Thoughts of a lost mind
I stare a him when his back is turned, his whole figure captivates me. Sometimes it is hard to concentrate with him near me, his looks, his scents, his whole being flyes into my mind and I cannot think of anything else but him.
No one must understand this but me but his mind makes me shiver too. He is cold, arrogant and evil, yet his eyes sparkle like Christmas lights when he understands something new, even though his face doesnt show emotion. It's like if he was a statue with a trapped soul inside, wanting to get out, to be free from all chains that bound him to it.
It's amazing to think of how often I've felt that way; to have to act in a certain manner, speak what everyone expected me to say and even date a person of my same house. The fact that in this place you grow with your character already given to you, you cannot choose who you shall become, nor whom you will hang out with.
Here you are thrown in to a space were everyone is the same and if you are different then you are not supposed to be here. No one ever hardly thinks about how brave I can be, nor how cunning, nor loyal. Yet all they think is about how smart I am. "You should have been in Ravenclaw" they say, "gosh, you are so intelligent". Not that I complain but if I was meant to be in an other place, why would I even be here?
Because we share a secret, the Hat and I. I begged him not to tell anyone, not even Dumbledore, of my secret, the reason for my being the bravest of them all. No one knows.
And no one shall know eigher, although I highly suspect HIM of knowing. Him, the boy who makes my mouth water. Sometimes he looks at me when I'm studying, though in his eyes I see a bit of pity. Could it be that he knows what I've through? Could it be that he has seen the scars I bear in my back and chest? The burns in my legs? Don't think so. I've tried so very hard to hide them; I've read plenty of concealing charms and scarless healing potins. Could it be that he has seen through them? Through my soul?
I too have seen his scars. No physical, but spiritual. His expressionless face show a deep emptyness inside and his manners and ways mean loneliness. He hates them all, everyone he is always surrounded by, yet he still walks with them. He acts like an adult yet I can see there is a child inside of him just wanting to express himself, to love. He dreams of being himself and choosing his friends, just like me.
Maybe one day, I shall tell him the truth and we will hug eachother warm in that cold night. I sometimes wish I had the same courage I feel when I'm with my foster father and tell him what I think. I just hope I can, so everyone will learn that no matter what blood you have, no matter what house you are in, who you are and who do you want to become are the really important things. And that no matter if she wears different colours ar if he is a muggle born, love shall always retain it's power, and if we use this to bind us together as a school, no one, no Ministry nor war shall ever be able to separate us with fear and doubt.
Only if I could tell him, no matter the circunstances, I think he is still a beautiful person, though he is mean and rude. And that no matter how much danger he will face that I love him deeply.
Although I don't think I shall have to wait long.
"Granger, why are you staring at me like that?" asked Draco Malfoy.
"I was staring at the sun who brights my day" she answered cheekily.