Hey guys! Okay, I came up with this in Bio the other day ... there I was, bored out of my mind, Mr. Langella droning on, a tempting notebook in front of me and Evanescence stuck in my head ... and this is the product. Kind of morbid, I know, but review, and tell me what you think!
Disclaimer: I don't own RFR, nor do I own the song, which is, in fact, Tourniquet by Evanescence.
The blood streaming down his arm was a shock to his eyes at first, which had only just become adjusted to the darkness filling his room.
I tried to kill the pain
It was ironic, how numb the had become to the slashes he found he could give himself. This, though, was different. Deeper. He could feel this.
But only brought more
He knew what this pain was. This was different than what he had felt before. The pain he had started cutting for had been emotinoal. This was real. This was scary.
I lay dying
And I'm pouring
Crimsion regret ...
He actually poked with his right figer at the blood flowing from his left wrist. It was almost funny, how small this cut was. His others had been bigger. Longer. But this was deeper.
He wanted to be able to make it her fault. He wasnted to be able to blame it all on her, to remove the guilt from himself.
... and betrayal
But he couldn't. She hadn't loved him back. Not her fault. She just hadn't felt the same as he had, and that was that. And so his world had spun out of control. His mind had spun out of control.
And now all he could do was lay here.
Her face swam into sight as the rest of his room became blurry. "I ... I think I'm falling in love with you, too." He could still hear her words in his head, as clearly as if she had just uttered them. An actual laugh escaped his throat at the memory. It had been a bold-faced lie, and they both had known it. He knew she'd been trying to protect him, not to hurt his feelings, but it had still hurt. Badly.
After that, he'd tried to move on. In his last few precious moments of life, he could pride himself in knowing that he'd tried to move on; tried to get a new girlfriend, to fall in love, to forget. And he'd almost succeded. He could've found love with Parker ... but his mind was still on Her. It was Parker he was kissing, but it wasn't her he was seeing.
For the first time since his mind had started to entertain the idea of suicide, he could feel hinself begin to cry. Softly and silently, he began to cry. Then louder and louder, until his siilent sob was a scream. He screamed until his body shook, with no one around to hear it. The house was empty, and the neighbors were used to the yelling. At the TV, at the pet, at each other; fights were never in short supply in this little house in Roscoe.
I'm dying
Praying
Bleeding
And screaming
He could try to save himself. He knew he could try. He could make himself crawl over to the phone, dial 911, send for an ambulence. But he was tired ... just so tired ...
Am I too lost
To be saved?
Am I too lost?
He sighed. A sigh of admittance, of acceptance, of endings. He realized that he now had no plan. He never, in all his life, had pictured himself in this position. And so what happened next came as a complete and total surprise.
He prayed.
My God
My tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God
My tourniquet
Return to me salvation
He realized as he prayed, what he wanted. Forgiveness. For himself, for her, for his parents, for anything. He didn't want them to do what he did. He finally understood what parents meant when they told their children they want them to have a life better than their own.
My wound cry for the grave
My soul cries for delievrance
He no longer cried out of self-pity, or prayed to be saved. He knew he was dying, would soon be dead. He prayed for forgiveness from God. He remembered hearing once that if you hadn't lived for God during life, He wouldn't know you in death.
Will You be on the other side
Or will You forget me?
I'm dying
Praying
Bleeding
And screaming
He could feel his last breath shudder through his weakened frame. He was concentrating so hard on life that he could actually hear the blood coursing through his veins, could hear his last few heartbeats.
Will I be
Denied
Christ?
Tourniquet
With Lily as his last thought, Travis parted his lips in a silent scream, exhailing his last breath and letting the darkness take him.
My suicide