Warning: This Total Drama fic contains spoilers about the winner of Total Drama: Revenge of the Island. Do not read this story unless you've finished the season, unless you want to be spoiled. In that case, feel free to go ahead.

Episode 00, Part 1:

Total Drama Reunion

"It's been a long year since you've last seen Total Drama, but I'm here to bring it back!" Chris Maclean, the black-haired, handsome host of thirty-five, stood on a tropical beach, the water lapping at his feet. "That's right! After a long year spent in prison after a little nuclear incident that I had absolutely nothing to do with, I, Chris Maclean, the host with the most, have returned to bring the drama to you!

Chris began to walk down the sandy shore. "Here's the deal. It's been a long time since the cast of Total Drama last saw each other – those goofy, lovable kids who battle and backstab shamelessly for a million dollar prize – so we've decided to invite them to a reunion, here, at this beautiful five-star resort in Hawaii!" He gestured to a large beachside resort behind him. "There will be heart-touching moments as friends and couples reunite – and, more importantly, fights and random violence as old enemies are once again forced into close proximity!" He laughed. "During this, we'll get to interview the kids and see what's been going on in their lives once the show ended. And maybe we'll even do a challenge or two, for old time's sake." He chuckled loudly, as if he knew a secret that no one else did. "So stay tuned, because you won't want to miss a single moment of…

"Total… Drama… the Reunion!"

(Cut to Revenge of the Island theme song)

"Welcome back. We're here at the famous Oceanside Resort, where our first guests should be arriving soon." Chris looked around, admiring the glorious accommodations. He was in the hotel's lobby, which had a huge, arching ceiling, opened up to the sky, and a large fountain standing in the middle. Several uniformed staff members were setting up a large buffet table for the guests of honor.

A college-aged employee with a mop of brown hair was carrying a platter to the table, when a forty-something sandy-haired woman, prim, proper, and the manager of the hotel, pulled him back by his collar. "Nathaniel, I'm going to tell you what I've told the other employees," she hissed. "This reunion that we're hosting is for a very famous television show, and this resort is going to be seen on TV all over the world. This program has the potential to reel in tourists from around the globe. So, if you mess up anything today, your job is history."

"Gotcha, compadre!" The kid saluted her, holding the platter in his other hand. "This reunion is in the bag! I'm gonna serve those kids so good, that afterwards, they'll be all, 'Woah! We just got served!' "

"Okay, okay, I get the drift," said the manager, clapping a hand over Nathaniel's mouth. "Just know that you'd better do a good job, or your job is on the line." She gruffly pushed him forward.

"While they're here, our contestants will be able to relax, mingle, and even eat real food – a privilege that they never had while on the show. Isn't that right, Chef?" Chris mockingly called. The large cook and co-host was struggling to cross the lobby to the elevator while straining underneath a pile of suitcases nearly three times his height.

"Boy, you somehow duped me into carrying your luggage all the way from the airport and now to your room," Chef Hatchet snapped, sweating under the large load. "Believe me, if you care about your health, the last thing you want to do is insult me!"

"All right, all right, cool your jets, big man." Chris chuckled at the camera. "Dude's attitude is as bad as his cooking. Ow!" A suitcase flew across the room and knocked him to the ground. Chris stood, rubbing his head, and tried to regain his composure. "For you poor souls who don't know what Total Drama is, I'll do a quick run-down for you. The premise is simple. We get a bunch of teenagers together to compete in a variety of risky and humiliating challenges. After each challenge, the losers have to vote someone off amongst them, who is permanently kicked out of the contest. In the end, the last man standing gets a large cash prize.

"Total Drama has had four seasons so far. The first three were with the same cast of twenty-two teenagers, the original players of Total Drama Island. The fourth and most recent season, however, consisted of a cast of thirteen new contestants. Today, both casts are coming, and will meet up with each other for the first time!" He chuckled and rubbed his hands together. "Oh, it's gonna be great."

Confession Cam – in one of the hotel's highly polished bathrooms, complete with urinals and stalls in the background.

Chris If at any time the contestants wish to say something private, or just get something off of their chests, they can use our spectacular confession cam which, in the true spirit of Total Drama, is located in one of the hotel's bathrooms.

Chris squinted as a taxi pulled up outside the glass doors. "And it looks like our first guest is here! Everyone, please give a warm welcome to… Blaineley!"

Two employees held the door open, and in stepped a gorgeous blonde woman in her early thirties. She wore a red dress and red hoop earrings over her petite form.

"Blaineley! How goes the talk show biz?"

Blaineley's eyes narrowed, and she slapped Chris across the face. "How dare you bring us back here, after what happened last time! Do you know how hard it is to outswim a volcanic eruption when you're in a full-body cast and strapped to a dolly? It's not easy, I tell you!"

Despite the stinging on his face, Chris couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, that was great. We really need more volcanoes on this show."

"I don't even know why I'm required to be here. Do I look like a teenager to you? I was hardly in the contest for two episodes, and even that was because of a fluke."

"True, but all contestants have contractual obligations to appear for a reunion special," said Chris. "And you technically are a contestant. You gotta learn to read the fine print."

He backed up quickly as Blaineley shoved a finger in his face. "I'm required to be here, but I'm not required to participate. I'm not going to play any of your little games, Maclean. You're not going to get any satisfaction from me." She stormed past him and collapsed onto one of the comfy chairs lining the lobby, snapping at one of the employees to bring her a drink.

"Eesh," said Chris. His attention turned back to the front doors as a seething goth girl walked in. "And look! It's everyone's favorite goth girl, Gwe – " He cut off as Gwen slammed her knee into his groin, and he collapsed onto the ground, whimpering in pain.

"That's what you get for bringing us back here when last time we nearly died!" As she stormed away, a punk with a skull shirt and a green mohawk cracked up at Chris.

"Oh, that's why I love this girl!" he said, and put an arm around Gwen. "I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to do that."

"I hope this doesn't become a pattern," Chris moaned from the ground. "And… that's… Duncan. Arrgh…" He painfully pulled himself to his feet, as the door opened again. A black-haired Oriental girl had entered, but appeared to be trying to pull someone else through the door.

"Come on, stop acting so pathetic!" she said. "Just get in here already so we can get this over with!"

"Heather," said Chris. "Our unfriendly neighborhood queen bee."

"You jerk!" Heather spat, turning to face Chris. "Why did the reunion have to be here, of all places? The place where he got his 'condition?' Thanks to you, he's acting all mopey and distant. Ugh, it's disgusting." She squinted at him. "And why does your voice sound so much higher than usual?"

"No reason," said Chris quickly, clearing his throat and getting his voice back to its normal pitch.

Heather turned back to the door. "Al, just get in here already!"

Something else pushed through the door, and everyone in the room gasped. Blaineley nearly dropped her drink. Several employees froze on the spot. Duncan and Gwen watched with open mouths. A large, metallic body wheeled in. Large claws sprouted from its sides. A box-like head had the smiling and frowning theater masks in the place of eyes, and a meter in the place of a mouth, giving the being a perpetual frown. A continuous, deep exhaling and inhaling came from the robot as its breathing apparatus functioned. "Alejandro!" proclaimed Chris.

"I told you, don't call me Al," the robot said, in a deep, uh, robotic voice.

"Well I wouldn't have if you had just come in!" snapped Heather.

"Alejandro," said Chris again. "Looking good in the drama machine!"

"He's been bad enough since he was first put into that stupid robot," Heather said to Chris, "but now that you've brought him back to the place where his lava incident happened, he's more distant and withdrawn than ever!" She looked behind her, and saw that Alejandro had wheeled over to a window. "Arrgh! See what I mean?"

Alejandro stared out over the jungle at Kilauea Volcano, smoking placidly in the distance. "It was there that I lost it all," the metallic voice rumbled. "My looks… my charisma… my very body, transformed in one moment… My whole life, gone with the lava, just like the million dollar prize."

"Yeah, and your mind's going to be gone with it, if you don't lighten up," grumbled Heather, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him away. She looked at Chris, who was laughing. "You find this funny?!"

"Oh, yeah," said Chris, wiping a tear from his eye. "His deep emotional pain – it's hilarious!" He saw Heather's enraged look, and quickly covered his face with his hands. "Don't hurt me!"

Heather scoffed and walked past him. Chris sighed in relief. As Alejandro rolled by, he rolled over the host's foot, and Chris jumped and howled in agony.

Despite Duncan and Gwen's hostile relationships with Heather and Alejandro, even they felt sorry for Alejandro's plight. "Hey, man," said Duncan as Alejandro rolled by. "How's the relationship with Heather going?"

The head slowly turned, giving Duncan an expressionless, robotic stare. Alejandro then continued on. "Oh, so that's how it's gonna be, huh?" said Duncan, raising a fist.

Chris recovered as the employees opened the door once again, and a sneering redheaded boy wearing a muscle tee walked in. His eyes darted around the room, eyeing the other contestants suspiciously.

"Scott!" Chris said gleefully. "That's right! This reunion is also for contestants of the second cast – not just the old, washed-up original contestants!" Heather frowned at this.

"Scott," said Chris, putting a hand on the kid's shoulder. "Nice to see you out of the trauma chair. Enjoying control over your body again?"

"Ah, yes, Chris," said Scott. "That reminds me. I haven't seen you since I became able to move again." Scott punched Chris in the face. "That's for paralyzing me, you jerk!"

Confession Cam

Scott Selfless little bubble-boy Cameron spent all his prize money on the other contestants, and gave me enough mula to have an operation to restore my body and regain control of my motor functions. Don't get me wrong – it's expensive to get fixed when the majority of your body has been eaten by a mutant shark. I know I may look normal, but a lot of this stuff is actually artificial, put in by the docs. See? (He lifts his shirt and raps his knuckles up and down his ribs, they let off a xylophone-like jingle). I… I really owe Cameron big time. If it weren't for him, I'd still be trapped in that trauma chair… (He shivers slightly, his eyes getting wide and staring into space). That was the worst time of my life… I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, and… all of the other contestants laughed at me. In my weakest moment, they laughed at me. I couldn't even stand up for myself. I could do nothing… nothing… but cry. (He sits on the sink and rocks back and forth in a fetal position).

Chris' eyes fluttered open, and he saw Chef in a nurse's uniform, pulling away and wiping his mouth. The host realized what had happened, and quickly sat up, spitting. "Dude! What did you do that for!"

"Ginger kid there knocked you out," said Chef. "I had to make sure you were alive."

Scott smirked, and Duncan gave him a thumbs-up.

"Okay, dude," said Chris, standing up. "I don't care if I'm on my deathbed, I don't want you kissing me!"

"That wasn't a kiss, pretty boy, it's called mouth-to-mouth!"

"Well then how do you define a kiss, you sick monster?" said Chris. He saw a taxi pulling up outside, and quickly pushed Chef aside. "Quick, quick, here comes another contestant, get out of the shot."

A huge teen, wearing a shirt with a maple leaf on it and with a girth to make sumo wrestlers envious, burst through the doors. "Woo-hoo! Back for more, baby! I love this show!"

"Owen! Finally, someone who won't want to maim me on sight! Give me five!" Chris raised his hand for Owen to high-five. Owen enthusiastically raised his arm, but in his excitement missed Chris' hand and hit him in the face.

"Oh, sorry, Chris! It's just that I'm so psyched to be here! I've missed everybody so much!" He gasped in joy, and ran over to hug Chef. "Chef! It's so nice to see you! Oh, how I've missed your cooking!" He saw Duncan and Gwen, and wrapped an arm around each of them. "Gwen! Duncan! Nice to see you guys!

"Nice to see you too, Owen," Gwen grunted, grinning under the strain of the hug.

"How's it going, dude?" said Duncan, high-fiving him.

Owen saw Heather and Alejandro, and gasped. He dashed over to them, also wrapping his arms around them (well, he tried with Alejandro, though his robotic frame was a bit too large). "Hey, you two guys! So how's the relationship going?"

"Urk," Heather managed to say, crushed by the large teen's embrace.

"And what about you, Al?" said Owen. "How's life been working out for you? Al? Al? Al! Al? Al! Al! Al?"

Alejandro's claw twitched, as if he were trying to withhold himself from strangling the other teen.

Owen suddenly spotted the buffet table. "Oh! Is that… for us?"

Chris nodded. "It's for you guys –"

He hadn't even finished saying 'you' when Owen dashed for the buffet. Nathaniel, the young employee, was balancing a platter piled high with sloppy joes, announcing, "Okay, guys, we got sloppy joes for anyone who wants them –" when he was tackled by Owen, sending sloppy joe juice splattering all over the walls and floor. A large serving splattered onto Blaineley's head.

"Ahh! My hair!" she screamed, racing for the bathroom.

Nathaniel looked up from the floor, covered head-to-toe with sloppy joe, and stared at Owen in shock, who was sitting on the floor and shoving the sandwiches into his mouth. Owen saw Nathaniel, and suddenly looked awkward. "Uh, sorry. Did you want one?"

The doors opened again, but instead of a person walking through, there was a cloud of noxious gas. Chris and the contestants coughed, and a darkly (fake) tanned girl with a large poof of hair materialized out of the smog, coating her hair in hairspray. "Oh, yeah. That's the stuff," she said in a thick Jersey accent. "Just a little more and I'll be the most gorgeous girl here! Hey!" Chris swiped the can of hairspray.

"Anne Maria, the Jersey Shore reject," said Chris unenthusiastically.

" 'Reject' is not the right word for it," Anne Maria said. "And give me back my hairspray!"

"No! People are trying to breathe in here!" said Chris. Anne Maria smacked him with her hair, which wouldn't have hurt had it been any person other that her. However, Anne Maria's poof was so abundantly coated with hairspray that it was the equivalent of being hit with a frying pan. Dazed, Chris let go of the hairspray, which Anne Maria continued to apply. The other contestants moved away, coughing.

The doors opened once again, and in walked two people, passionately kissing.

"It's our party boy Geoff and our surfer girl Bridgette!" said Chris, gesturing to the pink-open-open-shirted-cowboy-hat-wearing-dude and the sunbleached blue-hoodie-wearing blonde. When there was no response from the two except for wet kissing sounds and the occasional giggle of pleasure, Chris frowned. "Come on! Is all you two ever do make out? You already spent a whole season doing that!"

The two pulled apart briefly. "Sorry, Chris, dude!" said Geoff. "It's just that we're so happy to see each other again!"

"We live so far apart, we've only gotten to see each other a couple times over the past year," said Bridgette. She placed a hand on Geoff's cheek and gazed lovingly into his eyes. "Oh, I've missed you, schmoopy-schmoo!"

Heather scoffed at this, but the two ignored her. "I've missed you too, my surfer babe!" said Geoff, and they resumed kissing.

"Eesh," said Chris, as the two walked away. "Moving on…"

Confession Cam

Geoff I love Bridgette. I really think we're meant to be! I mean, we've been through so much – me going all Captain Hollywood, and that little incident with Alejandro and the pole, and her getting shipped off to Siberia, even getting voted off because of our love – and yet, we've gotten over those hardships and our relationship is still as strong as ever! We're one of the few couples left that's been together since first season – I tell you, man, she and I are meant for each other! Whoo-hoo!

Bridgette and Geoff made their way to their old friends Gwen and Duncan, and began chatting.

At the back of the room, Nathaniel had changed clothes and was re-entering the lounge when the manager pulled him aside. "I didn't appreciate that sloppy joe stunt, kid."

"That wasn't my fault! The big guy just rammed into me! Besides, he's happy. See?" Owen was still on the ground, covered in sloppy joe juice, and licking the platter. "As long as the customer's happy, I did a good job right?"

The manager snorted. "Listen, Nathaniel. You are in the same age group as these contestants. Which means, when making opinions about the resort, they're mostly going to be looking to you. Which means you'd better give them the best service they've ever been given in their lives, no matter how humiliating it may be."

"Gotcha, ma'am."

"If they make a mess, you clean it up."

"Yes, ma'am, but –"

"If they want you to chew their food for them, you better well chew their food."

"Uh, ma'am –"

"If they want you to strip naked and dance while blindfolded on a –"

"Ma'am, the camera's on us."

"Oh!" The manager quickly straightened and turned to the camera. "We here at Oceanside Resorts care deeply for our staff."

Another couple walked into the hotel. "Everyone, please give a warm welcome to multiple personality Mike and our only child Zoey!" said Chris. The dark-skinned boy with wild hair and the redheaded, flower-wearing girl were clasping hands and gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. "So how goes things?"

"Better than ever before," murmured Mike, grinning at Zoey.

"We live such a long ways away, it's been really hard to see each other," said Zoey. "But now, we get a whole weekend in Hawaii to do nothing but spend time with one another!" In the background, Heather scoffed indignantly.

Confession Cam

Heather All these couples complaining about having a hard time seeing each other because of living far away? They try having a boyfriend who lives in a different country!

Anne Maria suddenly rushed over to the couple, knocking Zoey away with her hips and grabbing Mike's hands. "Vito, baby, how nice to see you? How about a big smooch from Annie Maria?" She pursed her lips, and Mike recoiled.

"Anne Maria, I told you already, Vito is gone!" he said, taking his hands back. "He wasn't even me. I'm Mike!"

"And he's my boyfriend," said Zoey. Grumbling, Anne Maria moved on.

Confession Cam

Mike It's been a year since any of my multiple personalities have given me any trouble, and I think they're gone for good! Just thinking of Zoey always calms my mind, and lets me know that I'm in control. Even though we haven't been able to see each other much, we send letters and call all the time, and even if I'm feeling alone, I remember that she's still out there and still loves me – and no amount of distance can break that! You know, despite all of the pain and humiliation that Total Drama put us through, I think it may have been the best thing that's ever happened to me. It caused me to meet Zoey, and through that, helped me overcome my multiple personalities. Thank you, Total Drama.

Chef, editing the confessional cams for television broadcast, wiped a tear from his eye. "Awh. You're welcome."

"And here comes our next contestant," said Chris. A short, scrawny black boy, wearing glasses and a red hoodie, was having trouble pushing open the doors. "Cameron!"

The employees opened the doors for him, and he stepped in, saying, "Thanks."

"Cameron!" screamed Mike and Zoey, who rushed to his sides and embraced him.

"Mike! Zoey!" the three laughed, until they realized someone was else was hugging Cameron, too.

"Oh, Cameron, I love you so much, thank you thank you thank you," sobbed Scott, wrapping his arms around Cameron's midsection.

"Uh, you're welcome, Scott," said Cameron. He tried to move away, but Scott held him tightly. "Um, could you please let me go now?"

Mike and Zoey, meanwhile, glared at Scott, who wasn't exactly their favorite person.

"Hey, doll, how's it goin'?" Anne Maria cooed, wrapping her arms slyly around the smaller teen. "Thanks for all the hairspray and the fake tan, I owe ya."

"No problem," said Cameron. Anne Maria pulled away, and Cameron stared in surprise at the orange blotches all over him.

"Oops! Maybe a little too much fake tan. Sorry, hon."

"Cameron, living proof that yes, you can buy your friends," said Chris, shoving the group aside. "Now get out of the shot, I need more screen time!"

The five grumbled and headed away. "Jerkwad!" snapped Anne Maria.

"That's better," said Chris, as the camera focused on him. And now for our next contestant – Noah!"

The unimpressed-looking Indo-Canadian boy looked around the room. "Oh, boy. Here to torture us some more, Chris? How tantalizing."

Chris chuckled. "Oh, Noah, you silly cynic, trying to be all cynical." He looked at the camera. "Dude thinks he runs the show."

Noah rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like you're any better. You have to pain and humiliate teenagers to feel good? My, what high self esteem you have."

Chris balked. "Hey, I'm the host. I'm what draws in the viewers! I'm great!"

"You think people watch the show because of you? Yeah, right, the audience could care less about you. It's because of the contestants that people watch. The audience likes to see how far their favorites get. If you were replaced with a different host right now, people would still watch the show. In fact, that change may even bring in more viewers."

Chris began to sniffle. "How can you say that?"

"What, is the cold reality too much for you? Can't stand a taste of your own sadism? Think about where you would be right now without this show, Chris. That's right. You're nothing without us. Hey, you tearing up a little? Going to have your celebrity meltdown?"

Chris suddenly got an idea. "Owen!" he called. "Look who's here!"

"Hmm?" Owen looked up from the sparkling platter. "Noah!"

"No!" Noah tried to call, but was tackled in an oxygen-restricting hug.

"Hey, little buddy, how've you been? C'mon, we gotta make up for old time before these sloppy joes kick in! They do quite a number on my digestive system." He farted, and chuckled as he dragged Noah away. "Oops! Already kickin' in! Heh heh heh."

"Little twerp, saying that I'm not the center of attention on this show." He looked up as Blaineley exited from the bathroom, cleaned up from the sloppy joe incident. "You! You couldn't host this show better than me!"

"Whatever, as if I even care about this stupid show," said Blaineley, sitting on the couch.

"My great-great grandfather invented hosting," said a voice behind Chris. "Before then, wasps and caterpillars coexisted peacefully. Or am I getting my definition of host mixed up?"

"Staci," Chris said, not thrilled. "And yes, you're getting the definitions of hosts mixed up."

"In your case, what's the difference?" Geoff called, earning laughter throughout the room.

Staci walked over to Cameron. "Yeah, Cameron, I wanted to thank you again for spending your prize money on me," said the overweight girl, dressed in all pink. "Without it, I would have never gotten to buy back the restaurant that my great uncle owned. Now the patrons can once again throw their food at the waiters and waitresses without fear of retribution."

"Uh, yeah," said Cameron, looking unsure. "No problem, Staci."

"They also can choose whether to use their silverware or not. Yeah, my great-great-great-great-great grandmother invented silverware. Before then, people just ate with their faces. They couldn't use their hands, because it was uncustomary in those days."

"Um, that's interesting. Exactly what period of human history are we talking about here?"

"Yeah, my great-great grandfather believed that silverware was for ninnies, and tried to bring back the old ways of using only your face. Unfortunately, a little incident involving the police caused him to be arrested."

"Staci? Can you please stop?" asked the timid boy nervously.

The room suddenly shook, as a small tremor traveled throughout it. The contestants looked up in alarm, and several glanced at Owen, who shrugged. "Wasn't me that time."

Another tremor shook the room, and several let out cries of fright. "Oh no! Please, don't tell me the volcano's erupting again!" cried Blaineley.

"Heather, my love, I won't let what happened to me happened to you!" Alejandro raised her over her head. "Save yourself!"

"Wait! Alejandro, put me down!" Heather shrieked, but he threw her out the nearest window.

The employees at the door ran in fright as a shadow fell upon them. The glass doors flew open, and an orange, reptilian foot stepped in.

Mike sighed in relief as several of the employees and original contestants hid. "Oh, it's just Dakota."

"Dakota, and our friendly neighborhood gamer, Sam!" announced Chris.

"Hi everybody!" said the frightening creature in a friendly singsong voice. Dakota stood fifteen feet tall, had bright orange skin, and had wicked-looking claws on her hands and feet. Spikes stuck out from her arms, and she had a thick tail swinging out behind her. Her hair was spiky and green, and her eyes were red and yellow. Her pink top and shorts were in rags, and looked about ten sizes too small. Despite all this, she looked genuinely pleased to see everyone. "Dakota and Sam are happy to be here!"

"Oh, yeah. So happy," said Sam, a slightly overweight, stubble-growing, glasses-wearing gaming enthusiast. He was being carried under Dakota's arm.

"Sam," said Chris. "You don't seem like your usual chipper self. Dating life giving you some trouble?"

"What? Trouble with Dakota? No way!" He gave his trademark 'Huh-huh-huh' laugh, as Dakota looked adoringly down at him. She spotted the rest of the second cast, and rushed over to them.

"Zoey! My buffufa!" The fifteen foot-tall mutant wrapped Dakota in a deathly tight embrace.

"Urgunkle," Zoey groaned, turning blue.

Meanwhile, the members of the original cast, most of whom had not met mutated Dakota, were hiding behind the buffet table. "Is that thing even human?" gaped Duncan.

"Yes," snapped Bridgette. "She was one of the contestants. I met her while doing a cameo… But Chris' stupid sadistic game resulted in her becoming this."

Confession Cam

Sam I love Dakota. When she was first mutated, I though she was really cute – she was like the hottest character in Mutazoid Five, huh huh. But dating a fifteen foot-tall mutant is harder than it sounds. Like that time when she took me shopping and the store didn't have anything in extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-large. (Superimposed on the screen in a picture of Dakota throwing clothes racks and ripping apart shirts as terrified shoppers run for their lives and Sam tries to calm her down.) Or the time that the paparazzi became too much even for her. (Superimposed on the screen is a picture of Dakota surrounded by flames, stomping on one limousine and ripping another in half above her head, as terrified reporters run for their lives.) I really like Dakota, but… I kind of wish the old her was back.

Cameron I tried to turn Dakota back to her old self with my prize money, but it just couldn't be done. The doctors said that her whole genetic makeup had been altered. So, unfortunately, she's stuck as a radioactive monster for the time being. I just hope that she and Sam are doing all right.

A boy with thick black hair and a guitar strapped to his back carried unconscious Heather, bridal-style, into the room. "Hey, did anybody drop this?" Trent froze as he saw Dakota, and slowly back-stepped out of the hotel.

"Trent, man? What's wrong?" Tough-looking but gentle football player DJ walked through the door, spotted Dakota, and fainted on the spot.

"Trent and DJ," said Chris. "Welcome."

Trent stared at Dakota as she dropped Zoey and waved at him, as Mike, Cameron, and Sam tried to revive the redhead. "Hi!"

"Um, hi," said Trent, grinning nervously. Geoff jumped over the table and ran to greet his friends.

"DJ! Trent! How's it going?" He helped DJ to his feet.

"I was b-better a few moments ago," said DJ, staring at Dakota.

"Fine," said Trent shortly. Heather moaned, and he gently set her on her feet.

"What happened? Oh…" She spotted Alejandro, rolling over to see if she was okay. "Alejandro, I'm going to kill you!" He turned and rolled the opposite way, as Heather charged after him. "Get back here!"

"Great to see you guys!" said Geoff.

"You too, man!" said DJ, high-fiving him.

"Yeah, you too," said Trent, not very enthusiastically. Geoff and DJ exchanged glances.

"You okay, man?" asked Geoff.

"Yeah. Fine." Trent shook his head, and smiled at his friends. "Want to check out the buffet? I'm starved."

Confession Cam

Geoff Something seems wrong with Trent. He's usually such a happy, laid-back guy! I wonder what's bothering him…

Trent (He looks at the camera, as if planning to say something, and then looks at the ground and sighs.) Another time, maybe.

"Hi-i!" rang a sing-songy voice.

"Hey, what's up?" said a somewhat less sing-songy voice.

"Lindsay and Beth, our two gal pals. A true example of beauty and the geek!"

Beth and Lindsay frowned. "Well that's not very nice," said Beth.

"Yeah, Kyle," said Lindsay. "I think you're just jealous because you know that you couldn't get a girl like Beth."

"Okay, first of all, it's Chris. And second –"

"Aw, you really think so?" said Beth.

"Of course! You're, like, the prettiest girl I've met ever!"

"Guys! As I was saying, I –"

"Aw, you're pretty, too!"

"Oh, yeah, I knew that already."

"I could get any girl I wanted!" said Chris.

"Really? You sure about that?" asked Beth, frowning.

"Yeah, Chip. If you're the most wanted host, then why haven't you ever had a girlfriend?"

"I – I –" Chris suddenly pushed them out of the shot. "Anyway, here come our next contestants, an even closer pair of BFFs, Sadie and Katie!"

The two were dressed in matching outfits, a whirlwind of pink, black, and white stripes. Katie was a thin African girl, and Sadie was larger and had Oriental features. "Actually, it's BFFFLs," said Sadie. "Best female friends for life!"

"Omigosh, Sadie, you are so smart!" said Katie.

"I'd make another Beauty and the Geek allusion, but neither of you could really be put in the beauty category." Chris chuckled maliciously.

"Omigosh, Chris, that was so mean," said Katie.

"Yeah. We're, like, both super pretty," said Sadie.

"Omigosh, Sadie, you think I'm pretty?"

"Of course!"

"Oh, I think you're super pretty too!"

"Wow! We're, like, meant for each other!"

"I guess that's why we're BFFFLs!" Katie and Sadie grabbed each other's hands and squealed, "EEEEE!"

"All right, all right, enough!" Chris said, grabbing his ears in pain. He grabbed Sadie and Katie and shoved them out of the shot. "Moving on!"

A dark skinned, muscular boy shot through the door, performing a handspring and landing perfectly on his feet. "Sha-Lightning's in the house! Why'd we have to come to this dump, anyway? Lightning don't want no reunion special!"

"Hey, I can do that, too!" Lightning looked back in surprise as a boy sporting a red headband and a tracksuit shot through the door, attempting a handspring but ending up on his face. "Aw, yeah," Tyler moaned. "We athletes own the game, don't we?"

"Athlete? Where? You don't look like no athlete," Lightning laughed.

"What are you talking about? I'm a total jock! I rule at sports!"

"Listen, loser," said a brunette woman, walking through the door. "I've seen athletic, and that right there was the complete opposite. Makes me proud to be a girl."

"Girl? What girl?" Lightning saw Jo's glare, and cracked up. "Ha ha! After that break, I totally forgot you weren't a guy!"

"Lightning, Tyler, and Jo," introduced Chris. "Two of which, at least, are great athletes."

"Hey, man, that is not cool," said Tyler angrily. "Just because she's a girl doesn't mean she's not athletic!"

"He was talking about you, loser," spat Jo.

"Whatever, Lightning needs his protein!" Lightning ran over to the buffet, pushing Owen out of the way. "Move over, chubby kid, that protein is mine!"

"Lindsay! My girl! How are you?" Tyler said, racing up to his girlfriend and opening his arms for a hug.

The blonde beauty squinted at him. "Ooh, you look really familiar. Have we met before?"

Tyler drooped. "Lindsay, you did this every time I visited you over the break."

"Lindsay!" Beth whispered to her. "It's Tyler! Your boyfriend! Remember?"

"Tyler?" Lindsay perked up. "Oh yeah! Tyler!" She squealed in glee and squeezed him tight, much to his delight.

Chris felt someone breathing down his neck, and whirled around to see a red-haired, glasses-wearing teen staring at him. "AAH! Harold! Don't do that!"

"What?" said Harold, confused. "I didn't do anything!"

"Don't worry, ginger baby, Chris is just the same old jerkwad," said loud n' proud sister Leshawna, walking in after him. "Don't let him get to you."

"Well, Harold and Leshawna," said Chris, "I was going to introduce you, but after nearly giving me a heart attack, I don't think I will."

"You're lucky I don't have my num-yos on me," said Harold. "Gosh!"

"Come on, baby, don't pay him no mind," said Leshawna.

Confession Cam

Leshawna Harold may be a strange, scrawny little man, but he's still my peep. Still… I can't help but wonder if it's time to…

Harold Ah, Leshawna. Plus-sized object of my adorations! But still… I can't help but wonder… (He sighs sadly.)

"So. Ezekiel. Mister Homeschool." Chris was interviewing the prairie boy. "How are things going with you?"

"Good, eh!" said Ezekiel enthusiastically. The beanie-wearing boy had green skin, bloodshot eyes, and looked as if something had taken a bite out of his ear. He currently had a muzzle strapped to his face. "I know I may not look too good, but I'm way better than I was before, eh! Before I only had a few strands of hair left, forgot how to speak in a coherent language, and even lost my lucky beanie! Can you believe that, eh? I hadn't taken off this hat for ten years until then! But the obedience classes are working like a charm!"

"Right. And are you sure that you being here won't pose a danger to our lives?"

"Oh, yeah, eh. The only remnant of the old me is that sometimes I'll have little outbursts –" He suddenly let out an inhuman snarl, and then looked at the camera, embarrassed. "Um, like that, eh."

"A robot, a mutant, and now a feral kid," Nathaniel mumbled to another employee. "I thought this was just supposed to be a regular reality show."

Nobody heard the door open, but suddenly a dainty, petite girl glided in, one leg raised in the air behind her. She had long, flowing blonde hair, soft, baby-blue eyes, and a smile that made several of the contestants suddenly feel a strong urge to hug someone. Scott seemed to be the only one immune to this, and scoffed at her entrance.

"Dawn, the nature-loving aura whisperer," said Chris.

Dawn inhaled serenely through her nose, and breathed out peacefully, opening her blue eyes and surveying all the people in the room. "Chris, although I may not always agree with your sadistic ways, I am delighted that you chose to have the reunion in such a beautiful, nature-oriented place. It gives me an opportunity to meet so much more of my animal friends." As if on cue, a butterfly flew through the door and landed on her finger.

Bridgette laughed. "I like this girl already."

"Sorry, fairy princess, but our reason for being here is a little more sadistic than that," said Noah. "You weren't on the show the last time we were in Hawaii."

Chris laughed. "Yeah. That was pretty great." He leaned back as Dawn stuck her face in his, studying him with concern. "Um, personal space, please?"

"Your aura is especially purplish-brown today!" she said worriedly. "It seems you are feeling very oppressed. Has the bullying of the other contestants harmed you emotionally, and you are attempting to hide it underneath a shallow veil of self-aggrandizing?"

Without warning, Chris fell sobbing to the floor. This only lasted a few seconds, however; he quickly rose and dusted himself off. "No. No, I'm fine now." He then fell to his knees and cried loudly again, before getting back to his feet. "Okay. Now I'm fine. Move along, please."

Dawn walked past him, and was immediately met by Bridgette. "So, an animal lover, huh?"

"Oh, yes. And I sense you are deeply attracted to the ocean as well?"

Bridgette laughed. "Good guess!"

"Sierra, Cody," said Chris, as the next couple arrived. "I see that you're still being stalked, Cody. Have you just given up at this point?"

The scrawny geek smiled at the tall, dark skinned girl, whose purple braided hair had grown back. "No way, man! After our experience on the show, we're just good friends!"

"And I'm so happy to hang out with my Cody-wody-kins!" Sierra grabbed him in an oxygen-restricting hug, and then let go and smiled sheepishly. "Eh, sorry."

Confession Cam

Cody Sierra's kept her word and has been respecting me much more. You know, when she's not strangling you or trying to convince you that you're married to her, she's actually a really good friend. In fact, she's my best friend!

Sierra Hanging out with Codykins is the best thing EVER! Ever since we decided to be best friends, we've talked about respect and personal boundaries. Turns out Cody's even more fun to be around when I'm not strangling him or trying to convince him that we're married. He actually returns my affection! EEE! I know, right? Though not in a romantic way. (She sighs.) But now that we're best friends, I have all the time in the world to convince him otherwise! Hey, just because we're not dating doesn't mean I can't still like him.

Noah (Smirking at the camera) That girl is the most friendzoned girl I have ever met.

"Eva," said Chris, as the scowling ravenhaired weightlifter entered. She immediately punched him, and he fell to the ground. "Ow! I thought the punches were over!"

"You're lucky I'm in a good mood today," she growled, walking past. "Otherwise you might not be in one piece."

"Still the same charmer as ever," Gwen mumbled to her boyfriend. "And I think that I'm moody."

"Yeah, but that's what I like about you," said Duncan, kissing her.

The door opened, and a brown-haired, Hispanic girl walked in. Upon seeing Duncan and Gwen kissing, Courtney immediately turned and walked back out. "That's it! I refuse to stay here!"

"It's in your contract!" Chris called after her. "Chef!"

Chef ran after her and brought the girl back in, who was kicking and screaming. "Courtney, everyone!" said Chris.

"I don't want to be a part of this!" Courtney cried. "Not with those… adulterers here!"

"You don't have a choice," Chris replied gleefully.

"Ugh! My lawyers are so hearing about this." Courtney pulled out her PDA and began typing into it.

"Sheesh. Can't you just, like, socialize with the other teens?" Chris said. Chef put her down and pushed her roughly forward. Courtney shrieked as she nearly tripped, and then grumbled as she typed into her PDA.

Bridgette walked over to her old friend. "Hey Courtney, how have you been –"

"Don't talk to me," said Courtney, walking past her. Bridgette blinked in surprise.

Confession Cam

Bridgette Okay, I know that Courtney and I didn't have many chances to spend time with each other in later seasons, but did our friendship really mean that little to her?

Courtney Okay, maybe blowing Bridgette off like that was rather rude. But I don't want to have anything to do with this show anymore! Especially after… the incident. (She shudders.)

"Just a couple more, and then we'll get this show on the road," said Chris. The door opened again, and a large, burly African boy walked in. "Ah, B, Mr. Silent Treatment," said Chris. "Have anything to say?"

B had been waving at the camera, but frowned as Chris said this. "No? Anything at all? Well then, move on." Shrugging, B put his hands in his pockets and walked away.

"Officer Brick, reporting for duty." A crew-cut teen saluted Chris as he walked in.

"And here's Brick, our pants-wetting cadet," said Chris jovially.

"Hey! You didn't have to bring that up," said Brick, turning red.

"Brick!" Mike, Zoey, and Cameron ran up, saluting their former teammate. Brick saluted them back, and then the four laughed and embraced.

"Aww, ain't that cute," said Chris unenthusiastically. "Now, if you're not going to create any excitement or anything for the camera, get out of the shot!" He saw that the four had frozen, staring at the door. "Hell-o? You still in there? Oh." He saw the source of their sudden paralysis.

Strong chiseled features, wavy hair, and a dreamy smile caused all the female contestants (and Owen) to swoon, upsetting several boyfriends. Justin, the male model, had entered the room. "Justin," said Chris. "At last, someone nearly as handsome as me."

"Zoey? Hello, Zoey?" Mike waved his hand in front of his girlfriend's face. She drooled a little.

Confession Cam

Alejandro I used to be beautiful like that, only more so. And I had brains to go along with it. But now… I am but a tin can, my beauty trapped within these cruel steel walls…

Justin was still posing as he heard a wild war cry, starting quiet but getting quickly louder. "Oh no," he said, his eyes getting wide. "Is that…"

A blur of green and orange burst through the doors, and the wild redhead howled. "Izzy!" Chris proclaimed.

"Wow, this is great! Though this hotel is kind of a dump. Five stars, you say? More like negative five, oh-ho-kay? And wow, back in Hawaii? That was so fun last time! Except for the lava part. That hurt. I still have a burn mark on my butt! Wanna see?" She mooned the person who was nearest, who happened to be Justin.

The male model screamed. "My eyes! My beautiful, baby blue eyes!"

Owen sighed dreamily. "I miss that girl."

Izzy popped up behind him. "Miss you too, Big-O! Hey, you like food, right? Just check out this buffet table! This is perfect! Food fight!" She grabbed a bowl of egg salad and threw it over the contestants' heads. Within seconds, Duncan had happily joined the fray. Food splattered all over the walls, and employees ran for cover. Owen jumped up and down, trying to catch the flying treats in his mouth. Blaineley ran for the restroom, once again soaked with sloppy joe juice.

"Well that's everyone!" Chris said, as chaos unfolded behind him. "Just how long will our contestants be able to stand one another? And what will our mystery challenge be? Stay tuned to find out, on Total… Drama… The Reunion!" A bowl of jell-o splattered all over him. "Augh! My hair!"

"Suck on that, pretty boy!" Chef cackled.