Hi everyone, it's been awhile since I have attempted to write anything due to family issues. However a couple of weeks ago this literally popped into my head and would not disappear. It is a one shot and for once, I'm kind of proud of something I wrote. I hope you all enjoy.

From my position on the porch I could see the wind kick up his brown hair, blowing it side to side. Sitting cross legged on the sand, his back was stiff, as his glaze fell over the ocean and the sun setting behind it. How many times had I wished I could hear his thoughts, read the cause of tension and apprehension behind his green eyes? While I was sure I could guess the majority of it and while he was willing to voice his concerns, I still always felt as if he was hiding something deeper. The guilt gnawed at me again. It was a constant; the guilt. All I ever wanted was for him to smile and be happy and live a normal life.

It was unfair. Not for me but for him. He was the one missing out and the only one not to blame. I was just happy to have him in any capacity, regardless of the circumstance. I thanked God everyday for the fact that he was here with me. Yes, I had no reason for complaints. I had long ago accepted that life threw us curve balls and things changed in the blink of an eye and all you could really do was appreciate each day as it came. And I more than appreciated his presence in my life.

I watched as he fingered the sand at his side. Grabbing a fistful and then staring as it slipped through the slits of his fingers. He seemed mesmerized by the simple action. I loved the innocence of his movements, the way his mind worked and learned with each new experience. I could watch him all day and never get bored.

I looked around the property we now called home, for however long that was, and couldn't help but feel comfortable here. The house was small but large enough for the two of us, with a porch that literally wrapped around it and complete with the porch swing I was currently occupying. The house sat on several acres of land but by far the best thing about it was the fact that beach was only yards from my front porch. I loved the smell of salt in the air and the cool wind that blew over the water. I wondered if the air conditioner ever needed to be turned on here. This was the first place in a long time that actually felt like a home. Maybe this time we could stay.

I went back to watching EJ and couldn't help myself from thinking about his father. The pain never lessened or dimmed, I had just learned how to live with it. There wasn't a day that went by I didn't think of Edward. There wasn't a moment I didn't remember of my time spent with him. He was and would remain until the day I died, my lover, my best friend. It had been 6 years since I last touched him and the memory of that night still burned heavy in my mind. Not just because of the way he touched me or brought me to the peak time and time again with his hands and mouth and body. It wasn't just because of the words he whispered of how he loved me and would miss me. It was more than anything because that was the night he gave me EJ, the son he would never know.

I choked back a sob thinking of how Edward would never meet the sweet boy that looked and acted so much like him. It amazed me the similarities between two people that are connected in every way yet never have met. At 5 years old he was the spitting image of his father, except for the unruly hair that was my brown instead of Edward's bronze. They shared the same intense green eyes, so hauntingly, perfectly matched that it almost felt like it was Edward standing next to me. The similarities didn't end with the eyes or the untamable hair, their posture mimicked each others, his long frame, much longer than most 5 year olds, told me that he would indeed also get his height from his father. But the most shocking of all was the same crooked smile that graced EJ's face. He was in every way his father's son.

Edward and I had grown up best friends. Our parents were close and some would say it was natural we would be too, both being only children. However, that wasn't the case. It was as if there was a force stronger than both of us that drew us together. Even at 5, I never felt safer than I did when Edward was holding my hand. We were each other's first everything. No one understood our bond, no one thought it would last; high school sweethearts rarely did. But we knew we would prove them all wrong. We would be the exception. Ironic how the only thing that could tear us apart was death itself.

He truly was my life. He held me at 12 when my mother finally succumbed to cancer. Then at 17 when my father and last surviving family member, was shot and killed in the line of duty. He reminded me every day that I wasn't alone. I sometimes wonder if that was the reason God blessed me with EJ, knowing that my time with Edward would be so short.

I lived with him and his parents, Carlisle and Esme when my father had been killed. We made plans for our future. College, marriage, kids…. Everything so perfectly planned out. Well until Edward changed everything.

A month before graduation, I was sitting in my room studying for finals that were coming up within a week, when Edward burst through the door. He had a small smile on his face but his eyes betrayed nervousness and anxiety. I remember feeling frightened because I knew the moment I looked at him that my life would never been the same. He sat on his knees, between my legs, as he recounted the Army recruiter he had spoken with at school earlier. He held my hand and rubbed his thumb across my knuckles as he spoke with pride and conviction, that he just knew this was what he was supposed to do. He brushed the tears away from my cheeks as he explained that this changed nothing for us. I was to continue on with the dream of college, we would write and speak on the phone and when he got home, he would marry me. He kissed the tracks of my tears as he placed a small velvet box on my leg and told me that I was the only thing in the world that made sense to him, that he would love me for eternity and then asked me officially to marry him.

There was no hesitation in the yes that sprang forth from my lips and then I kissed him with as much love and passion as I felt for him in that moment. It's bittersweet looking back at it now. The decision that changed the future combined with the proposal that I'd always dreamed of. I looked down at the simple oval cut solitaire gracing my left hand and rubbed my thumb on the underside of it. It hadn't left my finger since the day Edward placed it there and it never would.

A month after graduation, Edward boarded a plane for LA. I never thought I'd go through anything harder than saying goodbye to him that day. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Three months later, I was living on campus and trying to make it through every day without Edward. It was hard being separated by such a great amount of space and time, but I knew with every day gone, it was one closer to when he'd be back in my arms. Every day I sprinted out to the mailbox, eagerly awaiting a letter from Edward. It surprised me at how quickly and frequently they were received. Sometimes he spoke of what he was doing or where he was at but most of the letters held memories of the things we had done and the hopes of all the things still yet to do. We emailed each other as often as possible but they usually only consisted of quick hellos and I love yous.

I remember returning from classes one Thursday afternoon and rushing to the mail slots downstairs to find another letter from Edward. I was as usual, beyond ecstatic to read each word that he had written. I had finally made it back upstairs, throwing my bags and phone on the bed in my haste to read the letter. I was always like that regardless of the frequency of his letters because for those few minutes it took to read them, it seemed as if we weren't separated by thousands of miles but that he was right there with me.

The knock on the door both startled and annoyed me. I seriously contemplated ignoring the insistent banging on my door but wanted my few minutes with Edward to be untainted and uninterrupted. Nothing in my life could have prepared me for the moment I opened my dorm door and came face to face with Carlisle. It's strange looking back now, how I can remember every detail of his face, from the purplish bruises and obvious tear stains from under his eyes, to the grim and slightly hard lines of his mouth. His hair, usually immaculate, stuck up on all ends as if he was pulling at it and in that moment all I could think about was the fact that, that was where Edward got it from. It was his eyes that haunted me in dreams for months and years after. The beautiful blue had dulled and were glassy from unshed tears.

I saw his mouth move but never heard the words he spoke. Even to this day, I have no idea what he said. I just knew. The second I looked into his eyes, I felt it all the way down into my soul. Edward was gone and I had believed at the time that my soul was gone as well. My life crashed down around me as my body crashed to the floor.

The next few days went by in a blur of people and sympathy. The countless bodies that came and offered condolences all flashed black before my eyes. Faceless, nameless people offering comfort and support that I didn't want or need. I stuck to Esme and Carlisle like a shadow, in my mind they were the only ones that knew of the pain that surrounded me, they were the only ones to understand. I stayed with them after the funeral; school, work easily forgotten. The pain swallowed me whole and it was days before I would move from Edward's bed. I don't think I would have then, had the violent sickness in my stomach, not propelled me to the bathroom. Carlisle held my hair back and soothed a hand down my back. He brought me food and water when the dry heaves finally let up, that remained untouched on the nightstand. Finally after a week of barely eating and constant throwing up, I collapsed on the floor of the bathroom.

When I woke up I found myself in a hospital bed with Esme at the foot and Carlisle holding my hand. Both had smiles on their faces that radiated happiness. It scared and comforted me at the same time. Because I couldn't understand what they could be so happy about. It was then that Carlisle uttered the only words that could change everything, that could bring me back to life.

I was pregnant.

I wiped away the few tears that escaped my eyes at the memory. The feelings that washed through my body paled in comparison to those I felt that day, but still strong and vibrant. Edward had left a piece of himself with me because he knew I would need it to survive. I truly believe that had it not been for EJ, I wouldn't be here now.

I changed everything about myself from that moment forth. I became healthier, ate regularly, exercised; all in my efforts to provide Edward's child with all the safety and love I had. He gave me something to look forward to, pulled me from the grief. He was my second chance and one I so desperately needed.

Only some of the changes were not welcomed. Esme, who normally was laid back and welcoming, became overbearing and suffocating. She monitored my food intake, the amount of rest I received. She worked day and night on a nursery, not allowing me the option of having an opinion on it. Into my seventh month it became obvious to me that the only reason I was still in her home was for the sake of Edward's child. She had completely withdrawn from me and only spoke to me in regards to the baby. I noticed fighting amongst herself and Carlisle and the strained atmosphere of the house just became too much, so I decided to find a place of my own. I looked in the area of Forks because it was to me the perfect setting to raise a child and regardless of the problems between myself and Esme, this baby would always know his grandparents, or so I thought.

I finally found a small house just 10 or so miles from their home and paid my deposits to move in immediately. I was excited with the possibility of creating a home of my own with my child. I hadn't taken in account Esme's reaction to the move though. To say she was furious was an understatement. She ranted and raved about me taking the baby from her and her opinion of my inability to raise him myself. She threw out the fact that I didn't have the kind of money she and Carlisle had, even though my father's life insurance was more than enough for me to live off of, that I was inexperienced in the raising a child and had no idea what I was doing. Carlisle attempted to calm her down but if anything it made her madder. She accused me of sleeping with Carlisle and wondered out loud if the baby was actually his instead of Edward's. She screamed at me, calling me a whore and bitch and blamed me for Edward's death. That was my final straw, I gathered my things and left the only home I'd known for years and refused to look back.

I kept in contact with Carlisle and learned that he and Esme had spilt. He tried to convince her to go into therapy but she refused each time. He was convinced that her reactions were delayed symptoms of grief for Edward but she was only the shell of the woman he once loved and could no longer bare the hatefulness that radiated from her. It pained me greatly, at the time, that after all the pain and loss, that their once fairytale marriage had been destroyed.

I will forever be thankful to Carlisle for the days preceding and after EJ's birth. He helped me move into my new home and painted the nursery walls. He held my hand during the 13 hours of labor and delivery and he cut EJ's cord. He told me, while holding EJ for the first time, that he would always be a grandfather to EJ and a father to me and that no matter what, he would stand behind us. Carlisle and EJ were my family, maybe not the only ones I wanted but definitely the only ones I needed.

EJ was a beautiful and sweet baby. He was more than I could have ever hoped for and each day I loved him more. I had taken to motherhood with more ease and grace than I thought possible from myself. But again, EJ was a sweet baby and he made it easy on me. He was a little over 6 months old when my truest and longest nightmare began. I never would have imagined what lay in the manila envelope that was delivered by courier so early on a Tuesday morning. My mind went through all the possible ideas of what it could have been but never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate what it actually was. Esme was taking me to court for permanent custody of EJ.

Carlisle was outraged and obtained a lawyer for me immediately. The next couple of months flew by in a string of meetings with my lawyer. He was confident that nothing would come of the trial but had some concerns regarding witnesses that were going to be testifying on Esme's behalf. We reviewed each of the 3 witnesses and with Carlisle's help were able to determine that they were former employees of the Cullen's. We all agreed that it was strange that they would be testifying at all but assumed they would be character witnesses for Esme. Imagine our surprise when during the trial it was not Esme's character they paid witness too.

All three testified to seeing different men traipsing in and out of the Cullen home at all hours of the day and night. When asked for specific dates and times, they each pledged that the occurrences were so often it was impossible to remember the days it happened and would have been easier to determine the days it didn't. According to each of them it happened after Edward's funeral and throughout my pregnancy while I lived in the Cullen home. They also testified regarding the relationship between Carlisle and me. While those allegations were not untrue and the affection was there, never had it been more than the affection a father would show his daughter and vice versus'. However, in light of the influx of men that supposedly came in and out of the home, it painted us both in a bad way, considering Esme and Carlisle's pending divorce and the fact that neither of us could deny our feelings towards one another. While my lawyer was able get our side of things spoken, it still created reasonable doubt, especially since it was our word against theirs.

Photos of Carlisle leaving my home with EJ in my arms and him kissing my cheek or forehead were submitted as evidence. Esme's team justified that while they were tame in nature, the pending divorce and settlement caused us to keep our guard up in fear of being caught and Carlisle being shown as a possible adulterer.

Life as I knew it, once again became utterly unrecognizable and all the while I sat and watched Esme's smile grower larger and larger as the days of the trial continued. It was 2 days before the verdict and even my lawyer admitted that it could go either way. Esme had been shown well in every possible way. He truly feared that she would receive temporary custody and I would receive visitation rights. It was my worst fear realized.

Carlisle took me home that night; I was in no way capable of driving myself. As soon as he pulled in the drive, I was out of the car before it had even stopped and flying into the house to hold EJ. Carlisle found me sitting on the floor of his nursery holding EJ and crying and begging him not to leave me like his father. I can barely remember sitting there or had any idea what was coming from my mouth, I only know what Carlisle told me of that night and the words that finally caused me to calm down and come back to earth.

He explained that from the beginning of the trial, once we were acquainted with the surprise witnesses, he had been planning EJ and my disappearance, if the need arose. He went on to tell me of a trust fund that he sat up for me and EJ upon hearing of my pregnancy. It currently had somewhere in the vicinity of five million dollars sitting in it. He had cleaned it out earlier in the week, in a withdrawal in my name. He knew that if we planned on running that it mattered little if the authorities knew I had withdrawn it. The fact that it was set up long before the trial cleared Carlisle of any suspension. He had also secured us passports and several fake identifications. I immediately wanted Carlisle to come with us but he feared that it would hinder our hiding out since two people were easier to hide than three. But he also had responsibilities to the hospital that had been so good to him over the years, add to the fact that his divorce wasn't legal yet and the odds were stacked against him going with us.

We devised a plan in those late evening hours of how to retain some contact between us, with the hopes that he would one day be able to join us. He attended medical conferences in Atlanta in April and Oct of every year. So it was decided that he would rent a locker at Peachtree Station and house only important information and money there during the times he was in Atlanta. Then I could go anytime between those months and get the contents of the locker. He called the station the next morning from a payphone near the courthouse and made the arrangements to secure locker number 215. A key would be waiting for Mrs. Matthews at the gate for immediate pick up the following day.

So the next morning as the verdict was being read, EJ and I were on a plane touching down in Atlanta. I kept my cell phone next to me and waited for the call I knew would come. An unknown number flashed on my screen a few minutes later and went straight into voicemail. My hands were shaking as I played the message and heard the words I had been dreading for weeks, "She won. Run.".

I crushed the cell phone with the heel of my boot and threw it in the nearest garbage can, retrieved my key for the locker and then I loaded myself and EJ on the next flight to New York and from there England.

Hiding and running was easier than I thought it would be. I never stayed in any place longer than 3 or 4 months and never had any need to be out in the public eye except for the occasional shopping for clothes or groceries. Carlisle and I remained in contact with the help of the locker and every six months or so I made a trip back to the states, long enough to check it and then return overseas. In the last couple of years it contained little more than notes, asking how we were, that we were missed, and that he hoped to join us soon. In return I left my own notes inquiring on his health and job and pictures of EJ and the new things he did.

The last note Carlisle left was dated over 2 months ago and I had yet to open it as we detoured from Mexico to Italy, our current home. I had yet to read it between running to catch our plane and getting us settled in Italy. But bringing up old memories had reminded me of the unopened letter and I found myself wandering through the house looking for my worn and faded backpack. Having found the letter, I made my way back to the porch and reminded EJ to wash up for dinner. He ran up the sand covered walkway and once close enough he flashed me my favorite crooked smile.

"What's for dinner tonight momma?"

I returned his smile and ruffled his hair. "I was thinking octopus!" I couldn't help but laugh at his quenched up face, as he shook his head back and forth. It was a game we played every night, trying to see who could find the most disgusting thing to mention for dinner. While EJ might have been Edward made over, he acquired his pickiness of food from me.

"Nah!!! I was thinking mud and worms!" He giggled this time at the face I made, as I conceded victory.

"How about spaghetti? We are in Italy after all."

"Yay, my favorite!" And with that he bounded into the house, as I reminded him to take off his shoes and to wash his hands well.

I turned Carlisle's envelope over and over in my hands, wondering if this time it would contain his plans to join us. I missed having a friend, a confidant but more than anything I missed Carlisle's unwavering support and strength. It saddened me terribly to know that EJ was missing out on such a wonderful grandfather. I turned the envelope over again and noticed for the first time that there was writing on the backside.

READ ASAP

My mind ran through the millions of things that could be wrong. Did Esme know where we where? Was something wrong with Carlisle? As illogical as it sounded, where we finally free to go home? My eyes scanned the beachside area out of instinct and found nothing out of the ordinary. So with slightly shaky fingers I tore the envelope and unfolded the letter inside.

The letter only consisted of 4 words, the first of which were; Call me. But it was the last 2 words that caused me to gasp and the letter slowly fell from my hands to the porch below. I didn't notice when my body slid to the ground or hear EJ's cries of "Momma" carrying through the house. All I saw where those 2 words flashing nonstop and in continuous loops through my mind.

He's alive.