PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. This was a wonderful idea suggested by a friend, and I am quite grateful. At the end of this part, you have the opportunity to select an option that will either lead you to a Gag Reel or to a Smut End. I know, I know, I am brilliant. Anyways, enjoy, and please leave a review, it would make me happy FOREVER AND EVER.

It was a cold night in a small inn along the road to Ikaruga. Ragna the Bloodedge had been traveling for a week already, alongside his new companion, Taokaka. The two of them had run into few obstacles, but this day was different. Ragna was sitting on the edge of his bed, a bottle of beer in his hand and some others at his feet, empty. He had started drinking for reasons now vague in his mind... something along the lines of his dead sister being alive and other strange turns of events. Despite the cheerful company Tao provided, Ragna couldn't forget everything that had happened in the past few weeks... couldn't forget without the help of the liquid that was currently going down his throat.

His thoughts started to go in a certain direction, and he wasn't sure if it was a good thing. He was thinking about all the women he had met recently, visualizing their charm points and wondering why he hadn't used some of the fights as an opportunity to get some female contact. A good grope would certainly go unnoticed if he hit the victim with his sword right after. He dropped the bottle of beer on the floor as he took one last sip, then winced back and lay down on his bed. He could see the female shapes much better on the white ceiling... however, he frowned as well-endowed breasts shifted into the muscular form of a certain ninja, then a firm ass in tight black pants, and finally into the perfect legs of a Library officer.

He shook his head to get those ridiculous visions out, and turned to the desk near his bed. A few colorful brochures were spread across it, but one in particular caught his eye. Women in quite revealing clothing and suspicious positions crowded one side, and the other was inscribed with alluring ideas, the shady face of the green-haired owner of the company, and a phone number. Ragna's blurry vision tried to make out the number as his shaky hands reached out for the phone. He knew he'd regret this, but he really needed some company tonight... and the only other option at the moment was Tao.

A strangely familiar voice answered his call, but he couldn't quite remember who it belong to... "Zama Escort Agency, how may I help you~?"

Ragna swallowed hard and felt tempted to hang up, but he had come this far already. "Uh... yeah, hi. I want to, uh, h-hire... someone... for tonight."

"Perfect! That's what we're here for! Any preferences? Particular requests?"

His hazy mind had a hard time making sense out of the question, but he still answered with what he thought was appropriate. "I guess... I like blondes? That aren't too tanned... g-green eyes are awesome too. A-and... don't think I'm sick or anything because of this, but I... l-like it when girls don't have a body that looks too... mature, you know?"

The man at the end of the line chuckled and kept going. "Sounds excellent, I think I have the perfect match for you~ Now, may you give me your name, current address, phone number and credit card number to pay for our services?"

Ragna didn't hesitate for a second, gave all the information asked-apart from his real name of course, he couldn't risk anything-and the familiar voice confirmed that the escort would arrive in about an hour before hanging up. Ragna took this time to clean up the mess on the floor and took a shower, slightly snapping out of his drunken stupor. He looked at his hazy eyes in the mirror, already regretting what he was planning for tonight, and finding himself ridiculous for even taking the time to style his hair, brush his teeth and iron his clothes. He was trying to look good for a girl. Worse even, for a whore.

He jumped when he heard a knock on the room's door, sweat suddenly forming on his brow. His hands felt slippery on the knob... and his heart skipped a beat when he opened it. Ragna didn't expect... service of such high quality. The girl standing at his door was almost as tall as him, but her shape was much slender, beautiful hips and legs compensating her lacking chest. Her blond hair curled down to her hips, but the most intriguing part about her was the mask she was wearing, covering half of her face. Her lips captivated Ragna as they formed a sentence. "Mister Tiger Festival? I believe you've asked for my services."

"Huh, call me Ragna." Ragna scoffed at the false name he had came up with, and ignored the woman's weird voice. It was high-pitched, but not exactly feminine. If he weren't this drunk, he'd probably notice that the voice was identical to someone he knew quite well. "So... come in, I guess. How does this damn thing work anyways?"

Ragna closed the door as the beautiful woman walked in and placed her handbag on the desk. He couldn't help but notice how fine her butt looked in those booty shorts. She turned around, a wide smile on her face. "You can't even understand how long I've waited for this Ni-hm, Ragna." Ragna frowned at the hesitation, but brushed it off as soon as the woman sat on his bed. "Well, let's see. There are a ton of things I can do for you~ Maybe a massage? Or we could simply talk..."

Ragna scratched the back of his head and looked at the floor in shame. "Yeah, uh, I don't feel like talking that much... a-and I've been walking a lot recently so I'm really sore... yeah. So I guess that a... massage would be nice."

The blond-haired woman stood up to let Ragna take place on the bed. "Of course, mister Ragna! Please lay down then, I'll go take what I need in my bag."

"Alright... I guess I have to take my shirt off, right? Yeah... okay..." The woman searched in her bag for a while, and Ragna caught a glimpse of some rather... suspiciously kinky objects in it. He shrugged it off and proceeds to remove his red coat and shirt. The lady turned around when she found what she had been looking for, a few colorful bottles of what probably were scented lotions. She smiled, and what could possibly look like sparkles were seen in her eyes as she caught a glimpse of the topless man in front of her. "Mmm~ Ah, no matter how much I enjoy looking at your front, I will ask you to lay down now."

Ragna grunted as he burrowed his face in his pillow, still unsure about this whole situation. He felt the woman climb on the bed, straddling him right over his ass. He couldn't help but sigh happily when she bent down and her hands applied lotion all over his back, releasing him from any tension. However, something at the back of his clouded mind screamed that something was wrong when Ragna felt a weird bump rubbing against his backside. He didn't have that much experience with women, but he sure knew that they were not supposed to have bulges. He shrugged it off, figured it might be yet another effect of the alcohol. The woman kept touching all the right spots, eventually moving lower and lower, right to the edge of his waistband. She stopped there however, got up and ordered Ragna to turn and lay on his back.

He did as he was asked, staring at the escort's eternally smiling face. She climbed back up after applying more scented oils on her hands, straddling him again. Ragna shivered as the strangely rugged hands touched all over his waist and a few curls tickled his waist... these curls, they weren't soft. They felt quite... artificial. Ragna looked up at the masked face, his mind sending him more warnings. Something about this was wrong. So very wrong.

-Ragna rips the mask off. (Select Option A in chapter selection)
-Ragna ignores the suspicious details. (Select Option B in chapter selection)