Carol stood there next to Tyreese, Maggie's scream of anguish cutting her to the core. She felt numb; Beth had been so good, so pure, a small glimmer of hope in this dark world.
She looked from Maggie to Daryl, standing there holding Beth's small frame as though he was offering her up to the God's in some vain hope that he could change what had happened. As Carol watched blindly, Maggie lurched to her feet towards him to grip Beth's lifeless hand, clinging to her as though she could pull her back. The silence was deafening.
Suddenly Daryl's knees gave out and he sank to the floor, dragging Maggie with him as his broad shoulders heaved with emotion. Instinctively they all moved forwards but Carol and Glenn were the only ones to reach out to comfort the two who were grasping to their faded ray of light. Carol reached out her hand to his shoulder, kneeling next to him and murmuring "Daryl, let go. You have to let go now".
Daryl felt her warm hand there, bringing him back to himself. He looked down at the broken girl in his arms and gently lowered her to the floor.
He had let himself hope. No, this small fragile teenager had made him. Daryl had never been a hopeful person. Practical, always doing what was needed to survive but he had never seen the point in hope, not in his life.
Beth had pushed him to, forcing him to see her view. Making him break and holding him together when he fell apart. He had told her more about himself that anyone else, even Carol, who he loved so much it scared him to awkwardness. Admitting to Beth he didn't think he would see her or the others again, coupled with his guilt that he should have done and said more was the thing that had broken him.
In this moment he was breaking again and the only thing holding him in place now was the warm hand on his shoulder as he sobbed. For once, without thinking, he held that hand tightly, anchoring himself to her. As his grip tightened, so did Carols. She knew he needed her there to help him through this pain, just as she knew she needed air to breathe.
Much later as the group found a place to bed down for the night, she kept an eye on him. She could see him starting to withdraw, starting disappear. All Carol wanted to do was to hold him and make the pain he was feeling go away, she knew he would ever allow that though.
She picked up her blankets and pack, moving to sit next to him in the dark corner of the barn that Daryl had claimed as his own. She didn't say a word as she settled herself beside the surly hunter, just sat close enough to let him know she cared.
Daryl knew she had been watching him, he always knew. He always felt her presence before he saw her. Between losing her twice and today's events, all he wanted to do was to hold her close and never let go. However much he wanted to though, he couldn't, couldn't let her in and risk the chance of losing her. He didn't think he would live through that.
He thought losing Merle had been hard, but now after Beth had...he didn't even feel for her half of what he felt for Carol. He had let Beth in and now she was gone. It was his fault, he lost her, his fault he felt as though he was being torn apart, all his fault as he had let her in.
If he did that and lost Carol. No he wouldn't, couldn't let that happen.
As she settled next to him for the night, he knew what he would have to do. Knew that to survive, to protect her and himself what was required. He raised his gaze to meet hers, holding it for as long as he could bear, taking every minor detail in about her, then lay back and turned away.
As his stare penetrated every fibre of her being, she worried. He had never studied her so closely, never looked as though he was permitting every part of her to memory. Then as his face flushed, he rolled away from her and she went cold. Why did she feel such dread at closing her eyes. She lay back and looked at his strong frame, unable to settle the feeling of unease as she fell in to a fitful dreamworld.
He waited until the steady sounds of the others breathing leveled to the deep hush of sleep. He slowly sat up and began to gather his things, as quietly as only he could. He stood and looked at Carol as she slept, a frown of worry marring her features even in slumber. He knelt close to her and reached out, barely brushing her cheek with the back of his hand, saying his own silent goodbye. Then he carefully rose to his feet and silently padded from the barn. Past his family, leaving his loved ones because he knew to lose them any other way would kill him.