"What You Are" (Part 1/?)
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker
EMAIL: Buffonian@aol.com
RATING: PG
FEEDBACK: Yes please! I plan on trying to write a part a day, so if I'm not
feeling loved and adored I may slack off in that respect!
DISTRIBUTION: FINNatics, of course. All others please ask first.
SPOILERS: All of Season 4
DEDICATION: To Emmy, who always inspires me to write. To Jen, who is a great
friend and an excellent list mum. To Caro who reminded me that I needed to
get off my ass and start writing again. To Ben, who somehow changed my
attitude on a lot of things about my life. Thank you all!
NOTE: It always kind of bugged me that in the beginning of "Restless", Riley
was up and about, even though he had just ripped a whole in his chest! So I'm
changing that. I hope you all enjoy! Also, this part is in first person, but
future parts will not.
DISCLAIMER: Joss owns all. I own nothing but the dream of someday being as
brilliant as him.



I've been watching the front door for over an hour now, my eyes transfixed by
the doorknob. I'm expecting it to turn at any moment. Buffy went out on one
of her nightly patrols and she should have been back by now.

I'd be with her now, but the doctors insist I stay in bed for at least 2 more
days. Apparently, ripping a chip out of your chest with a shard of glass is
bad for you- who knew?

My eyes ran down to the IV tube sticking out of my arm and I can't prevent
the audible sigh that escapes my throat.

I should be with her. As every second passes, I feel that more and more.
Half of the demon population kept captive by the Initiative was now out on
the streets, just looking for a good fight. And I know my Buffy- she'll give
it to them.

OK. It's been an hour and a half now. This can't be good. She had told me she
would just make a clean sweep of the graveyard and head back to me.

I hate to admit it, but I've been having nightmares daily since the showdown
with Adam. In them, I see Walsh and what was done to her. I hear her saying
"Be a good boy, Riley" as Forrest holds me down and Dr. Angleman flawlessly
saws into my head.

I see Adam fighting Buffy, but this time she doesn't win. I watch as his
Polgara skewer rips through her heart and she dies right then and there in
front of my eyes. She looks at me and her eyes stay fixed on me in death.

Surprisingly though, the dream that scares me the most; that sent shivers
down to the base of my spine was Buffy possessed by that spirit- or whatever
it was. Buffy had explained to me that it was the power of all the slayers.
It makes sense, and I'm glad the spell worked, but I keep seeing her- those
eyes lit up like something out of "The Exorcist", staring out into space.
Her hand is stretched out, holding Adam's core as his body crumpled to the
floor, but in my nightmares, it's my heart she's holding, and it's I who fall
to the floor as she stares out, her expression blank.

I haven't told Buffy about that dream, of course. She has a lot on her mind,
and like me, a good portion of her worry comes from the dreams she had that
night. Unfortunately for her, she knows they weren't meaningless.

The first slayer had told her that she had no idea what she was and that
scared her. It had scared me too, but I couldn't admit that. I had to be
the supporting boyfriend and tell her not to worry.

Despite the nurse's wishes, she had slept in my arms last night and as she
dozed, I could feel her trembling. I wrapped my arms around her tighter and
ran my fingers along the side of her face.

The memory of her touch snapped me back to reality and I checked the clock
above the television. It's been two hours now and I am sufficiently worried.

I shifted in my bed and reach over to the phone, my nervous fingers dialing.

"Hello?" a worried voice said as the ringing finally stopped.

"Giles, it's Riley."

"Oh, Riley, Hello," Giles said, and at that moment I'm sure something's
wrong. He doesn't usually sound like this when he has tea on the stove and
is settling back to watch "Masterpiece Theatre" or whatever he watches these
days.

"What's wrong? I know something's up. Buffy should have been here by now. Is
she there with you?"

"Uh. I'm afraid not Riley. There was a bit of an...incident tonight on
patrol."

So exactly the words I didn't want to hear. If anything happened to her,
it's my fault. I'm not an invalid. I could have been out there with her, but
like usual, I followed orders and stayed in bed like a good boy. Some
anarchist I am.

"What happened?", I asked, my mind running through a million horrible
scenarios.

"She was..cornered by a gang of vampires," Giles started and I felt a large
lump form in my throat.

"And?", I asked, the panic in that one word shocking to even me.

"She was bitten, I'm afraid," Giles said, his own voice shaky.

"She wasn't..." I started, unable to finish my thought out loud, although
immediately the image of Buffy as a vampire filled my mind.

"No. She wasn't turned," Giles said. "Xander saved her actually. For once,
that boy had impeccable timing. Now that the Gem of Amara has been destroyed,
the vampire's ultimate goal will be to turn the slayer, unfortunately."

My mind was swimming. She wasn't a vampire. Apparently she wasn't dead, or
else Giles would have told him.

"Where is she? Will she be OK?"

"She's in the hospital with you actually. I was about to come there and tell
you in person."

"She's here," I said, feeling like an idiot for having to question it. There
was only one hospital in Sunnydale.

"Yes. Xander took her into the emergency room about a half an hour ago."

"Is she going to be OK?"

"I don't know," Giles said. "She lost a lot of blood. But then again..." he
trailed off.

"She was fine when Angel drained her." I sighed. I had to go and say it-
the name destined to make me feel worse than ever- Angel. I'm insecure about
him, I admit it. I trust Buffy completely, but there will always be that
little devil on my shoulder telling me how strong the Id's urges can be and
how hard they are to resist. On most days, I picture that devil as Walsh.

"Yes, she did." Giles admitted. "But this...this was quite bad as well. She
was bitten in several places."

"Oh God." I swung my legs over the side of the bed, feeling a small flash of
pain in my chest as I did so. "I have to go see her. I'll meet you in
emergency."

"Riley, are you sure you're well enough?"

"No," I said, clutching my hand to my chest as another burst of pain erupted.
"But I don't care. I need to be with her."

I hung up the phone, not bothering to wait for Giles' response. If Buffy was
as bad as Giles had made it out to be, seconds counted.

I threw on my clothes, wincing from the pain of my rapid movements. I was
still buttoning up my pants as I walked out the door, following the signs to
the emergency room.

Before I knew it, I was there, my eyes darting around, looking for her. My
heart found her first and I turned around, knowing she was in the room behind
me.

If anything could have reduced me, a military man, to tears, the sight of
Buffy just then was it. Her skin was so sickly pale, strands of her
beautiful blonde hair were matted with blood. I could see her chest rising
and falling and I breathed a sigh of relief.

My legs were carrying me towards her of their own will, as my mind was still
frozen at the sad sight of her.

"Buffy," I said, hardly louder than a whisper. My heart ached and I wanted
to kiss her, to bring her back to her full self with my kiss like Prince
Charming.

I was so close to touching her, so close that I could smell the vanilla mist
she loved to spray on all over in the morning. So close and then the machines
all around her started to come alive and within seconds, I was pushed aside
by doctors and nurses.

"What's..what's going on?" I shouted, scared out of my wits.

"I...I don't believe it," I heard a doctor say, the confusion in his voice
worrying me.

"It cant be," a nurse said, looking at the doctor. "Is this possible?"

"No. It's not," the doctor said, hovering over Buffy and obstructing my view.
I was ready to jump out of my skin if I didn't find out what was going on
soon.

"What's wrong?" I asked, forcing my way through to where Buffy was lying.

The doctor looked up at me. "Are you family?"

I frowned. "Not yet. But if she lives, I'm going to ask to marry her," I
said, feeling warm inside at the very thought of calling Buffy my wife.

The doctor smiled. "Well, I'd start shopping for rings, young man. God seems
to be on your side."

I felt like dancing a jog right there. "She's going to be OK?"

"No. She's not going to be OK. She -is- OK. I've never seen anything like it
in my life. She was brought in her about 20 minutes ago with several animal
bites all over her body. The loss of blood should have been fatal but..."

"But what?" I asked, looking over at Buffy. "Wait a second," I said, moving
over to her. The color was back in her cheeks and her wounds were..."

"Gone. She's 100% healed. It's unheard of. I have to call the University and
do some tests."

"No," I said, protectively moving in front of Buffy. "No tests."

"But..."

"No," I said, picking Buffy up in my arms. "No."

"Sir, you cant take her."

"You want to stop me?"

I watched as the doctor looked around helplessly for a security guard. Lucky
for me there were none and I used the opportunity to sneak out the back door
with Buffy safe in my arms.



TO BE CONTINUED....