Nirvana
A/N: I thought I would take a little break from the drabble challenge to give you guys a one shot. This story takes place in my Tales of a Pizza Delivery Boy universe and will take place after Tony has severed ties from the Turtles to run Antonio's after his uncle passes away. I hope that you enjoy this story.
Disclaimer: TMNT and all related characters are property of Nickelodeon. I only own the plot and nothing more than that.
Summary: Tony takes a trip to the farmhouse to visit Splinter's grave and try to seek advice from his former sensei about what has happened recently. Set before "Tales of a Pizza Owner."
"Splinter would hate you for this!"
Raph's words rang in my head no matter how hard I tried to block them out. I knew he was mad at me for what I had to do, but I didn't have a choice.
I kept hearing his words playing in my head until it got to be too much.
I had to leave New York for a while.
It was going to be difficult because of being the owner of the shop now, but sometimes desperate times called for desperate measures. I called my head manager in and explained my predicament. He agreed to take over so I could get some peace and quiet.
After that was settled, I called April and asked her if I could go to the farmhouse for a week.
"Sure," she said. "Are you okay, Tony?"
"I'm fine," I reassured her. "I just need to get some peace for a while."
Gia and Keno offered to go with me and I accepted.
"Are you still thinking about what Raph said?" Gia asked me.
I nodded. "Yeah, I can't get it out of my head."
She smiled wickedly. "I could go kick his ass if you want," she offered.
"No, he's not worth it," I muttered.
"Maybe some tunes will cheer you up," Keno offered and turned on the radio.
I listened to the music and let it wash over me. Maybe taking this road trip was the best thing ever.
22222
The farmhouse was quiet and peaceful just as it had always been. We got out of the car and stopped at Splinter's grave to pay our respects. I still couldn't get over the fact that he was gone, especially when I needed him so much now.
I had no father.
I had no uncle.
I had no father figure in my life to guide me.
I was truly alone now.
"I wonder what he's thinking about now," Gia mused.
"He's probably mad that I left the others," I replied.
"Nah, Splinter would have understood, man," Keno said. "He always knew that you would make the right decisions and he probably would have told you to do the same thing."
"Not according to Raph," I reminded him.
We stayed there for a short while and then Gia and Keno headed to the house to unpack. I stayed for a bit longer and then joined my brother and cousin to help them out.
22222
I tossed and turned that night, replaying the day I left the Turtles. Raph's face loomed the largest as he spat out his hateful words. I don't know if he meant them or if he said them to motivate me to stay. Either way I had made my decision and there was no going back now.
I took out my phone and thought about calling Leo. He would talk to me and give me advice. I dialed the number, but it went to voicemail.
He was probably asleep.
Sighing, I closed my eyes and tried to let sleep wash over me again.
I was a horrible person and didn't deserve anything good in my life.
22222
The next morning I ate breakfast and was quiet. We practiced outside for a bit and then Keno went inside to watch TV while Gia went inside to read a book.
I stayed outside and visited Splinter's grave again.
"Hey, Sensei, it's me," I said. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I really wish you were her right now. Things are falling apart and I don't know what to do. I had to abandon the guys and I feel they won't forgive me for it. Raph said you would hate me for what I did, but I just don't know if you would. If you can hear me, give me a sign. Show me that you're listening to the words I say." I paused and listened, hoping to hear the familiar voice.
I heard nothing and it made me feel worse.
I went inside and gave up on my attempt.
Splinter wasn't there.
He was gone and never coming back.
22222
The next few days were the same way. I really didn't know what to do anymore and time was running out.
I decided to try and meditate to see if that would help. Leo had always been a big fan of it and while it did calm me, I did sometimes get frustrated by it.
I sat outside under a tree close to Splinter's grave and closed my eyes.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Focus your mind.
Clear your mind of all thoughts.
Release the tension in your body.
"Splinter would hate you for this!"
Erase negative thoughts.
"Splinter would hate you for this!"
Clear your mind.
"Hello, my student."
I gasped as I took in my surroundings. I was no longer outside but in a room that resembled the dojo in the Lair. Splinter was sitting in front of me and looked just as he always had though there was a haze to him as though he wasn't real. I wanted to touch him but thought better of it.
"Sensei?" I asked.
He nodded. "Yes, it is me. You have reached the astral plane, Tony. Well done."
"How did I do that?"
"By focusing your mind. It is very difficult to achieve this."
"Well, I'm glad I was able to reach you. I'm sure you know what's been going on lately."
He nodded. "Yes, I have been observing all of you for some time."
"And I bet you're not happy about what I did, right?"
He shook his head. "On the contrary, I am proud of you for doing your duty to your family."
"You are?"
He nodded. "Yes. I know it was hard for you to part ways with my sons, but you did what you had to do for your family. My sons know all about this from what I have taught them."
"Raph sure didn't act like it was a good thing. He said you would hate me for doing this."
Splinter chuckled. "Yes, that does sound like Raphael, but I know he did not mean his words. He was just angry at the situation. Of all of my sons, he is the one who has always had the most difficulty with change."
"Do you think he'll forgive me?" I asked him.
He nodded. "I know that in time, he will forgive you for what you have done. It will take time, but everything will turn out right. For now, focus your energies on your duties. You will see my sons again soon. I am proud of you, Tony. Never forget that. And never forget that I will always be watching over you and you will be able to visit me in the astral plane."
I bowed to him. "Domo arigato, Sensei," I said.
"You are welcome, my student," he replied.
The scene changed and I was back outside under the tree again.
That experience changed me and I felt better about the whole thing.
In Buddhism, the goal is to reach nirvana which is enlightenment.
I had reached my nirvana about my decision.
It was the right thing and Splinter didn't hate me for it.
He was proud of me for doing what I had to do.
And that revelation alone was the key to moving on.
I would continue to do my duty as my uncle had taught me.
I would remember my sensei's teachings.
I would meet the Turtles again and everything would be okay just as Splinter predicted.
My life would go on.
And if I ever doubted myself or heard Raph's hateful words, I would remember my nirvana.
The End
A/N: And that's the end of this one shot. I hope you guys liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I don't know if I'll write more one shots about this series, but if I do, I hope you enjoy them. Feel free to leave a review and have a shelltastic day.