This is the first fic from the Minutes to Midnight series, this song is one that actually inspired me to make the series, so it goes first. I don't think I'll be able to write stories to every song from the album, because while listening to it I realized my ideas tend to repeat. But the second one is going to be posted probably till the end of the week, guess which song it will be;) Now R&R!
Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade, the characters nor the song In Between by Linkin Park.
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IN BETWEEN
Tala,
Or maybe I should say 'Dear Tala'? After all, most of the people start their letters like that. I mean, no 'Dear Tala', but 'Dear blah blah' cause they don't know you, right? Well, of course they don't write 'blah blah', but you know what I mean, don't you? Fuck. I just started and I'm already confused. I knew this wouldn't be good. Then why do I do it anyway, you may ask. I hope you'll understand soon. That is if I manage to put it in words.
Don't you think sometimes words aren't enough? Look at mankind. There've been so many geniuses among them, they were able to tame nature and make it bow to their wishes; but when it comes to words, they're like children in the dark; they cannot express anything which is more complicated. They try, but they fail. So how can you expect me not to fail? Ok, I know you're not expecting me to do anything. Then why do I even bother writing this? Why, for God's sake?!
Because I must. I must. I must. Do you hear me?
I MUST!
See? I haven't even properly started yet and I already hate myself for writing such pathetic thing. I bet you're wondering what the hell do I want. First of all. I have to do something I've never done, so it may come out a bit awkward, but believe me, it's true. Everything is true this time.
Let me apologize to begin with
Hiwatari never apologizes. He does what he whatever he wants, and has no need to apologize for it afterwards. But this time it's different. As you can see, me , Kai Alexander Hiwatari, is apologizing to you. I'll probably loath myself even more because of this, but there are some things (don't laugh at me now) that are more important than my stupid pride. Well, maybe not stupid. I won't stroke your ego by humiliating myself more than it's necessary. And no, I won't say that I'm self-centered, conceited prick, though. I'm sure you'd love to hear that. I can imagine that smirk of yours… . But I'm far from the topic again. You know what I'm apologizing about. You certainly do.
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
I've never thought I would end up apologizing AND explaining myself. Yeah, explaining is even worst. It's like a little child has done something bad and now wants to avoid the punishment. I'm not afraid of punishments. In fact I believe I've already punished myself enough. Then why I am trying to explain myself? I don't really know.
But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between
I'm trying, I'm really trying. I wonder if you're following. I wouldn't be surprised if you suspected I'm not quite sane. That's what I think sometimes. So how could I blame you? I'm the one to blame here. I tried to follow what I thought was right, but I was mistaken. Badly mistaken. I ended up destroying what I cherished the most. Do you know what I mean?
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between
People always talk about the cold mask I am wearing. That I am hiding behind this mask. You know they're wrong. You know it's not a mask, not a façade. It's a part of me, part of the person I've become. Trying to get rid of that 'mask' is like rejecting my identity. I've made an attempt to do it once, though. It was a painful process. And a fruitless one.
Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
I'll put it bluntly. I'm sorry I used you and betrayed you. I'm really sorry. It wasn't worth it. My pride wasn't worth it. And again I'm talking about that damned pride. Can you believe that this is my main motivation, the trigger of almost all my actions? That Championship, it was all about my pride. I used you to prove I'm the best, that no one can compare to me. And what did I proved in the end? Absolutely nothing. Now I regret that. But to tell the truth, I'm not sure if I would regretted using you if I had proven best. I'm one hell of a selfish bastard, I know. But please appreciate that I'm being honest. Only failures teach a lesson.
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
Without you, I would have no one. You're the only person I ever called a friend. I want to be worth calling you that again. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of rotting somewhere in a dark corner with no one that understands what I'm coming through. I don't want to lose the only valuable bond I've ever created because of stupid mistake.
I'll understand if you're laughing at me now. I'm sounding so corny… it's utterly pathetic.
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between
How can I regain your trust after what I've done? After I betrayed you? When you tried to stoop Boris, what did I do? I followed the man who turned our lives in hell like a good, loyal dog. I don't even dare to hope you'll forgive me. Were I you, I'd probably wouldn't.
And I cannot explain to you
In anything I say or do or plan
Fear is not afraid of you
Guilt's a language you can understand
I cannot explain to you in anything I say or do
I hope the actions speak the words they can
I don't know what to say more than this. What I did was unexplainable and unforgivable, but I still beg for forgiveness. Or maybe not. I can't ask you to do something that is impossible. I just wanted you to know I'm sorry.
For my pride and my promise
For my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
For my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none
A loud sigh could be heard in the room. Kai stood up slowly, took the sheets op paper he's been writing at, tore them into pieces and throw them into the bin.
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I hope you liked it. Kai's not the person who's sorry for breathing, so I imagine apologizing would be difficult for him. That's why he tends to be confused with his own thoughts, stutter and change topics.