Authors Note: Hello all, welcome to my 3rd ever fanfiction, let me tell you all that this is going to be my first effort at a light hearted story, because I feel as if the archive is a bit weighted with a lot of the opposite type. Though I'll have you all know that I am only getting the first chapter out there, depending on how it is received after I come back from the one shot I am making will dictate whether or not this is continued. There is also no schedule for updates. This is also sort of a parody, more so of the mystery detective genre than anything. I hope you all enjoy and take care!
"Y'know, it's harder than it sounds to have nine sisters and a brother… Harder keeping them happy, that is," one cheerful tone spoke from the Loud House. Spring had begun early. Most of the Loud family was still asleep, but up early and happy as ever was the bucktoothed Luan.
"But that just is a challenge to me! It gets me ready to deal with anyone who can't get that frown to spin upside down," Luan hummed. Being a decently known comedian, writing jokes mentally or preparing her acts for whatever gig she could gain, she unfortunately had been in a sort of slump lately. Nobody needed a comedian of her specific odd quality, or at least none needed her special skills recently. Three months was a long time to go without being on a stage, she barely let it bother her though.
"Aaand… There we go!" Luan hummed. With the final few rolls of duct tape set up and stretched across several parts of the staircase, she was ready to start the day off the way she knew best, with a friendly relatively safe prank. She happily trod off to the kitchen to get her early breakfast. Lately, she spent her mornings looking for possible gigs on the internet via her laptop while simultaneously having breakfast. For only being fourteen, she had amassed a good following online on her personal webpage and channel on ShareCast.
"Nothing again… Maybe Spring's out to spring some boredom on me… or make me push up daisies," Luan thought to herself. Once again, no requests from anybody or offers that would need her comedic touch. She loved making people happy. That was enough to her. But this was also how she got most of her money. The comedic Loud did get a decent amount from household chores just like all of her siblings, but the extra helped a lot.
"Then again, maybe I should stop checking at early morning and look at high noon," Luan said in the best western accent she could muster, before she took a bite out of her toast. She suddenly heard a loud scream, with a lot of tumbling noises and a thud.
"Let's see who I got to start off my day today!" she hopped up and went to the living room where she saw one of her little sisters wrapped up, with duct tape all over her body.
"Luan!" Lola hollered in frustration while flopping around a little, unable to break out of the tape trap she had fell into when coming downstairs. Luan picked up her sister's tiara from the floor and put it on her blonde head.
"Well hey there, Princess Lola, or should I say queen tape worm," Luan greeted her third youngest sister, one of a pair of twins that fought often. Lola growled, not shying away from showing her teeth, including the gaps where she had lost her front teeth, a trait that she shared with her twin Lana. They just never seemed to want to grow back either, oddly.
"Let… me… out… now," Lola demanded, not enjoying being the victim of any form of prank. Luan instead took a picture with a camera. It immediately spat out the photograph, and Luan pocketed it happily. She had started taking pictures of the aftermath of pranks to remember them better, since it was harder to lug around a video camera constantly.
"Good morning to you, too!" Luan got the scissors. One small clip of a side piece of the tape, and it was very easy for the anger prone little girl to break out of. Once all the tape was off, Lola huffed in frustration and stomped off to get her own breakfast. It took all of her willpower to not physically assault Luan, and perhaps all of her bones if her anger made her strong enough.
"What was all the noise about?" groaned a young boy from the top of the staircase. Lincoln emerged in his orange pajamas, with his stuffed rabbit Bun-bun underneath his arm. He did his best to try and keep the peace in his family, but he was unprepared to witness chaos start too early. Normally the Loud house would be quiet until at least everyone was awake.
"Mornin' Linc! Don't worry about it," Luan reassured her little brother, while still standing on a dozen rolls of wasted tape over the floor. Lincoln rubbed his eye, brushing it aside as he wandered back to his room to sleep a little while longer. The Loud house could wait another ten minutes before he dealt with whatever more chaos arose.
"Guess he isn't the early bird today, because he sure didn't try to get the tape worm," the comedian laughed to herself.
"Luan! Your computer's beeping," Lola called from the kitchen. Luan's heart jumped for joy and that smile on her face seemingly grew even bigger that it showed her teeth, specifically her buckteeth and her braces. That light chimed beeping was her webpage getting an alert.
"Yes! Today my luck gets better," Luan darted right for the kitchen, bumping Lola out of her seat and yanking her laptop over. Lola could only glare as she just moved over to another chair at the table with her cereal and milk. There was a bright red flashing icon practically begging to be clicked. Upon doing so, a message opened on screen.
"Dear Luan or Miss Loud. I'm contacting you because I need someone who can make even the most depressed person laugh. A friend of mine told me you made everyone at his comedy club come down with a case of laugh fever. My son is very depressed. We're at the special care unit of the Royal Woods, Pediatric Hospital, downtown. I would be very thankful if you came to help. We're in Room 222. – from Parlezz Robinson."
"This is… a lot more personal than I expected," Luan could only say while reading it. She normally performed for crowds, rather than a single individual. Not that it would stop her.
"It's still a bummer either way."
"The Pediatric Hospital's special care unit? What's that for?"
"Those in need of supervision while not needing constant care. Usually those suffering from either A, some form of cancer or another, or B, those awaiting organ transplants."
"Huh? When'd you all get there?!" Luan squealed in surprise, seeing three of her sisters behind her and all looking variously ready for the day. Luna, the aspiring rocker in her long purple skull shirt, Leni, the second oldest with the lowest IQ, wearing a white nightgown, and family genius Lisa, in a green shirt and brown pants, fully ready for today and not wanting to waste a minute when there was science to be done and experiments to be tested.
"Right when you clicked on the message," Leni answered. Whether or not that was from her detest of lying or just her low IQ was beyond the comedic girl. The three various aged siblings went to get their food.
"So are you going to accept it?" Lisa asked as she climbed into her seat at the children's table, one division of the two tables that made the dining room table, along with the adult's table. The younger side of the family sat at one. And the older side sat at another. Nearly all of the Loud family was nosey. Luan herself was in the same boat as them, not able to help but stick her head into others' business.
"Of course! Especially if it helps a sick boy," Luan accepted. She knew how medically important it was to not give up, or it would take longer to get better, whatever the poor child was ailing from, being depressed and unwilling to fight whatever ailed him would only hurt him more.
"That's really sweet of you, Luan! Do you want one of us to come with you?" Leni offered.
"I'll be fine on my own, thanks…" Luan shook her head, "I think most of my props aren't legally allowed in hospitals, anyway."
"If only we could make them illegal in our house," Lola murmured in frustration, still upset from the prank she had fallen victim to. The twin placed her empty bowl in the sink after finishing her breakfast, before she left the kitchen, her older sister not even acknowledging the comment.
"I'm gonna go get ready so I can catch the first bus I can," Luan hopped up, leaving with her laptop in hand to get right up to hers and Lunas room.
"…should one of us tell her that the first bus doesn't come for another hour and a half?" Luna asked, the nearest bus stop being a half mile away from their home.
"No!" Lola's shriek from the living room was enough to get the other woken family members to continue their morning routine to avoid her rage filled wrath.
It took Luan a short time to get dressed in her favorite plaid skirt and white shirt with a fake flower on the front. She had a small bag hanging on her side full of various items. She believed the few she acquired would be allowed in the hospital without any complaints.
"Oh Linc, you're up! And good morning, Lily," Luan greeted her only brother with a bright smile, seeing him in an orange short sleeved shirt and blue jeans. His messy white hair looked slightly less unkempt than it usually did.
"Goo-goo!" Lily cooed while in Lincoln's arms. As the youngest Loud, she was still only just a baby, she was as bright and bubbly as usual. She began to giggle uncontrollably when she was tickled under her chin by Luan.
"She escaped her crib and snuck into my room… the fifth time this week," Lincoln responded. Not that he minded losing an extra few minutes of sleep because of their baby sister. Everyone took care of Lily, but lately she had learned a tiny bit from her older siblings and became rather sneaky. Somehow being able to open her own crib now, and get around without making so much as a peep.
"Aw, there's no need to be a 'baby' about it, Lincoln. It just means she loves you a lot," Luan pun-assured. Lincoln groaned, before he put his baby sister down, letting her waddle off to wherever she wanted since she was fed and changed. She was about as ready for today as any of the other Loud family members.
"Where are you going? Did you finally get a gig?" Lincoln asked as he and his sister went downstairs. He had a great relationship with her. She always did her best to cheer him up and make him laugh, ever since he was first born.
"Not exactly… I'm going to the Pediatric Hospital to cheer up someone's son… I think they're foreign though, his dads name is Parlezz," Luan rambled slightly while the two walked together. However, when that name was brought up, she saw her brother's eyes shimmer with a little glee of amazement.
"Parlezz… As in Parlezz Robinson? THE Parlezz Robinson?" Lincoln practically begged. To calm him down his comedic sister squirted him in the face with some water from her fake flower.
"Easy boy… You know Parlezz?" Luan questioned. None of the other family members this morning made any comment about the name, and they read the very message with her. Lincoln wiped the water off of his face, before he reached into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone.
"This is Parlezz Robinson! He's a detective known across the country for being the best, but also for being hard to get ahold of!" he put the phone in his older sibling's hand, after a quick search. Luan saw a picture of a man with a gradient of light and dark blonde hair, in a black sweater, and a brown leather jacket being held over his shoulder.
"He looks really… scary," Luan confessed. Her brother certainly understood why, but it did not stop him from being positively radiant about the mere thought of meeting the detective.
"He's just bad with photos. I think… Luan, can I please come with you? Clyde and I, and my girlfr… err, another friend, are huge fans of his. We all saw a documentary about him and kind of got hooked when we were all hanging out," Lincoln caught himself mid sentence. Luan looked down to his feet to see that tapping with his left foot he always did when nervous. Another detail of his Luan noted was that whenever he was nervous, he would grip his left upper arm with his right hand, just at the upper most part of his arm and under his shoulder. That was her baby bunny of a brother, or so the family liked to joke. She always had this small thing for detail, her brain was full of mental notes for not only jokes, or minute details of her family, but also her immediate surroundings.
"Okay, Linc! I'll let you come with me… Buuuut, I want you to call your buddies to come with us. How about that, bro?" Luan offered, willing to take her little brother to see this supposedly famous detective, since he was eager to.
"Wh-what? But… I don't know. They'd probably just get mad at me," Lincoln tried to brush it off like he wanted to hog the star's attention. The two stood on their front porch.
"Why would they get mad? Clyde would be happy and I bet your other friend would be, too… Orrrr… Is this because this other friend's that girl, the one that likes hitting your arm a lot whenever you go out on Wednesdays?" Luan replied. That seemed to stun her brother quite hard and gain a nervous sweat.
"Wh-what are you talking about Luan?" Lincoln tried to play it off.
"Well, I mean you've had the same bruise on the same arm for a few months now, and you have long black hair on you every night after school," Luan replied.
"Come on," Lincoln countered, "Lucy has long black hair, too."
"Yeah, but it's not THAT long, that and hers is a bit darker… So my little brother has a girlfriend~!" Luan sung teasingly, just increasing his embarrassment. Lincoln did not want any of his family to know about his relationship, because they would constantly try to get involved and most likely do more harm than good. Only Lori knew, so did her boyfriend, whom also happened to coincidentally be the big brother of the secret girlfriend's, Bobby, thankfully they did seldom any harm to that relationship.
"Jeez… You've got me, Luan. You really figured that out just from a bunch of small things?" Lincoln asked, rather impressed. It almost reminded him of the very detective he was a fan of.
"Yep! That and I stalked you once when you went to see a movie you said you hated," Luan hummed. Somehow her little brother expected that kind of response.
"Okay, I'll say it. I have a girlfriend. I only went to that movie because she wanted to see it, it wasn't that bad though." Lincoln sighed. He wished that she had just said that she stalked him on one of their dates, instead of beating around the bush to tease him and see him flustered. "Alright, Luan… I'll call them to meet up with us. You win,"
"You have a girlfriend?!" A loud voice hollered. Lana, Lola's twin, stood by the open doorway.
"Uhh… No," Lincoln coughed in reply to Lola's twin. That smile with a few of her front teeth missing did little to show her large abundance of glee. Clearly the mechanically gifted Loud wanted to run off to tell everyone right away.
"Then what were you talking about?" Lana tilted her red-capped head. She had overheard the two because she was coming outside to see if there were any decent mud puddles, that was when she caught them.
"We were just talking about a new type of milkshake called the girlfriend… Come on, Lincoln! We better 'shake' a leg and get going before we miss the bus!" Luan grabbed Lincolns hand and rushed off. Lana watched them leave. She began scratching her head in confusion, not sure what to make of that.
"Wow… you're good at making things up on the spot," Lincoln complimented his comedian sibling while the two headed for the bus stop, she was about as good at making up lies as he was at making plans on up the fly. The young boy knew to call up his closest friend and girlfriend to meet up with them. Luan laughed in reply.
"Who said I made that up?"