I'm back,de gozaro yo! =^_^= Gomen, heh heh, Kenshin moment! Okayyyy, this is an all-out humor fic! Take none of the character-bashing(if there is any) too seriously. I got the idea for this fic when I drew an ookami-Trowa and he just looked positively mean(and gorgeous). And I got to thinking, if Trowa were an ookami... it would just be so funny and cute and cool and... well, just read the fic, minna! I'm thinking of making it into a Doujinshi or something. =^_^= Oh yeah! If you're wondering, Ookami is Japanese for wolf. I have more translations and explanations on the bottom if you guys get confused *glares at Katie*. =^_^=;; J/K Katerz!!!


Trowa-kun, The Ookami Menace!
"Episode 1: The Sparkly Background He Saw"
by Shinigami Baby


"Ne Quatre-chan[1], how about going out for a little while? It's soooo boring cramped up in Preventer HQ all the time." Duo said to Quatre as the pair walked down the hall to the cafeteria.

"Hn... that sounds fun, Duo. Allah knows how hard I've been working. I think a night out would be a great idea." Quatre said, smiling happily.

The two young men rounded the corner and vanished from the hidden on-looker's view point.

'He's taking my Quat-koi out again...' This mysterious person thought. His large furry ears were back in anger and his fluffy tail ticked frustratingly from one side to the other. 'I'll just have to follow them and see what happens...'


Later that night...

"So what are you gonna get Quatre-chan?" Duo asked the young blonde from behind his menu.

Quatre peeked his head around the side of his own menu and shrugged. "I can't read half of these dishes, let alone know what they are. I should have paid better attention in French class..."

Duo smirked. "I know some French... it ain't the language though!"

Quatre blushed and laughed nervously.

Across the room, someone was hiding their face in a menu, while listening to this rather juvenile conversation. The chair shook underneath this person's legs as the occupant tried to stay in his seat. 'Don't get angry don't get angry don't get angry....' he thought over and over as his tail swayed back and forth, smacking a waitress in the leg.

"Hey watch it you!" She shouted to him.

Duo and Quatre turned their heads in the direction of the disturbance.

"Trowa...?" Quatre said.

Trowa his face behind his menu, his ears and tail disappearing quickly.

Duo got out of his chair and walked over. "Hey! It IS Trowa." He grabbed Trowa's menu and set it down on the table. "Oi, Trowa-kun! Mind if we join you?"

Trowa narrowed his eyes. "Wouldn't that be interrupting your date?"

"Date!? HAH!" Duo said, sitting down. Quatre sat beside him. "What makes you think we're on a date?" Duo asked.

Trowa shrugged. "The fact that the both of you are out at a fancy French Restaurant alone in the romantic corner where the violin guys are playing." Trowa caught his breath and blinked a few times.

"Anou[2]... Duo and I aren't on a date, Trowa-kun." Quatre reassured his friend. "We decided to come here, then as it turned out, the only table left was the one by the romantic violin guys."

"Then what was all that about Duo knowing French, and not the language!?" Trowa asked, standing up.

Duo blinked a few times, then looked at how far away his table was from Trowa's. "Wow, you have really good hearing, Trowa-kun!"

Trowa sweatdropped and sat back down as the waitress came by and took orders. "And what will you be having handsome?"

Trowa glared at her. He hated it when women hit on him. "A bloody steak."

She pulled her head back in surprise. "A-are you-"

"Yes I'm sure, damn you."

"Okay..." She took Duo and Quatre's orders and quickly left.

Quatre gave Trowa a confused look. "What are you going to do with a bloody steak, Trowa-kun?"

"Eat it." Trowa said simply.

"...Aa..."


Later that night...

Duo leaned back in his chair and patted his now full stomach. "Ah, that was so good..."

Quatre nodded.

Trowa burped............................"Um, s'cuse me."

Quatre looked closely at Trowas face. "Trowa-kun? You got a spec..."

"Hn?"

Quatre moved his hand to the side of Trowa's face and wiped with spec of blood from the steak away with his thumb. "There. Got it."

Trowa blushed. "A-arigatou."

Quatre gave him a warm smile. "You're welcome."

Chibi-Sano and Chibi-Kenshin walk by, holding up the sparkly and bubbly background for a moment and hold it up behind Quatre and Trowa. Chibi-Sano frowned. "I want some sake."

"You're just going to drop it while running, de gozaro yo." Chibi-Kenshin said quietly.

"Urusai![3]"

The two decided the background had been there long enough and walked away with it... a Chibi-Kaoru not too far behind them. "Kenshin! I won't let you hold up that background! It's too dangerous!" She shrieked as she ran by.

Duo, Quatre, and Trowa took this moment to turn Chibi and sweatdrop.

"Ne, It's getting late, I think we should get home now." Chibi-Duo said.

"I can't drive like this!" Chibi-Trowa said, referring to his Chibi self.

"You always forget how to un-Chibify yourself. It's easy." Quatre said. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and blew on it, making him revert back into his regular self with a loud POPing sound. "See Trowa-kun?"

Trowa nodded and did what Quatre did, then Duo did it as well.


On the ride home...

"How about dinner next week, too, Quatre-chan?" Duo asked.

"Iie." Trowa said.

"Hn?" Duo was confused.

"Quatre-chan is not going anywhere with you, you hentai! Telling him you knew French, but not the language... yeesh, what kind of pervert are you!?" Trowa asked.

Everything froze for a moment, like how it does at the end of episodes of old comedy shows on TV. A slight clacking of shoes is heard, then we see Chibi-Kurama come walking out, wheeling a small chalkboard in front of him. He's also got one of those sticks of death that teachers use to point stuff out on the board with. He clears his throat and began his lesson.

"What kind of pervert is Duo Maxwell?" Chibi-Kurama asked. "Well, first let's start out with a small vocabulary word. Does anyone in the class know what a pervert is? Anyone? Anyone?"

The screen has now unfrozen, but Chibi-Kurama is still there with his blackboard and stick of death. No one in the car is saying anything. They're more interested in the fact that there's a Chibi in their car and how the Hell he got there. Chibi-Kurama's eyes narrowed. "I see I'll have to call on someone. You. Girly-boy. Do you know what a pervert is?"

Quatre blushed under the pressure. "Anou... a pervert is... someone that has a dirty mind?"

Chibi-Kurama nodded. "What else?"

"And that they have weird fetishes."

Chibi-Kurama frowned. "What kinda of weird fetishes? Give me an example."

"Anou... making someone dress up in a Sailormoon outfit?" Quatre answered hopefully.

Chibi-Kurama's jaw dropped. "I'm a pervert then! I made Hiei do that last night!" He started to sob, then wheeled his blackboard away, forgetting his stick of death.

Trowa took this moment to grab the stick of death. It could come in handy later on...


The next morning...

"Quatre-chan!!! Quatre-chan wake up! Something's happened! Ohhh it's just horrible!" Duo said, shaking his small friend.

Quatre rubbed his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Just c'mon!" Duo said, grabbing Quatre by the wrist and dragging him down the hall to his bedroom. Duo opened the door cautiously and led Quatre inside. "See?!"

Quatre gasped. All over Duo's walls were aiaigasas[4] and scribblings of a Chibi-Ookami-Trowa running after Chibi-Duo with an axe, or snuggling with a Chibi-Quatre. "How kawaii!" Quatre exclaimed.

"KAWAII?! He's trying to say he wants to kill me and you say 'KAWAII'!?" Duo shouted.

Quatre shrugged and pointed to one of the aiaigasas. "But look, he's trying to say he likes me at the same time!" Quatre got a dreamy look in his eyes.

"I think this is sick!" Duo said.

"I think this is sweet..." Quatre said with a wistful sigh.

Duo shuddered. Trowa was now officially starting to scare him.


There's a quick screen-shot of the Gundam Boys. Duo is Neko-Duo[5], Wufei is Kitsune-Wufei[6], Quatre is Usagi-Quatre[7], and Trowa is Ookami-Trowa. Heero is just regular Heero. =P

-Commercial Break-

Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre(my favorite Gundam Boys...*sigh*), are sitting around in a living room, bored out of their minds. Suddenly a loud voice, belonging to Duo can be heard.

"Oi kids! Are ya bored?!"

Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre all nod slowly. They're trying to figure out where the Hell that voice is coming from, and why it sounds just like Duo.

"You're not gonna find me, so don't bother looking!" Duo's voice says, slightly irritated.

The three stop their search... although Wufei is still glancing about suspiciously.

Duo clears his throat. "Want something that's fun and new!?"

Quatre nods over-enthusiastically. Trowa shrugs. Wufei is still trying to pin-point Duo's location.

"Well I've got something for you! It's Tickle-Me-Heero!" Duo says happily.

"Tickle-Me-Heero?" Quatre asks.

"Yes! Tickle-Me-Heero!" Duo answers.

At this moment, Rashid and Abul walk in dressed like a mother and father. Rashid is wearing his usual Manganac's outfit, but over it, he's wearing a frilly pink apron. Abul still has his Shriner's hat on and his shades, but from the neck down, he's dressed in a blue suit. Rashid clears his throat and begins to talk in a feminine high-pitched voice. "Quatre-sama, look at what we bought you! It's a Tickle-Me-Heero!"

Abul nods and pushes Heero out into the room before closing the door behind Heero. The "parents" are now gone.

Heero is dressed up in a furry purple costume. He looks heavily sedated. Wufei approaches Heero cautiously, then pokes him in the stomach.

"Heeheeheeheehee!" Heero giggles like a schoolgirl.

The three sane pilots look at each other and crack up. Well, Quatre and Wufei do anyway. Trowa makes a small smile.

"Enjoy endless hours of fun with YOUR Tickle-Me-Heero doll today! But hurry! Supplies are limited! If you act now, we'll even throw in this as a bonus: a melted piece of Gundanium from the end of Endless Waltz!" Duo announces.

A piece of melted Gundanium falls from the sky and lands on Heero. It looks like part of SandRock Kai, but one can never be too sure.

Duo continues his monologue. "That's right! You get the Heero AND a piece of Gundanium! But wait! There's more! Order with your GundamCharge credit card and we'll throw in...... a Gundam Pilot Swimsuit Calendar! All of this for the low, low, introductory price of..... $19.95! You can't go wrong so order YOURS today!" And the screen fades to black.


-End Commercial Break-

The same screen shot from before is run, then back to the show.


Wufei looked at Duo like he had 3 heads. "Trowa is trying to kill you?"

Duo nodded, clutching his braid tightly. "It's written all over my walls, Wu-chan..."

Wufei's eye twitched a bit. "Please refrain from calling me 'Wu-chan', it's too girly."

"Who said I was referring to the girl's honorific? I could be referring to the affectionate honorific." Duo said, winking.

Wufei sweatdropped. "You really like to piss me off, don't you?"

Duo nodded and glomped him. "You're just so cute when you're mad, I can't help myself!"

Wufei sighed in defeat. "So back to our original conversation... Trowa's trying to kill you?"

"Yeah. I think he's jealous 'cuz I spend so much time with Quatre."

Wufei shrugged. "Could be. We all know how much he likes Quatre." Wufei dug under his bed and grabbed a notebook. "Just look at all the aiaigasas on the back of my notebook. They all have Trowa and Quatre's names on them."

"Geez, just a bit obvious, ne?" Duo asked.

"Well YOU didn't get it." Wufei said, putting the notebook back under his bed.

Duo frowned. "I don't know a lot about Japanese stuff!"

"Hn." Wufei grunted. "So anyway, what I think you should do about this is just steer clear from Quatre for a while. Trowa's displaying rather odd behavior lately around him. Like Quatre's subconsciously gone into heat or something."

Duo flinched. "Into heat!?"

Wufei nodded and rolled a blackboard out of Hammerspace, then threw on a scholar's robe and his reading glasses. "Allow me to explain..." He flipped the board over and it showed a cross-section of Trowa's body. "This is our friend Trowa Barton, Triton Bloom, Nanashi, The Silencer, etc etc, take your pick, they're all the same guy. Still with me?"

Duo nodded intently.

"Okay. Now..." Wufei flipped the board over and it showed a cross-section of Trowa's body, but this time it was Ookami-Trowa. He had ears, fangs, and a tail like a wolf's. "This is Ookami-Trowa. He is quite territorial. Anything he marks with his scent, he's claimed as his own."

Duo raised his hand. "Does that mean he peed on Quatre?"

Wufei sweatdropped. "No, Duo. Have you ever noticed how Trowa likes to lean on stuff?"

Duo nodded.

"That's how he's getting his scent on it. The way he gets his scent on Quatre is through all their physical contact. You'd have to be blind to not see THAT." Wufei said, emphasizing his "that" by whacking his stick of death on the blackboard. "Any questions?"

"Yeah, you said Quatre's in heat?"

"Oh yeah. See, when Quatre-chan goes into heat, it attracts all the other pilots. This explains your urge to always be around him."

"But I don't like Quatre-chan like that!" Duo defended himself.

"I know this. Neither do Heero or myself. That's why we've quarantined ourselves to our rooms. Because if we were to see Quatre-chan... well, it would be all over. Trowa would kill us. See now?" Wufei pushed his glasses up on his nose.

Duo nodded. "Now it all makes sense!"

"Glad I could clarify this situation for you." Wufei smiled and wheeled the blackboard away with the stick of death. "Now for my payment."

"Payment?!" Duo asked. "I thought this was a free lesson!"

Wufei, still in his scholar's robe and glasses shook his head. "There is no such thing as 'free'." He took his hair out of its ponytail and walked over to Duo.

Duo gulped, blushing. "W-wu, what are you doin'?"

Wufei smirked. "Thinking of fun stuff to do to you."

"Eep!" Was the last sound Duo made.


Screen fades to black and "It's Just Love!" starts to play. BUT... instead of Relena running around trying to be cute, it's Quatre. =^_^= He's got the same Safari-type outfit Relena had on, but it just looks so much better on him(even the little hat, heehee!). All the other pilots are there, but they're in their regular clothes(they wouldn't cooperate with the wardrobe staff). Duo sticks his face up near the parrots, and one of them bites his nose while the other one jumps around on his head. Trowa grabs the two lions(of course) and picks them up. Wufei is scratching the doggy's belly with his foot. Heero pulls on the rhino's tail, but instead of just ignoring Heero like it's supposed to, the rhino turns around and runs after him.


END! =^_^=

Okay, a couple of you guys were probably going "Huh? What the hell is an 'aiaigasa'???" WELL I made some notes for you guys! Yay! No confusion!

1- Quatre-chan: =^_^= I use the girl's honorific for Quatre because... well he's a girl in every sense except anatomically! He's mah soul sista!
2- Anou: A hesitation sound, like "um" or "err"
3- Urusai: "Shut up"
4- Aiaigasa: A drawing of an umbrella with one person's name on one side, and another person's name on the other. This is the Japanese equivalent of something that Americans would do by spray painting "Joe Loves Susie" over a bridge or something. It's used as a way for someone to tell them that you like them.(Who says you learn nothing from comics?)
5- Neko-Duo: Kitty-Duo
6- Kitsune-Wufei: Fox-Wufei
7- Usagi-Quatre: Bunny-Quatre

Ahh! Clarity! =^_^= Now you know(if you didn't know already, that is)!


Review and let me know you love meeeee!

~Shinigami Baby