the wheels spin around and around, around and down
Yeonho sat on the curb at the parking lot, looking down and focusing on the roller skates. They were sherbert orange with red velcro straps. Some time ago, the idea of going roller skating had come up. He wasn't sure how this would turn out. The dark gray asphalt looked rough and grainy when he actually looked at it; it smelled oily too, from the dark iridescent stain nearby. Would someone get hurt? It wouldn't be bad, pain that could be endured easily. But still…
He secured the last velcro strap on the skates (they gripped his feet tight), then rolled the wheels against the asphalt. This should be fun. He should have fun. That was what the others wanted. When he got onto his feet, the wheels began to roll. Yeonho sat back down and turned one of his feet on the side. Then, getting his balance right was the first obstacle. He spun one of the wheels. Around and around…
the wheels spin around and around
around and down
thoughts spin around and down
she loves she smiles she hurts
sitting on a shelf
lying in the closet
dropped on the floor
away in a box
what should be done
what could be done
what was done wrong
what was wrong
she loves she hurts
love is hurt
thoughts spin around and around
what should be done
she smiles but
the wheels spin around and around
On his second attempt, Yeonho got onto his feet with the skates. He watched the way he rolled while trying to keep balanced. He leaned back and felt like he was slipping. When he leaned forward to correct that, the skates moved ahead faster. How did he stop? These skates responded to the slightest change. He tried moving back and the left skate slipped forward faster than he expected.
He didn't even get a chance to yelp when a soft hand grabbed his flailing hand. Yeonho looked up and saw that Eri had caught him before he fell. While she was on skates too, she was keeping her balance better. She smiled with sunshine and sweetness. It'd be okay, she was here. She was watching over him.
If she kept hold of his hand, it would be all right.
If she never let go, that would be great (even though that'd never happen as she was bound to find him bad one day and leave him behind).
If she let go… and vanished…
He didn't want that.
the wheels spin around and around
around and down
thoughts spin around and down
she smiles she scolds she hurts
this will please her
no it displeases her
pain and loneliness
love is pain
thoughts spin around and around
she does not hurt
she is hurting lonely
she talks and cleans
she takes care of her dolls
she smiles does she love
the wheels spin around and around
Eri let go of his hand. Yeonho's chest tensed and he turned to her. What did she mean by this? Once the skates began to turn, they wanted to keep turning. His legs twisted and his balance shifted.
Hands caught him from behind, different hands. Yeonho looked up and saw Tei had caught him this time. After some gentle teasing, Tei told him to stop worrying, start moving, and it'd become easier. Eri was moving ahead, gliding one foot ahead, then shifting to glide the other (why did she think she was ordinary? She was beautiful.). Red was already horsing around with skating tricks; Lance seemed lost in thought while skating effortlessly. Yuri was trying to be suave but he was having trouble staying balanced as well.
While it would be enjoyable with just Eri, they were playing with everyone today. Overhead, the warm sun shone in a jewel blue sky. The city was full of noise as usual. But right here, there was the laughter and chatter of the other dolls. They were all absurdly lucky to get to enjoy a time like this. For today, he could enjoy time with them.
And he could practice so that sometime, it could be just him and her.
the wheels spin around and around
around and down
thoughts spin around and down
there are no answers
want to see her
love is pain
want the pain to see her
be good to be at her side
be good
thoughts spin around and around
around and up
there are others
she cares for all her dolls
her caring is in her hands
not pain
love is not pain
her love is warm
her arms are warm
she held me tight
and says i gave her so much
was enough given
she says yes
she smiles she was lonely
she is no longer lonely
her love is not hurt
do i deserve this
have i done enough
how shall i be good
she says i am good as i am
i will not always be with her
i can accept that
thoughts spin around and around
around and up
A few days later, Yeonho put on the roller skates again. He felt more confidant in them today. They were tricky to get used to, but it was fun. With a little effort, he could glide along the streets swifter than he could run, perhaps swiftly enough to take flight. But not today. He was going to skate around the neighborhood with Eri, like a walk that rolled along instead.
The air played with their hair. Yeonho eagerly talked about the things he'd done recently, like speaking with John the cat at Banjul or learning more about telling fortunes. With the crowd he'd gotten at the school festival, he might be able to make a job out of fortunes. That would be wonderful, something that few others had talent for. She talked about many things in response, like Red's latest antic or something she'd talked about with Soi and Shinbi.
If he kept constantly at her side, there wouldn't be as many things to talk about. And he trusted her. He loved her. Yeonho was finding that this was a fun way to live.
He still got anxious at times that she might vanish from his life. All too easily, the thoughts in his mind spun in wheels that were difficult to escape. There were questions that he couldn't answer still, that he might never answer. When he let those wheels keep spinning, he ended up worrying her, hurting her… hurting himself. Letting the wheels go entirely made him feel lost, since he wasn't sure of life without them.
But when he could escape the wheels and enjoy the moment, enjoy being with her… he felt like he could soar into the sky.
Roller skates and empty sidewalks
She took me from a dusty box.
She takes me out to see the sun.
On roller skates on empty sidewalks.
.
Emptiness reminds me.
Tearful pleas and confused words.
This day promises warmth.
Does the sun lie?
.
I don't want to be hurt.
But I can take the hurt if it's love.
I don't want to be abandoned.
And I craved love even if it hurt.
.
She doesn't want me to hurt.
.
When I skate by her side,
My heart feels free.
Once I move past fear,
My skates move fast.
.
And I turn my arms to wings
And spread them wide
And take off into the sky!
And I can fly forever!
.
A cold shadow lingers:
What if she let me go?
What if I never see her again?
I fly back to the ground.
.
I'm ashamed I can't escape the wheels.
.
She smiles so bright.
Seeing me back from flight,
She is happy.
She asks how things looked.
.
Her love asks for nothing.
I don't know what to do.
But I will keep trying.
I tell her what I felt when I had wings.
.
Next time, I will fly further.
Bit by bit, I will grow braver.
Until one wonderful day
I will fly around the world.
.
And I will come back to tell her everything I saw.