Ah, what lazy college student will do to keep from studying... It's literally 5am, and I have a test in mere hours... Man, you guys better enjoy my first (and last) songfic ever. Why my last? Because I think only one song deserves to be in a Trigun fic, ever, no offense to all you songficphiles out there. Anyway, Spoilers for whole series, twincest, shounen ai angst, set immediately following the conclusion... enjoy! If you really like this, I just may post my long, angsty post show fic with a plot and a scary, scary Knives!
Between Brothers
Knives felt a pestering ache digging into his side. He tried to ignore it, to continue on with his dream, but it kept bothering him, taking up more and more of his consciousness, until he couldn't even remember what his dream had been about. All he could see was red petals, and the only thing that he knew besides pain and his own name were the lyrics to a song.
So
On the first evening a pebble
From somewhere
Out of nowhere
Drops upon the dreaming world
"Knives?"
He groaned, trying to clear his mind of that damned song. The stabbing in his side grew worse with every breath, distracting him.
A hand lightly touched his cheek, its fingers long and cool, familiar. They belonged to his enemy, the love of his life, the man who had become his singular obsession. More then anything, Knives wanted the touch to continue, to linger down his neck like it had so long ago. He wanted Vash to fall into his arms and beg his forgiveness. If Vash would only do that, he would have granted it to him instantly. He would have promised him anything at that moment.
I know you're awake, Vash whispered in his mind.
He forced his eyes open as his brother backed away. Vash stared at him from afar, his aquamarine eyes guarded. A swirl of anger, longing, genuine affection, something very close to hate, and, above all, profound sadness, emanated from the tall, slim blonde.
"You shot me..." Knives croaked through parched lips.
"I know," Vash replied.
So
On the second celestial evening
All the children
Of the pebble join hands
And compose a waltz
They staged a war with their eyes, ice blue meeting blue green, both grimly determined to win their miniature battle. Vash won in the end, however, in a terribly cheap way. A smile broke over his face, a terrible mask that Knives, who felt his anguish, couldn't bear to see.
How long have I been out?
"A few weeks. We brought you here until you got better," Vash said quietly, his grin vanishing as quickly as it had appeared.
Why? Knives had lost. The knowledge of his defeat weighed heavily, despair threatening to engulf him. He couldn't figure out why he was still alive.
"What do you mean? I could never do that to you, Knives," He whispered the last sentence, as though he was ashamed.
"Vash..." Knives moaned softly. He couldn't seem to force himself to talk above a groan.
The outlaw leaned against the closed door, sighing. His beauty made Knives ache inside. Dressed in a simple long sleeved white shirt and a pair of old jeans, Vash managed to emanate a pure, innocent, sexuality most people lacked. More then anything, Knives longed to embrace him.
And then, Vash was next to him, curled at his side like a child, like he had when they'd both been children. Knives couldn't help but moan.
"No," Vash said in a remorseful tone, "That's over, Knives. Forever."
It hurt worse then he could've imagined. Those simple words were nearly enough to make him sob. They made the pain in his body seem insignificant.
"I'm sorry..." The sudden hopelessness his brother felt shouldn't have made him feel good, but some small, shameful, part of his psyche couldn't help but feel vindicated.
I'm glad my pain makes you happy, Knives spat, his sorrow turning, as it always did, to anger, Yours always has.
"I know. I can't understand, but I know."
How can you say that? When I can feel what you really do, inside? You're no different then me. You never have been.
Vash turned away from his brother, "How can you say that? After everything you've done?"
You need me as much as I need you. You're nothing without me; that's why you stayed so long.
"You..." Vash's voice began to tremble as he thought of the life they had once shared, "You made me believe that. Because of you, I though I was weak, powerless. But I'm not. It took me a long time to realize that, but you won't make me believe it again."
Vash... His brother sounded like he regretted the time they spent together, the years where their entire world had consisted only of each other. Knives refused to believe it, We can't escape each other forever. You know that.
"No!" Vash sat up suddenly, wiping at his eyes furiously, for once trying very hard to keep from crying, "That first night that I kissed you was one of the worst mistakes of my life."
Knives could only stare, too stunned to respond.
"I was miserable, Knives, and you knew that! You exploited and manipulated me; you fucked with my head in everyway possible," The rage in Vash's tone seemed out of place. His vehemence shocked even himself, "I didn't even know who I was. Everything I'd ever known or taken for granted had been taken away from me. Rem... She... Knives, you took my grief and used it to control me, and I can't forgive that.
"Because of you, I've lost everything. And I can never allow myself to forget that."
I only wanted the two of us to be happy... I wanted an Eden for the two of us. Knives felt like he'd been thrown into a terrible pit of bleakness. Vash was breaking his heart, shocking him into realizing he still had one to break.
Vash's tears began slowly, trickling slowly down his pale face, "How can you say that? How could you actually believe that by destroying any joy in my life that I would return to you?"
I had to teach you that they would only bring you pain, Knives thought numbly.
"You've caused me more pain then all of them put together."
They betrayed you! All of them, even that damned priest you cared so much about betrayed you.
"No he didn't. I already know about that. You already tried to hurt me by telling me," Vash struggled to speak and weep softly at the same time, "But he betrayed you in the end, didn't he? And he died for that. He died... because he... because he loved me. You... meant for him to break my heart. And he did... I... Oh, God, Nicholas..." Vash couldn't continue, collapsing back on the bed to cry loudly.
The last time Knives had seen his brother cry, they'd been tears of anger. This time, the desolation radiating from his brother was nearly unbearable.
Don't you see? Even if he'd lived 100 years, he'd still have broken you heart in the end. They all will. They all die...
"But... not... He was supposed to die an old man, in my arms... Not..." Vash curled into a ball on the bed, his body shaking with every sob, "He didn't deserve to die alone... I should've followed him... Wolf... He died for my beliefs...
They always die for their beliefs. Like she did. Rem betrayed us, Vash! Can't you understand that? She left us all alone... Knives didn't even notice the tear that slid down his temple and stained the pillow.
I never thought you could hurt me like that again, Knives. I never thought you could take away someone that important to me twice. It hurts so much... His sobs drifted through the room.
They'll always hurt us in the end, Vash. That's why we need each other. Can't you understand? Even she broke our hearts... A face appeared in his mind, with golden eyes that he'd never been able to resist. Even he did...
Vash suddenly turned to stare at his brother, "Him? That's why..."
"If you let them get too close, they'll hurt you..." Knives whispered fiercely.
"You..." His tears began to taper as he suddenly realized something very important about his brother, "You really didn't mean for her to die, did you?"
Knives slowly shook his head, But she did anyway. And I realized she would have no matter what.
With surprising speed, Vash wrapped his arms around his brother's limp form and held him close. Knives, however, was too exhausted to enjoy it. He was quickly falling into a dreamless sleep.
So
On the third celestial evening
All the children of the waltz
Make waves
Upon the dreaming world
Hmm? Like it, you say? Hate it, you say? I tried really hard to write a Knives redemption fic that wasn't horribly, horribly out of character. Did I succeed? Hmm... if only there was some way to let me know.... *hint hint*
Btw, that's the dubbed translation of the song, not the subbed translation, because I love, love, love Johnny Yong Bosch, so he makes me turn against my love for Japanese dubbing and watch my DVDs in *shudder* english...
Between Brothers
Knives felt a pestering ache digging into his side. He tried to ignore it, to continue on with his dream, but it kept bothering him, taking up more and more of his consciousness, until he couldn't even remember what his dream had been about. All he could see was red petals, and the only thing that he knew besides pain and his own name were the lyrics to a song.
So
On the first evening a pebble
From somewhere
Out of nowhere
Drops upon the dreaming world
"Knives?"
He groaned, trying to clear his mind of that damned song. The stabbing in his side grew worse with every breath, distracting him.
A hand lightly touched his cheek, its fingers long and cool, familiar. They belonged to his enemy, the love of his life, the man who had become his singular obsession. More then anything, Knives wanted the touch to continue, to linger down his neck like it had so long ago. He wanted Vash to fall into his arms and beg his forgiveness. If Vash would only do that, he would have granted it to him instantly. He would have promised him anything at that moment.
I know you're awake, Vash whispered in his mind.
He forced his eyes open as his brother backed away. Vash stared at him from afar, his aquamarine eyes guarded. A swirl of anger, longing, genuine affection, something very close to hate, and, above all, profound sadness, emanated from the tall, slim blonde.
"You shot me..." Knives croaked through parched lips.
"I know," Vash replied.
So
On the second celestial evening
All the children
Of the pebble join hands
And compose a waltz
They staged a war with their eyes, ice blue meeting blue green, both grimly determined to win their miniature battle. Vash won in the end, however, in a terribly cheap way. A smile broke over his face, a terrible mask that Knives, who felt his anguish, couldn't bear to see.
How long have I been out?
"A few weeks. We brought you here until you got better," Vash said quietly, his grin vanishing as quickly as it had appeared.
Why? Knives had lost. The knowledge of his defeat weighed heavily, despair threatening to engulf him. He couldn't figure out why he was still alive.
"What do you mean? I could never do that to you, Knives," He whispered the last sentence, as though he was ashamed.
"Vash..." Knives moaned softly. He couldn't seem to force himself to talk above a groan.
The outlaw leaned against the closed door, sighing. His beauty made Knives ache inside. Dressed in a simple long sleeved white shirt and a pair of old jeans, Vash managed to emanate a pure, innocent, sexuality most people lacked. More then anything, Knives longed to embrace him.
And then, Vash was next to him, curled at his side like a child, like he had when they'd both been children. Knives couldn't help but moan.
"No," Vash said in a remorseful tone, "That's over, Knives. Forever."
It hurt worse then he could've imagined. Those simple words were nearly enough to make him sob. They made the pain in his body seem insignificant.
"I'm sorry..." The sudden hopelessness his brother felt shouldn't have made him feel good, but some small, shameful, part of his psyche couldn't help but feel vindicated.
I'm glad my pain makes you happy, Knives spat, his sorrow turning, as it always did, to anger, Yours always has.
"I know. I can't understand, but I know."
How can you say that? When I can feel what you really do, inside? You're no different then me. You never have been.
Vash turned away from his brother, "How can you say that? After everything you've done?"
You need me as much as I need you. You're nothing without me; that's why you stayed so long.
"You..." Vash's voice began to tremble as he thought of the life they had once shared, "You made me believe that. Because of you, I though I was weak, powerless. But I'm not. It took me a long time to realize that, but you won't make me believe it again."
Vash... His brother sounded like he regretted the time they spent together, the years where their entire world had consisted only of each other. Knives refused to believe it, We can't escape each other forever. You know that.
"No!" Vash sat up suddenly, wiping at his eyes furiously, for once trying very hard to keep from crying, "That first night that I kissed you was one of the worst mistakes of my life."
Knives could only stare, too stunned to respond.
"I was miserable, Knives, and you knew that! You exploited and manipulated me; you fucked with my head in everyway possible," The rage in Vash's tone seemed out of place. His vehemence shocked even himself, "I didn't even know who I was. Everything I'd ever known or taken for granted had been taken away from me. Rem... She... Knives, you took my grief and used it to control me, and I can't forgive that.
"Because of you, I've lost everything. And I can never allow myself to forget that."
I only wanted the two of us to be happy... I wanted an Eden for the two of us. Knives felt like he'd been thrown into a terrible pit of bleakness. Vash was breaking his heart, shocking him into realizing he still had one to break.
Vash's tears began slowly, trickling slowly down his pale face, "How can you say that? How could you actually believe that by destroying any joy in my life that I would return to you?"
I had to teach you that they would only bring you pain, Knives thought numbly.
"You've caused me more pain then all of them put together."
They betrayed you! All of them, even that damned priest you cared so much about betrayed you.
"No he didn't. I already know about that. You already tried to hurt me by telling me," Vash struggled to speak and weep softly at the same time, "But he betrayed you in the end, didn't he? And he died for that. He died... because he... because he loved me. You... meant for him to break my heart. And he did... I... Oh, God, Nicholas..." Vash couldn't continue, collapsing back on the bed to cry loudly.
The last time Knives had seen his brother cry, they'd been tears of anger. This time, the desolation radiating from his brother was nearly unbearable.
Don't you see? Even if he'd lived 100 years, he'd still have broken you heart in the end. They all will. They all die...
"But... not... He was supposed to die an old man, in my arms... Not..." Vash curled into a ball on the bed, his body shaking with every sob, "He didn't deserve to die alone... I should've followed him... Wolf... He died for my beliefs...
They always die for their beliefs. Like she did. Rem betrayed us, Vash! Can't you understand that? She left us all alone... Knives didn't even notice the tear that slid down his temple and stained the pillow.
I never thought you could hurt me like that again, Knives. I never thought you could take away someone that important to me twice. It hurts so much... His sobs drifted through the room.
They'll always hurt us in the end, Vash. That's why we need each other. Can't you understand? Even she broke our hearts... A face appeared in his mind, with golden eyes that he'd never been able to resist. Even he did...
Vash suddenly turned to stare at his brother, "Him? That's why..."
"If you let them get too close, they'll hurt you..." Knives whispered fiercely.
"You..." His tears began to taper as he suddenly realized something very important about his brother, "You really didn't mean for her to die, did you?"
Knives slowly shook his head, But she did anyway. And I realized she would have no matter what.
With surprising speed, Vash wrapped his arms around his brother's limp form and held him close. Knives, however, was too exhausted to enjoy it. He was quickly falling into a dreamless sleep.
So
On the third celestial evening
All the children of the waltz
Make waves
Upon the dreaming world
Hmm? Like it, you say? Hate it, you say? I tried really hard to write a Knives redemption fic that wasn't horribly, horribly out of character. Did I succeed? Hmm... if only there was some way to let me know.... *hint hint*
Btw, that's the dubbed translation of the song, not the subbed translation, because I love, love, love Johnny Yong Bosch, so he makes me turn against my love for Japanese dubbing and watch my DVDs in *shudder* english...