Diary
It was a normal Friday afternoon. He didn't work on Friday; James' fiancé, Kendall, had to. He was a graphic designer and he got called into the office. It sucked because James wanted to spend time with him. James has felt like they have been drifting apart. Kendall has been doing a lot more stuff alone.
You see James worked for his mothers company. She owned the biggest cosmetic company in the Midwest. The company expanded to the northeast were James was in charge. This took up a lot of his time And he was tired of it and was going to change that now. He was going to try harder.
James walked into their shared room to get clothes for a shower when saw something out of the corner of his eye. He took a closer look and seen it was Kendall's diary. James knew he should leave it alone but this might be the key to get Kendall to fall back in love with him. Not that James doesn't think he ever stop. He walks over to the leather bound book and picked it up. He goes to open it but it's locked. James could easy break it but then Kendall would know. He looked around the drawer and found a little key. He put it in and the lock popped open. He opens the book and looks at the first page.
James reads "March 23, 2016. I don't know what to do. I know I love James but this other guy has me thinking. I know I love James but I don't know if I'm in love with him. Is what I'm feeling for LM love? Maybe I'm falling in and out of love."
"Is Kendall cheating on me?" James asks himself out loud. He turns to page two
James reads "March 29, 2016. Today James tried to have sex with me in the morning. I wasn't feeling it. I don't feel it anymore. Well not with him. Ever since last Saturday. It was probably the best sex ever. I feel bad for doing it but everything James does just does not work. I don't get turned on like I used to back in the day."
It was true. He was cheating on me. Why? What did I do? I know I work a lot. But I'm doing my best to be there. I can't believe this. James wants to know more. He has to.
James reads "April 1, 2016. James came home drunk last night. I hate when he goes out with Jett. They get shit faced and he act stupid. The only thing that made it a great day was sexting with LM. He makes me feel so dirty I love it. I love when he tells me what to do to myself. I didn't think playing with a dildo would be fun but LM makes it. I came so hard.
James was furious. Some other guy was stepping in on his territory and he was winning. At this point James was just walking around the apartment reading the personal novel of Kendall's daily life. Every time he finished he would rip the page out not caring anymore. He tears out the page he was reading to come face to face with a picture taped on the page instead of an entry. It was on April 30. That was the night he said he was out with his friends. The picture was from this photo booths. They were striking different poses each time. First doing a silly face. Then doing a mad face. After a picture were Kendall's kissing his check. And last it was of them sharing a kiss. James ripped it out too, but didn't just throw it on the floor. He examined it closer.
This wasn't just some random guy that he met on the street. His name was Logan Mitchell and he's our primary care doctor. James could not believe it. He know that was his boyfriend. He knew they were engaged to get married. 'Why would he go for a guy that was taken?' James thought. James kept reading. Pages and pages of there dates and the things they've done. All the dirty details of the sex they've had. And all the reasons why James and Kendall just aren't right.
James finally got to the last page and read it aloud.
"LM wants me to go with him to his sisters wedding next week. I want to go. I would love to meet his family. The only problem is he's leaving on Wednesday and coming back Monday. How will I get James to be alright with me gone 5 day. I think this is it. I have to end it. I'll crush his heart but I can keep stringing him along. When I get home I'm telling him." James swollen the lump of sand paper brick that was stuck in his pipes. He looks at the clock and it already 5:38 pm. Kendall should be pulling up. Just then he hears a door open and close. He hears the sound of his shoes on the hard wood floor. They get louder and louder with ever passing second. Finally he hears nothing and feels the presence of someone. He turns around and Kendall is standing there with wide eyes.
"James..." Kendall starts but just stops and looks at his fiancé.
"It's ok. I know you were coming to break up with me. Just get your thing and leave." James says as he walks out of the room. He stops. "Did you ever bring him here?"
"Once"
"When"
Kendall turned around to face James' back. James couldn't look at him anymore. "when you went on a business trip to Duluth."
James scuffs "whore" he says as he continues down the hall and stairs. Kendall God mad. He ran after him and stopped at the top of the stairs. James was already at the bottom.
" At Least he treats me right. At lease he loves me. He's everything you weren't. He was there for me when I had my miscarriage. All you cared about was work. I needed you and he was there for me. So you can go FUCK YOURSELF!" At this point Kendall was crying. Finally he let it out.
James stops at the front door. He lets go of the door nob and turns to face Kendall. "What? What miscarriage? You never told me about a miscarriage."
"You never gave me the chance. You were always at work. I tried to tell you. You never even notice me. That I changed. That I was depressed. Logan did. He cared about me. He made me feel better. I felt like I had no one. I wanted to die. And Logan pulled me from the bottom. He's who I love. Who I'm in love with. Not you. So I'll get my shit and leave but don't you dare stand there and call me a whore because I found someone who actually loves me." Kendall turns around goes back to the room and starts grabbing all his things. James just stands there. He looks back and remembers. Kendall was sad. He seen him like that and did nothing about it. James has no idea how long he was standing there thinking back but he was brought out of his deep thought to Kendall coming down the stairs. Kendall had two bags with him.
"I'll be back for the rest." Kendall said as he walks passed James to the front door.
"I'm sorry Kendall" James says low "please don't leaves." He says with tears in his eyes.
"I'm sorry James. It's to late. I'm in love with Logan. I hope you can find someone who will love you the way you need to be loved. It just won't be me." With that Kendall leaves. James can hear the engine of his car start and drive off. James just dropped to the floor. All he could do was cry and blame himself. It was his fault. He let this great guy slip thru his hands and how that great guy was with someone else.
6 months later
James was walking at the local farmer market picking up some this for a dinner date he was having with a VP of his business. He name was Lucy Stone and she's the first person James has went out with since Kendall left. The day after he left Kendall came and go the rest of his stuff from the house, that's when thing got really real for James. There was no going back. But here he was, ready to get back out there
He took a chance with Lucy and he said yes which was exciting.
James was just finishing up his shopping when he heard a familiar laugh. He knew that laugh so well. He turned and seen Kendall with Logan. It looks like Kendall had just shoved a piece of cup cake into Logan's face. Logan has frosting all over the left of his face. Kendall was giggling and Logan didn't look amused, but then he burst into laughter too. Kendall wiped us the frosting with his finger and ate it. James watch the whole thing and realized maybe they were perfect for each other.
Just as Kendall finished cleaning the frosting he looked over to the side and seen James staring at him. James didn't know what to do so he did an awkward wave. Kendall gave him a awkward wave back. Logan looked to where he was waving and took in a deep breath. He made his way over to James and stopped right in front of him.
James towered over Logan. James was 6'2 197 lb of pure muscle. Well Logan was only 5'10 but had a good amount of muscle mass just no where near the amount of muscle as James. So if he wanted to he could easily beat Logan up.
"I just wanted to come over here and say I'm sorry. The way me and Kendall got together wasn't the right way to do it, but it's done and I don't want there to be any hard feelings." Logan said extended an open hand to James. James could have easily just punched Logan like he wanted to do, beat the shit out of him and put him in a hospital. And James might have done it if he were in any other place then he was. James was happy and he can see Kendall was extremely happy too. So he takes Logan's hand and shakes it. " just take care of him. And if you ever hurt him I will not hesitate to hurt you. I can tell he really loves you and I'm happy that he found someone who's gunna give him everything he deserves." James said as he walks away. This is what he needed. Closure.