Just a little bit of nonsense here… The first installment of my series called "Situations" where we find Mary and Marshall in scenarios we can only dream about. I do not own them or anything referenced in this story. It is purely for amusement purposes.

And here we go!

Marshall looked over at Mary. She looked run-down, tired, and emotionally drained. It had been a long day in WITSEC: one of her witnesses decided to get drunk and rear-end a police vehicle, another (who was new to the program) had been threatening to kill herself for reasons unknown beyond the usual "not adjusting to new life" rigmarole, and finally Marshall assumed that there was something going on at home when Mary had entered the office in an even more unhappy state than usual. It seemed like his partner needed a distraction.

Marshall accepted the challenge.

"Ok, let's go, Mare," he said with a finality associated with slamming his book shut. She jumped at the sudden noise. "Come on, get up, grab your coat, we're going for a drink." Marshall got up, shut his computer off, and grabbed his coat on the way to the exit. Looking behind him, he found Mary staring at him with a look of disbelief. "What? Let's go! You can punch me for whatever it is you want to punch me for right now, later." Grinning, he headed for the elevator. The door was just closing when her hand thrust through the gap. He pushed the "elevator open" button and allowed her access.

After a few seconds, her curiosity got the better of her. "Where are we going?" she demanded.

"Ah, my impatient little mustard seed, you will have to work on those patience exercises we've been practicing," he grinned and braced himself for the assault that was coming, "you'll have to wait and see".

The assault never came.

Marshall looked over at his partner only to see her squinting and mouthing the words "mustard seed" in what would sound like a confusing tone if she were speaking out loud. She looked up at him quizzically.

"What?"

"Mustard Seed?"

"It was the first thing that came to mind. Not everything that comes out of my mouth is from a script that I write when I get out of bed every morning, you know," grinning, Marshall managed to escape the now open elevator and jog to his car.

The door was starting to close again when Mary realized he was no longer next to her. Catching up to him, she climbed into the passenger side of the GMC just as he started it up. "I reiterate my first question: where are we going?"

"And I reiterate my first answer; minus the 'mustard seed' thing because that went to hell: you'll have to wait and see."

Slouching in her seat with her arms crossed over her chest, she waited for Marshall to start a conversation. She was sorely disappointed when nothing came out of his mouth. Not one annoyingly (and probably true) fact, not one question about her foul mood from earlier that morning, nothing. The drive lasted about 10 minutes before coming to rest outside a pub marked "Sparky's".

"Really, Marshall? Sparky's?" she asked him in disbelief, "They couldn't come up with a more innovative name?" Mary had been too busy glaring at the sign on the building that she was surprised to see Marshall's chest directly in her line of vision. He opened the door for her and she stepped out; all the while directing her glare back and forth between him and the building.

"Come on," Marshall put his hand on her right shoulder blade, "let's go have a drink." Reluctantly, Mary allowed him to guide her towards the pub. "Ah, Mary," he began, "cut loose a little tonight. You, of all people, deserve it," and with a knowing grin, Marshall opened the door and ushered Mary in by the small of her back. He could have sworn she muttered something along the lines of 'jackass' as she passed by him but he chose to ignore it. She was going to laugh tonight. He was sure of it.

A few drinks later, a voice on came over the loudspeaker. Ok, I hope all have had enough liquid courage because it's time for karaoke night to begin! Marshall managed to yank Mary back into her chair before she was able to fully stand up.

"Aw, come on, Marshall!" she whined, "karaoke is on my 'things NOT to do before I die' list…"

"No one said you had to sing, Mary," he chuckled at the horrified expression on his partner's face, "but won't it be fun to laugh at all these other idiots?"

"I'd rather gouge my eardrums out with a nail clipper…" Mary knew when she was defeated and resigned herself to the next hour of torture. "You win, Marshall, I'll stay but only for an hour! And I'm not going to like it… you owe me big time."

"Oh, trust me, I know."

Mary didn't like the smug smile on his face but turned anyway to listen to some pasty nerdy guy with thick glasses singing 'Every Rose Has Its Thorn'. Leaning over to Marshall, she whispered "shoot me now…"

The nerd finished his song and the wretched voice came back on the loudspeaker. Thank you Nelson! Now give it up for our Wednesday night regular, Marshall! Mary was horrified and before she knew it, Marshall was no longer next to her but on the stage. "Aw crap," were the last words she was able to utter before some familiar guitar base started playing. Marshall started the song with his back turned and his suit blazer was still on the chair next to her. Then, just as she thought the initial shock was bad enough, Marshall started rapping:

This here's a tale for all the fellas
Tryin' to do what those ladies tell us
Get shot down 'cause you're over zealous
Play hard to get, females get jealous
Okay smartie, go to a party
Girls are scantily clad and showin' body
A chick walks by, you wish you could sex her
But you're standin' on the wall like you was Poindexter
Next day's function, high class luncheon
Food is served, and you're stone cold munchin'
Music comes on, people start to dance
But then you ate so much, you nearly split your pants
A girl starts walkin', guys start gawkin'
Sits down next to you and starts talkin'
Said she wanna dance 'cause she likes the groove
So come on, fatso, and just bust a move.

Mary just sat there, mouth hanging open, wishing this was all a dream. She was woken from her reverie at Marshall shouting JUST BUST A MOVE at the end of the chorus. It wasn't until she noticed he was trying to dance that she finally cracked a smile.

You're on a mission and you're wishin'
Someone could cure your lonely condition
Lookin' for love in all the wrong places
No fine girls, just ugly faces
From frustration, first inclination
Is to become a monk and leave the situation
But every dark tunnel has a light of hope
So don't hang yourself with a celibate rope
Your movie's showin', so you're goin'
Could care less about the five you're blowin'
Theater gets dark just to start the show
And then you spot a fine woman sittin' in your row
She's dressed in yellow, she says "Hello
Come sit next to me, you fine fellow"
You run over there without a second to lose
And what comes next, hey bust a move!

She caught Marshall's eye and he winked at her. Somehow, Mary found herself singing the chorus "If you want, you got it, uh if you want it, baby you got it!" She blushed as she realized people starting to look in her direction. She was saved as Marshall began the next verse.

In the city, ladies look pretty
Guys tell jokes so they can seem witty
Tell a funny joke just to get some play
Then you try to make a move and she says, "no way"
Girls are fakin', goodness sakin'
They want a man who brings home the bacon
Got no money, and you got no car
Then you got no woman, and there you are
Some girls are sadistic, materialistic
Looking for a man makes them opportunistic
They're lyin' on the beach perpetratin' a tan
So that a brother with the money can be their man
So on the beach you're strollin', real high rollin'
Everything you have is yours and not stolen
A girl runs up with somethin' to prove
So don't just stand there, bust a move

Marshall took the microphone and jumped off the stage. He made his way to a beet red-faced Mary. Frantically, she looked around for a place to hide however, she found nothing but the traitors of the room laughing and smiling at her as Marshall got closer. Resting her head on her arms, she heaved a great sigh and grabbed the hand that Marshall extended to her. Giving up, she let him lead her to the stage for the final verse. Once at the stage, the beat-box portion of the song started and she was even more surprised to see Marshall doing some very fancy street dancing. "Who knew?" she thought. She felt awkward and out of place just standing there while he danced, so she grabbed the other microphone and did the background vocals; coincidentally; those lyrics being the only ones she knew. Marshall began to sing again.

Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry
In five days from now he's gonna marry
He's hopin' you can make it there if you can
'Cause in the ceremony you'll be the best man
You say "neato," check your libido
And roll to the church in your new tuxedo
The bride walks down just to start the wedding
And there's one more girl you won't be getting
So you start thinkin', then you start blinkin'
A bride maid looks and thinks that you're winkin'
She thinks you're kinda cute so she winks back
And then you're feelin' really fine 'cause the girl is stacked
Reception's jumpin, bass is pumpin'
Look at the girl, and your heart starts thumpin'
Says she wants to dance to a different groove
Now you know what to do, G, bust a move

Marshall got close to her during this verse and began dancing around her. Grabbing her hand, he tried to engage her in the dancing and she awkwardly accepted and started moving her feet in a fashion one could only call stepping. Mary had never been so embarrassed by her lack of dancing skills until now. The last bit of chorus came on and Mary sang them while looking at the mirth in Marshall's eyes. The song ended as Mary burst out laughing. He laughed with her and together they stumbled out of the bar amidst the applause. Once they were outside in the crisp evening air, Marshall leaned down to whisper into her ear.

"Mission accomplished."

Ok there's installment number one. I have other ideas. Should I go with them? I hope you're all smiling at the image of Marshall rapping to "Bust a Move" by Young MC. I can picture him doing karaoke Wednesdays at least…

Until next time,

LP