Title: 'And That Is Why We Bachelors Wear Our Shirts Inside Out' REVISED 2009.02
Author: MissYamapiKara
Type: One-shot
Base: 'Naruto' by Masashi Kishimoto
Pairing: Naruto x Sasuke
Genre: Humour, Parody, Romance
Warnings: Sasuke half-nekkid... a telephone pole hazard... that's about it.
Rating: T
Soundtrack: Misato's Theme ('Neon Genesis Evangelion' ST)
Summary: Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke.. if you're so bored, find something to do! What better to amuse the staid young man than a slightly elaborate plan to catch Naruto off-guard once again?

So Basically: There is no real background here... Could be AU (since everyone's older and Sasuke is actually in Konoha) except for the small mention of the existence of ninja; that can be ignored. shrug Sasuke has moved into a new house, for various reasons that are unimportant to this one-shot, and has become bored after finishing unpacking and rearranging. But he did it all so quickly! That leads us to wonder: why exactly was it done so fast? Certainly not so that he could 'show' his best friend around the place sooner...

Author's Note: hehe This is just a bit of silliness that came into my head last night after a full day at work. I wanted to write something else besides 'MiKADo', so I went through a few of the quotes I had lying around. I came across one that I remember laughing at real hard. It was something my dad said a while ago: he had his shirt on inside out and my mum pointed it out, then he turned to me and said, while taking off his shirt, "And that is why we bachelors wear our shirts inside out." Ooh, it was so funny... Should have seen my mum's face... At first, I was going to star Itachi, but then realised that Itachi has no Naruto-type-person to pick on... Et voila! Sasuke was chosen from the few candidates to re-tell a story of my (recent – very recent) childhood! XD
Oh, and the title in the fanfic listing is different because my original title is too long... oops...

Disclaimer: I (as the author of this piece of writing, 'And That Is Why We Bachelors Wear Our Shirts Inside Out') do not claim ownership over the manga, anime or other variations of what I know as 'Naruto'.
I appreciate the lenience of Masashi Kishimoto and all those concerned with 'Naruto' to not take any legal actions against myself, as I have not purposely intended to offend them, nor have I intended to steal their material, earnings or imagination. I am gaining no profit from this piece other than my own enjoyment and perhaps expressed delight or amusement from unfamiliar readers.
All material other than the characters, setting and root storyline of 'Naruto' is claimed as the sole property of myself.

I thank Masashi Kishimoto every day since coming across 'Naruto' for sharing his story – THANKYOU!

Heads Up: If necessary, action will be taken to protect my own writing as I am proud of it and hold it very dear to myself. It would be greatly appreciated if fellow avid-writers, all readers or general persons would respect the content of this document and not copy it without permission from myself, the author. If it is desired by anyone to use any part of the text on the page, large or small, I would bid him or her to contact me and it shall be discussed.

I believe it is one of the greatest things in this world to be able to create things from your own mind, heart, soul and fabric. Be proud of your own creations – they could only ever come from you.

MissYamapiKara

Proceeding...

And That Is Why We Bachelors Wear Our Shirts Inside Out

-

All things considered, it was a beautiful day: the sun shone gently, the grass was green, there was a soft breeze travelling through the air that tickled the cheeks and ruffled the hair of small children, carrying their appreciative laughter on through the town. Yes, it was a good day. It was also the day that Uchiha Sasuke finished moving into his new house.

Now, all things considered, the black-haired ex-nin had made the move rather quickly. It really shouldn't have been so easy to pack an Estate-worth of belongings into a two-bedroom, two-bathroom house, but Sasuke had tricks up his sleeve and managed the entire transition within seven days. He'd even arranged all of his things just how they should be and was pretty happy with the way everything had turned out.

So, all things considered, Sasuke was settled and content in his new abode. In his living room, he flattened the last of the moving boxes and set them aside to sort for later. He stood in the middle of the floor, couch to the northwest, fireplace to the south, bookcase to the southeast and window to the northeast. His dark eyes scanned over every item around him, turning his body in a slow full-circle as his feet made quiet shuffling sounds every now and then. Once the circle was complete, he stopped and sighed.

All things considered... Sasuke was bored!

He looked down in order to focus his thoughts, and noticed that he was wearing his shirt inside out.

'Oh..' was his innocent-enough thought.

Sasuke reached down to pull the shirt off with the intention to replace it correctly. Before he had replaced it, however, a dull 'thunk' caught his attention. Out on the street-side path, he could see a girl he didn't recognise sitting on the ground in front of a telephone pole, rubbing her cheek tenderly.

'...Hn...' Sasuke remained uninterested and replaced his shirt.

'And what to do now? No more missions, no more moving... how to pass the time...' Sasuke mentally considered his options:

Option One: 'I could go through the rooms with the vacuum cleaner again..'

Sasuke liked to clean, but he'd already done that twice.

Option Two: 'I could start on dinner, it's already five o'clock..'

Sasuke could wait to eat; he wasn't really hungry.

Option Three: 'I could go find Sakura and see what-'

Wait. He wasn't quite that bored.

Oh, but dearest Sasuke, you've forgotten one option. The Golden option. Let's end your boredom, shall we?

Sasuke grinned to himself – and only himself because his facial muscles might as well be paralysed – and headed upstairs to find his low-riding jeans.

Gliding, as he does, back down the stairs merely three minutes later, Sasuke stopped in the hall to scrutinise his reflection in a rather well-placed hanging mirror, 'Jeans are too low.. perfect. Face is fine... Hair.. hm.. what to do..' The young man pondered to himself.

It was a little-known fact that Sasuke didn't bother with his hair at all. Most days he would wake up, brush through it once 'because combs can never get through knots anyway' and leave it for the rest of the day. But today... well, today's afternoon at least would be a little different.

And so, Uchiha Sasuke, in all his mischievous glory, sauntered into his newly furnished kitchen and stuck his head into the sink. He turned the faucet and let the running water soak his hair. He turned it again to stop the flow and flicked his head back to get his hair out of his eyes. Making his way back to the hall-mirror, he hoped that this was what was known as a 'sexy' effect.

'As if I have any idea about that..' Sasuke almost laughed at his own thoughts. Truth be told, he hadn't the slightest clue what women and girls alike found so attractive about him. He was cold and indifferent to most people, and he knew it, so why would they even bother to make note of his existence when all he caused them was grief? Of course, that was only most people; this one person on Sasuke's mind, well, that person wasn't 'most people'.. not at all...

Ignorant to the undeniably appealing way his hair was shining and strewn about the place, and the crystal clear drops of water still clinging delicately to his powder-white neck, Sasuke sighed again and decided that the stereotypes should do their job no matter what – it was all up to the minds of people, anyhow.

He strode back into his living room.

'Hn.. curtains..' and he pulled the curtains shielding his window aside.

'So.. seat..' and he sat down on the cushioned ledge of the window.

'And..' he nonchalantly looked past the glass and into the street not ten meters from him – he guessed he was lucky that this side of the house was so close to the roadside, '..first test.'

Sasuke pulled his black shirt outwards at the hem and upwards over his head. His timing was decidedly as sharp as it ever had been: just at that moment, none other than Haruno Sakura strolled towards the humble house belonging to the handsome bachelor. Sasuke watched, studying her every twitch, which were many, and her every step, which became clumsy.

But our beloved heart-breaker, loved by many a broken heart, became inwardly displeased when the emerald-eyed beauty promptly righted herself and just kept on walking.

Sasuke seethed, 'If that failed to sway Sakura, then how would it-'

Ah, test number two coming up; Sasuke, don't miss it! Down the same path came Yamanaka Ino, who was just as formerly-Sasuke-obsessed as Sakura. All right, Uchiha, step it up!

With a languid stretch of his right arm above his head, Sasuke managed to hold Ino's gaze long enough to have her walk straight into the telephone pole.

Sasuke blinked, 'Well.. that worked.. nicely.'

The blond florist pulled herself to her feet and staggered off, hand on head, grumbling about something or other to do vaguely with something in the vicinity of old habits dying hard.. very hard.. Back inside the gallery, Sasuke figured it was a lucky shot, 'Try it again.' And he was never one to be satisfied with half-arsed abilities – this technique would be perfected or he'd never be able to win over-

Third test; try your best, Sasuke! He wondered how he would make Shiranui Genma look his way, when he spotted a rather large piece of lint on the carpet directly to his left. Understandably distracted, Sasuke stood to retrieve the offensive thing. He turned his back to the window, walked two paces, bent down from the hips and.. promptly stood straight again to see where that sickening thunk noise had come from.

Shiranui Genma, aged not-over-25, defeated by none other than a telephone pole.

...senbon...

Sasuke shook his head slowly, as if not understanding something he was deathly afraid to comprehend anyway. He tried desperately to figure out whether he had done something right this time or if it was pure coincidence. He sighed for the third time that day and ordered himself, 'Again.' And his rigorous training continued.

An hour and multiple injuries-via-telephone pole caused inadvertently by Sasuke (or so he hoped) later, Sasuke was sure that having felled Hinata, Tenten, Moegi, Tsunade the Hokage herself, Kakashi, and, surprisingly enough, Akamaru, meant something.

'All right,' Sasuke sat slumped over his windowsill, hair re-saturated, arms folded and lying flat under his chin, 'all that's left to do is wait.' He had to admit it: even though he wasn't quite sure what he was doing, this was successfully taking care of his boredom.

The sound of light footsteps reached Sasuke's ears. He knew those casual pat-pats like he knew his own unco-operative hair! This was the person he'd been practising all day to make fall. He just hoped that the telephone pole could withstand another head-on collision.

Tests completed, this is the one! All right, Uchiha, do your worst! And Sasuke looked down at his shirt: inside out, check. He stood, turned side on to the window and, just as he caught sight of his object of affection, began to torturously slowly peel the black material from his torso.

Sasuke gradually arched his back, broadening his chest and showing off an expanse of flawless pale skin. The low-riding jeans slipped to ride even lower as he stretched leisurely. He carelessly dropped the shirt to the floor and shook his head twice, sending sparkling drops of water soaring in all directions. His hand travelled upward, from navel to neck, to catch the few stray beads of liquid that trickled from his hairline and cheeks.

Thunk.

Sasuke almost pounced at the window with anticipation – almost. Craning his neck out the window to survey the damage, he leaned forward with his palms on the sill. Success!

'Well, I never...' Sasuke was decidedly pleased.

There, before Sasuke's newest best friend, the pole, lay one Uzumaki Naruto. He was sprawled out on his back, apparently having walked smack-bang into the telephone pole.. somehow. His eyes were closed tightly and his teeth were clenched. Sasuke thought he heard a 'bastard' mixed in with the incoherent cursing. And he grinned.

Oh, what do you know, his facial muscles aren't paralysed!

Naruto rolled over onto his stomach painfully and glared at the smirking man that was leaning casually on his living-room window frame, arms crossed. He shouted, "Sasuke, you bastard, why the hell aren't you wearing a shirt?!"

Sasuke cocked his head to the side and his smirk became playful. He called, "Naruto, dobe, why the hell would you bother to ask?"

Naruto huffed and pushed himself up off the ground. He began angrily stomping his way to Sasuke's front door, ignoring the property gate by jumping right over it, and the way he had to fight his own grin away.

Sasuke walked away from his window with a genuine smile playing on his lips.

All things considered, he had accomplished much that day.

He certainly wasn't bored anymore.