Panic
He woke up with his heart pounding, thudding like it was trying to escape from his body. That was the first thing he noticed. It was something he was always use to because the nightmares left him like this, and left him breathless.
Aya sat up in bed and curled up as his heartbeat increased. Tremors ran through his body until he had finally curled up in an upright fetal position. It felt like all his muscles, at once, contracted. He shut his eyes as another tremor went through him.
It hurt so much to be as he was, but he couldn't breathe, couldn't even think. All that seemed definite at the moment was the tremors, the difficulty for breathing, and recurring thoughts of not belonging here.
After all, he was just a killer. In a world billions, killers didn't matter. He didn't matter. There was one purpose to his life, and that purpose hasn't woken up in over a year.
Someone was hitting his door.
"Aya! Wake up already! Remember you and I have morning shift?" Of course it would be Yohji. He needed to respond, otherwise the chain smoking blond would come in and see him as he was. That couldn't happen. He knew he was seen as the will of Weiss, strong and unhesitant.
Aya opened his mouth to tell Yohji to fuck off, but his heart leapt into his throat and he couldn't speak. All of his muscles curled up in a strong tremor, leaving him falling over onto his side, shaking as the tremor had yet to go away.
Every muscle was tense and taut enough to feel like they too were trying rip themselves away. His breath was coming out in short, fast gasps.
"Aya! I know you're in there! You little shit! Stop ignoring me!" Yohji banged on the door again, frustration lacing his voice.
The blond could hear breathing in the room, but it didn't sound normal. It sounded off, and Yohji couldn't place why it did.
"Okay, fuck this," he muttered to himself. "I'm coming in, Aya!" He turned the door knob, expecting it to be locked. He was surprised to find it wasn't.
The room was dark, made up of blues, blacks and occasionally white. On the bed laid his teammate, who wasn't telling him to fuck off.
"Aya?" His eyebrows pinched together as he walked closer to the redhead. Yohji noticed the other man's breathing was uneven and fast. The man was hyperventilating.
When he stood right next to the bed, he noticed Aya was shaking. His first thought was a nightmare that wouldn't let go, but that went out the window when he saw Aya's eyes open and he was still shaking, on his side, curled up like a terrified, injured child.
The blond has seen this before. Especially from Omi and rarely from Ken. Though he had never seen Aya act like this.
Yohji knew a panic attack when he saw one. After all, he had experienced some himself but not for sometime now. Maybe he was just getting use to the way his life was now.
He sat on the bed and gripped Aya's shoulders, pulling the red head up into a sitting position. The other man could kill him later. Yohji pulled the redhead until the man was leaning against his chest, still shaking and curling up with tremors.
Slowly, the blond moved his hand in comforting swirls on Aya's back and wrapped his other arm around Aya to keep him where he was.
"Aya, start taking slow and deep breaths." He felt like what he was saying was cheesy, but he knew it worked. "Just breathe with me."
Yohji took deep breaths, letting them out slowly and felt better when Aya was attempting to do the same. At least the swordsman was willing to give it a try and actually listen to Yohji for once.
His arms tightened around his teammate as he felt a tremor move up from Aya's legs to his core. Aya curled up tighter, if it was even possible, and a small, pained whine escaped from him.
Yohji frowned as he rubbed Aya's back comfortingly. It was the best he could do really. He was doing the best he could, but he and Aya weren't really close. They never really did much together in their spare time.
To fully calm down, Aya would need someone familiar and comforting. That wasn't Yohji, but it was the best the redhead was getting.
He sighed and gave in to rocking the redhead back and forth. It was usually what he did to comfort girlfriends, but then, Yohji expected (and got) sex from them. He wasn't expecting (and probably not getting) sex from Aya.
Aya seemed so straight, he may as well be asexual. There was no way Aya would want this to turn into sex. Besides, the man was Yohji's teammate. He couldn't risk a falling out with someone who watched his back on missions.
And another thing, it was Aya.
"Y-Yohji?" The sound of a weak, albeit deep, voice made the blond look down at the redhead that was currently curled up and leaning against his chest.
He noticed that he was still rubbing Aya's back and rocking the back and forth. Yohji felt his face warm at his actions towards his teammate.
"Feeling better?" Aya blinked up at him. Some kind of emotion passed through those violet eyes just then. An emotion that Yohji hadn't seen ever cross those eyes.
And now, he felt like he was holding a lover instead of a teammate.
He was glad Aya sat up when he did because the blond was feeling a very strong urge to leave the room as quickly as possible. At the same time, though, he very much wanted to stick around. What the hell, he thought to himself, was getting into him?
Aya nodded while running a hand through his sleep tousled hair. His brows were drawn together and Yohji knew that look meant the other man was stressed and thinking.
The situation began to feel more and more awkward to Yohji. It seemed that now would be the perfect time to leave.
"Well, um, I… I'm going to go open shop. See you down there in a few?" Yohji stood, his left hand rubbing the back of his neck as he shifted from foot to foot.
Aya looked up at him and again, the same unknown emotion passed behind those eyes. Except… Yohji had seen the emotion twice, and now he somewhat recognized it.
Aya nodded and he nodded back before pivoting towards the door and leaving the redhead with a feeling of emptiness and longing and confusion.
Yohji walked downstairs but he was looking at the ceiling as he went down, as if it held answers to what he had felt for Aya just moments ago… and what he had seen in the redhead's eyes after the panic attack had subsided.
Without thinking, he pulled out the pack of cigarettes from his jean pocket and soon had a lit one between his lips by the time he had taken a step outside. The blond leaned against the building and let out a stream of smoke.
Even after all these years of knowing Aya, he never thought he would've seen even a glimpse of desire in those eyes.
Maybe…
Maybe Aya wasn't as straight as he thought.