Cards on the Table
The quiet of the bullpen only served to exacerbate her nerves. She knew it was getting late, the case was closed, the team had gone home for the night. She knew she had to get this over with. Rubbing her tired eyes, she finaly stood up. As if on cue she heard a light tap on her door before he ambled into her office. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and rolled back a little on the balls of his feet. But his eyes were restless - flitting across the room searching for something. Always a bad sign.
Lisbon walked to the front of her desk and leaned back on it a little, waiting. He finally turned to look at her.
"I'm going to be taking some time off. I probably won't come in next week."
Huh. That was surprisingly forthcoming for him. "Since when do you ask for my permission?"
"Oh I wasn't asking", he supplied smoothly. Something about his cool patronizing tone irked her a little but he didn't seem to notice and continued. "I just didn't want you to worry. After last time."
How incredibly magananimous of him, she thought viciously.
"Why?"
"Huh"
"Why do you need the time off?"
"I need to check some of the names off my list." Ah the list.
"And how do plan on doing that? And who exactly is on your list?"
"Not now Lisbon. I'm playing this pretty close to my chest. I can't risk tipping anyone of -"
"How many times?", Lisbon cut him off.
"What?"
"How many times have we had this conversation and how many times have you been wrong?"
"You don't even know what the plan is", he said quietly, meeting her eyes.
"Yeah, and yet I know exactly how it's going to end. With you back at square one. Just like always."
"We're not back at square one Lisbon. In case you haven't noticed we've been getting closer to him all these years and now -"
"Now you're finally going to catch him. Is that it?" No, not catch him.
"You were pretty sure last time too. Remember? What happened then Jane?"
"If you remember correctly, we caught Lorelei last time."
"Yes we did.", she agreed slowly. "We also got Luther Wainwright in a body bag."
"You're actually blaming his death on me?"
At that she gave him a tired sad smile. "No. You already blame yourself for enough deaths. Don't you Jane?". She knew that was harsh but she was so very tired of playing fair every single time.
"And the worst part is, you don't even see what you're doing. You're actually protecting him now. Shielding him from me, from the CBI and from every other law enforcement agency."
"Lisbon we've been through this. Red John is mine."
"Yes, because you're the only one who has lost someone. Right Jane?", her voice breaking a little. Her carefully controlled facade finally giving away to the rage lurking beneath. "And you're most certainly the only one who lost someone to Red John", her voice almost a sneer.
She knew she was fighting a losing battle. She knew they were standing on the precipice but she had to make a last ditch attempt to pull him back. "You're so used to being right all the time that when it comes to this, you won't even consider the possibility that you might be wrong".
"Lisbon I finally have something concrete to go upon."
"Or maybe you just see what you want to see." I am giving him his heart's desire. He will see what he wants to see.
He took a steadying breath. "Lisbon I need you to trust me on this.", he pleaded with his eyes.
"Trust you?", she asked incredulously. "After you helped a suspect escape from a maximum security prison."
"She was the one who kidnapp-". "Oh don't even start", Lisbon snapped. "We both know you were behind this and we both know you're willing to do anything and everything to get to Red John."
"No. Not everything." And you'll need to bring him a gift. To show your respect for him. Teresa Lisbon's dead body would be the perfect thing.
"Well that's comforting. As long I'm important to your cause I still have my life, huh?"
"You can't actuallly believe that". He looked shaken for the first time in this conversation. "After all these years. We've worked together-".
"I'm not sure what to believe anymore." She had her eyes trained on the floor purposely avoiding his gaze. She needed to say this before she lost her nerve.
"You killed a man in cold blood and you walked away from it like it was nothing."
He couldn't believe it, she was bringing this up now?
"I killed Hardy too. I don't see you complaining about that." Anger suddenly flaring up within him.
"And I believe I've paid you back for that debt a few times over.", she replied her hard jade eyes once again trained on him.
You're wife was very clean. She smelled like coal tar soap and lavender...
His features softened a little bit. "Lisbon, at the time I believed Carter to be Red John."
"Is that supposed to be reassuring?"
"Why are you bringing this up now?", he asked impatiently.
"I don't know. I honestly don't know why I didn't bring this up sooner. All this time I've been pretending...hoping that there's at least a part of you that isn't turning into the monster that you're hunting."
I only wonder why the two of you didn't become life long friends the moment you shook hands.
"I'm nothing like him."
I'm gonna cut him open and watch him die slowly.
Lisbon continued as if she hadn't heard him. "You know I never really trusted you with the Red John case. But there were other things...important things that I did trust you with. But now I can't even do that."
"I can't work with you anymore Jane."
Well, some people might ask why you signed on with me in the first place. Catch a lot of bad guys. Most days that's enough.
"If you're so intent on jumping off the cliff you're free to do so. But I'm not going to be holding your hand while you do it."
"I don't think I'm equipped to handle the Red John case anymore."
"Don't worry. You're not being taken of the case.", she added lightly.
"Bertram is setting up a new team to handle the case and I've requested that you be transferred to it. He is more than happy to do it.
He may not like you but he still considers you the foremost authority on Red John. So you'll have a lot more freedom in your investigation from now on."
Jane just stared at her as if the wind has been knocked out of him.
"You start Monday."
Lisbon walked over to the door but at the last moment she turned around to find Jane still staring at her. For an excrutiatingly long second it seemed as if she was about to say something, teetering on the edge of speech. But then she was gone leaving only the silence in her wake.
The End