's the last person I should be thinking about. It's only been about two weeks since he confirmed what I already knew in my heart. He cheated. He claims it only happened twice in a span of ten hours, but he's been cheating emotionally for about six months, o well, it's my own fault, I had been warned plenty, and choose to ignore them.
And I don't want to see you anymore
I'm just not that strong
I love it when you're here
But I'm better when you're gone
I'm certain that I've given and oh how you can take
There's no use in you lookin
There's nothin left for you to break
Baby please release me
Let my heart rest in pieces, in pieces
It's true, I don't want to see him anymore, he hurt me, but I agreed to be friends with him, because right now that is what he needs, me yelling and ignoring him will not help him, but only give him something else to be guilty about, 'kill them with kindness' my grandmother always said. I take a deep breath, accepting that Danny slept with her is hard, but I know that's who he is, in the moment, doesn't think about the consequences, just the right now. I turn and look around the apartment after I finished dusting the bookshelf, there's nothing left to clean anymore. I miss the fun times we had, the laughs, the sex, god I miss the sex.
I take a deep breath, as my eyes travel to the picture on the end table next to the couch, I pick it up and stare at it, remember how his arms felt around me as I slept, the security they brought, I miss it. But they are just biceps, every human has biceps, I can always find new ones to hold me. My next breath stings as I remove the back and take the photograph out leaving the one of my family back in Montana to be displayed.
Someone let you down again
So you turn to me, your convenient friend
Oh but I know what you're doin
And what you hope to find
I've seen a thousand times
All the fire we had before
Are now just bitter ashes
Left scattered on the floor
Fire! What a great idea, I've been struggling with permanent ways to rid myself of these memories. Our relationship was a constant flame that always burned hot, until Ruben's death, and that's how it should end, just like it started. Now that I think about it, the day he slept with Rikki was the day Stella's apartment caught fire, I laugh, I hate irony. Thinking back to Stella and how she's just getting back on her feet, I turn the stove off and take an old shoebox and put the photo in there. When I got back to Montana I'll take it with me, and have a bonfire, and burn'em.
I head into my bedroom with the shoebox and debate whether or not to add my entire mattress, as amazing as that would be, it would be a bitch to get to Montana and expensive to replace. For right now replacing the sheets, pillow cases, and comforter is enough. I sit on the edge of the right side of the bed and remove the photo from that frame and add it to the box. What else? I have a while until I go back home, I'll just add things as I come across them.
And I don't want to see you anymore
I'm just not that strong
I love it when you're here
But I'm better when you're gone
I'm certain that I've given and oh how you can take
There's no use in you lookin
There's nothin left for you to break
Baby please release me
Let my heart rest in pieces
Yeah..
I hear a knock at the door and sigh, I know it's him. He's the only one who would show up at my place unannounced. It's okay though, I think, as I walk over to the door, we agreed to be friends. I'll just have to let him know he can't just show up anymore. I place the shoebox on the kitchen counter and open the door.
"Hey Danny." I say as he looks up at me, with that same stupid lost puppy look.
"Hey Linds, you busy?" he asked as he fiddled with his hands, they were in his pocket, then they weren't, then they were.
"I was just cleaning." I say as I motion head back towards the apartment, the return my eyes to his. Why is he doing this to me? Does he not know how much it hurts to see him out of work, does he not realize the memories he brings back, good and bad.
"I wanted to let you know I'm seeing someone." Ouch. Okay it's been two weeks since we officially split, and I agreed to be friends, but damn, we're not back to that point yet. How the hell do I respond to that?
"Rikki?" I ask, it's the only thing that comes to mind. I hope it's not, because it might help now, but in the long run it's just gonna hurt him, like when he thinks to himself if Ruben would really want him doing his mom? Friends don't let friends do each others moms.
"What?" he shrieks like a school girl, and his now dull gray blue eyes get wide in shock. That's another thing I miss, I miss his sparkly blue eyes that always seemed to light up when he saw me. "Why would you say that, I told you…" Then he realizes something and shakes his head. "Sorry, I meant I'm seeing a shrink, to get help, not a girl, like dating."
"Oh," I say with a smile and touch his shoulder gently. "That's good Danny, I'm happy that you decided to get help, it'll be good."
"Yeah thanks, he says I have a lot of things to work out, how my ball career ended, my pop, Louie, Aiden." I nod, none of those things have to do with me, so why is he here? I watch his eyes as they roam the hallway, then the floor, then my face. "I'm sorry, for everything," Oh God, I'm not strong enough for this right now, I haven't prepared myself. "I need you." I hear him whisper as his eyes drop to his feet.
"Danny." I whisper right back and step closer to him, placing my hand on his cheek. "You don't need me, you never did, for us it was wanting, we wanted each other. It was good while it lasted, but it's over, we have to let that go."
"I don't believe that it's over, we're still friends, right Montana?" he finally smiled, and I have to admit my heart always warms at his smiles.
"Yeah Danny, still friends." I watch him nod and walk away still with a little hint of a smile, and before he turns the corner he turns back to look at me.
"Someday?" he asks knowing I'll know what he's talking about. It's so good to see hints of the real Danny starting to come back.
"Maybe." I say and watch him leave.
I don't want to see you anymore
I'm just not that strong
I love it when you're here babe
But I'm better when you're gone
I'm certain that I've given and oh how you can take
There's no use in you lookin
There's nothin left for you to break
Baby please release me
We both know that you don't need me
Let my heart rest in pieces, in pieces
Let it rest..
I hear my cell ring as I enter the kitchen and ran into my bedroom to answer knowing who it was. "Hey Kevin." I laugh when I realized I missed most of the Rascal Flatts song, maybe it didn't fit as well as I thought.