( He misses )
Snow and frozen dirt crunch beneath his boots. Tiny fragments of ice billow out past his lips. The streets are almost deserted. A soft orange glows emits from the windows of houses lining the street, contrasting against the cool hue of winter. It reminds him of her. It reminds him of back when he was sixteen and life was much like the damp darkness of winter. She would come to him, her smile radiating warmth. An embrace would cradle him and bring him the comfort of knowing that after dark there will always be dawn. And another day wasn't so bad as long as she would be there, smiling on as beautiful as the candle lit windows glowing against the snow.
( He loves )
He remembered the first time he felt his heart swell. It almost scared him, as he had spent ten years believing he had none. Yet, there she was in all her glory. The feeling he had was reminiscent of falling, only this time it felt good. He remembered how morning would come and the stench of alcohol, smoke, and his mother's shame would hit him like a ton of bricks. His body would ache with last night's conflicts and he would close his eyes, wishing the day away. But, then he would remember her, red hair spilling over her shoulders and her laughter would bubble in his ears and suddenly he was awake, energetic, and excited to live another day.
( He dreams )
He remembered glass crashing against the wall as he would slam his bedroom door shut. Jamming an old wooden chair underneath the door knob he would turn to look at his bed. Edna would scream at him outside his door and he'd dive beneath the cool, torn wool covers he had owned for years. His eyes would close and he'd be blinded by her. As he ran over the days conversations, he would recede into Zen. Her hand grazes the side of his face. His heart is lifted. He will tell her someday. But for now he will just dream.
( He waits )
Three teenagers duck behind random cars in the school parking lot and stifle giggles as they make it to his younger friend's vista. They peel out of the parking lot and finally burst out in a fit of laughter. He is home again. He is beside her in the backseat and her thigh grazes his own. He reaches into his pocket for his pack of cigs, and pulls out a bent cigarette out to light. She leans over to whisper in his ear, and as the smoke leaves his lungs, his heart dives into his stomach.
"I think I like him."
Her lips brush his ear as she tells him this. Swallowing his hurt threatening to boil over, he puts on his sunglasses and smiles at her.
( He pursues )
He knew then that he must act before she was gone forever. He hated that feeling, that buried unspoken rivalry he had felt. He never wanted it, never asked for it, but for her he would do anything. Run miles, leap buildings, even betray his closest friend. His time was now and he would have to make a move. He made his way through streets and alley ways before reaching his destination.
The air was cool and dry, and the brick building stood before him. 'The Vineyard'
His inner voice taunted him, 'Go.' It said, 'All that stands between you and her are these four walls.'
"And him." He said aloud to himself before making the plunge. Dodging through the front door making his way past a hostess and a few waiters.
'She just might…'
( He accepts )
He finally pulls himself out of his thoughts as he arrives at a house. Icicles drip from the edge of the roof. Inside a small woman stirs a mixture in a glass bowl. Two male figures sit at a circular table . They notice him as he slides open the glass door.
"Oh look, it's dumb ass number two. Welcome back, Steven." The older male says not looking up from his newspaper.
Hyde nods in response and takes a seat at the table, "Hey Red."
As if one cue, the kitchen door swings open and she walks in, looking as beautiful as ever in her white sweater. "Merry Christmas, Hyde!" The red head smiles at him and kisses her boyfriend on his forehead.
"Glad you could make it back for Christmas, man."
"Yeah grooves has me pretty busy and all," Hyde replied to Eric, "But I've always got time for Mrs. Forman's Christmas dinner."
Kitty turned and gave one of her trademark laughs, "Oh Honey, and there is always room for you at our table." She brought a hot plate of food over to him and gave his shoulder a squeeze.
"So, you guys finally tied the knot, huh?"
"Yep," His dark haired counterpart replied, "I'll be sending the ladies your way from now on , man. Eric Forman is officially off the market."
"Please, Eric." Donna rolled her eyes, "They were never after you to begin with."
Her gaze fell back to her long time friend as she held up her left hand, "Check it out, Hyde."
The rock sparkled in the incandescent light. He nodded approvingly and stuffed a bite of mashed potatoes into his mouth. The pang at his heart was now dulled down from years of learning to accept. Some things are better left to whatever force causes life's twists and turns.
( He is grateful )
Making his way down the staircase to his old room, the musty smell of his teenage years invades his senses. After telling his foster family goodnight he reflects on long ago and how different things are now. Somehow he is grounded.
Because though his love, maybe only infatuation, was never requited, it existed. It simply was. And at the time it was all that kept him going, and had it not existed he would never have made it here. He slides into bed, closes his eyes and his mind is still.
Because he loved, and though he lost, he is grateful. Sleep blankets him and again he is home.