Why Matt
By Anonymous
My stomach was feeling more than a little queasy when I got dressed that morning. I hated this feeling, this feeling of such doubt and certainty. I was having a hard time understanding why someone I love so very much would do this to me.
I had a feeling it was going to be a bad day.
I looked to Gatomon for reassurance. She ignored me, and continued to pick out my clothes for my outing today.
"How about this?" she purred, pulling out my classic yellow sleeveless Tee. I sighed. For such a smart Digimon, she could be so retro.
"You've got to be kidding. I wore that when I was 7." I mumbled. Afterall I was 12 now. Maybe it was time for a change. Then again, I haven't worn that yellow classic for a long time.
"Kari!" Tai called from outside my room. "I'll be back in a few, then we can go out." My stomach got queasier.
I really hated feeling like this.
Gatomon was staring at me with those big blue eyes of hers. I sighed and waved the shirt over. "Why not?" I shrugged. I guess I was feeling a bit retro myself.
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Maybe I was kind of wishing for the time when we didn't know each other...all of us Digidestined. Maybe I was hoping for the time when we were all just friends.
But those times together, we were pushed together.
Pushed into feelings we couldn't escape ...
But why.....
Why this?
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I sat on my bed for half an hour, thinking about all these meaningless things. Gatomon was curled up on my stomach, I guess she fell into a catnap.
Sorry, bad joke.
I guess what I was really trying to do was settle this naughty stomach. But it got worse and worse, because each second I waited, was a second closer to them coming back.
And they did, right after that thought. I heard my mom greet them, her voice a little strained. I could imagine what she was thinking. I heard them coming down the hallway...and then.
"Hey Kari. We're back." Tai said, smiling broadly. The door opened wide, and I saw him with my brother. Always dressed in black. Matt Ishida, God, he was so handsome, like his brother. That thought made me blush. But then I wasn't thinking of his looks. I was thinking instead about how he was holding my brothers hand.
"Kari." he said softly. "Gatomon, How're you two doing?"
I put on my best smile. "Hi Matt. I'm ok."
Gatomon pirked her ears up and smiled. "Ishida-san, you're looking purrrrfect as per usual."
Tai looked at him sweetly, punching him lightly in the shoulder. "What do you expect, Gato? He spends about 2 hours in front of a mirror every morning."
Matt laughed. "Hey, these looks don't maintain themselves you know." He looked back at Gatomon. "I appreciate the fine words pretty lady."
Tai flipped an American football around jokingly. "You guys ready to go out. TK's looking forward to it."
Gatomon got to her feet, and so did I, albeit a little more slowly. I waved 'bye' to my Mom on the way out. Tai and Matt were still holding hands.
God. I liked him. No, I loved Matt, really... but sometimes...
Sometimes I wish he didn't love my brother.
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We picked up TK and moved our 'base' over to the park. It'd be just the Ishida's and the Kamiya's together today. I was lying down next to TK, watching the clouds and listening to the sounds of children and laughter and love in the air. Patamon and Gatomon were perched high in a nearby tree, talking about the things Digimon talk about.
I turned my head and sighed. There was Tai, sitting crosslegged directly across Matt. They were talking, joking I guess. I could see they were laughing. Sometimes Matt would run his hand through Tai's big bushy hair. Tai didn't seem to mind. It all looked so playful. I sighed again.
"Hey Kari." TK said suddenly, "I love your shirt. The old retro look huh?"
That TK.... "Quit trying to butter me up." I told him... continuing to stare blankly into the clouds.
"What's a matter Kari?" TK asked quietly. He brushed his hand against mind, and a wave of goosebumps overtook me. I loved it when that happened. TK....he could always tell if something was wrong.
Kinda like Gatomon...but he was more fun to kiss.
I didn't look at him though. I just continued to stare up into the sky. "TK...." I started. "What....what do you think...about.....them?"
"About who?"
I blushed. I felt embarrassed ...but more ashamed. Why should I talk about my brother like some deviant. "I mean...about...Tai and ....Matt."
I looked over to him this time. TK smiled at me. He had such a pretty smile. "Matt really likes Tai. It seems like the real deal to me."
"But what do you think about it?" I pushed. I was afraid he didn't understand what I was saying. But that was a problem of mine. I always underestimated people...and I underestimated TK at this time. He knew exactly what I was talking about it.
Tai and Matt suddenly got up and started passing the football. A few other strangers, both guys and girls, joined them...and an impromptu game of American Football began. I smiled. It was nice to see.
"Kari, I don't really know what I think about it right now. I'm ok about it, I guess. My mom's ok with it. Surprisingly enough, my Dad's ok with it...even though he tries to ignore it's happening." TK smirked slightly and held my hand again. "I hope it's not really bugging you though. I'd hate to see something was keeping you up at nights."
I had a dirty thought about someone keeping me up at night, but I kept it to myself. I turned around and saw Tai completely waste some guy on the field, nearly knocking him silly. He smiled and offered his hand. The guy took it gratefully and the game resumed.
"TK...I don't know...Mom and Dad really really love Tai, but I think they're a bit disappointed."
TK sat up and looked down at me carefully. "And what do you think?"
I got up to my elbows and shook my head. "I...I love them both..."
TK suddenly moved up against me and kissed me on the forehead. He looked at me in the eyes and smiled. He then said the most amazing thing....
He said. "So then, what's the problem?"
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That question rang in my mind for a long time until we dropped TK back home. After I kissed him goodnight, Matt got out to talk with him for a while, so it was just me and Tai in the backseat of the Taxi.
I watched him as he stared after the two...as he stared at Matt. With Gatomon asleep on my lap, I was feeling yes queasy than before. Still, the questions were burning inside of me. There was my brother, staring so lovingly at another boy. I just wanted to know....
So I asked. "Tai...." I started.
He turned around and gave me that all-knowing smirk of his. "What is it?"
I looked at him carefully. I didn't want to hurt him...but...I had to ask. "Why....Why Matt?"
I thought Tai would frown, or scowl...or something like that. Instead, he looked at me with such tenderness and warmth, it made me feel like crying.
"Kari..." he said slowly. "Do you love me?"
I blinked, and stared at him. What kind of stupid question was that? "Of course I do." I said indignantly.
"I mean, really?"
I looked at him seriously. "Tai, you're my brother. You're my only brother. I love you very very much."
Tai nodded, smiling widely. "And I love you too. So then...isn't that enough?"
I paused, and stared blankly, trying to think about what he just said. Matt came back into the Taxi, and we started moving again.
I sighed and stared out the window. The sun was setting, and the day was closing. It had been a good day...but it still left me wondering....
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We finally reached Matt's apartment. Tai invited me to walk up the floors with him and Matt. Once we reached his level, I kissed Matt on the cheek and left them. I made it around the corner, and peeked back. They were talking. I felt guilty for listning in...but I guess Gatomon's curiosity washed off on me.
Tai leaned close towards Matt, who looked down. He looked sad. "Tai...I know you're sister isn't comfortable ...your Mom either." he said.
Tai nodded. "Yeah...I heard that."
Matt looked up at him then, seriousness all over his face. "What about you? I mean, really, how comfortable are you with this?"
Tai hesitated, then he slowly leaned forward and kissed Matt lightly on the lips. I just gaped. I expected to be grossed out or something, but it looked like the most tender thing I've ever seen.
When the kiss was over, Matt smiled and placed his hand on my brother's cheek. "See ya, man." he said.
Tai nodded and waved as Matt disappeared into his apartment. I looked careful at his face as he walked back towards me, hands in his pocket. He looked so....
....happy....
I felt like crying. The look on his face said it all. The answer was very clear to me now, and I was very satisfied with it.
As the Taxi drove me, my brother and Gatomon back home, I looked out the window. The sun was almost completely under the city horizon. I smiled warmly.
It had been a good day after all.