Hello everyone! Well I've had writers block for heaven knows how long, and my computer was malfunctioning for the longest time, so I have been gone a while. I came up with this story to let you know I am still around… I'm just too busy to write.
For those of you who are reading some of my other fics, I promise I will get back to them, I am writing the next parts as we speak!

If you're still not happy with that give me a break! Its junior year! And let's not for forget that my computer still has a few bugs in it.

On another note, I want to give a BIG thanks to my friends Brigid and Elizabeth for helping me write this story!
Enough rambling from me, enjoy!

I was not always a vampire that sparkled in the sun and attracted girls and guys alike.
There is a truth to me no one knew… until now, and I can't hold it in anymore; this lie I have kept form my fan-base. I have been in denial for a long time but it is time to tell the truth.

You see, I didn't always have these fangs and terrifying good looks. The truth is I was once… a FAIRY!

I still kept my fairy like qualities, well besides my fairy wings and fairy dust. I had to give those up in order to impress Bella.

It all began the first day I saw Bella. I thought she was the most beautiful human I ever did see (except I had never seen any humans before so I assumed she was pretty).

You see, I always believed I was a terrifying fairy, and the fairy queen said if I believed in myself I could be a terrifying fairy. So therefore I was.

I decided to win Bella over with a scare tactic.
I swooped down in front of her with my emerald green wings. In a monotone voice I said:

"Good evening Infa- I mean … Bella."

In a very dry voice she said, "How do you know my name?"
"Well I was certainly not stalking you and watching you while you sleep."
"What?"
"Nothing. Do you know what I am?"
"A fairy?"
"A TERRIFYING fairy."
"A terrifying fairy?"
"A TERRRIFYING FAIRY!"
"That totally impresses me with your emerald wings, sparkling body, and fairy dust."
"Really?"
"No."
"Then what would impress you?"
"A vampire" she said. (Now that I think about it she did sound sarcastic when she said that…)

"Then I, Edward Cullen, will become a vampire for you, Bella Marie Swan!"
"You know my middle name too?"
"Uh… got to go!"
So I set out for the sorceress Stephanie Meyer, even though she was known for taking people's work and calling it her own.
I felt I could trust her.

When I arrived at her house, I didn't realize I entered a home that was a giant mess with books about crappy supernatural romances, vampires fighting werewolves, and pathetic protagonists.

"Ms. Meyer, I have to ask you something."

A young lady popped her head up, "Yeesss?"
"Can you make me a vampire?"
"A vampire?"

"Yes, I must become a vampire in order to win Bella's affection. Because she is the most beautiful, most honest, fairest, most dependant human I have ever met. She looks just like her mother, and her home is beautiful. She is gorgeous when she sleeps, eats, and goes to school.

(Many hours later of constant stalker descriptions that they drove author2be3 so insane, that she forced Brigid to continue the story.)

"Oh you wonderful boy! I will defiantly make you a vampire! Only if you let me write your story into a four part novel series!"

"Okay."
"Great! Now just close your eyes."
I did so.
"Abra-kadabra!" Nothing happened.
"Wait Hocus- pocus! No, wait that's a movie."
I hear pages turning.
"Ah. Bip-ady bop-ady boo!"
I felt a change, "Am I a vampire now?"
"Um… sort of. Don't open your eyes!"

Against better judgment, I opened one eye.
"You made me Cinderella!"
"Hey it could be worse. Now shush! Avada ka da- no wait. I take that one back."

(Many more hours of later, that Brigid got tired and got Elizabeth to write the rest of it).

"Open sesa- on no that's not right…"
"Can you turn me into a vampire or not?"
"Erm… no not really… but I can do plastic surgery! I finished my degree online yesterday!"
"You've operated on other people before right?"
"Does Operation count?"

(Due to the rating of this story, we are not allowed to explain what happens next. But do note that there was a LOT of screaming. Not all of the screams were from Edward).

"Well that should do it! However, there are a few side effects."
"Side effects?"
"Well you still have some fairy like qualities such as sparkling in the sunshine. But you do have fangs and a craving for blood, so I think you will be okay."
"But I'm a vampire right?"
"Well… um… sure."
"Yes! Now I can impress Bella!"

After that, I rushed out to find Bella.
I found her just outside the forest.

"Bella, I have become what will impress you."
"What are you talking about?"
"I want to suck your blood."
"What?"
"I mean… I want to show you something, because I'm a vampire."
"How are you in the sunlight and why are you sparkling?"
"No time! I'm going to fly you to this dark scary part of the forest."

So I picked Bella up and jumped into the air, only to fall back down.

"Where are my wings?"
"Wings? I thought you were a vampire?"
"Um… I am… a vampire…"

So in the end, I carried her to this dark creepy stop in the forest. When I put her down I said:

"Now, go ahead and say it. Say it out loud."
"Say what?"

I began to stomp my feet constantly and my voiced turned to a squeal, similar to a child tantrum.
"Say I'm a vampire!"
"Why would I say that?"
"Because I am!"
"This is getting stupid. I'm leaving."
"No! Don't go!" I started to cry.
"You're crying? Vampires don't cry."
"They do if they're in love!"
"What the heck! I don't even know you! I only found out last week that you were stalking me!"
"I was not stalking you. I was merely observing you from a distance wherever you went."
"That's stalking! You know what? You're not a vampire or a fairy. You know what you are? A freak of nature! So quit stalking me before I call the cops!"

And she left me to cry my eyes out.

Just crying and crying…

Crying and crying….

Crying and crying…

Cry-

(You get the point. We're going to fast forward considering Edward wasted three days crying until he gathered enough strength to get out of his fetal position. And another two days to stand up. And another day to actually start walking again).

I walked all the way to Stephanie Meyer's house.

I pushed open the door, still sobbing.

Stephanie poked her head out and said, "Yeesss?"

"Bella rejected ME!"
"Oh you poor boy. Don't you worry! I will personally rewrite your story! She will fall for you and your manliness! And just for fun, I'll throw in werewolves! I have no idea how those creatures work, but I'll just wing it!"
"Re-really?"
"Absolutely!"

So now you know the truth! I am not a vampire, I am a fairy in a vampire's body!

Now I don't have to live a lie anymore!

THE END

I hope you liked the comedic style of Brigid, Elizabeth, and myself!

References: Jeff Dunham, Sponge Bob, Cinderella, Harry Potter, and Aladdin.

Thank you for reading!