Spitting sand out of my mouth, I slowly stand up from where I had fallen.
"Where the hell am I?" I ask as I cover my eyes from the… twin suns? Where the hell am I?
"Twin suns… That can't be right..." Looking around, all I could see was sand. As far as the eyes could see there was sand. Sand and sun and I hated it.
Pulling my phone from my pocket I sigh. No signal at all.
Damn it.
So much for that travel plan. 4G internet across the globe they said…
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts and to shake some of the sand from my hair, I randomly pick a direction and start walking. If I was lucky I'd find some form of civilization.
/
After walking for about an hour, I collapsed on the ground. It was hotter than Hell. That was certain. Groaning in exhaustion I glance around. There had to be something… right? Water? A City? Something?
Suddenly I hear something… some sort of growl? No… more like a war cry of some sort.
Looking into the distance, I could see someone riding what looked like an elephant, though on closer inspection it looked more like a woolly mammoth with all that hair.
Was it coming closer or was that just me hallucinating? Maybe they'd be willing to share some water with me?
So, crawling back to my feet, I stumble my way over the shifting sands towards the man and his mammoth.
Was it a mirage? Probably.
Did I care? Not really.
/
Why was he dressed like a Tusken Raider?
"UAAAGH-UGH-UGH-UGH!"
"JESUS CHRIST!"
Okay, so maybe he didn't want to share his water supply.
Trying to run from someone in the middle of what was essentially a desert had its downfalls.
For example, running on shifting sands was hard.
Another example was that the thing chasing me was used to this weather. I on the other hand, wasn't.
So as you could probably guess, the Tusken Raider was quick to catch up to me.
It wasn't that hard though. I tripped a few times before he got there.
Jumping from his mount to land on top of me, I quickly roll over and out of his way. Grabbing a hand of sand, I throw it at his face, hoping to blind him.
Then I remembered that he wore a mask that kind of prevents that…
"Damn it..."
Scrambling to my feet, I barely dodge a swing from his weird weapon. At a glance, it looked like a metal rod with a spike on one side perpendicular to the bar and on the other end, it just ended in a bludgeoning tool.
Shit.
Ducking another strike, I kick the Tusken and quickly try running again, but this time I had a plan.
Sort of…
Jumping on the side of the Raiders mammoth thing (If he were a real Tusken Raider… would that make the mammoth a Bantha?) I climb up and see my prize.
A rifle.
Or… what could be considered a rifle.
Grabbing it, I quickly roll of the other side of the beast and scramble away as the Tusken runs back around the Bantha. Taking aim, I pull the trigger.
BOOM
Looking down, the Tusken sees the blood pooling at his chest.
The difference between blasters and a Tusken weapon was that a Tusken Raiders gun still shot bullets. Not energy blasts.
Yay.
With a strangled cry, the Tusken collapses and breathes its last.
Tossing the gun to the side, I roll the Tusken Raider over and start stripping it. If I was going to survive this planet, I needed the right clothes and the right supplies.
Which means stealing this guys clothes.
Taking off my shirt, I toss it on top of the Bantha, who gratefully didn't startle at the shot earlier, and I got to work.
Should I be screaming in fear at the moment? Probably.
Should I fear for my sanity considering I killed a Star Wars character? Probably.
But in the end, that wouldn't really help me much now would it? There was time to freak out after I survived this mess.
God, this shit stank…
Shaking my head and calming my nerves, I first took off the Tuskens mask, which looked to be made of leather and wrappings of some sort. Shrugging, I set it aside. Looking at the face of the Tusken I killed, I quickly realized that what I feared was true… this wasn't human. He wasn't human under the mask…
Removing his shirt and cloak thing, I quickly put it on. I didn't want to touch his pants and my shoes should be fine in the short term… So grabbing the mask and putting it on, I grab the Tuskens melee weapon and the rifle and climb back on top of the Bantha.
"Come on buddy." I tell the Bantha as I urge it forward. Hopefully this thing could lead me towards civilization that wasn't a Tusken Raider Camp…
Looking around, I smile in relief as I see a small pouch of water.
Oh thank heavens…
/
The sight of a weirdly dressed Tusken riding into town must have been a sight to see as I rode into the first town I came across. Grabbing my supplies and slinging them over my shoulder, I have the Bantha head to the watering hole in the middle of town and hop off. Patting its side, I head off to find out where the hell I was.
Though… from the looks I was getting, it's not gonna be easy.
"Moisture farmers for the most part… Some indigenous tribes, scavengers. Space ports like this one are Havens for those who don't wish to be found..."
Looking over at the familiar voice, I see some very familiar people…
Qui-Gon Jinn, Jar Jar, R2-D2, and Padme.
So I really am in Star Wars… And the Phantom Menace to boot.
Go figure.
But… Maybe they can help me.
They'd sooner help me than anyone else on this godforsaken planet.
Now I know why Anakin hates sand so much. It's course, irritating… It gets everywhere.
So, following them, they lead me to Watto's shop.
Strapping the mace to my side and slinging the rifle over my shoulder, I follow them inside.
"I need parts for a J Type 327 Nubian?" Qui-Gon asks Watto.
"Aaah yes, Nubian! We have lots of that!" Watto grins before turning and calling Anakin in another language. Huttese I think…
"My droid has a readout of what I need." The Jedi replies to Watto as a young boy enters the store.
After an exchange between the two, Watto takes Qui-Gon out back to look at parts.
"Don't touch anything." Qui-Gon warns the Gungan before following the oversized gnat.
I was tempted to walk over to them and ask for help, but something told me walking up to Padme and asking for help while I was dressed in blood stained clothes would be a tad frighting.
"Excuse me… We don't serve your kind here." I hear as I was fiddling with a blaster I found on one of the shelves.
Turning to the voice, I see Anakin and Padme looking at me in slight fear. Anakin in fear, I realized. Padme was just curious.
Raising my hands in surrender, I grin under my mask.
"Sorry about that. Taking this thing on and off was such a hastle, I figured leaving it on would be easier." I say with a grin. "Seriously, you'd think the Raider's would WANT to take this off once and a while."
"So… you aren't a Tusken Raider?" Anakin asks with a tilt of the head.
"Nope." I reply.
"Then why are you dressed like one?"
"Because my speeder broke down in the middle of the desert and I got lost. Tusken found me and neither of us really appreciated the other, so we got into a fight and now there is a naked and dead Tusken Raider in the middle of the sand dunes somewhere."
So I lied a bit. He wouldn't care.
Shrugging his shoulders he went back to ogling Padme.
"What is a Tusken Raider?" Padme asks.
"Basically a group of primitive nomads who think water is theirs by right and they attack anybody and everyone because they feel like they are the best." I reply before Anakin gets a word in edgewise. "Very brutal and very dangerous. I only survived because I stole his gun and shot him… hence the bloodstain"
"They don't use blasters?"
"Nope. Slugthrowers." I reply as I show her the rifle. I may or may not have swiped the blaster I was looking at in the process.
Of course that's when Jar-Jar decided to mess with a pit droid.
After some flailing though, the Gungan was successful in grabbing the droid by the neck.
"Hey!" Anakin yells, getting their attention. "Hit the nose."
shrugging at the exchange, I go back to looking through the store and allow Anakin to reveal slavery to the Queen.
/
"Wouldn't have lasted this long if I wasn't so good at building things." Anakin continues.
"We're leaving." The Jedi says as he reenters the store. "Jar-Jar."
"I'm glad to have met you Anakin." Padme says with a smile as she leaves the building, Anakin staring after her.
I quickly follow behind and jog to catch up to Qui-Gon's long stride.
"Umm… Excuse me, Sir?" I ask as I get next to him.
"Yes?" He replies as he glances at me. His expression doesn't even shift as he looks at the Tusken Raider mask.
I will say this, it may reek, but it kept the sun off my neck and the sand out of my eyes. Until I left this dustball, I wasn't taking it off.
"I know you are a Jedi. I know you are currently pat of an important mission to protect the Queen of Naboo and plan to take her to Corusant. Am I right so far?" I ask as I glance around us. So far noone was paying us any attention.
"That is true." He answers. I hope he's using the Force to determine if I was trustworthy or not… otherwise he may be dumber that he was in the movie.
"I want off this planet." I explain. "I'll do anything. I can't pay you, all I have is what I have on me, and it isn't much, but I can help you."
"Oh? And how exactly could you help us?"
"You know that the Trade Federation isn't stupid enough to attempt an invasion without someone backing them or threatening them. I know who it is."
Before I could continue though, we all heard Jar-Jar scream.
Fun.
/
I know… Sudden ending, but I wasn't expecting it to go this far really. Got bored and wanted to unwind… this happened. If you want me to con free to let me know by reviewing or something.
Hope you enjoy!