Y HALO THR. I'm doing a Zelda story! Woot!
I'm taking a break from Nay-roo-toe to write Zelda!dribble. Yay me!
But I still am obsessed with Nay-roo-toe. Even though I haven't watched an episode in three months. Whatever.
Characters © Shigeru Miyamoto. I think.
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Our young eighteen-year-old protagonist, Link Absent-last-name, was summoned before the mighty and fat King O' Hyrule. Apparently, some beast had gotten out of some realm, and all the other much more skilled knights were too damn lazy to go defend their kingdom.
Let fat King Hyrule explain.
"O great Hero of time, we must ask your aid for...how many times is this again? I lost track…"
"The twelfth…" Link murmmered under his breath. (A/N: This is counting how many times he helped HYRULE. Not Termina, or that one island.)
"Right, right…" he waved his hand as if it were nothing, "Anyway! A mighty beast has escaped from the Lair of who-gives-a-crap, and you must be the one to defeat it!" Link paused at this.
"Okay…but there's a thirty-year-old knight who's probably better at swords-play, hunting, and has better tolerance of frickin' annoying companions." Link pointed to the knight he was talking about. Let's call him Dennis. Dennis waved at Link to signify himself.
"Uh……………well…he doesn't have a cool hat! So you have to!" The king took a sip of his coffee next to him. Link crossed his arms.
"No." The King almost spat out his coffee. Luckily, he choked on it instead.
Luckily? I meant unfourtunatley …yeah…
Dennis gave the fatty the Heimlich maneuver. Or whatever they call it there.
"WHAAAAAAAT?!" Kingy boomed. Link stood firmly on the ground, his arms across his chest.
"I said no! Why can't Gannondorf just stay in the frickin' realm! I head money back guaranteed if you don't like he realm! And they serve buttermilk pancakes!"
"I'll give you a million rupees."
"No."
"I'll let you punch one of my knights in the face!" Although tempting, he digressed.
"No."
"Bu-nu-ge…" Kingy massaged his temples. How the hell was he supposed to get this kid to do this?!
"Daddy, the computer's all busted up again-Oh hi Link!" The idea then came to fat Kingy. Zelda! Of course!
"I'll let you have sex with Zelda!" He blurted out.
"What?!" Zelda said, appalled.
"……………………………………………………………" Was all our 'allegedly' mute protagonist could say.
"Dad! How could you?!" He started to sweat nervously.
"Oh come on sweetie! Doesn't saying 'We're going to get the shit kicked out of us if you don't agree to this, and I will permanently lock you in the dungeon' also mean 'I love you with all my heart?!'" She crossed her arms.
"What the hell! Of course it does…not…doesn't…yeah…" She laughed tensely.
"Uh…yeah…right…well Link, what do you say?" Link, however, was in hormone-land.
It was kinda disturbing to someone else besides Link to witness hormone-land, but whatever.
"….-ink….Link! Snap out of it!" Dennis snapped his fingers in front of drooling elf-boy's face.
"Oh! Yeah…what happened?"
"Your decision was to sleep with my daughter or not…make it…or else our little country of Hyrule will be screwed." Kingy said. Link swayed back on forth on the balls of his feet, finally thinking of an answer.
"…only if Malon joins." Zelda twitched irregularly, but begrudgingly, reluctantly and forcefully gave in. She had to save her kingdom, anyway.
-Ten hours later-
Link lay in between the two sleeping women, eyes wide with some emotion.
"That…was…awesome."
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I should probably mark this M to be safe. JUST TO BE SAFE.
This story was reaaaally uncomfortable for me to write. I dunno why. It just was.
Anyway, R&R, flames accepted, whatever.