Part 3 of the "Are You the One?" series
Based on the song "Somewhere" by Within Temptation
A/N: I know it's been a while, but this part of the series just would not cooperate with me at all. I took a break from it to get my thoughts in order and that break took way longer then I thought it would. But part three is now officially here. I'm still not too particularly happy with it, but it's been so long that I'm uploading it with a passing instead of a satisfactory. I am working on part four and five now that my muse for this has returned. I'm determined to finish the series within the next two months or quicker depending on how things work out. I'll be uploading this series onto AO3 when it's complete as one chapter-ed story instead of individual sections as well since I finally started using my account for its original purpose of publishing stories.
I don't have a Beta so all mistakes are mine. Please inform me of any and I'll fix them right away. Please R&R! Thank you. FYI, if it still wasn't already obvious, I don't own Fire Emblem Fates or any of these characters.
He stands in the darkness, not quite sure which way is up or down. His ears strain to hear something anything, but there is nothing. The situation unnerves him. Xander decides to start walking forward. Or backwards? Either way, he feels like movement will prove most beneficial for his state of mind. Mind? He pauses for a second, eyes casting around. He's dreaming. That realization puts him at ease. He can leave if he wants to leave. With more semblance of control, he continues his trek.
This is a much different dream than he is used to. Usually his dreams are recreations of past events. They are never this...empty. Or real. He can see a faint glimmer of light up ahead. An array of colors that somehow shimmer in the darkness. Xander walks toward it, curious as to what it could be. The colors begin to take shape before him, like moving paintings playing before him. He smiles at the memories. Laslow.
His most trusted retainer. His friend. His...what were they exactly? He knew what he wanted them to be. Life without Laslow would hardly be considered a life to him. Xander knew he was being unrealistic. He was king now. It was expected of him to take a wife and bear children to inherit the throne. Laslow certainly didn't fit that role. But surely his brother or sisters could provide an heir in his stead? They still have a claim to the throne should something happen to him. His title of king merely because he was first born to the first queen. If he explained his reasons surely one of them would agreed to the request? Maybe not Camilla as she has abdicated her title as princess, but Leo? He's not much the romantic sort, but he's his right hand man. Leo wants his happiness surely, especially after what they have all been through recently. Possibly even Elise when she is old enough? She is quite the romantic and he has no doubt that she wouldn't agree. He chuckles at the thought.
His gaze casts back over to the memories playing before him. The current one playing within recent memory. It was him and Laslow, sitting by the boats in the astral plane overlooking the expansive lake. Xander frowns when he catches sight of Laslow's injured arm. He was so close to losing him that day, his hesitance letting an enemy strike him unknowingly. His heart nearly stopped at the sight. He didn't want Laslow to fight, especially if the fight brought back painful memories of his past. If he hesitated again, there would be no guarantee he would survive. But Laslow was always clever and revealed his ambidextrous to him before they headed into the final battle. Love and pride swelled in his heart as he saw Laslow swing his sword effortlessly with his left hand. They would fight together as they always had for so long. It brought him great comfort when they faced Anankos at last. Xander fondly smiles as he watches the two of them gaze at each. So much being said between them without any words.
His brow creases as the memory starts to swirl inward on itself as if caught in a whirlpool. The colors changing, twisting, and turning around until it plays back at him. But it's wrong. All wrong. Where Laslow once stood now stands a myriad of Nohrians and Hoshidans. They wait patiently for Corrin to finish giving the last of her commands before joining them. She looks at all of them, each nodding their heads to a question he cannot hear. They lock on him and he sees himself nodding before stepping into a boat. He frantically scans the memory. There is no sign of his retainer. No sign of Laslow.
Panic swells in his heart. What is happening? The memory fades only to bring forth another one. Xander tries to remain calm as the memory of his decision to meet with Corrin plays before him. He watches intently. A small smile on his lips as he banters with Laslow until the same whirlpool consumes it. The scene changes once again. Laslow's missing.
This can't be happening. What is going on? Why are his memories changing? This is no dream, this is a nightmare. A world without Laslow is a world hardly worth living in. He continues to watch the memories play and change. Only the memories with Laslow. Laslow. Why can he no longer remember his voice? Why can't he remember his smile or his laugh? Xander looks up at the newest scene. An unfamiliar man sits beside him. His head resting gently on his shoulder as they sit in silence. The man's lips curl into a smile as he glances up at Xander's relaxed form. His bright steel eyes overflowing with such fondness as he stares at him. Fear spikes through Xander's body. He couldn't forget this man. It is imperative that he remembers him lest he lose a part of himself. Xander wills himself to commit something to memory. The eyes that look at him as if he mattered. That look to him with a spark of budding love. His simple smile as he sighs in contentment. Xander fights against his sleeping mind somehow knowing that if he doesn't wake up now, he'll forget the man forever. And he refuses to forget this man. A man he knows has somehow touched his very soul.
Xander wakes with the rising of the sun. A habit formed early on in his childhood as part of his training. However, the bed he finds himself in is not his own and he's acutely aware of the gentle breeze beneath the covers. He tries to recall the events of the night before, yet he draws a blank. An uneasy feeling settles in his gut. Xander is not one to drink too much. It would be disgraceful should he behave inappropriately while under the influence. He knows his limits. And yet...here he is, in an unfamiliar bed. In an unused room within the castle naked beneath soiled sheets. Xander curses to himself as he stands from the bed. The activities from the night before cling to his fingers like glue. He gathers his discarded clothing as quickly as possible before heading to the small adjacent washroom. Fervently he tries to wash away the evidence.
When he's satisfied with his appearance, he steps back out into the room. His eyes rake over the entire area. There's very little evidence of what transpired last night. Not even a snapped button or forgotten sock. Xander frowns. Whoever it was made sure to leave nothing behind. A sharp pain fills his heart at that notion. Steel eyes flash before his mind's eye. Foreboding sinks beneath his skin and into his bones as he tries so hard to grasp at the fading image. Unconsciously, he starts searching the room. Not quite sure what he'll find, but knowing there is something worth finding.
He overturns the desk and chair. The curtains fall to the ground with a thunk. Sheets and pillows litter the floor as he combs the room from floor to ceiling. His heart thumps wildly in his chest. Frantic. He knows something is wrong. Xander can feel it in his gut that there is something off, but what? He feels his eyes beginning to burn...
Xander did what he always did when the world knocked him down, he picked himself back up. He is king after all. His priority should be restoring his kingdom and cementing the alliance between Hoshido, Nohr, and the newly formed Valla. And it is. He hunches over multiple documents; disputes, proposals, and the like. His mind doesn't linger on the feeling that there should be someone else by his side. That it shouldn't be as silent as it is. He doesn't linger. Lingering causes his heart to bleed.
This is getting him nowhere. It's been a month since he had awoken in that unused room. Unused? No, that's not quite right. It was used at some point, but by who he couldn't recall. Steel eyes and a simple smile flicker in his mind. He runs a hand over his face. Xander had spent days trying to track down the person those features belonged to after waking, yet he could find no one. Not one person who had the same gentle gaze as the one in his dream for that's where he remains. Nothing but a dream. He's not sure why he believes those eyes belong to a man, but his gut is telling him so. And his gut is usually never wrong. But a sense of loss nearly suffocates him upon waking every day since then. The stillness and quiet around him never helps to keep that feeling at bay.
Xander sets down the proposal in his hand, having read the same sentence thrice in a row. Again, this is getting him nowhere. He stands. His joints popping as he stretches his arms and his legs. Perhaps a change of pace? He looks out the window, the sun half-pass midday. If he's correct, Leo will be in his makeshift office within the library at this point of the day. Xander chuckles. His brother practically lives there.
Leisurely, he makes his way to the large double oak doors of the library. He takes his time, glad for the reprieve from his workload. The war may have ended, but there is so much he still has to do. He knew Nohr would not blossom overnight. Such a thing nigh impossible. Time and effort has to be put in and he is willing to do it. And with Leo's council on the side, he's sure they can remake Nohr into the glorious kingdom it once was. Yet, he couldn't help but feel that someone else should be by his side. Don't get him wrong, Leo is an amazing advisor. His sharp mind and critical thinking form plans of reformation and growth that had eluded Xander himself. He knew his brother had his back and he'll be forever grateful, but...someone else was supposed to be by his side. Not only to navigate his fairly new position as king, but to navigate those nights when things became a little too much.
He reaches the double doors quicker than he wished to. With a gentle shove, they give way, showcasing rows upon rows of scrolls and books. Tapestries depicting wondrous tales, legends, and myths hang upon the walls. The soft candlelight in the semi-dark a welcoming sight. He navigates towards Leo's usual hiding place. A lone desk and chair in the furthest corner of the expansive room among books untouched for decades. Xander smiles as he sees the familiar figure of his brother. The quill's feather dances as he continues to scrawl away on one thing or another. Despite the small pout on his face, Xander has not seen Leo this relaxed in years. His head swivels back and forth as he glances at the opened book on his left and something on his right before scratching something down. He almost doesn't want to interrupt his solitude.
"Busy as ever Leo?" he jokes.
Leo doesn't even flinch let alone look at him.
"Is there something you need brother?"
Xander shrugs knowing full well Leo can't see him. He walks over beside him and leans against the wall. Books of magic clutter the surface of his desk. Leo was always better at magic then he was. His eyes cast over the array of titles and notes. A tiny slip of paper catches his eye.
"What is that?"
Leo sighs, placing his quill on the desk. He knows he's not getting anything done until he leaves. A part of him feels bad for keeping Leo from his duties. After all, those duties are for his benefit not his own. He wants Nohr to flourish just as much if not more than he does since he married.
"What is the 'that' you are referring to big brother?"
Xander laughs at his tone. Clipped and short. He must have been really absorbed in his work.
"The slip of paper by your elbow. I've never seen writing such as that," he points to the very object of his confusion.
Leo's lips turn downward as he follows his line of sight. His shoulders sag and a long frustrated sigh escapes him. A scowl replaces the frown as he turns to look at him. Xander smiles affectionately at how offended the piece of paper makes him.
"I've been trying to figure that out myself. I found it beneath my pillow about a month ago," he confesses.
His eyes narrow.
"Has someone cursed you?"
If someone has cursed a member of the royal household, his family, they'd have hell to pay. Leo smiles at the protectiveness in his tone.
"No, I've already determined it's not a curse." His brother shakes his head, his eyebrows knitting together. "But there is very powerful magic behind it."
It is not a good sign when the strongest and best mage in Nohr cannot determine a spell. A spell that has most likely been used on him. Xander's nails dig into his palm, trying to keep a level head and not jump to conclusions.
"What else have you been able to find out?"
Leo turns and hands him the paper he had been writing on. Xander's eyes skim over the words. So, he has determined that it is a mixture of Vallite, Nohrian, and an unknown script. The unknown is not Hoshidan according to his wife. Odd thing is, there are very few words in the unknown script in the spell. The majority of it is Vallite with a twinge of Nohrian. The Nohrian being Leo's full name. That is...quite alarming as not many know such a thing. And their dealings with Valla may have improved since their sister took the throne, but it still harbors bad memories. Could it possibly be a rogue puppet of Anankos? That's impossible, Anankos is dead. Then what? His brother also determined that it's a spell that affected him in some way though he's not sure how. Feels as if the answer lies in the unknown script. Not a comforting thought.
"Why have you not told anyone of this?" he questions, handing the paper back to him.
"I didn't want to cause a panic until I knew for certain what it did."
"Leo, if this has affected you in some way as you believe it has, that is cause for panic. There's no telling what this...charm could have done until it is too late."
Leo scoffs.
"Don't you think if it did anything life-threatening, it would have done so by now?"
Xander sighs seeing his point, but not liking it. Whatever the charm has done, it most likely went into effect the day or night before he found it. And his brother hasn't shown any signs of diseases or possession or any other possible ailment. That doesn't mean the castor is not bidding his time. His brother's sigh draws him back.
"There's another reason why I was determined to keep this secret till I knew more."
He gazes at his brother in confusion. Leo reaches into his pocket, producing another small slip of paper. His brow quirks as his brother hands it to him. It's identical to the one on the desk, the same strange writing reflecting back at him. He knows the implication of its existence.
"Someone else has undergone this charm?" Leo nods. "Who?"
His brother looks away, not meeting his eyes as he holds it out to him. Xander gently takes the piece of paper. Fear runs down his spine as he reads the Nohrian script. His name. He feels the color drain from his face.
"Where did you find this?"
Leo sighs, probably regretting informing him.
"A maid found it among laundry and came to me for advice. She knew your name was on it, but the strange writing caused her panic."
Xander feels as if he has walked into a stone wall. A month. Leo found his slip of paper a month ago. The same time he had awoken in that unused room. The same time a hollowness appeared in his chest and the sense of loss began to grow almost unbearable.
"Brother?" Steel eyes and a simple smile. Loss. He lost something very important to him. "Xander, answer me."
Xander starts, not realizing his brother had asked him a question. When did Leo get on the ground? When did he get on the ground? They lock gazes.
"Are you alright?"
He can't answer that question. Nothing is alright.
"I...I think I know what the spell does," he swallows past the lump in his throat. "Or at least it's side affect."
He wants to be wrong. Desperately. Because the insinuation behind such actions will surely tear him apart. Leo grabs his shoulder unknowningly keeping him together though his hand is trembling as well. He's not sure how to put it into words. These emotions that have congealed in his heart for days.
"Leo…" He has to lick his lips, his mouth having gone dry. "Have you - have you felt a sense of loss this past month?"
His brother's hand slips from his shoulder. He can see the shock on Leo's face.
"How -?"
"I've felt it too, like I lost someone very important to me. And every time I try to recall them I can only remember gentle steel grey eyes and a simple smile."
Leo laughs, but there's no humor behind it.
"I can only recall blonde hair and an obnoxious laugh. I'm not sure why I would miss something so grating, but..."
Xander nods in understanding.
He had instructed Leo to continue working on the spell, seeing if there was a way to reverse what had been done, but two months have come and gone and still no luck. They haven't told anyone else about the spell. It would be havoc if people learned a spell was placed on their new king. Panic would ensue and relations with the other two kingdoms would grow tenuous with the people's fear and misguided minds. And besides, it seemed as if only him and Leo were the ones truly affected by it. If anyone else was, they certainly aren't showing sighs of forgetfulness. At least, not in Nohr.
It was Leo's idea to use this trip to Hoshido as a way to see how vast the effects of the spell are. Or if the spell was used anywhere else. He surmised that if they were forgetting someone close to them then someone else must have known them due to their large social spheres. And if they went through so much trouble to make them forget, who's to say they didn't make anyone else forget? Xander had seen his point though wondered why no one else seemed as heavily afflicted. Leo had an answer for that too.
'They meant something to us personally.'
He didn't like to think that Leo's words were true. Because if they were...his thoughts stop midway as he catches sight of someone he once knew well among the market stalls. Her long bright red hair still tied in familiar pigtails. His breath catches as grey eyes flit across his mind once again. She must have felt someone watching her for she turns around. Her eyes search the area until they land on him. He wonders why she looks somewhat frightened.
Having been caught, he decides to walk over to her. The brooch in her hand dropping unceremoniously back onto the counter. She gathers herself well enough to remember to bow in his direction. He chuckles. She was never one to do that before so willingly.
"Hello Selena."
The casual use of her name must have snapped her out of her stupor for she straightens back up, her usual scowl in place. Weird. He almost misses seeing that expression. Xander blinks as the scowl is replaced with a gentle smile in his mind. Selena eyes him oddly as he shakes his head, forcing the image out of his mind.
"What do you think you're doing wandering the streets so casually?"
Her tone is bitting and scathing and something he has heard many times before. She used it with his sister all the time. He once thought it to be insubordination, but now he knows better. It's a sign of her caring. Selena bites her lower lip, eyes casting from side to side. She doesn't want to be here. His eyes narrow imperceptively, but she catches it anyway. With a big sigh, she grabs his hand and drags him away from the stall. Further away from the market and away from others.
"What is it with royalty and not caring about precaution?"
She murmurs to know one in particular. He almost laughs. There's a sense of familiarity that has been missing for these past few months. He doesn't linger on the fact that he knows exactly how many months.
"It is good to see you again."
She falters at his comment, a blush forming on her face. It disappears quickly. Her arms cross over her chest condescendingly.
"What are you even doing here?"
This time, he does laugh.
"I'm here on official business. Ryoma thought it better we continue our discussions in person for faster results."
Selena scoffs.
"I know that. I want to know what you're doing here. In the market."
Xander's not sure why she would know that he's here. He watches her closely. Her eyes are casting back and forth again as if looking for something. Or someone...
"I gave my retainers the day off."
She eyes him warily.
"Retainers?"
Xander pauses. Retainers? Why did he say retainers? He's only ever had one retainer. His father had pressured him into taking a second retainer before and he lost them both to battle. They sacrificed themselves for him. It had nearly broke him. Ever since, he's been adamant about only having one. To not have as many ties to people who are obligated to risk their life for him. To protect his already fragile heart.
'It's not my duty to die for you, milord. It's my duty to live for you.'*
The sudden voice in his head causes him to stumble backwards. His hands automatically gripping his head. It's only Selena's fast reflexes that keep him from tipping over.
"Gods, what is wrong with you?"
He can barely hear her chastising him over the roar in his ears. The pain in his head drowning out all other sights and sounds. His world is black before a barrage of color assaults him. Swirling masses that form brief images. Images of things since passed. Images of things once said. Once done. Images of things forgotten. He's not even aware that Selena's the only thing keeping him up.
'If, after the war, I were to go somewhere. Somewhere far away... If you never saw me again... Would you be angry? Would you be able to forgive me for abandoning you?'
That voice is so loud and clear. He can see the words fall from his lips. The same lips that form the smile that's haunted him for days. The same lips that...he unconsciously touches his own lips. It's as if he can still feel the warmth lingering there from a stolen kiss. A stolen night. The images stop as quickly as they came. His senses once again flaring to life. He breathes heavily, processing all that he's remembered. All that he's forgotten…
Rage boils inside of him. How dare he. How dare he make him forget and leave. He promised to stay. He promised…
It's only Selena's tight grip that jolts him back to the present. His body shaking with too many emotions. Rage. Sorrow. Longing. Heartache. They create an odd turmoil in his gut that nearly causes him to puke. He's grateful she took them some place private. What a sight he would be if anyone saw him. Selena does her best to keep him stable. He looks up at her. Eyes alight with a burning fire. She flinches.
"Where is he?"
The words come out forced and Selena's lips thin.
"I told them it was stupid fucking idea, but no they wouldn't listen." She huffs in annoyance before forcing him to walk with her. Her grip is tight. Maybe she's angry too? "Subaki and Caeldori are out so you can rest at my house. Just don't puke everywhere."
She glares at him. Xander wants to tell her she has no right to do such a thing, but the queasiness in his stomach keeps him from parting his lips. It's not too long before he's shoved through a door and pushed onto a chair. Gods, maybe he let those three get away with too much? She stumps into the kitchen and retrieves a glass of water, thrusting it into his face. He takes it gratefully.
"Those idiots. I knew it was a bad idea and they didn't believe me. I mean, magic isn't even Owain's strength and it was so experimental. Lilith wasn't even sure if she got the Vallian words right. Didn't they even think, for once, that it would wear off?" She paces as she speaks. He takes a sip of water. "And then they had to add Ylissean into the mix. That was a stupid idea. Like I said, Owain doesn't even know magic that well." She growls in annoyance. "And I somehow knew that if you saw me, the spell would somehow break. Wouldn't be surprised if they wrote that into it. And -"
Xander places the glass on the side table down with a loud thunk. It breaks Selena's tirade. Her expression changing from angry to bashful. Honestly, he would allow her to continue ranting if he didn't know that asking questions directly would get him the answers he wants faster.
"Where is he?"
She turns her head away, not wanting to meet his gaze.
"They're gone. They left just as they said they would."
"Where?"
He has to know. He has to find Laslow and make him pay for what he's done. Then...he's not sure what.
"Back to Ylisse. Back home."
She still refuses to look at him. Xander's patience is growing thin.
"How do I get there?"
She sighs heavily.
"You can't." The breath leaves him at her words. She must have heard for she's finally facing him. There's sorrow in her eyes as she continues explaining. "We arrived in this world via Anankos's power and it was Anankos's power that was to take us back."
He freezes at the name. Uncertainty clouds his mind. Why would they depend on the Mad King's power to guide them to and from this world? It doesn't make any sense and yet...Laslow had jested often that things weren't what they appeared to be. That he knew something Xander would never know, but he never spoke of it. At least plainly; always making him guess what was true and untrue in their banter games. He feared Xander knowing the truth would hurt him somehow. But he's done enough damage with his little charade that Xander feels the truth would not affect him. Not anymore.
"Selena…" He opens and closes his hands continuously, more nervous then he's ever been in his life. More nervous then his own coronation. Then again, he had Laslow there to comfort him. "If it does not impeded your safety," he locks eyes with her. Imploring her. "Then I want the truth."
Selena bites her lip, looking side to side.
"I don't know what the rules are now that Anankos no longer lives."
(Time Jump)
The next three days were the longest of his life as he waited to return to Nohr. With everything squared away between Hoshido and Nohr for the time being, he ordered the carriage to ride as fast and as hard as they could. They made it home in record time. He had dashed toward the library, eager to find Leo and explain what exactly has transpired. Xander himself is having a hard time believing everything Selena has told him. Or what she could tell him. About Ylisse. About their mission. He knows some things were left out. Important details he'll wrangle from Las - Inigo - himself when they're face to face. So he's not surprised as Leo stares at him with complete incredulity.
"You want me to do what?"
Xander has to stop himself from growling.
"Do you think you can create a spell to traverse worlds?"
Leo's lips thin once again as he ponders his request. His mind working on overtime to form an answer. Each second longer makes Xander's chest tighten even more. Leo sighs, his bangs covering his eyes.
"Perhaps it was a good idea to make us forget."
Xander startles at Leo's admission.
"What?"
His brother sighs again, reclaiming his seat at his make-shift desk. It's a lot less cluttered now that they know the truth of the slip of paper. He wonders how Leo handled remembering. Was he as angry as Xander been? Or...was he as resigned as he is now?
"Did you ever stop to wonder why they chose to make us forget?"
His silence answers the question. Leo runs a hand over his face, suddenly aging ten more years. The sight worries him. Is this a reaction to remembering or something else?
"Of course not." Xander doesn't press, knowing that his brother will explain in time. "Brother...I understand what you are going through. Odin - Owain - whatever his name is was dear to me too. "
He takes a good look at his brother. Really looks. There are frown lines on his face. Dark circles under his eyes. His hair isn't as immaculate as it usually is. And his eyes...they don't shine with the life he's always seen in them. They're hurting. He didn't think of it at the time but maybe...maybe his little brother knows exactly how he is feeling. Leo takes a deep breath and continues. His brother's gaze catches his; Amber meeting russet.
"I want to chase after him Xander. Chase after him and beat him to a bloody pulp for leaving the way he did. And I think that's why they did what they did."
He doesn't want to agree, but he can't help understand the underlying logic in Leo's words. By making them forget, they would remain here, in their world. Unhindered and oblivious to what they were missing. He would stay and become king just as Laslow always knew he would. And by becoming king, he would take on the title's responsibilities. All of them. And how could he sire an heir if his heart yearned for another? Let alone another man from another world that he can't follow...
Laslow did the smart thing.
*Line from Xander x Laslow S Support written by dinghzu on tumblr and programmed into the "Gay Fates" hack programmed by Unassuming Vensaur. You can find a video of the full support on YouTube. I admire and adore her work/programming skills just wish I could actually use the hack ;_;