Harry Hart, Catholic Whore

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

"All can be forgiven, my son. Tell me, when was your last confession?"

"Three days ago, in the back of your car."

"For God's sake you two, focus."

"Did you hear that my son? The voice of God himself-"

"Lancelot, Galahad, if you-"

"-telling you to focus. You can achieve salvation."

"Tell me how, father."

"Fall to your knees and pray, my son."

"Do I want to know why it's gone quiet?"

"Hng- Just- oh God yes- Galahad going through his Hail- fucking Christ Marys."

"The two of you are supposed to be infiltrating the clergy, not debauching each other in- are you actually in a confessional?"

"Why Merlin, you sound- fuck yes, just like that- surprised."

"They aren't exactly known for being spacious."

"A Kingsman- hng- knows how to utilize what he's given. God. Take Galahad here."

"I already have."

"No man with a mouth like- wait, what?"

"Two days ago, in the back of a taxi."

"Oh, you little whore. Nnng, fuck. Do you like it when I call you that? Fuck yes, you do, don't you. My dirty whore- Fuck!"

"You are aware that confessionals aren't soundproof?"

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou- oh God..."

"I don't think the priest is the who is supposed to be saying that prayer at confession."

"It's to be said by all us sinners."

"Galahad. I see you've got your tongue back."

"Lancelot is currently seeing God, I have eyes on target."

"It's remarkable target doesn't have eyes on you."

"There's a large congregation today, and when the confessional is full people know to stay away. Do you suppose if no one realizes he's dead I can still make mass before the police arrive?"

"God, I forget you're actually Catholic."

"You whore."

"Welcome back, Lancelot. How was communion?"

"How could you shag Merlin without inviting me?"

"Well, it was spur of the moment, we didn't exactly have time to- Target is down, I repeat, target is down, Merlin- time to write up invitations."

"You don't have to write anything, you just call."

"No, no, we have to do this properly. Merlin, can Lancelot join us for a shag?"

"That's just a call, like I said-"

"Get out of there you two, the bishop wants to see you."

"Would that be Arthur?"

"Arthur would be the Pope."

"Then why does Merlin get to be the bishop? Surely he'd just be a priest like the rest of us-"

"Back to base, both of you."