Burdens
We Carry
By: Jarhead
Spoilers: Entire
first season
Rating: violence
(this IS Dark Angel)
Author's notes: This
is my attempt at a post-AJBAC fic. I
tried to write something that likely would not conflict with the upcoming
season, but would instead make an interesting gap-filler.
*************************
Bling sat in the living room, looking out at the city from
Logan's penthouse. He'd seen Logan pull
up on Max's ninja. Since she ... died,
left, nobody was entirely certain what happened to her, except Logan, and he
wasn't telling. Since that night Logan
had been using that bike to go out whenever sitting in the apartment got to be
too much.
It worried the hell out of Bling. When Logan got on that bike it meant that there was only one place
he was heading. The bike was part of
the ritual; it had belonged to Max.
When Logan came back each time, it meant that day he had decided that he
didn't want to be street pizza at the base of the Space Needle. But it didn't mean he would decide that the
next time.
The doorknob twisted and the door opened. The apartment's owner stepped in closing
the door behind him.
Bling stood and looked over at him, "How was the view
from the top of the world?"
"Fine."
Logan hadn't stopped to greet him.
He had simply headed for the computer room, his exoskeleton carrying him
the whole way.
"You know, I remember when you used to be afraid of
heights." Bling was talking at
Logan's back. He moved to catch
up. "I also remember when you
cared enough about life to not throw yours away needlessly."
Logan stopped. He
did not turn around.
"Every email you got while you were out had something
to do with Manticore. Every search
you're running, every snitch you're tracking down; they all lead back to
Manticore. Every broadcast Eyes Only
has made lately has been about them."
"They have to be stopped-"
"You're not trying to stop them!" Bling grabbed Logan and spun him around,
forcing Logan to look him in the eye.
"You're not trying to stop Manticore. You're just trying to piss em' off enough for them to hunt you
down and kill you."
"You don't understand-"
"Max told me about before man, about the pistol in your
drawer. Maybe you won't end it,
now. Maybe, in your little dicked-up
mind, you can't just end it. No, that
would be betraying Max. But getting
them to pull the trigger for you isn't honoring her either, it's slapping her
in the face!"
Bling released Logan.
Logan looked broken, and murmured, "Maybe you're right." Then he turned and started walking for the
computer room again. He stopped in the
doorway, but didn't turn around.
"Maybe, but then Max isn't around to agree with you anymore."
He closed the door behind him.
*******
The heart monitor was still beeping.
It was a strong, steady beeping.
Max had no idea how long it had been since the peroxide
bitch had left. The peroxide bitch had
to be Renfro. If Renfro had told the
truth, then Zack's heart was beating in Max's chest.
That was her fault.
She had stupidly ignored Lydecker's warning: her Brothers and Sisters
here at Manticore would kill her without a second thought. It had been her younger self that had shot
her. Then left to go hunt the others. Logan had found her...
Oh God, Logan. Was
he alive? Did he know that she was? Probably not. He was probably busy blaming himself for not getting her
out.
Now Max wished she had taken the pistol from his desk. Or if she could have just never gone back
there…
If she could have only stayed away from him, this wouldn't
have happened. If she could have not
gone back to that apartment, hell, if she could have just decided not to
burglarize the place, none of this would be happening. Tinga would be at home with Case telling him
a story. Zack would still be alive,
keeping the others out of trouble.
Logan wouldn't be a suicidal paraplegic.
He's probably in more
pain than I am, she thought. It's my fault; I'm poison. If I haven't met him he'd be so much better-
A nurse came in with an injection. Max's train of thought came to an abrupt end as the sedative
kicked in. But a voice broke through
the dark…
"Maaaaaaxxxxxxiiieeeeee. Maxie wake up." Max
heard the sound of someone snapping their fingers at her. She slowly opened her eyes, realizing that
she wasn't in a hospital room. She was
lying down on a grassy area. It was in
a familiar cemetery; Logan's Uncle Jonas was buried on top of the hill, next to
his parents on the family plot.
Max heard quick mix of a snap, hiss, and a wind chime to her
right and looked in that direction. She
saw someone she thought she would never see again.
"Ben?"
"Hey Maxie."
"Ben, but you're de-"
"Dead? Yes I am."
"But how-" her expression darkened, "Why?"
"Because you're going Jimmy Stewart on me." Max looked at him uncomprehendingly. Ben shook his head. "You see, that's the problem with people
today. No appreciation for the
classics."
"Why are we here Ben?"
Her tone was very demanding. "Am
I dreaming?"
"Do you know where we are?"
He had a gleam in his eye, like he knew something that he wasn't telling
her.
"Yeah, but I'm not really keen on visiting Uncle Jonas."
It was Ben's turn to look confused, "Who said we were
visiting Uncle Jonas?"
"He's buried up on that hill." Ben snapped his fingers, followed by a snap, hiss and him
disappearing in a flash of light.
Suddenly he was behind her, and spoke in her ear, "Oh
really." He moved his head to speak in
her other ear. "You remember where
Jonas was buried, don't you? You know,
where the tombstone is?"
"Yeah. I can see it
from here."
"Then use our patented X5 zoom vision, and tell me what name
is carved into it."
Max was suddenly apprehensive, but she focused on the grave
marker. What she saw made her legs give
out. But Logan was alive-
"You see, sis," Ben had knelt beside her, "your wish has
been granted. You never met Logan. That's why he's here. You see… you weren't there to pull him out
of-" Ben snapped his fingers again. Max
blinked and she was now standing in a hospital corridor that she was all too
familiar with.
"-Here." Ben
finished. "You see, this time you
decided not to knock off Logan's pad.
You never met him. He still
defended Lauren and her child. He still
got shot, and ended up, well, you remember where." He turned his head expectantly; she followed his gaze. A room down the hall exploded with no
warning, the door slamming into the wall followed by cascading flames.
"Gotta admire Bruno's dedication." Ben said this with quite a bit of glee, "The man didn't take any
chances. I mean, using an anti-tank
weapon on a crippled ICU patient.
That's inspired."
Max's arm shot up, grabbing him by the jacket and slamming
him into the wall. "NONE of this would
have happened if I had gone WITH him!"
She let her grip loosen up, "If I had gone, I could have- none of this
would have happened."
"You're right."
Max's head snapped up to look at her brother. He quickly cupped both of his hands over her eyes. When he pulled them off, they were standing
on a street corner in Seattle. It was
morning –ish.
And unfolding before her eyes, this time from a much
different angle, was the event that was truly responsible for changing her
life. It was a sight that had been
burned into her already photographic memory.
However this time she watched herself get out of the car that had just
been ambushed by Son' Riza's thugs.
Then Logan got out of the car.
With mounting horror, she watched the seen unfold. "Max" was busy with one of the thugs and
didn't seem to notice one of the others take aim at her. Logan did, and moved into the path of the
incoming bullet. Max watched them both
hit the pavement.
Ben began ushering her over to the bodies. She noted a pool of blood forming underneath
"Max's" head. When they were almost
close enough to reach out and kick the bodies, Ben spoke, "Ironic in way. His only thought was to protect you. But his actions got you killed."
Ben's voice was stoic, and detached, "The bullet ricocheted
on its way out of his back. One of his
ribs deflected it straight into the back of your head." Ben stopped talking, apparently waiting for
her.
"But… He didn't… he couldn't have known me for more than a
day and a half. Why-"
"Because he loves you.
Men may have made that body you walk around in, but God gave you your
soul, just as he gave Logan his soul.
When he made Logan's, he etched a love for you into it, just like you
carry a love for him."
"But-"
"But nothing Max!
Either way we played this, he died.
You didn't put Logan in a wheelchair.
You made sure he could survive to make it into that chair. The very Son of God bore a heavy burden on
earth. Like Him, we all have our
own crosses to bear, our own burdens.
That's just life. You are a
daughter of Manticore. Logan is a
paraplegic; his cross bears him."
Ben pulled his sister into a loose hug. He saw the tears when he pulled away. He only had one thing left… " Remember Max, He
is not the author of evil, but he can ease the burden, if you will let him."
"Did the blue lady tell you that?" Her voice was laced with sarcasm.
"Would you believe, yes, she did?" He smiled, one she couldn't help but return. "Remember, no burden is forever."
"Promise?"
"I ought to know…"
Max opened her eyes.
She felt groggy, heavy, like she had been drugged. The heart monitor was quietly beeping in the
background. She was back at
Manticore. But she was much more at
peace. Max could not identify why; she
just knew that she would make it through this.
She would make it back to Seattle, to Logan, to Jam Pony, to all of
it. She just had to stay strong. She had to keep breathing.
Soon, even this burden would be lifted.
************
The door slid open.
Logan turned ready to explode at Bling.
But Bling wasn't at the door.
Instead, Logan sat, suddenly bewildered, staring at a very angry
Original Cindy. "Hey Cindy-"
"Don't finish that sentence, Wheels. Don't go trying to make nicy-nice with
Original Cindy. Bling spilled that
you've been throwing one hell of a woe-is-me party. Original Cindy straight up promised my Boo that I wouldn't let
you go all "It's a Wonderful Life" on everybody …"
End.
