Chapter I

As Vader headed back to his quarters, back from his long-awaited meeting with his former Padawan he couldn't help it but feel a deep sense of disappointment in himself. He couldn't tell exactly what was disturbing him - perhaps not having finished what he was supposed to. He used to believe he could do it. But killing Ahsoka meant much more than just killing another jedi, after all, she never got to be one. Sure the Emperor believed that this woman could provide valuable information about the location of the other Jedi. But it meant so much more than that, so much more than Vader was able to admit even to himself. Ending Ahsoka's life meant killing whatever was left of his old life, of Anakin Skywalker's life.

He forced himself so hard to believe that he didn't want anything to do with Anakin, that anything that linked him with his other self would only make him weak. It wasn't until his meeting with his former Padawan that he realized that his emotions were way more conflicted than he would ever confess.

I won't leave you. Not this time.

Her words created a painful loud echo in him as he replayed over and over again the whole scene in his head. Maybe if only he hadn't comitted the mistake of calling her by her name, a simple mistake that caused both of them so much sorrow, that brought so many memories that he would rather forget, he wouldn't have to deal with these controversial emotions. Maybe. He suddenly felt the need to meditate.

Alone in his quarters, as he was about to close his eyes, his attention was drawn to what it seemed a piece of paper that used to be sticked right under the round surface. He glared at it, first with curiosity, later with horror as he realized that he was the one to place it in there many years ago. He stretched his arm, grabbing the small folded piece of paper. Knowing already what was inside of it, he opened it. He stared at the small Padawan's braid, made from silka beads that once belonged to the woman he had just fighted with. He kept it since she left the Jedi Order, since she left him.

At the beginning he kept the silka beads believing that perhaps, one day, she would return. Occasionally he would bring it with him, inside the small pocket in his belt. "For good luck." he would explain when his former master asked him about it. After Order 66, after Padmé, after losing everyone he once cared about, he found the braid exactly where he left it. He didn't know exactly what to do with it. Instead of feeling hatred towards what would remember him of Anakin's life as he expected, he felt what he could call hope. Sure she had left him. But the Jedi Order betrayed her, just like it did with him. He told himself that there was no harm in keeping the small object if no one else knew about it. After all she could still be out there. Maybe she could -

He interrupted his own thoughts tossing the braid aside with anger boiling inside. She was against him, just like Obi-Wan. All this time. There was no point in keeping it. Not anymore.

Late at night he found hard to fall asleep as the memory of his former Padawan remained on his mind. "I should have killed her." he thought to himself, blaming her for his lack of sleep and for the abundance of thoughts that filled his head. His gaze lowered towards the braid, now laying on the floor. And then it hit him.

I would never let anyone hurt you Ahsoka. Never.

Sharply, the sense of disappointment came back, followed by what he would recognize as guilt.

I won't leave you. Not this time.

Until this point he hadn't come up with terms that she was willing to die if that meant not leaving him. She didn't leave him, indeed. He was the one that left her. He left her on Malachor to die.

...

After the explosion it was hard to find whatever was left of her. Nonetheless Vader had to know if she was still alive. Despite the pain he was feeling, he still looked out for her, intending to finish her off if that was the case. It took a while until he sensed her weak presence near him. He found her laying on the floor unconscious. He kneeled down near her. She looked so weak, so fragile. He heard her slow breath as his hand approached his lightsaber. He was so determined to do it. His eyes meet his own hand, now holding his lightsaber. "I have to" he thought to himself "she has to die". When his gaze went back to her, her opened blue eyes caught him by surprise and for the first time in years he questioned if he could end someone's life like this.

His gaze went back to the lightsaber, not knowing what he should do with it. "She is going to die anyway" he thought.

"Anakin" her voice was low, almost like a whisper. Her trembling arm moved as she reached to what she could see of his face, a face she used to know so well. She placed her cold hand in the sliced breathing mask, touching his skin with her thumb and he couldn't help but feel both surprised and horrified. He looked at her with a confused expression, trying to read her. That's when he realized that he couldn't sense any fear coming from her. She wasn't afraid of him. She wasn't afraid of the killing machine he had become. She wasn't afraid of Darth Vader. He got up quickly in despair, not knowing exactly what he should do. He was suddenly caught by a wave of rage as he glared at his former apprentice once again. Her expression was peaceful, her gaze seemed to try to talk with him, telling him that It was okay. For a moment he believed he saw a glimpse of forgiveness in her eyes, making him even more angry. He clipped his lightsaber in his belt as he started walking away from the togruta, leaving her to meet her fate. She couldn't last long on this forsaken planet anyway.

...

He once promised her that he would never let anyone hurt her. But that was not Vader. That was Anakin and Anakin was weak. He tried to toss the powerful emotions away. This was not his fault. It was hers. She made a choice and she chose to be against him. Even if she wasn't dead yet, soon she would be. And it would be on her.

I am so sorry for letting you go. For letting you get taken. It was my fault. I should have paid more attention. I should've tried harder.

Wouldn't it?

A/N: This was my first time writing a fanfic and since English is not my first language I apologize for any mistakes I've made. Reviews are not only welcomed but encouraged!