this was my first fanfic ever and now as I have written many, I have finally decided to share them with the world
hope u like!
Remus sprinted through the corridors hoping he wasn't too late.
"Sirius, Leave me alone! You already caused enough trouble, just go and jump off the astronomy tower or something! "
Remus mentally kicked himself, why did he have to say that? why did he have to give him that idea? even though it already was 2 months after Sirius' horrible mistake and Remus knew that Sirius was taking it really hard on himself, he didn't know if he could forgive Sirius so easily, despite the fact that a little part of his brain told him he should.
"fine, I won't say anything to you anymore. Goodbye Remus"
He should have taken that as a sign but he just brushed it off as nothing. it was only when he was getting way too paranoid that he couldn't even read his book that he decided to take a small peak at the map. And now as he was rushing towards the astronomy tower, he just hoped he was paranoid but deep down he knew that his gut feeling was never wrong, never.
All of his thoughts suddenly stopped as he reached the top of the astronomy tower. Sirius was standing in front of one of the large windows of the tower, completely at the edge of the rail, he stared at the starry night sky with a sense of calmness, which really didn't help Remus' nerves.
"Sirius…" it came out a whisper but in the still silence of the room, it echoed.
"Remus, remember how I said that if I died right now my last words would be I'm sorry" - sirius' voice, also a whisper, echoed across the room - "there still true you know." Remus stood paralyzed as he watched Sirus looking down into the darkened grounds below trying as if to weigh down his options whether he should go with his crazy idea or not, Remus hoped he didn't.
"Sirius, you can't…."
"of course I can!" Sirius sudden shout cut Remus short. "of course, I can"- Sirius repeated but calmer this time, he drew in a shaky breath and continued - " my entire life I have done nothing but stupid mistakes and making other people angry." - sirius' voice was filled with hatred, hatred for himself, causing chills to run down Remus' spine. He never heard Sirius this angry, angry to the extent that his voice was deadly calm, once again Sirius continued- " Maybe I can finally change that, maybe I can finally do something right for once." Sirius glanced at Remus.
"you know I didn't mean what I said." he tried to keep his voice calm but failed miserably, desperation filling his voice.
"I know you didn't mean it, moony, but it doesn't mean that I can't. Remus, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do what I did, it was just that… I don't even know how to explain what I did. I'm just really sorry and I hope you can forgive me,"- his voice was barely a whisper as he stared at his feet dangerously closed to the edge, he then added - "because I know I can't forgive myself." Sirius then decided to cut the conversation short, no longer wanting to hear his friend's voice afraid that he would change his mind. Taking one more glance at Remus, Sirius whispered " Moony, may you please just do one more favour, tell p..prongs I'm sorry"
With that, Sirius closed his eyes, his heart beating at an alarming rate as if warning him not to do what he was about to do. During the last 2 months, Sirius had come up the astronomy tower multiple of times but never found the strength, but now when he finally found it, he was not going to back down. Sirius' life flashed before him, as he moved his feet in front of him. Sirius opened his eyes, wanting to see the view one last time and with a deep breath, he urged his legs to take the last step.
Remus stood completely paralyzed as his friend moved his feet closer to the edge. without thinking, Remus ran over to Sirius, grabbing his arm just as he was about to fall off the edge.
Suprised by Remus' sudden grab, Sirius stared at the darken grounds below, one of his feet dangling in the air while the other still on the ledge.
Without looking at him, Sirius muttered: "let me go Remus."
Keeping his grip firm, he calmly replied "I won't let you do this"
sirius turned to Remus, his eyes wild "just let me go!"
Sirius with all his strength tried to pull his arm away but despite the sudden outburst Remus' grip only tightened. Using his strength Remus pulled Sirius inside, flinging him across the room
Sirius blindly stared at Remus who was facing away from him, looking at the almost full moon above them, his hand at the back of his neck.
after a few minutes of silence, Sirius spoke his voice barely whisper, from halfway across the room "why, Remus, after everything, why won't you let me do this?" despite his voice barely heard, Remus abruptly turned, gawking his friend in utter disbelief,
"let you do what? kill yourself?" he whispered then he got louder, "you think this is the easy way out! how can you possibly even think that! you have so much to live for, you can't just do this! Dammit, Padfoot! you're just 16!"
Seeing Remus lash out all of a sudden took Sirius by surprise. it was on very rare occasions that Remus got this mad, usually, he was calm and the voice of reason but not at this moment, he wasn't.
sirius' darken gaunt face shown in the light of the moon, he was thinner than ever and his eyes were bloodshot with dark circles underneath his eyes due to the lack of sleep.
rubbing a hand over his face, Remus continued but this time softer " you have so much to live for pads"
"what do I have to live for? family, friends?" - a twisted smile appeared on his face - "my family has never considered me as their son" -his voice cracking as he spoke, filled with disgust, disgust for himself - " and now…now because of my own stupid mistake I have lost my friends. I'm useless."
with that said, Sirius slumped against the wall, resting his head on his knees, light sobs racking his thin figure. Remus walked towards Sirius and sat down beside him. remus stared at the bewitched sky above them showing all the constellations of the sparkling night sky. His eyes rested on the dog star as he spoke softly "we were mad at you but we didn't want you dead, Siri" he waited for a reply but when none was given, Remus let his head rest on the cool stone wall, shutting his eyes.
a few moments later, a soft voice broke the silence, "you're not mad?" Remus lifted his head and looked at Sirius who was looking at him with a strange expression of confusion, almost like a little child afraid to be scolded. sighing Remus replied, once again shutting his eyes "I was mad at first, but … but not for a while now when I realized that there must have been some reason you did it."
"but James surely must be mad"
"no…no I don't think so" Remus lifted his head once again, looking at Sirius and spoke "James really misses you, pads. the marauders are really not the same without you. he misses his best friend."
suddenly realization dawned on him and groaning Remus spoke, once again letting his head hit the cool stone wall " what will James do when he here's about this?" hearing this Sirius' head jerked up, panic clear in his voice " you're … you're going to tell him?" Remus looked at Sirius "I don't know pads" irritation filling his voice, he continued " do you know what you just tried to do?" I swear Padfoot if you ever try to do something like that again I'll….." sighing Remus once again drew his attention towards the bewitched sky above.
"You'll what?" Remus looked at Sirius who had a ghost of his usual wide smile etched on his face just happy to be talking to his old friend once again. "I'll strap you to a chair and make sure you never leave my sights ever again" a grin now also appearing on his face also pleased to be talking to Sirius; he may have been mad but it felt nice to finally be talking to him again.
Acting in mock surprise with a horrid face Sirius exclaimed " what about the quidditch matches?! "
trying to hold the laughter, Remus replied, unable to hide the huge smile on his face "I don't care about your matches. I'm not letting you go done to the Great Hall by yourself!"
sirius chuckled dryly replying "be happy you didn't say that to Prongs. he would have gone ballistic"
"that's why I said it to you"
both of them stared at the beautiful starry night in comfortable silence happy to be in each others' presence. after a while Remus broke the silence, his voice grave "promise me you won't do that again, pads"
looking at Remus with a grave expression he replied " Marauders' honour" putting on hand over his heart and the other a mock salute, a smile slowly breaking the grave expression.
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