Philosophy in Regret
By: Reboo
Email: lngwp@oz.zzn.com or rlw1985@hotmail.com
A/N: This has not been beta read, and has not even been run through a spell check, just to warn you. This was originally written in two parts which were written a month apart. I'm looking for some helpful constructive criticism on this, because I think it might need some redoing, but I'd like to know what ppl think before I change anything. Also I am not one who normally writes sap this is my first time, so take it easy on me, let alone my sap came after a conversation on mutilations so it might be a little messed up.
She ducked behind the tree, trembling all over. Her breathing raggard and quick. Sweat covering her entire body from exhaustion. Normally she wouldn't let her emotions effect her performance, but this was different. One of her students turned on her, and he was out there hunting her right now, with live ammo. He had something to settle with her. She wasn't used to being hunted, having the roles of predator and prey reversed on her was not easy. Even the slightest sound was setting her off, making her twitch. She couldn't calm down, the adrenaline was making her heart pump excedingly fast, and for once it was affecting her badly instead of helping.
'Where is he," she thought. She was talking deep breaths and trying to calm herself down. The attack had been from out of no where while she was training a group of cadets. Immediately she had released all her students, and sent them back to HQ. The problem was she didn't have any clue as to whether or not her call had gotten through to HQ, her advisary had blown it up.
So right now, she was out here facing a mad man out here alone without any clue or whether or not she would receive back up. She still had no idea why her student was after her life. She did know exactly who it was though.
"I know you're around here somewhere," a voice called out tauntingly. "Come out and show yourself," he added and fired a round of shots into the woods.
She froze, and stopped, she'd need to make a run for it. Maybe even turn the tables around by doubling back.
She drew her gun and started firing behind her as she ran for a more covered area, and dove behind a thick tree.
"So there you are," The man said. It had been a mistake on her part to fire rounds. He kept his pace even and watched his steps trying not to make any extra noise.
"Mind telling me why you're doing this," she yelled back over her shoulder.
"Because you hurt a very good friend of mine. You killed him." He said menacingly and began firing another round.
She took a quick assessment of what was behind her, and again fired as she ran for another position.
"Now, now. That wasn't very nice." he said eyeing the growth. He had only caught a glimpse of her as she had moved, but it had set him in a direction. He cursed slightly under his breath. He couldn't let her leave alive.
"You know, you're not being nice either. Besides I"m sure if I am responsible for the death of your friend it was in battle, and people lose their lives in battle, its survival of the fittest. Can you honestly hold those who kill in battle responsible for the lives they take." She spoke trying to keep her voice calm. If she could just get around him, she'd be home free.
"Yes, I do," he answered.
She growled in disgust. "How can you honestly hold them responsible. We would have no soldiers left if we thought that way."
"No, I think you don't understand." he said homing in on her voice. "Lives should not be taken no matter the time or reason. You should allow yourself to die before you take another's life.
She couldn't believe what she was hearing, the guy was stating a complete oxymoron, considering his life style. "If we acted that way," she said while circling backwards. "Then we would allow ourselves to be over run, and some goals if not most would never be achieved." She hesitated for a second. "You're a pacifist aren't you?"
"I am," he replied shortly.
"Then, what are you doing here chasing me with a gun for," she asked incredulously.
"I need to be here. You see while I may be a pacifist I am also a strong believer in Hammurabi's code. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth." he explained.
"That's oxymoronic," she stated in response.
"Not really," he replied. "You see I wouldn't be here except I knew that they would never convict you of war crimes, so I had to come here to get close enough to take matter's into my own hands." He paused and fired another round of shots. "Having fun."
She pulled herself up from behind the tree, she was almost straight behind him, a distance off maybe, but close enough. She could hear he had stopped moving though, and her heart rate began to quicken again.
She started to turn, and he spun around quickly rasing his own gun in a position to kill. "I found you," he said, "Now drop the gun, and explain something to me."
She complied and dropped her weapon to the ground, berating herself for turning towards him instead of turning and running, or simply shooting.
"How can you kill without guilt, without remorse," he asked keeping his gun trained on her.
She looked at him bumfoundly, obviously this man had never taken a life, or he would have known that you couldn't kill without a certain feeling of remorse. "I don't kill without guilt, or remorse. You feel it each time you take a life. Thinking that if maybe something had been different maybe they could have lived."
The man kept his eyes locked on to her face. His teacher appeared to be telling the truth, but how could you truly tell. "Say your prayers." he muttered.
She prepared herself to jump, or take the bullet. It seemed unbelievable that he was going to kill her. Her partner suddenly appeared and fired, before the other man had a chance. Her eyes grew wide and she dropped to the ground. She was still alive, by luck of the draw.
She kept to the ground, listening to her partners movements, while she kept her eyes closed and tried to breath. Strong arms wrapped around her, and pulled her close. She grabbed onto his jacket, and buried her head in his chest. "Is he alive," she asked weakly.
"Yes, but barely." came the reply.
"How'd you know to come?"
"The students who rushed back to HQ were blabbering about an attack, so I came out to take a look for myself. I'm gald I did," he added quietly.
"I'm glad you did too," she said laughing. She pulled away and stood up offering him a hand up as she did so. "Sorry bout that, I don't know what came over me."
"Give me a second, and I'll call for an ambulance, then I'll go back with you to HQ." Zechs said eyeing Noin carefully.
"Go, ahead," Noin replied her normal self coming back to her again. She watched her partner between glances at the fallen young man at her feet. 'What a waste of life,' she thought as she watched the silent man.
Zechs touched her shoulder lightly and she relaxed a little.
"They'll be here soon." he said, "then we can go, although I think maybe its better if you go home first, you can file stuff with HQ later."
Noin turned her head and nodded, not seeing the slightly compassionate look on her friends face. Within minutes an ERV showed up, and silently took the young man away, who was fighting to sustain his life.
"Shall we go," Zechs said as the sound of the ERV faded off.
"Of course," Noin said plastering on a fake smile. "Do you mind if we walk," she asked suddenly.
"No, not at all," he responded taking up step beside his partner who seemed to despite her efforts remain in a fog.
The remained quiet for the walk to Noin's apartment. Her dwelling on the events of earlier, pondering over ideas, issues, questions, morals it had raised in her mind. She tried to let the more rural feel soothe her soul. It was why she had picked an apartment on the outskirts of the city. The place was more domestic, with a calming atmosphere to it, so strikingly different from the routine of her daily life.
Zechs watched his friend as she ascended the steps to her second floor apartment and stopped there. "Well, here we are," he said, "I guess I'll be going now." He hesitate a moment before starting down the stairs.
"You know, I had never realized exactly how hard things were on you before today Zechs. I'm sorry I took things so lightly." Noin whispered as he was leaving, but he heard her, and stopped, turning around and leaning on the post.
"It's why for so long, I didn't come back, and just a part of my living nightmare." He struggled with just choosing those words but he let them slip from his lips anyway.
"How do you deal with it," she said shakily, her own subconcious fears beginning to rear their heads.
Zechs came back up the stairs and cupped her face gently and turned it up towards his. "I get through it by the help of those who love me," he let his emotions come out freely now, realizing she needed to hear what he had to say now. "I deal with it by the constant support of you Lucrezia. You help get rid of my nightmares, and help me to realize that which I would not on my own." He looked at her tenderly. "I love you Lucrezia Noin, and I'm here for you, I want you to know that." he said and brushed a light kiss upon her lips.
She let her eyes close as the distance between them closed and only oopened them again after their short kiss was over.
"YOu know where I am, if you need me," he whispered and disappeared down the stairwell.
Noin walked in her apartment, and leaned bakc against her door and closed her eyes a small smile making its way to her face. She brushed the tips of her fingers across her lips, and sighed. He had kissed her, and told her that he loved her, maybe he would concur her fears from now on in. Today had had a good end despite the bad middle.
By: Reboo
Email: lngwp@oz.zzn.com or rlw1985@hotmail.com
A/N: This has not been beta read, and has not even been run through a spell check, just to warn you. This was originally written in two parts which were written a month apart. I'm looking for some helpful constructive criticism on this, because I think it might need some redoing, but I'd like to know what ppl think before I change anything. Also I am not one who normally writes sap this is my first time, so take it easy on me, let alone my sap came after a conversation on mutilations so it might be a little messed up.
She ducked behind the tree, trembling all over. Her breathing raggard and quick. Sweat covering her entire body from exhaustion. Normally she wouldn't let her emotions effect her performance, but this was different. One of her students turned on her, and he was out there hunting her right now, with live ammo. He had something to settle with her. She wasn't used to being hunted, having the roles of predator and prey reversed on her was not easy. Even the slightest sound was setting her off, making her twitch. She couldn't calm down, the adrenaline was making her heart pump excedingly fast, and for once it was affecting her badly instead of helping.
'Where is he," she thought. She was talking deep breaths and trying to calm herself down. The attack had been from out of no where while she was training a group of cadets. Immediately she had released all her students, and sent them back to HQ. The problem was she didn't have any clue as to whether or not her call had gotten through to HQ, her advisary had blown it up.
So right now, she was out here facing a mad man out here alone without any clue or whether or not she would receive back up. She still had no idea why her student was after her life. She did know exactly who it was though.
"I know you're around here somewhere," a voice called out tauntingly. "Come out and show yourself," he added and fired a round of shots into the woods.
She froze, and stopped, she'd need to make a run for it. Maybe even turn the tables around by doubling back.
She drew her gun and started firing behind her as she ran for a more covered area, and dove behind a thick tree.
"So there you are," The man said. It had been a mistake on her part to fire rounds. He kept his pace even and watched his steps trying not to make any extra noise.
"Mind telling me why you're doing this," she yelled back over her shoulder.
"Because you hurt a very good friend of mine. You killed him." He said menacingly and began firing another round.
She took a quick assessment of what was behind her, and again fired as she ran for another position.
"Now, now. That wasn't very nice." he said eyeing the growth. He had only caught a glimpse of her as she had moved, but it had set him in a direction. He cursed slightly under his breath. He couldn't let her leave alive.
"You know, you're not being nice either. Besides I"m sure if I am responsible for the death of your friend it was in battle, and people lose their lives in battle, its survival of the fittest. Can you honestly hold those who kill in battle responsible for the lives they take." She spoke trying to keep her voice calm. If she could just get around him, she'd be home free.
"Yes, I do," he answered.
She growled in disgust. "How can you honestly hold them responsible. We would have no soldiers left if we thought that way."
"No, I think you don't understand." he said homing in on her voice. "Lives should not be taken no matter the time or reason. You should allow yourself to die before you take another's life.
She couldn't believe what she was hearing, the guy was stating a complete oxymoron, considering his life style. "If we acted that way," she said while circling backwards. "Then we would allow ourselves to be over run, and some goals if not most would never be achieved." She hesitated for a second. "You're a pacifist aren't you?"
"I am," he replied shortly.
"Then, what are you doing here chasing me with a gun for," she asked incredulously.
"I need to be here. You see while I may be a pacifist I am also a strong believer in Hammurabi's code. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth." he explained.
"That's oxymoronic," she stated in response.
"Not really," he replied. "You see I wouldn't be here except I knew that they would never convict you of war crimes, so I had to come here to get close enough to take matter's into my own hands." He paused and fired another round of shots. "Having fun."
She pulled herself up from behind the tree, she was almost straight behind him, a distance off maybe, but close enough. She could hear he had stopped moving though, and her heart rate began to quicken again.
She started to turn, and he spun around quickly rasing his own gun in a position to kill. "I found you," he said, "Now drop the gun, and explain something to me."
She complied and dropped her weapon to the ground, berating herself for turning towards him instead of turning and running, or simply shooting.
"How can you kill without guilt, without remorse," he asked keeping his gun trained on her.
She looked at him bumfoundly, obviously this man had never taken a life, or he would have known that you couldn't kill without a certain feeling of remorse. "I don't kill without guilt, or remorse. You feel it each time you take a life. Thinking that if maybe something had been different maybe they could have lived."
The man kept his eyes locked on to her face. His teacher appeared to be telling the truth, but how could you truly tell. "Say your prayers." he muttered.
She prepared herself to jump, or take the bullet. It seemed unbelievable that he was going to kill her. Her partner suddenly appeared and fired, before the other man had a chance. Her eyes grew wide and she dropped to the ground. She was still alive, by luck of the draw.
She kept to the ground, listening to her partners movements, while she kept her eyes closed and tried to breath. Strong arms wrapped around her, and pulled her close. She grabbed onto his jacket, and buried her head in his chest. "Is he alive," she asked weakly.
"Yes, but barely." came the reply.
"How'd you know to come?"
"The students who rushed back to HQ were blabbering about an attack, so I came out to take a look for myself. I'm gald I did," he added quietly.
"I'm glad you did too," she said laughing. She pulled away and stood up offering him a hand up as she did so. "Sorry bout that, I don't know what came over me."
"Give me a second, and I'll call for an ambulance, then I'll go back with you to HQ." Zechs said eyeing Noin carefully.
"Go, ahead," Noin replied her normal self coming back to her again. She watched her partner between glances at the fallen young man at her feet. 'What a waste of life,' she thought as she watched the silent man.
Zechs touched her shoulder lightly and she relaxed a little.
"They'll be here soon." he said, "then we can go, although I think maybe its better if you go home first, you can file stuff with HQ later."
Noin turned her head and nodded, not seeing the slightly compassionate look on her friends face. Within minutes an ERV showed up, and silently took the young man away, who was fighting to sustain his life.
"Shall we go," Zechs said as the sound of the ERV faded off.
"Of course," Noin said plastering on a fake smile. "Do you mind if we walk," she asked suddenly.
"No, not at all," he responded taking up step beside his partner who seemed to despite her efforts remain in a fog.
The remained quiet for the walk to Noin's apartment. Her dwelling on the events of earlier, pondering over ideas, issues, questions, morals it had raised in her mind. She tried to let the more rural feel soothe her soul. It was why she had picked an apartment on the outskirts of the city. The place was more domestic, with a calming atmosphere to it, so strikingly different from the routine of her daily life.
Zechs watched his friend as she ascended the steps to her second floor apartment and stopped there. "Well, here we are," he said, "I guess I'll be going now." He hesitate a moment before starting down the stairs.
"You know, I had never realized exactly how hard things were on you before today Zechs. I'm sorry I took things so lightly." Noin whispered as he was leaving, but he heard her, and stopped, turning around and leaning on the post.
"It's why for so long, I didn't come back, and just a part of my living nightmare." He struggled with just choosing those words but he let them slip from his lips anyway.
"How do you deal with it," she said shakily, her own subconcious fears beginning to rear their heads.
Zechs came back up the stairs and cupped her face gently and turned it up towards his. "I get through it by the help of those who love me," he let his emotions come out freely now, realizing she needed to hear what he had to say now. "I deal with it by the constant support of you Lucrezia. You help get rid of my nightmares, and help me to realize that which I would not on my own." He looked at her tenderly. "I love you Lucrezia Noin, and I'm here for you, I want you to know that." he said and brushed a light kiss upon her lips.
She let her eyes close as the distance between them closed and only oopened them again after their short kiss was over.
"YOu know where I am, if you need me," he whispered and disappeared down the stairwell.
Noin walked in her apartment, and leaned bakc against her door and closed her eyes a small smile making its way to her face. She brushed the tips of her fingers across her lips, and sighed. He had kissed her, and told her that he loved her, maybe he would concur her fears from now on in. Today had had a good end despite the bad middle.