A/N: So, does anyone actually remember that one fic I wrote back in August?
Picture's from somewhere on Zerochan.
If she was to choose a metaphor to describe him, she'd immediately think of something akin to 'a dense, foggy forest'.
He was like an alluring dark maze, drawing helpless people in by whispering sweet promises and making better judgement crumble with honey-coated lies and pretenses. The unimaginable secrets hidden away in his depths, enveloped by the darkest mist of his past, present and future, as well as the mysterious way he presented himself, coated in obscurity and ominous feelings, was what got unknowing souls to wander blindly into him, ready to abandon everything.
Admittedly, she had been drawn in by him, too, all those years ago.
But as they grew up like that, she wondered if she even wanted to escape his clutches anymore- brotherly and warm, yet faraway, alluring and mysterious clutches of an all-consuming monster. Was there even a point in trying when she was a lost case already as it was? More often than not, she succumbed to the less bothersome option of remaining like that for just a little longer, retaining that broken little status quo for a bit more.
Most of the time, she was painfully aware of him. His behaviour, his words, his lies. The way he carried himself was worn and tired, the way he laughed had become nothing but hollow. If it weren't for his flawlessly crafted masks, even that annoying smile of his would have dropped ages ago.
He refused to lean on others, though. After their sister had disappeared from their lives, he had apparently lost the ability to rely on her or anyone else for that matter. The loss of that brightly smiling sun had affected them all greatly, of course, but he had been the one who happened to be off worst, his pretense of strength unnerving and unneeded.
Somewhere along the way, he must have simply cracked under the additional pressure.
She wanted to reach out to him though, when she noticed his shoulders sag from the corner of her eye when he thought no-one was watching. She wanted to tell him how he could just come to her and speak to her when he went off to God-knows-where all the time. She wanted to comfort him badly, so, so badly, when she heard muffled sobs from his room in the middle of the night. She wanted him to stop already. She wanted him to drop his pretense, his half-assed lies and unneccessary defenses.
After all, she knew him.
There had been a time when he wasn't a slippery, unserious, playful idiot. Back then, he had been a bit reserved, but still was an obedient, sweet boy who had reached out to her whenever she had been scared. In those times, it had been about sharing the same kind of pain. They had seen each other cry and had held each other after a nightmare. They had laughed and played together. So why had it come to this?
Maybe it was about growing up. Maybe she and Seto had needed a strong shoulder to cry on after their lives had come crumbling down. Maybe they had even forced him into that role at that time. If only she had been stronger, she wouldn't have to hold up with pointless, painful 'what if's and 'maybe's anymore.
And then, perhaps, he actually was strong now. Although broken, he could still hold his head high and pretend to be calm and composed when everyone was freaking out. He could laugh with a cracking voice while his unseen tears would stain his pants. But then again, she doubted that that was actual strength and not some idiotic behaviour worth her pity.
In the end, she was the one who lacked the initiative. She couldn't look him in the eye without getting irritated at the fabricated, light-hearted smile that went so terrible with eyes brimming with unshed tears of defeat. If only she was able to be true to herself, only one single time, and forget her silly pride, extend her arms towards him and hug him close, tell him that he'd be fine, that he's an idiot. Maybe she would kiss his head or his nose like she had done when they had been little, smooching all the pain away. Perhaps she could do the same to his mouth, just to shut up all the lies for once. They were old enough now. It was okay to feel like that.
It had become apparent one summer- that she liked him. Even though they had been raised as something akin to siblings for a long time, she didn't get to decide whom she fell in love with, either. Despite that certain knowledge, sometimes, she wondered who exactly she liked. Did she like that crumbling, pitiful mask that he had become? Or did she like the mischievous, encouraging boy that he had once been?
Perhaps she just couldn't let go of the way he turned out to be when he grew older. Perhaps she was actually still clinging to soft, somewhat sharp yellow eyes; to an awfully crooked nose; to scraped chins and elbows; to a hoodie that was way too big on him; to the boy who actually had been taller than her at one point.
But her reality's eyes were as sharp as a cat's, yet sick of everything, sitting above a perfectly straight nose on flawless skin. He was looking better on the outside than when he had been a kid, she thought bitterly. On the inside, however, he was but a broken being by then, far beyond all repair.
It hurt to accept that, but it was better than denying it: her past's Shuuya wasn't the same as her present's Kano.
A gentle knock on the door frame to her room ripped her out of her thoughts. Looking away from the ceiling she had been staring at, she met the eyes of her mind's most frequent occupant. Quietly, more softly than she had intended for it to come out, she muttered, "what do you want?"
The boy casually leaned against the wood, eyeing her sheepishly. "Aren't I allowed to come to Danchou's room to hang out with her?", he asked, exaggerated hurt lacing his voice. She narrowed her eyes at him. He put up his hands in surrender at her glare, chuckling softly. "No, I was just wondering what you were up to, since your phone isn't online and I didn't see you going about."
She sighed audibly and closed her eyes, a feeling reminiscent of a migraine overtaking her brain. "Thinking, I guess", she replied eventually and let her head rest on her pillow. "Thinking too much."
The rustling of clothes and a few steps could be heard before a weight was added next to her on the bed. "Have you been over thinking that time again, Kido?", he asked, more gently and leaned a bit into her to give her some well-meant comfort.
Instead of accepting the gesture, though, she edged closer to the wall, avoiding the boy. "No", she told him curtly. A rare, truly exhausted sigh escaped Kano as he sat closer to the edge again, almost standing up.
"What have you been thinking about, then?", he tried to get an answer out of her, leaning even more forwards. Kido shuffled and rolled over so that only her back was facing him now.
"Promise me not to say anything dumb", she grumbled before turning her head to hide her face in her pillow. She heard Kano hum in affirmation. "I've been thinking about... well, you. But in a different context than what you're thinking right now!", she added hastily, although the thing about the context was a lie.
The weight on her bed shifted backwards again, Kano's warmth against the small of her back. "That's sweet, Kido", he told her jokingly and felt a hand lightly hit his arm. He drew up his legs, then, resting his chin on top of his knees. "But you know, I don't think that you can help me anymore, either."
The way his voice trembled a little and the painful tone he said those words made Kido sit up in a second. She turned to him, eyes wide while he kept his back to her. Slowly, softly, she put a hand on his tense shoulder, massaging it instinctively. "It... it doesn't matter. You're... you're my family. So just freakin' rely on me. Or Seto. Do that guy-thing. But... we're here for you. Just like in old times. Okay?", she spoke, holding her breath when she was finished. She wanted to say so much more, and yet, that was all that she managed to get out while keeping her pride somewhat intact.
Kano turned under her grasp and weakly smiled at her with those same tired eyes as always. There was nothing genuine about him anymore. "Like old times", he repeated and stared off into space beside her head. "That would be so...", he drifted off. In his eyes, Kido saw a flash of some emotion, yet it was gone the second it had appeared. "I'd like to go back, too."
At that, he rested his head in the nape of her neck. Shakily, she brought her arms around the midsection of his awkwardly angled torso and hugged him lightly, feeling tense and uncertain of the situation. Was that all Kano had ever needed to hear? That she thought and cared about him? Were those the magic words.
"I'm not good enough for Danchou anymore, though", he muttered after a while of an awkward embrace. "I never was."
Kido actually found herself laughing at that. It seemed like the most hilarious thing, after she had assured him of the fact that she'd always support him. Did he think she had been lying? She was actually a fairly honest, although shy and secretive person, and while comforting her crush, her brother and her dearest friend, she was suddenly supposed to lie? Kano looked at her in confusion as she grinned wryly and shook her head. "You're always fine. Idiots like you just don't get it."
Kano sighed and pulled away, Kido's arms slacking and falling to her sides. As their eyes met, a mischievous glint, just like when they were kids, crossed Kano's eyes. Kido almost choked on air at that. Then, with a grin, the boy got up, stretching his back as if he hadn't just had a minor breakdown.
Kido wanted to shake her head, but before she could do so, a slender hand was extended towards her, offering her an easy way up. Taking it, she stood with her feet on the ground, her hand resting by her side again as Kano let go. "So", he began, although Kido would have prefered if he had remained quiet. "Do you want to go out and watch the clouds?"
"Oh God, Kano, I swear...", she groaned but couldn't help but smile a bit. He wanted to cheer himself up, sure, but he must have felt a certain sort of distress coming from her, too. His mask was back in place after all, and he was being strong for her as per usual. Yet, she wanted to believe that he did what he did honestly. She really wanted to.
"Kido wants to go out, too, right?", he asked her light-heartedly as they walked down the hallway. "Hey, if you were to choose something to describe me with, what would you say?"
She thought for a second. A very familiar, very thoughtful metaphor crossed her mind, then, but she shook it off. Instead, she went with something more cheerful to suit the mood.
"My very favourite unfavourable idiot."
Kano grinned at that.
"Cool."
A/N: Hi again. Hey, hey, Mio-San, if you're reading this: hi! I wrote a KanoKido fic and just thought of you!
Oh well. It's not good, though. I didn't want to write the end. It was weird and not actually included in my idea. But, alas, I wrote it, still. I just hate how Kido and Kano interact in most fanfics. They're like two extremes, those being teasing idiot and overly violent tsundere. Let's tune it down and make them talk to each other like humans.
Also, yeah, that was a Yobanashi Deceive Quote that you found there.
